kag101

Yes!

No, don't fool yourself.

It seems like you're suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. What do you think?

“Do you want to improve the world? I don't think it can be done. The world is sacred. It can't be improved. If you tamper with it, you'll ruin it. If you treat it like an object, you'll lose it. There is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind; a time for being in motion, a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them. She lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.” ― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I don't agree. The joy of expecting something is nowhere near as good as experiencing the joy of something good happening in the present moment. I am going to give a very extreme example. Imagine a person who has the flu, and you say: "Oh, don't rush into the future. All you have is the eternal Now. No need to think about your symptoms. Just focus on this exact moment. You see? Your homeostasis is already here, in the Now. No need to go anywhere, no need to do anything." I'm a big fan of utilizing the right resources, the ones that have proven-record of getting good results. Bleh... I couldn't care less whether I am in the "now" or not, or whether I know that I am "always in the now" or not. All I care is: 1) Am I feeling happy on a consistent basis? 2) Is my life is heading to the direction that I want? I tried for many years to live 100% in the "present". I would try so hard that I would, paradoxically, completely get out of touch with it. Now that I have let go of this idea I feel like I am truly living in the here and now. Thank you! She has a doctorate on psychology, and she told me she focuses on psychoanalysis. But, really, the technique per se is not the most important thing. That being said, I think it's really important to have a psychotherapist and not just a therapist. In other words, someone who is actually graduated in psychology. “Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.” --Carl Jung What exactly do you mean by your claim that "the person doesn't exist"? Is it that the sense of self is an illusion? Or is it that reality as a whole is not real? I know where you're coming from, but I completely disagree with that. I got good news for you: it is possible to neutralize those "waves of deep spells of depression". Science has evolved enough to give effective treatment that can balance you out. And the treatment is... wait for it... guess what, psychotherapy and meds. I myself couldn't be having better results. Seriously, after my doctor found the right medication & dosage, I feel like a different person. I don't want to give people unrealistic expectations, but my experience has been that, now, I am actually enjoying life. I have the energy to face challenges and engage in meaningful activities and focus on my Life Purpose. And I don't have deep worthless existential crisis anymore. I personally don't like the word "enlightenment", because it seems like a magical thing and very prone to self-delusion. I prefer to focus on self-actualization. Call me "stage orange" all you want, but I couldn't care less about "Absolute Truth", I want to take be the master of my life. It's like being a sailor. Should I let the sea take me to wherever it leads me to? No! Even though I can't control the sea, I can become a good sailor. The ego (the sailor) is there for a reason. Otherwise, we would accept whatever life -- or as you put it "Absolute Truth" -- does to us, and we would quickly die. Let's take a depressed person as an example: "I can't get out of bed. I don't see the point in living. I hate my job. I hate my spouse. I don't feel fulfilled. Sometimes all I want is to disappear and dream forever. But, you what? I am not going to do anything. Everything is perfect as it is." There's nothing spiritual about passivity; this is actually called spiritual bypassing. Thanks a lot, man! Yes, there is hope. But there must also be right action. I had to take the first step, and force myself to go to a psychiatrist. The first one was pretty crappy. But I eventually found a good one. If I hadn't taken action, I would very likely still be feeling shitty and zombie-like. Anyway, thank you very much for the kind words! I am sorry, but your anecdotal experience doesn't confirm or dis-confirm anything. To say, one can "snap out" off clinical depression by being there for oneself is nonsense. Some cases of severe depression can make the person not even have the energy to eat or take a shower. So, I ask you: How on Earth could a person in that state of mind could offer emotional support to himself? Bingo! However, read what you wrote here to yourself, but change "psychotherapy" to "your resources". That's my response to you. What you did here was nothing but a projection. I am not fiercely defending psychotherapy and psychiatry. I am simply describing my experience, and questioning your arguments. This strategy has worked for me and so it does to millions of people. And the results are not just anecdotal, they were obtained through rigorous guidelines. No, it is not. First of all, there is such a thing called chemical imbalance. Therefore, no, the abundance is not always present within me. I wonder if you'd say to a suicidal person, someone who hasn't had a good day in years, who is suffering from severe panic attacks daily: "Oh... you don't need to seek help. All the resources are already within yourself. You just have to get in touch with it." Thank you! Yes, I think this is indeed the best time of my life. I had glimpses in the past of well-being and wellness, but they never lasted. Depression would soon or later creep in, and would deplete all my vitality.

