kag101

NO! There is nothing loving about killing oneself. Do not romanticize suicide. I do feel compassion for those who take their own lives away -- because it means that the pain was so intense that the person could not put up with it anymore. It is a tragedy. Seek help! Feel free to PM me if you feel like talking. How can you be so sure about that?!

If someone could actually do that, he/she would be extremely famous. It's actually really simple: if there is no calorie intake, life cannot be sustained. This is basic Biology. Believing otherwise is similar to thinking the Earth is flat. Or maybe it had to do with your mental health. Fasting can be very unhealthy for both the mind and body, and it can also be addictive. I speak from personal experience. I would get high out of eating too little, and I thought it was my spiritual awakening. "It's finally happening", I thought. Little did I know, I was on the verge of having a devastating breakdown. This happened due to a few reasons, and fasting was one of them. So be really careful with those "hardcore" practices. Remember what's on the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

What an asshole. Good! “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. Don't be a damn fool about it.” ― W.C. Fields You deserve someone better! That said, letting someone go is definitely not an easy thing to do. But you'll survive!

Writing classes can be really useful.

Indeed, crying can be comforting, or it can be literally painful. Excessive crying is actually a common sign of depression. I had a depressive episode a few months ago, and as soon as it kicked in, I started to feel a lot of self-pity, hopelessness, and I really felt like crying. It was awful. I’m glad my psychiatrist and I figured out what triggered it.

Haha, relax... I would guess this one. I didn’t really get why you cut ties with him. Being very similar to each other was a bad thing? Or did you broke up out of fear?

Obviously.

Do you smoke weed? Do you take sleeping pills?

?

There is no director.

So you had experience with only one psychiatrist? How about psychotherapy? Have you ever done it?

Yes. But she has a doctorate in psychology. There are a lot of “psychoanalysts” Out there who get a certificate without Making effort. My doc told me it is hard to tell whether it was mania or not. But anyway, I was heavily agitated. I felt superb in the beginning then eventually I started to get irritated af. Awful feeling... No! It helps deal with my neurosis, excessive worry and fear, etc. Basically, it helps strengthen my emotional intelligence what made me “change” (in reality go back to my natural self) was the medication

