ivankiss

I guess I've been a bit lucky haha. Happened unexpectedly; naturally. Back when I was 6. Life simply introduced me to it. And something sparked within me. From the first moment I knew that's what I'm here for. That's what I will dedicate myself to, no matter what. I made a holy vow. Never stopped ever since. Even when times seemed dark and I was facing big challenges. In fact; those only made the fire burn stronger and wilder. There just is no other way for me. I am because of my passion. My purpose. Not sure if I can give any suggestions on how to find it though. I've never really been without it; so I don't know how that's like. What I do know is that it's out there for sure. For everyone. Or in there - put It as you wish. Discovering it could be the biggest adventure of your life. And once you find it, or it finds you; there will be no place for a drop of doubt. It will be undeniably obvious. It will click on the deepest level of your being. Every breath you will take will be for that purpose. The fire will burn eternally. Unstoppably.

There is no one best way. You must figure out what works best for you. To me; the process occurs rather naturally. I had a strong sense of purpose ever since I was a child. A mission. A storyline. Every step I take is a choice that leads me closer to "completing" that mission. Every choice I make is connected to my purpose. And if it does not seem that way; I investigate. Put things into their place. It's like solving a puzzle. I simply reflect back onto my experiences and try my best to see the benefits and understand how they are bringing me closer. Moving me forward. I give my best to learn all the lessons along the way. Being as present as possible during the actual experience makes the integration process a lot easier and even effortless. Things start falling into their place naturally and you understand why you make the choices you do and how everything that happens is helping you. Hope that makes some sense to you. Bless!

As I was lying in my bed, unable to fall asleep due to caffeine overdose, I suddenly became inspired to share a few thoughts about The Almighty One. I also felt like touching upon the two stages of awakening and how the proper recognition of those may benefit your well being as well as your understanding and overall progress. Hopefully; we'll come full circle. Please note that I am sharing information strictly based on my direct experience. My views may contradict your beliefs, perspectives or experiences. So what is GOD? Well...I am born of silence...So what am I to say? Ultimately; God is just that; God. And even that is too much to say about "it". One cannot say God is this or that, simply because that would imply exclusion of everything else that is not this or that. Can't say it's Everything; because that excludes Nothing. Can't say it's me, because that excludes you. There is nothing that can be said about God. God simply is; perfect and magnificent as one can and cannot possibly imagine. So my humble opinion is, that instead of trying to point towards God; one should focus on allowing God to flow through them to the best of their abilities. That way; one may recognize God and God may experience itself through the individual. And don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with exploring the nature of everything, the foundations of existence or the structure of reality. Exploration is exciting. Just be careful not to loose it along the way. For the rabbit hole has no end. Such is the nature of God. The moment you think "you got it" is the moment you've completely lost it. There is nothing to get, really. God is a dreamer. An imaginaire. A grand scale artist. All God ever does is painting; on and on. Forever. In all directions. You might reach a perfect understanding of one of God's masterpieces, study it for decades, write a book about it, teach others about it - meanwhile - God has painted trillions of new, unique paintings and has no intention of ever stopping. God is out of control. So where am I going with this? Well, nowhere, really. Just painting ya a picture. In the stage one of your awakening; it was all about figuring out who the hell you truly are. Finding your authentic self. Returning to your innocence. Eliminating everything else that you supposedly were not. The mindfuck of course being; that on the day of your graduation, you'd have to invite all those things back in - recognizing them as yourself, after all. You've seen through all the illusions, transcended karmic cycles, and tadaa! The Truth has been realized. You have been realized. But that is just one chapter of this ever-expanding journey. God's masterpiece. Once graduated; you may spend some time resting as pure awareness. Engage in nothing. Perhaps brag about your enlightenment and let everyone know how you have reached the top of the mountain. But soon enough; you'll come to the conclusion, that you must climb all the way down, back to ground zero. Because that is where your wisdom and mastery is put to the test. That's where you show what enlightenment is really all about. That is God's masterplan. In the stage two of your awakening you come back to the body/mind. Back to the character. Back to the persona. Back to "illusion". Back to simple, everyday life. Full commitment. Willingly and in spite of "knowing it all" and "seeing it all". As if nothing has ever happened. If you really are the master you claimed to be while on the top of the mountain; you will not break character upon your return. You will not act as anything more than anybody else. You will not feel superior to anyone. You will respect all other aspects of God. The enlightened self will be activated and it will not scream for attention. There will be no need to point towards it. You will recognize the power of simplicity and humbleness. You will listen carefully, talk calmly, open doors for strangers and smile like a kid throughout your whole being. You will be eager to play. To express. To create. To laugh. To interact. To experience. To explore. To love unconditionally; silently. You will feel into your every move. Every step. You will smile at the magic unfolding in front of your eyes. You will appreciate diversity and see beauty in everything. Even the most mundane stuff. And even when things seem to go not exactly your way. You will appreciate the ups and downs. Enjoy the whole ride - the whole journey. You will be passionate about being. You will be in tune with your body. Respect your needs. Further develop your skills. Discover new ones. Share them all with the world. You will integrate experiences. You will simply live life consciously; grounded in peace and love. And why...You might ask? For no reason at all. It's just how the cosmic artist painted it all.