Yes, those two are commonly confused with each other. Here are some excerpts from an article by someone who suffers from Depersonalization Disorder: A lot of people who are mentally unstable are drawn to spirituality as an attempt to justify their sick mental condition. I think that a good rule-of-thumb is to meet with a good spiritual teacher--preferably face-to-face--on a frequent basis. He or she will quickly spot if you're on the wrong track. The odds of falling into traps while doing spiritual work are VERY high. And a teacher can help you get unstuck. Otherwise, it might take years for you to realize you were on a dead-end.

No, I won't. And does alternative medicine make them better? No, my health did not come effortlessly to me. I have a chronic illness. For more than a decade, I tried virtually all the alternative methods. In the end, they were nothing but placebo. I would feel better for a while, but sooner or later the illness would come back (oftentimes even stronger). I used to hold many silly and conspiratory beliefs about Western medicine. And only when I finally turned towards it was I able to control my illness. There is no cure, but there is control. Alternative medicine usually make very bold promises, but offers no evidence that it actually works. It gives false hopes to people. "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" -- Carl Sagan Omg, talk about butthurt! Lol Why so? What's the difference between those two?

Take a break from Instagram. Not use it for a few days, or weeks. Btw - That sounds pretty neurotic.

Maybe you can take a break?

It seems as though his 100% carnivore diet that supposedly "cures depression & almost all diseases" didn't really work. What a surprise... Does untreated depression enter the equation? Exactly. Unfortunately, it seems that he's still relying on alternative treatments. This reminds me of how Steve Jobs tried to cure his cancer, and the consequences of that... It's crazy how very intelligent people can believe in pseudoscience. Lol, sorry, but I don't buy into that stuff. And I think it's dangerous how this idea is frequently repeated in spiritual circles. "Oh... but Eckhart Tolle..." Am I allowed to say that imo he's not truly awakened? Do you really need someone to give you an answer to that?

You can't be awake all the time. You have to sleep as well (literally and figuratively). Regarding wanting to be alone all the time, from my experience, this is a red sign. To fully self-actualized, you also need to learn how to deal with people. Communication is a skill we all need to develop if we want to achieve our highest potential. There was a time in my life where I would trip balls almost every weekend. I would feel amazing, in "alignment with the Universe". as if I had accessed the Ultimate Truth, and all that stuff. But then, as soon as I needed to interact with others, I would lose touch of that feeling. This made me want to isolate more and more. Nowadays, I can see that those experiences were actually a false awakenings. I learned this concept when I was into lucid dreaming, and I think it can be applied to spirituality as well. Take a look: True awakening must be a well-rounded thing. If it's something one can only "access" by being alone/on psychedelics/etc, then I think this person is half-assing self-actualization work. Ideally, all areas of one's life should be advancing.

There are footages of Buddhist monks immolating themselves with fire, and they did not move a single muscle. That being said, for 99,99% of people, that's highly far-fetched. It would take MASSIVE amounts of training to accomplish something like that. I think increasing one's tolerance to pain is doable, but to completely "transcend" it? Virtually impossible, imo. Here's a concept I really like that can help you out with this: superconductor. That is, if you are able to have zero resistance to what is happening--no matter how painful or uncomfortable it is--you'd theoretically not suffer. Again, having zero resistance is very unrealistic. That would be just an ideal. I find that in my life, if I am able to resist less, that already helps me a lot get thought hard shit! Leo has a great episode on this: On the other hand, many people--especially the ascetics in India--get used to feeling pain. They sleep in beds of nail, keep their arms lifted 24/7, and do other kinds of extreme practices. I experimented with that when I was doing Strong Determination Sittings. For instance, I'd go to a mountain that had many mosquitoes. I would let them bite me, and tolerate the pain. After a while, I'd get used to the discomfort and pain. But in reality, I wasn't more "conscious", I simply got desensitized. That's all. Nowadays, I don't see any value in doing things like this. Osho talks a lot about this: I hope that helps!

