kag101

I think it depends on the perspective. We all need emotional bonding so that we have a sense of belongingness. No man is an island. However, the idea that friendships or a romantic partner will -- by themselves -- fulfill you is bullshit. If my life is empty (no life purpose, hate my job, don't have any hobbies), I can have the best friends in the world; but I will still be unhappy. What relationships (romantic or not) can in fact do is "multiply the happiness and divide the sadness". By sharing great moments with other people, the level of fulfillment is amplified. I love being by myself, but it is definitely not enough to have a fulfilling life. I think you got hurt, and now you have retreated into your shell. While I was reading your post, it actually reminded me of a song by Paul Simon. Take a look and see if it resonates with you, hehe: Another thing: IMO, the idea that "true friendships last for a lifetime" is a myth. One of the teachings of the Buddha is impermanence. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When we say good bye to someone, a lot of times another person comes up. It's like the seasons... fall, winter, spring, and summer... In regards to romantic relationships, I'd suggest you keep open to any new possibilities that arise. Sooner or later, someone who is really interesting and is interested in you will appear. It's just a matter of having patience, not creating big expectations, and in the mean-while focusing on your self-development. "The secret is not to run after butterflies, is to take care of the garden so that they come to you..." -- Mario Quintana

how to stop caring about the opinoin of others

Well, I'd say that actually the universe doesn't give a fuck about me, lol.

Have you seen Leo's video on this topic?

Say that again, lol

I don't think I've fully understand what you wrote. You had promised that you weren't going to smoke anymore, and you ended up doing it?

@Oliver Saavedra Yeap, it was a very powerful insight. Thing is, most of the times, it's not even a painful pain (lol). It's just some minor discomfort. Then I get fearful about whether it will evolve to be a serious or maybe chronic thing... And I'd say that what helps the most, in my case, is to do the opposite of focusing on the sensation. I try to distract myself as much as possible so that I forget about the discomfort. This helps to break my fixation on it. Does that make sense?

"The surest way to go to hell is by running away from it." —Garbor Maté Here's my realization: I have a phobia of feeling pain. I have come up with the term "painphobia". Every time I have some discomfort in my body, I can't let go of it and my monkey mind goes wild:"What if this becomes chronic? What if it gets worse? What if it is something more serious? What if there's something fundamentally wrong with me?" Thing is, virtually always, it's something temporary. Or at least, it's not so bad. Here are my insights on how to overcome it: Insight 1: Simply becoming aware of this tendency. The moment you name the dragon, it begins to lose its power. Leo has a very good episode on this (awareness is curative) Insight 2: By being so aversed to pain and trying to suppress all discomfort, this paradoxically creates more pain. A going full-circle kinda thing. Insight 3: Refrain from brute forcing my way out of it "Fuck you, stupid fear. I will expose myself to pain as much as possible, and I will overcome this shit no matter what. I'm sick of it!" >> I've tried this in the past, and not only is it useless but it ends up amplifying the problem. Repression creates obsession. Solution: By noticing over and over again that those fears are pure illusion, I gradually start to overcome this phobia. Example: "OMG! My right shoulder is aching. It must be tendinitis. This will go on forever, and I will never be able to play the piano again without pain. Ohhhh... wait a second! Painphobia is present! Let's observe how this pain will be in 3 days." 3 days later... >> I have either found a solution or the pain went away on its own. Note: The mind is very tricky. If I don't consciously pay close attention to the pain, when it does go away, I will forget that I had it. Conclusion: By going through this gentle process of observation over and over again and realizing that I was overreacting, the next time a wave of painphobia comes up; it will be less and less intense.

Contemplate if he is a good company at this time in your life. As hard as this might sound, sometimes we have to let a person we have affection for go...

One thing's for sure: you can't love yourself if you haven't been loved by someone else before. Have you ever done psychotherapy?

I see it more as entertainment. But lots of people take it way too damn seriously. Even companies rely too heavily on this test. It sounds scientific, but it is not.

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I've been doing this as well. But I am just cutting off people who I clearly don't have anything to lose from. The trap here is cutting too many people at once, because chances are, you'll cut someone who you might regret later. I've gone through that, and it sucks. So now, I'm doing it in baby steps. And feels good.

Awesome! Feel free to DM me if you need emotional support or something.

@Codrina Here's my question to you: are you giving this love and attention to yourself as well?

Forget about the crown and third-eye chakra for now. And focus especially on the root chakra. You have to come back to planet Earth. Sleep deprivation is a very serious thing. If it doesn't normalize, you will have a mental breakdown sooner or later. Keep us posted!!

haha, wtf is this journal

You just answered your own question... "Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground." — Theodore Roosevelt

This has already been posted here on the forum many times.

@lennart That's great, man! It seems that it was pretty obvious that it was a romantic kinda thing. If she reciprocated the physical touch, then it is a very good sign. And it's normal to run out of social battery, especially if you're an introvert. Just respect your limits... I think you should ask her out again, and I agree with @LfcCharlie4, there's no need to be that direct. One concept that I think is useful in pickup is kino escalation. But anyways, it seems to me that you did really well. The most important thing is to have fun Keep us posted!! yeap

Stop with this simplistic dichotomy. There's no good and evil -- only shades of grey.

I don't think taking this course would be a good idea. This guy seems to be really immature. And I don't agree with this thing of using his self-centerness as a way for you to grow yourself. Tolerating BS is not a virtue. In this case, maybe the thing that would really grow you is to cut ties with him. Every relationship has its positive and negative sides. If the negatives is outweighing the positives, then it becomes toxic. Do you really want to spend more time around this guy? If I were you, I would refuse his offer. I'd slowly distance myself from him, and make sure that he pays me. Your frustration makes perfect sense. Nobody likes to be seen as an object!

My guess is, after this challenge is done, you will fall back into those habits even stronger. Repression generates obsession. I highly recommend this episode. It is my personal favorite.

It's easier to talk with not-so-attractive girls. I'd suggest you start with 5s or 6s. It's a training. See all of this as a practice. Just like playing the piano, painting, doing Jiu-Jitsu, etc. You have to start with the basics. Truth is, if you have little or no experience, wanting to pick up 8s is an unrealistic expectation. You'll get way too nervous. I have a friend who never gets laid but he always wants only the hot girls. Result = he doesn't get any. I studied so much theory that when I was actually around girls I would overthink and not do shit. Analysis by paralysis. When I was finally able let go of all the "shoulds" of how to interact with people I am attracted to, then I started to succeed. Why? Because then I was able to be natural, which is by far the most important thing. I don't find him that "developed". I've watched some of seminars, and he's pretty arrogant. I think he wears those things on purpose. And it's part of his peacock thing that he always talks about, which to me is just cringey... Yes, I totally agree with that. My relationships are a reflection of the other areas of my life. As a matter of fact, I really like that interview Leo did with a dude. Here it is:

Dude, that looks way too rigid...