@hundreth Awesome quote! Never heard of it before Did not listen to Alan's teachings, either. Might as well check him out one of these days. Integration is necessary. Insights are meant to be applied in actuality. In everyday life. Otherwise they just keep piling up and have no actual use, other than creating confusion. They must be practical and helpful. I like how Matt Kahn put it; "Something can be interesting, but not useful." For example; Saying that it's all an illusion is interesting - but not very helpful.

@Mikael89 Yes. And you choose the lenses through which you look at what happens and also how you feel and/or think about it. That is how something that you will enjoy is more likely to happen. @lostmedstudent It's funny how similar our bad trip experiences were. I also ended up in a hospital. Was dragged there by several cops too haha. It was crazy. But here's a thing; I needed that experience. It was relevant for me. I purged unlike ever before. Cleared lifetimes of baggage. It was the most intense experience ever and I would not wish it for anybody. But I came to a point where now I can see why that had to happen. I see the choices I made that led me to that experience. It was necessary for my evolution. I matured and claimed full responsibility since. Exploring the unknown always comes with a certain degree of fear. And I know the feeling of being terrified but simultaneously being unable to stop digging deeper. It's very contradicting. Can seem as if you're going mad. But let me reassure you; it only seems that way. Feels that way. Despite of it being convincing as hell; it's a phase. The sky eventually clears and you realize you are just fine. Loved and supported. Always were and will be. However; I would suggest you to take a break from all this spiritual woo hoo if you find yourself to be overwhelmed. Zoom out for a while. Forget about it all. Do simple things that make you feel good and safe. Come back to it with a clear mind. Refreshed. Centered. Enlightenment is certainly not something that should be forced or chased down. Your well being comes first. Being stable and balanced. You will not miss out on anything. May as well connect a few dots; by not pushing so hard. Pursue anything that you are passionate about and find it exciting. Create some space for the breath. You are doing fine. Imagination is a beautiful thing. It only seems scary if you imagine it to be scary. Use it so that you feel good. You can always find a perspective through which things seem nicer. Wish you the best. Peace.

@Mikael89 How can you know for sure it fucked you up for life? What if the "fuck up" is exactly what was necessary for you to unfuck yourself? Your greatest evolution? Even if it might not be apparent from where you are standing right now. What happened - happened. You decide what will you make out of it. Choose something that will feel good and possibly help others too

@lostmedstudent Thank you for sharing that. It is beautiful to see how honest and open you are about it all. Many would rather hide or deny their fears instead of admitting them to themselves. As if that would make them seem any less enlightened I definitely can recognize myself in what you described. I too had a "hard to swallow" trip that shuttered my whole reality; leaving me with nothing. My first taste of Truth was not exactly sweet. I struggled with PTSD for quite a while. My intention back then was not to face the absolute, at all. It completely knocked me off guard. But curiosity was stronger, and afterwards I continued exploring how exactly it is that I create my own reality. I continued going down the rabbit hole; coming across new shocking realizations with each step I made. Took me nearly three years to put everything together, so to speak. To explain everything to myself that happened on that terrifying night I tripped out of my mind. Was not a walk in the park. Especially the final few steps. I say final, even though the rabbit hole is endless, simply because I now feel like I've seen enough to not question the nature of everything and simply continue walking my path; doing what I love the most and am the most passionate about. It's almost as if I have no other choice. But I remember clearly that the choice was made by me. To claim full responsibility of our lives is not easy. Can feel like you are paralyzed and trapped in a corner; left with no options. My biggest fear was that I would not be able to continue what I started. Contribute to God's masterpiece. Leave my mark. And of course as I slowly overcame that fear; the path was clear once again and I was free to walk it. Even though at that time it seemed like everthing is collapsing right down on me and my breath is being taken away. I do not know how deep you dived into the rabbit hole. So it may be difficult to give any useful advice. But what I concluded is that if something is clearly telling you to not go down that road; you should take a turn. Find your centre. It does not matter how everything seems as long as you're in peace and your heart is fulfilled. You are the truth, already. Decide in which direction you want to take it. How you want to express it. Be conscious of what you're putting through and out there. That is how you create your life, really. Cannot say much about Leo's videos as I was not watching them for a while now. I think he's doing his thing to the best of his abilities. He is clearly passionate about it. What will everyone else take away is another story. Hope that helps is any way. Cheers!