Stop with this categorization of people! "Blast their minds"? Lol. I'd bet you'd bore the hell out of them. Omg... what does "reveal turquoise" is supposed to mean? Sorry, but I think you're nowhere near as self-developed as you think you are. You sound like a religious person who thinks: "Oh... I want to introduce the word of God to these sinful people. Are they ready though?" I'd suggest, instead, you hang out with them someday. Go to a bar or something. If you do so, are you able to forget about self-development during that time -- and just let yourself go, laugh, and enjoy the moment?

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Haha, talk about patronizing! Your resources can also be destructive! (Depending on the teacher). Evidence? I highly disagree with that. Can you justify your claim? Important: A psychotherapist is not "other people" - but a professional who has studied for many years on how to help others solve psychological problems. If a person has clinical depression it is impossible to be "there for oneself". Btw - This topic is not just about psychotherapy. It is also about medication. I live my life to the best of my abilities. Then, I talk about what's going on in my weekly session. And insights arise. I don't think that's enough for a good psychotherapy session. I have had many therapists who would ALL the time nod their head and say things like "I see", "oh...", "Hmm...", etc. Venting is not psychotherapy. A good therapist should know the right time to interrupt. Mine speaks 5% of the time, but she is surgical. I definitely do not see myself going to therapy for more than 2 or 3 years. In my case at least, medication is pivotal in my recovery process. I wouldn't have improved that much if I were still be overwhelmed by the zombieness of depression, and by the discomfort and restlessness of anxiety. My therapy would help a bit, but nothing extraordinary. After I found the right medication, it's as if psychotherapy is on steroids. Like 10x more effective. Clarity arises? Lol. Depression would arise in my case haha. I really don't think this nihilistic approach would help someone who's struggling with mental illness. Instead of thinking about how everything will eventually be gone forever, I prefer to have a more positive, proactive approach to life. That is, define my life purpose, and fight for it. Having no defined purpose is not healthy in my opinion. We are not like dogs and cats who can perfectly live a good life just by being safe, loved, and fed. I don't find this is fulfilling. Healthy ambition is really important! I really like this episode: One cannot be present and enjoy the ~Now~ if he or she has, for example, clinical depression. It's not as if it's possible "cheat" life by accessing ~the Now~ and all one's problems will be solved. I rathe plan the steps I am going to take to be back on my feet, and to have an awesome life. Seeking professional help was the first step. Then, patience is needed to know that it is a process, and I should not try and rush it. If my psychology and brain chemistry are okay, I will naturally be in the Now. I will not have to "try" to be present, which is something that has never worked for me...