"Psychotherapy is a sanctuary; it is a battleground; it is a place I have been psychotic, neurotic, elated, confused, and despairing beyond belief. But, always, it is where I have believed–or have learned to believe–that I might someday be able to contend with all of this." - Kay Redfield Jamison Background I have suffered from depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety since I was 12. I have always avoided the traditional ways to healing (psychotherapy & psychiatry). I thought it wasn't effective. I had gone to a few of them, but none were actually good. No psychotherapy > bad psychotherapy. So instead, I tried all the unorthodox approaches : Neuroliguistic Programming, veganism, Yoga, Tai Chi, theater classes, hypnosis, family constellation, hardcore meditation, cold showers, Tapping, Ayahuasca ceremonies, etc. Some of those things work in the short-term. But sooner or later, I'd fall on my ass and be worse off. This would make me feel very frustrated because I felt it was working because of me. "I am done with unorthodox approaches. I want the traditional!" A year ago, I was going through a major depressive episode. I was waking up at 5 PM, would only stay in bed, watch random stuff on the internet, was heavily socially anxious. Sleeping and eating was the most exciting things in my day. So, I decided to try a psychiatrist a friend recommended. To sum up, he was very blunt, arrogant, and incompetent. After six months of treatment, I had a hypo-maniac episode (which is a negative type of euphoria). This was caused by being prescribed the wrong medication. Then, last June, I found a psychiatrist online that had very good reviews. And I also started going to a really good psychologist. She has tons of experience, and is very empathetic. She never once told me something like: "You're being lazy", "You're too sensitive", "You need to push yourself more." She does not tell me what I "need" to do. Instead, through dialogue, I come to the conclusion by myself. And because she doesn't scold me, I feel safe to open up to her. And btw, psychotherapy is not just a conversation. Far from it. Results It's been about six months that I have been with this psychologist + psychiatrist, and here's what I have accomplished so far: 1) My mood is finally stable. A year ago, I'd have a good day, and then 6 very depressed days. Obviously, I am not 100% everyday, but I can actually function, live life with its ups and downs. It is a great blessing to not feel debilitating and unreasoning emotions. I still feel bad sometimes, but now it has a cause, is manageable, and is not overwhelming. 2) My psychiatrist gave two medications that fit me very well. One of it gives me energy and will-power. And the other one helps me shut down my mind and go to sleep. Each medication cancels the side effects of the other one. 3) My sexuality is much healthier. 4) I have stopped smoking weed, drinking alcohol, and using any type of psychedelics. Although I didn't admit, I was pretty much addicted to those things. And in my case, nothing that alters my normal state of mind is good for me. 5) I am proactively finding new things to do. Instead of being in bed all day or just mindlessly use the internet; I actually want to get out of the house. (I am not neurotic about always being outside doing stuff though). 6) I have started to take keyboard and Spanish classes. I practice yoga and soccer by myself daily (I don't have to force myself; it's organic). And I also walk my dog with a dog trainer twice a week. So my routine has more meaningful and exciting things. 7) My relationships are much more healthy. Regarding friends, I can now set healthy boundaries more easily. Regarding dating, I am actually going out with people! (which was something unimaginable a few months ago). I am learning how to deal with jealousy, rejection, and so on. And finally regarding my family, it's all getting very harmonic. 8) I am more laid-back. I used to be very tensed up and neurotic about stuff. Instead of thinking about existential, deep and shadowy stuff all day (but having no results), I now direct all of this to my weekly 1-hour of psychotherapy. This way in my day-to-day life; I feel lighter, less tensed and overly-profound, and more playful. 9) I can trust that I will naturally do what's best for me. I am more in-the-moment. I don't hold very strong and inflexible decisions. Instead, I flow with life. > If I am being too stubborn, I identify that and let it go. > If I am being lazy or passive, I negotiate with myself so that I can actually do what I want to do. 9) I am losing weight effortlessly. Or as some self-help authors like to put it, "I am getting back to my natural body form". Because of the depression, I was eating copious amounts of food - which made me gain weight. But now I don't crave for food anymore; and I don't have to starve myself to lose weight nor eat stuff that has no flavor. Oh, and I am also sleeping less (from 10-12 hours daily to 7-9 hours). 10) I am taking more care of my appearance and well-being. I use moisturizer; I use a type of shampoo that covers my white hair; I am shaving some parts of my body. It is not something "over the top". It's healthy. I am not abandoning my body; instead, I am taking care of it. Important: Boy oh boy, did I wish I could accomplish all of that through reading self-help books, watching videos, meditating the shit out of me, talking with a "spiritual" friend; or using psychedelics. I learned the hard way that I cannot depend on those things to be healthy psychologically - they are just a complement for high-quality face-to-face psychotherapy and psychiatry. If you liked the quote at the beginning of this topic, check this out: https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/beyondblue/2010/10/kay-redfield-jamison-on-psycho-1.html.

Wow, that’s a very nice thing to hear! Thanks! I’ve been doing well. I feel stable. And I feel I’m getting better at dealing with life’s challenges. In the state that I’m in right now I feel like life is neither easy nor hard - but just on the right Level. I am now able to have consistency, which is something I’ve always struggled with. Depression is still tamed, fortunately. I hate that bitc*..., srly... I wish I had gone through a good psychiatrist before. It pisses me off how I arrogantly tried to heal my mental health by myself. There is a whole Scientific field of study Focused on those problemas, but I thought they were all wrong and “low consciousness”. Unfortunately psychiatry has a bad rep, because there are a lot of shitty professionals... However, High-quality psychiatric treatment can be literally life-saving. Sometimes I’m glad that my mental illness was intense, because it made me dysfunctional and therefore forced me to seek help. If it were softer and Manageable, I would very likely never go to a psychiatrist office. It’s not an easy thing to do. I wish I had written the title of this topic: “The power of psychiatric treatment”. Because what really made me go to the next level was not psychotherapy. If I were still feeling like an anxious zombie, therapy wouldnt be so effective. that said, it does help a lot. Thanks for the comment