@Natasha Wonderful! Thank you for sharing. Sparked something inside

Watch my steps closely, as I learn to walk again. For steps of freedom are lighter than I ever knew. Hear me sing for salvation. I came across the seas in search of the light within. The path of faith; the way of the unknown. The high road. I dragged the heavy burden of hope throughout the storms. I hoped for eternal sunshine. Gentle winds of mercy. I prayed for sight and guidance. I followed the signs and whispers. See me now, as I farewell the old. Watch it turn to sand. Welcome it back into the kingdom of silence. Countless are the heros who brought me here. Countless are their scars. May they rest in timeless peace. Their actions will go down in history. Psalms will tell their stories of bravery and glory. The sky remembers all. I watched the Sun slip behind the ocean's edge. I gave up myself for a dream that gave me sight. A moment of clarity. The bird flying against the wind; Into the white. Where no hero can follow. No sense can remain. Where time comes to an end. Words are unspoken. Colours unseen. Into the white the high road leads. Where the wide awake fall asleep. A half-closed curtain dims the light. The sound of distant voices trying to reach out. A final attempt of resistance; a try to remember. Washed away by the rains of heaven. Paralysed and dazed. Stillness prevails. Numbness blinds the sight. I come undone. Light finds its source. No thought dares to stand in it's way. Echoes are unheard. Silence overflows. Into the white the hero walks alone. Giving up dreaming; to be whole and unknown. Forever. In the white a new line is drawn. The eye is reborn. A new Sun. A new hero. A new chance to be. A chance to breathe. To sin, to hurt, to feel, to learn, to laugh, to love. To dream. Watch my steps closely, as I learn to walk the high road... Into the white.

@DrewNows The road we make we own. Only in stillness can movement be truly known. To rise to the hight of our halos, to claim our wings back - our fears of falling down we must accept. Resurrect. Much love.

@Shaun Thank you. I am glad.

@Shaun Yes. An attempt to find creativity again. Passionate expression.

How to forgive a lifetime of neglect? Abandonment? How to forgive betrayal? How to forgive distrust? Risking life for someone's love is insane, right? How do I forgive myself? How do I overcome loss? How do I forgive the one who did not recognize the depth of my heart? My will, my effort, my courage, my selflessness? How do I forgive myself for needing them to recognize me? How do I forgive myself for not recognizing myself? My worth? My pride? My boundaries? How do I heal?

No expectations. Purpose. The question is not "if". The question is "how". And knowing exactly how would ruin the fun part. It's all a part of the journey. Pain is welcome. No matter how hard to swallow. Wouldn't be half the artist I am without suffering. Love will always have the final word. And I...I will always dream. Transformation, baby!

@DrewNows No desire for a new relationship, really. Just stability, clarity and fucking music It's all cool and as it's supposed to be anyway. Just gotta grieve some, express some.

@Commodent I hear you. Music was always my way of expressing pain. Or anything, really. But somehow I ended up sacrificing it all for a relationship that ended in disappointment. It stripped me of everything. Suppressed tons. My spark, my passion, my stability, my joy, my bliss. All to win a heart that never truly wanted mine. But that was just a byproduct of deeper wounds. Goes way back. Now it's all nothing ahead of me. Unknown. Empty. As am I. Passion still burns. But it has no way to express itself.

I suppose patience is key. But there is a part that has been patient for nearly 20 years now. The dream wants to come alive. Often feels like I'm late, already. Trains are leaving and I'm just sitting here patiently; waiting for my moment. Where am I fucking up? Dreaming or waiting?

@WelcometoReality Allowing it all as it comes. Holding space for the wounded. But there is a huge ongoing contradiction. Cannot help myself but feel pulled back simultaneously. Unable to pursue my visions. Oscillating between determination hard as a rock and despair. Passion burns like fire, but pain keeps reappearing; beating me down. Drying me out. Taking my breath away. Weighing me down. Madness. @Commodent Thank you. Can resonate with the idea of it being a byproduct. Hard while still stuck tho. Does not do the trick really. I guess I buried myself deep under. Love ya'all.

Now this is truly enlightening; Trust no future. You belong here.

@zeroISinfinity Not glitchy enough Try this out;

@zeroISinfinity You djent, bro? Into some tesseract? Love this new ep. Polyrhythms are God! @Narueled Devi is enlightened AF! Here's one of my favourites; A wall of epicness!

@Nahm Pain comes in forms other than thought, too. Tell the 6 year old child who was abandoned by both of his parents that he's only lost in thought. Tell him he imagined it all - including his pain and loss. Innocence creates his hell. "To forgive is to suffer" is a conclusion that ends the cycle of needing to forgive; thinking that forgiveness is the ticket to wholeness. Freedom. It's also a kickass track by a band which I love very much, called "Death". Came by as a reminder. I will use Oneness as an excuse no more for not dealing with life and all which has been accumulated along the way. Sometimes you must put things outside of yourself, in order to see them clearly. To invite them back in. To unify. Default is no fun. I'm diving back in. I'm diving deep. (got a tattoo of a phoenix, btw. In love with it since harry potter lol)

@DrewNows Thanks. Not a big Teal fan though. I am into Matt Kahn, alot. He talks about the inner child often. In fact; all of his teachings are focused on healing. Love him dearly. Helped me alot in past. And even nowdays resonance is strong. However; I really feel like this one is on me, solely. Between me and myself. Gotta find my own way.

"Enforce the words no more, be free Alone you might just find serenity" To forgive is to suffer

@Zigzag Idiot A loving mind and a wise heart. Sounds awesome! Thanks.