Update Anyway, here are some updates on various areas of my life: Things I Want to Buy Mattress I've been trying to find a good mattress for more than a year. It's something that has been stressing me out. I feel insecure about buying one and not liking it. I am also insecure about buying a pillow. Idea: I want to take one afternoon and go to various stores. And then see the mattress I like the most. Keyboard I have a piano at home, and to be honest, I don't really like it. The sound is too strident and the keys are VERY stiff. So after I practice for about 10 minutes, my hands end up getting tired. I've found a pretty affordable keyboard online. It's about U$400. Shoes I've recently bought a new shoes. It's from Puma. But it's simply not comfortable. I will try to exchange it for a New Balance shoes. I've heard this brand is really good. Money I am learning how to manage my money. I tend to be quite neurotic and panicky about this. But I am taking one step at a time and I am also setting realistic expectations. Anxiety Since I stopped drinking coffee, I didn't have anxiety attacks anymore. Idea: Maybe if I drink just a little bit of coffee, it won't do me much harm. I will have to experiment with that. Weight I noticed that I was getting neurotic about losing weight. I was weighing myself everyday, and I don't think that's a good thing to do. Idea: I will try to weight myself weekly, and I'll see how that goes. Bad habits: I have been battling with some urges. I don't want to repress the shit out of me, and then end up backsliding really bad. But I also don't want to do things that will cause me harm. Alcohol In the New Year, I wanted to drink a glass of champagne. I was thinking a lot about this. My psychologist told me I shouldn't. And my psychiatrist told me that I could, if I did it in moderation. Anyway, I was overthinking this a lot. And that was stressing me out. In the end, I didn't even drink. I didn't have to repress myself. In the day itself, I didn't feel like drinking. I don't trust myself. I fear getting addicted to alcohol despite having no evidence about that. And lately, every time someone drinks alcoholic beverages near me I feel like drinking also... Things I should really avoid One thing that would be a very bad idea to do would be to smoke weed. I don't really want it, because the weed in my country is really shitty and smelly. Plus, I don't really get high. Another bad thing would be rapé (shamanic snuff). I was using this a lot. And I am pretty sure it was worsening my depression. Luckily the people around me do not use it, so I don't really get triggered. Insight: I got to live one day at a time. And if I do relapse, then I will have to deal with the situation at that moment. Thinking about this ahead of time won't really help me. Routine 1) Psychotherapy It will return next Tuesday! Thankfully! It wasn't easy to be without it for almost a month. But I did it. Luckily, my therapist allows me to text her when I need to. During the holidays, I was fearing that I would feel depressed or bored af, but it was actually quite good. A lot of bonding moments. 2) Keyboard I did my first class of 2020 today, after the holiday break. I am excited for that, because my teacher is really good. And this year, I also want to be part of a band. It's a feature of the school. They set up the band, then there's weekly rehearsals, and a presentation every 3 months. 3) Private Spanish classes. I have gone back to taking online spanish classes with a very good teacher I had about five years ago. His name is Marcos, and he is from Chile. His classes are very dynamic and fun. Insight: I think I can inspire myself to give Portuguese classes based on his classes. 4) Driving school I will take my driver's license this year. Going out with people Taking a break I have gone out with about 5 people over the past month. And that has been quite a ride! I was falling for a person, but I sensed there was no reciprocity and I was feeling too jealous. So I decided to distance myself for a while. Also, I don't really think we have that much things in common. Passion blinds us... It's okay to feel infatuation but up to a certain level. After that, it becomes an unhealthy thing, sort of like an addiction. And particularly because over these past few weeks I was kind of vulnerable (for not going to therapy), I can see that distancing myself was the best option. I also took a break from Tinder. I was getting kind of obsessed with it. if I got a match with an attractive person, I'd get obsessed with whether he'll reply or not. I went out with two other people. It was fun, but I honestly don't feel like seeing them again. Insight: I am learning how to reject a person and how to be rejected. It's not that easy. I have been talking with a person who I find very interesting. But I am not in the "searching for a romantic partner mode". I know that I should focus on friendships and on myself. Romantic stuff comes as a by-product. In a Nutshell Anyway, overall, my life is going well. I feel like I am in the right direction. Like genuinely in the right direction. Not some fake-optimism kind of thing. I do have challenges in my life, but they are "overcomeable". Mental illness, on the other hand, gives a set of problems that are simply pathological. Unreasonable suffering that has no clear cause nor clear solution. Fortunately, I am stabilized due to good professional help. Lately, I like what I am doing. I feel authentic. I am developing new habits naturally. My routines has more meaningful activities. If I keep progressing in this pace, I will soon be living a very satisfying life. Thank you all!