Frustrated I recently posted a version of me playing "Wake Me Up - Avicii" on my instagram. I have to admit that I got frustrated, because I only got like 16 likes. And usually I get from 50-85 likes in my other posts. But anyway, what's important is that I stepped out of my comfort zone and that I liked the result. Nevertheless, it still is frustrating. I'm not going to lie. It's not that I crave for thousands of likes, but I do want at least some amount. But anyway... I also recently stopped following some people that I really have no interest in their posts. I know that some people use those apps that notify whenever someone unfollows. And I got kinda worried that it would give the wrong impression. Other stuff > I have been watching the tv show "Horders". It's really interesting. It inspired me to throw away some stupid shit I don't even like. One thing that I liked that they say in the program is: "Mistakes might happen". But I don't go full-crazy so that I don't have very big regrets. > I have a Pitbull. He is friendly (doesn't bite), but he's too euphoric. And sometimes when he doesn't know the person, the barks at him/er. My little brother came to my house for the first time, and my dog was barking at him. It was frustrating. > Sometimes I am a control freak. I'm trying to improve on that. It's a balance between caring vs not caring. For example, sometimes I want to make everyone happy, but that's a tough order to fill and it's way too stressing. > I've recently started to do some research on colleges. I'm trying to find one that I don't have to stay there for many hours a day. And one that is also not hard or too stressful.

It can be a little challenging... I’m just warning you to not fall into the trap of thinking that you can be fulfilled without meaningful connection with others. A lot of people spiritualize loneliness...

It would be helpful to know more detail about your situation. I usually try to cut ties with the person. If s/he is too close, I limit how much time I spend with him/er. Remember: Being loving ≠ being a pushover Setting boundaries & being assertive is essential for all individuals who want to truly self-actualize! `

You should go to an urologist. Online medical advice (especially from random people) is unreliable. But anyway, I am not circumcised and I never had a problem with that, because when I was a kid, my parents taught me how to pull back the skin. I had a friend who had it, and he started to pull it back by force. He said he eventually made it, but it was painful as fuck. Because you're already a grown-up, I think it would be better to do the surgery. So yeah... a doctor would be really helpful for knowing how to solve that problem in the best and safest way!

First of all, if you had a panic attack bacause of weed, than you are very likely to have one (possibly worse) with psychedelics. They are much more potent than weed. In your case, I think it’s a high risk gamble. Second, having only one friend is not enough for having a solid support system. Bonding with others and having a sense of belongingness is a very important human need. This idea that one has to be content merely through solitude and “self-love” is BS. So my advice would be to find ways to making new friends.

Dude, no amount of willpower can cure it. That could be the case for someone who had one depressive episode, but if it's recurrent, then medication is needed. It's a battle one cannot win. It's you vs. your biochemistry. Trying to overcome mental illness through determination is like someone who has diabetes trying to stabilize his insulin by, idk, thinking positively. It can't be done. I was in denial about this for a looong time. I tried virtually all alternative methods, but sooner or later I'd fall on my ass. And, seriously, sometimes I get angry towards myself for not trying to find a good psychiatrist earlier... I lost like 8 years of my life, and I had to go much unnecessary suffering... (sigh)

Well, I'd argue that wanting to have kids is kinda selfish, because the world is overpopulated and there are a lot of kids who could be adopted. Anyway, here's what came to mind as I was reading your post: Maybe you're trying too hard to socialize. Like, putting too much energy into having an "interesting" conversation, for example. That can be really tiresome. This can quickly drain one's social battery (especially if introverted). Another thing that could be happening is, maybe, depression. When I'm depressive, I automatically get socially anxious. I had always tried to get rid of SA, but I didn't know that my "true enemy" was actually depression. Here's the cycle, in my case: I don't have energy nor will to socialize > Have to force myself way too much > Get drained afterwards and frustrated about my performance > Get aversed to being around people.

