kag101

A good therapist: 1) Does not give too many blunt truths to you 2) You feel like he/she truly listens to you, so does not fake empathy 3) Doesnt speak too much. But when he does open his mouth, you knwo that something worthwhile will be said. It may be a remark, or a question. 5) is willing to change his opinion about something. Some shitty therapists are arrogant. if they say something, They expect for you to believe it as if it were handed by God. 4) you leave the consultation feeling less anxious, and with at least one insight. 5) does not rush your progress. He instead helps you to slow down your pace 6) you don’t feel as if you need to justify yourself all the time for him. 7) you look forward to going there 8) you feel some sort of progress maximum by 2 months

I can really relate to what you described. Depression is hell on Earth. It has a zombie-like feature -- not totally alive, not dead either. The thing is, no amount of books, advice, venting will get you out of this. Sorry. It might kinda help, but depression will sooner or later creep in once again. Why? Because it's a chronic illness. I'd highly suggest you go see a psychiatrist. Yea, I know that sounds kinda lame and pointless. But it is the best chance you have from getting out of this quagmire of numbness. Technically, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. So, sorry, you ain't gonna win against your biochemistry alone. There are good psychiatrists out there. If you manage to find a decent one, it's totally fucking worth it. If it's a shitty one, it's better that you don't do anything. Bad treatment is worse than no treatment at all. See depression as a chronic illness, such as diabetes. It has no cure, but it is possible to keep it under control, If a person who has diabetes doesn't take insulin, things will get really bad for him. And as time goes by, it'll get worse and worse. Antidepressants have a bad rep, but if the doctor finds the right one, it can be life-saving. I speak from personal experience. Feel free to send me PMs if you feel like it. Best of luck, man! Remember that it is possible to get out of this and be your natural self once again on a consistent basis. And lemme tell you: it feels like paradise. The worldly problems that people complain about are fuckin peanuts compared to what depression feels like. The hope is in science.

Well-said!

I've been in this kind of situation before. Here's my advice: distance yourself from them gradually until you stop seeing them altogether. If you do that, they will probably insist that you go out with them, but say no nonetheless. It is simply not worth it. This action is not easy to do, especially if you're a people-pleaser. However... when we are able to let go of people that no longer resonates with us, it gives room for new people to come into your life. What do you think about that? Good luck, you deserve better friends!

He did a tremendous job. Jk, i never read any of his books. i'd recommend you read some of the reviews of his books on goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1032.Trump

I don’t think you need meditation right now — but instead good psychotherapy.

@rav You only tried one antidepressant. I think should try it again. Bupropion has worked really well with me, and it didn’t give me any sexual side effects (which was my bigest fear). It is not a SSRI. It doesn’t act on the serotonin receptors, but on the dopamine ones — which really help boosting your vitality and motivation. I’d suggest You ask your doctor if he thinks you can try this medication. It’s been life-changing for me... good luck ??

It feels so fucking good to be healthy It's so interesting to be healthy mentally. It's like I'm living in paradise. Sure, there are problems and everything -- but nothing can be compared to depression. It's a whole different thing. I've had depression since I was 9. On-and-off. But the thing is, this illness tends to get worse overtime. So my "breaks" from depression were getting shorter and shorter. Has therapy been helping me? Yes, for sure. But it wouldn't be as effective if I were not taking the medication. It's a wonderful feeling to feel like I am here. I am present in my body. No more of that zombie-like feeling. Yuck! I'm still in early recovery! I have to be extra patient with myself during this process. I think that the biggest trap in my case would be to be on a excessively high pace. I have to remind myself over and over again that I am not running a 100m, but a marathon. I want to learn how to use my energy in the most balanced, productive, and healthy way as possible. Did I suffer a lot in my life? Yes. And did that made me get behind people my age in terms of experiences, accomplishments, and development? Yes. Will I be able to catch it up? Definitely. But it takes time. If I simply manage to not overwhelm myself, then I am good to go. Affirmations: reminders I've been doing some affirmations daily. And it's not just a "I am" type of affirmation, but also reminders and acknowledgments. For example: "I tend to overreact" >> Repeating this 3x in the morning helps me identify when I am overreacting something. But anyway, the one that I wanted to share is regarding self-negotiation, which is: "Should I accelerate, break, or do nothing?" This is a practice, and I feel like I'm getting better at it. It has a lot to do with self-knowledge. My recovery strategy: 2018 - year I sought help 2019 - coming out of depression 2020 - stabilizing with easy and fun acitivites 2021 - begin to think about work & study

Dude, you are way too hard on yourself. Btw - if you don't take the antidepressant every single day, it will not work.