I disagree. I know how powerful and therapeutic self-reflection and meditative practices can be. But in many cases - especially when dealing with mental illnesses - those kinds of practices not only aren't enough, but they can even worsen the person's condition. Therefore, high-quality professional face-to-face help is crucial for a lot of people. Here's a great article about this topic: https://psychcentral.com/lib/you-cant-fight-depression-alone/ You're right! For people who are struggling with mental illness, the combo medication + psychotherapy is indeed "almost guaranteed to bring good results and also much more rewarding in the long run." And, in this case, alternative self-healing techniques are likely to be destructive. ??? Yes, that can happen with some types of medication, particularly controlled substances (e.g., Xanax, oxycodone, Adderall, etc.) All of these medications can be life-saver for some people. At the same time, because they are so potent and instaneously effective, many people abuse them. On the other hand, antidepressants (SSRI, SNRIs, TCAs, etc) work differently. First, the person doesn't get a high out of them. The effects are not instantaneous. The medication takes about 2-4 weeks to start working. So it's not possible to abuse it. Second, they only work for people who actually have depression. They are similar to antipyretics. If a person who has no fever takes paracetamol, his/her body temperature will not change. Similarly, if someone who doesn't have depression take antidepressants, their mood will not be uplifted. So, the medication only works for people who are out of balance. Third, they are also not addictive. Think about using a glass because of myopia. The person is not "dependent" on the glass; he or she needs it in order to function well. I have certainly done that lol Well, that's a tricky question. 1) Is your therapist graduated in psychology? 2) Have you ever asked if he/she thinks it's a good idea for you to go to a psychiatrist? If you are seeing some minor result, that is, if you leave each session with new insights, with a sense of relief and hope; then, I believe you're on the right track. So in this case, you need to be patient without wanting to fix everything in your life too quickly. My therapist said once to me, "Don't try to progress 50 years in 5." That's a Portuguese expression, so I am not sure if it makes sense in English. Leo has a very good episode on this topic: Wow, awesome! I even got goosebumps from reading this!

IMPORTANT: I think I didn't stress this enough, but I wouldn't have had such great results if I wasn't also going to a psychiatrist. I know a lot of people think negatively about this topic. And in fact, a lot of psychiatrists suck and can do more harm than good. That being said, ever since I found the right psychiatrist, and he prescribed me the right medication and at the right dosage, I feel like a different person. It is similar to having the flu vs not having the flu. You can clearly feel the difference. The thing with mental illness is that it is invisible. So lots of people still don't really believe that they are real. But, anyway, internally the difference between me without medication vs me with medication is crystal-clear. Thank you all!