I really like the things he talks about cinema. For example, how violence or tragedy can act as a character. also, how the things he’s going through in his life has to intertwine with the movie he’s making. And as far as LP is concerned, I can’t think of a better example of someone who is on the right track. This even has a nonduality touch to it lol

Your testimonial touched me. I could relate to many things you wrote, as I suffer from recurrent depression. It would be helpful to know some more detail about your "breakdown" (that can mean a lot of things). Did you get psychotic? Were you using any type of mind-altering substances? Did you feel a complete lack of vitality? I understand this feeling of abandonment you must be feeling right now. Mental illness is an extremely isolating thing. A feeling of deep loneliness. Firstly because my natural self goes away. And secondly because I can't connect with someone else in that state. I feel deeply misunderstood. When I'm in that state, I can have moments of brief reliefs by talking about what I'm feeling with someone I trust, but the pain is still there and will overwhelm me sooner or later. The thing about mental illness is, as with almost all other illnesses, it tends to get worse overtime. One common misconception people have about it is that someone who, for example, has depression is always depressive. No. It's a cyclical thing. And, unfortunately, the more time passes without treatment (or with inadequate treatment), the worse it gets. That is, the periods of stability get shorter and shorter, and the periods of crisis longer and longer. I want to share my personal experience with you. I had to reach rock bottom to seek scientifically-proven methods. I used to be heavily against medication. I thought they didn't work, that they would make me feel artificially happy, and deep down I didn't think depression was a real thing. I spent more than 10 years trying to self-heal, and it was a waste of time. I'd get better for a while, then... I would eventually fall on my ass even harder. I thought that feeling an existential emptiness was part of being an adult, and that the lack of will power was actually that I was just a lazy guy. Boy oh boy, was I wrong. It took me a while to find a good psychiatrist. But I am so glad I found the one I'm with right now. He had to up the dosage twice before depression completely subsided. And, man... a huge weight was lifted off of me. it's like I'm a different person. Actually, I am now who I always was supposed to be. My soul is back inside my body, so to speak. To me, it's like the difference between having the flu x not having the flu. In a way, I feel like having gone through so much darkness, pain, and confusion has given me a deeper sense of compassion, sensibility, and even wisdom. But it's just one of those things that I simply don't want to go through again, and I'll do whatever is in my power to prevent it from happening. I had a minor relapse a month ago. I felt depressed for 3 days, and it was hell. I got used to feeling normal, so when that happened, the contrast was so intense. I was like, "OMG, I can't believe I'm going through this again. NO!" I immediately contacted my doctor, and we figured out what triggered it. Have you ever gone to a psychiatrist? If so, how did that go? All the best ?

Well, the thing is, have you tried the traditional methods enough? I used to think that medication wouldn't work, because I had prior experience with it. But in reality, I had only taken one medication, and then I jumped into the conclusion that none of them would work. And another point to keep in mind is: were the professionals good? For example, I've had about 10 therapists in my life, and only one of them was actually good. The rest was terrible--did more harm than good.

@Raptorsin7 I'm a little skeptical about psychoanalysts. It's not a scientific thing. You don't need to graduate in psychology to be one. But anyway, how do you like it so far? Do you look forward to the session? Or is it sort of a grim duty? Do you feel you can trust him? Does he say interesting things? As with taking or not medication, he is not the one to decide on that. You didn't really describe how you feel on a consistent basis, so it's not possible to guess whether you have depression or not. Besides anger, what else do you feel on a consistent basis? Lack of vitality, pleasure, and will power? All the best! I hope you feel better soon