Sorry, but the human psyche is much more complex than that. You will not overcome mental illness by "stop judging".

It sounds like clinical depression. Have you ever considered going to a psychiatrist? A good one can certainly help you.

Do you love her? That is to say, are you as interested in her as much as she is interested in you?

Dude, there’s a huge difference between being “orange” and being an inconsiderate asshole. Also, being “green” does not imply that you have to be this goody-goody. So, I think you should say no to him in a clear and unapologetic way.

I think it depends on the perspective. We all need emotional bonding so that we have a sense of belongingness. No man is an island. However, the idea that friendships or a romantic partner will -- by themselves -- fulfill you is bullshit. If my life is empty (no life purpose, hate my job, don't have any hobbies), I can have the best friends in the world; but I will still be unhappy. What relationships (romantic or not) can in fact do is "multiply the happiness and divide the sadness". By sharing great moments with other people, the level of fulfillment is amplified. I love being by myself, but it is definitely not enough to have a fulfilling life. I think you got hurt, and now you have retreated into your shell. While I was reading your post, it actually reminded me of a song by Paul Simon. Take a look and see if it resonates with you, hehe: Another thing: IMO, the idea that "true friendships last for a lifetime" is a myth. One of the teachings of the Buddha is impermanence. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When we say good bye to someone, a lot of times another person comes up. It's like the seasons... fall, winter, spring, and summer... In regards to romantic relationships, I'd suggest you keep open to any new possibilities that arise. Sooner or later, someone who is really interesting and is interested in you will appear. It's just a matter of having patience, not creating big expectations, and in the mean-while focusing on your self-development. "The secret is not to run after butterflies, is to take care of the garden so that they come to you..." -- Mario Quintana

how to stop caring about the opinoin of others

Well, I'd say that actually the universe doesn't give a fuck about me, lol.

Have you seen Leo's video on this topic?

Say that again, lol

I don't think I've fully understand what you wrote. You had promised that you weren't going to smoke anymore, and you ended up doing it?

@Oliver Saavedra Yeap, it was a very powerful insight. Thing is, most of the times, it's not even a painful pain (lol). It's just some minor discomfort. Then I get fearful about whether it will evolve to be a serious or maybe chronic thing... And I'd say that what helps the most, in my case, is to do the opposite of focusing on the sensation. I try to distract myself as much as possible so that I forget about the discomfort. This helps to break my fixation on it. Does that make sense?

"The surest way to go to hell is by running away from it." —Garbor Maté Here's my realization: I have a phobia of feeling pain. I have come up with the term "painphobia". Every time I have some discomfort in my body, I can't let go of it and my monkey mind goes wild:"What if this becomes chronic? What if it gets worse? What if it is something more serious? What if there's something fundamentally wrong with me?" Thing is, virtually always, it's something temporary. Or at least, it's not so bad. Here are my insights on how to overcome it: Insight 1: Simply becoming aware of this tendency. The moment you name the dragon, it begins to lose its power. Leo has a very good episode on this (awareness is curative) Insight 2: By being so aversed to pain and trying to suppress all discomfort, this paradoxically creates more pain. A going full-circle kinda thing. Insight 3: Refrain from brute forcing my way out of it "Fuck you, stupid fear. I will expose myself to pain as much as possible, and I will overcome this shit no matter what. I'm sick of it!" >> I've tried this in the past, and not only is it useless but it ends up amplifying the problem. Repression creates obsession. Solution: By noticing over and over again that those fears are pure illusion, I gradually start to overcome this phobia. Example: "OMG! My right shoulder is aching. It must be tendinitis. This will go on forever, and I will never be able to play the piano again without pain. Ohhhh... wait a second! Painphobia is present! Let's observe how this pain will be in 3 days." 3 days later... >> I have either found a solution or the pain went away on its own. Note: The mind is very tricky. If I don't consciously pay close attention to the pain, when it does go away, I will forget that I had it. Conclusion: By going through this gentle process of observation over and over again and realizing that I was overreacting, the next time a wave of painphobia comes up; it will be less and less intense.

Contemplate if he is a good company at this time in your life. As hard as this might sound, sometimes we have to let a person we have affection for go...

One thing's for sure: you can't love yourself if you haven't been loved by someone else before. Have you ever done psychotherapy?

I see it more as entertainment. But lots of people take it way too damn seriously. Even companies rely too heavily on this test. It sounds scientific, but it is not.