Yes, it is expensive. But it's worth it. I believe that can work. Personally, I don't really like how some coaches are too "goal-oriented". In my case, that becomes counterproductive. Not necessarily. I have seen many people who, when started to take a lot of psychedelics, got very delusional (myself included). Haha, yes... That's very common. There's even a book that deals with that, which is called: "I Am Not Sick. I Don't Need Help." Thank you! I hope you find a good one! Thanks! Do you like your therapist? Keep in mind that It's important to be patient. It's not necessarily a fast process. In fact, one of the traps is to try and rush results. I don't believe that's totally accurate. That's good. Then, I believe, the therapist you were going to wasn't as good as you think. Psychotherapy is definitely not like writing in a journal. I personally loving writing, and I know it has a therapeutic-feel to it. But it's just you and you, and we are biased towards our own lives because we are living it. A professional, experienced psychologist will give one inputs—which comes from years of studying and of experience dealing with other people—that can be pure golden nuggets. I will carry some insights I got in psychotherapy to the rest of my life. Regarding talking with a good friend. Yes, it can be good at times for you to vent and feel a sense of relief. But that's about it. First of all, the psychotherapist is not emotionally involved with you, so he/she can have a more objective view of what's going on in your life. Another benefit is that it's possible to condense all of one's shadow, unresolved business, confusions into the weekly hour of therapy. This way, the person doesn't need to use his friends to be his/her "pseudo-therapist". A good therapist allows the patient to speak freely, but will make precise questions at the right time, and will direct the conversation. Sometimes the right question can lead to a very profound insight that one would't have had through journaling, meditating, talking with a friend, taking psychedelics etc. Here's a quote I like: High-quality psychotherapy is a sanctuary. I am sorry, but in this case I completely disagree with you. So you're saying that, for instance, someone who needs a surgery shouldn't have one because there's a risk of the surgeon being incompetent? There are good lawyers, and bad lawyers. Good teachers, and bad teachers. Good house-cleaners, and bad house-cleaners. Etc. To me, the real danger is advising someone who is not stable mentally to do psychedelics, hard-core yoga, fasting, etc. Or go to a shaman who says that the person is filled with obsessive entities. I speak from personal experiences. In many case, self-healing is not enough, and it actually made things worse off down the road. Right now, my self-healing practices are a complement to my medical treatment. My practices are softer yet more balanced and effective. I am not neurotically trying to reach a God-like state, which is something that hinders progress because there's too much tension and expectation involved. The standard advice for someone who is, for example, in a major depressive episode should always be to seek help with a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. Anything advice different from that is, in my opinion, not only ineffective but also irresponsible. That's good. I've never heard about contemplative psychology. My therapist is into psychoanalysis (she really likes Freud). So she's very "traditional". Because of that, I'd thought she would ask me many questions about my childhood and try to dig deep into my subconscious and my dreams. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She is actually very practical. I can talk about my past if I want, but she doesn't force that. She always dances to my tune, so to say, and direct the conversation when needed. She speaks only about 5-10% of the time, but when she opens her mouth, I know it will be something valuable. I also think about that. After going there for 2-3 months, I told about this to my therapist. And she said: "Hold on... this can really happen, but you're just in the beginning." Me and my tendency to try and rush my recovery... Sometimes a "crutch" is necessary for one to walk. And then eventually one can let go of it.

I used a site where you can find doctors, and patients leave a review of them. But it works only in Brazil. But I am sure there are sites like this in the US. Thanks, man! The combo medication + psychotherapy is really helping me out. Medication makes sure I am "me" (and not the lifeless and anxious version of myself). And psychotherapy helps me "untie my inner knots". Like this: In other words, medication deals with the symptoms. And psychotherapy deals with the cause. One may say, "Oh... then let's forget about the symptoms and just focus on the cause." However, sometimes it is necessary to reduce the symptoms before being able to access the cause. The suffering depression causes would prevent me from going to the root of the problem. Yes, she is. And good luck ? I am glad it has helped you! I also want to work in this field. In fact, I was a psychology major in college (didn't finish it though). In spite of that, I had a hidden prejudice against me doing psychotherapy. "I don't need help. I can figure things out by myself." This arrogance—as if I were somehow superior to others—was what delayed my healing the most. I now understand the power of science. That is, through centuries, thousands of highly talented individuals worked their ass off to see what really works in fields like psychology and psychiatry. So how on Earth do I think I can reinvent the wheel by myself? That being said, I'd only had crappy psychologists and psychiatrists. When I found good ones, whoa... it's a whole different story. I heard a psychologist saying that he's learned more about psychology in psychotherapy than at university. So I think it's important that you go through the process of psychotherapy yourself. Another thing that's really helpful is true empathy. Here's a great video about it: And the rest of my opinion is here: Thank you all for the positive feedback! Feel free to ask any questions, or make a comment!

Omg... what is that supposed to mean? This thing about being an "alpha" is an outdated concept in my opinion. Maybe you could ask her how she feels about you? What do you mean by "make a move"? You guys are talking and then suddenly you decided to kiss her? I don't think that's necessary. I think it's better to, for example, touch her in a friendly manner and see if there is reciprocity. And then you move from there... That being said, with every break-up, there is a grieving process. So don't hurry... The forces of life definitely do not care about you "having" her. Lol... "Focus on yourself, and the rest will follow".

Thanks Thank you! I had to experiment with a lot of stuff (yoga, tai chi, family constellation, NLP, etc.) to finally find what really works for me. And it was something that was always behind my nose (psychotherapy), but I thought it wouldn't work.