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Hello, after every interaction with attractive women I get frustrated to the max. In my opinion women are dumb, too emotional for proper communication and extremely arrogant, especially attractive ones. I think that our society is fucked because of social media. Attractive women get way too much validation from stupid needy men, so they don't even have to work on themselves. No one cares when they behave like assholes. But men have to bring so much to the table to stay attractive and this pisses me off. Until I was 19 I had nothing sexual going, no kisses, nothing. I rejected many girls because I wanted the first one to be "perfect". First girlfriend with 19 then was extremely toxic to me, she had borderline, bulimia etc. Long story, but I guess you can image how she behaved with the mentioned disorders. 14 months pure torture, I was way too needy because I thought she was perfect. But the only thing that was perfect was her looks. After that I was dating about 10 other women through tinder because I was too shy to approach women in real life. But this was just for fun, I didn't want a relationship. Then there was another attractive woman with borderline and she broke me again. And after that I was dating a woman who was relatively thick and I thought that it was impossible for me to be with someone like that in a relationship, but we matched really well and I was surprised. I wanted to start a relationship with her and she broke me as well. She had red flag written all over her like all the other women I have dated before. But I was naive, nobody told me what red flags are. She basically went into a relationship with a "friend" of her. Only my second and last girlfriend was able to communicate good. She wasn't doing too many shit tests and our relationship was easy-going as it should. Unfortunately I had to leave her because of some things that disturbed me, frequent weed smoking and other drug consumption. Plus I didn't find her attractive because of the way she behaved and her looks, I'd say she was a little too "masculine" for me. I just got into the relationship because she forced me into it and I thought why not. After six months I had to end it and we are still really good friends, feels like a brother and sister connection, nothing sexual, she even has a boyfriend who really loves her and I'm grateful that they have found each other. I've done many therapies, had three months of coaching for 3000€ and it went pretty well. I can finally approach women when I really want to. I've finally come to the conclusion that I am not the issue, that's what I always thought before. I feel like society is only getting worse as I mentioned above. Women did not have any rights in the past, now I feel that they have too much power, it's unbalanced. We went into the other extreme. I think it should be 50/50, but it isn't. And I'm not sure if this is going to balance out while I am still alive. That's why I have suicide thoughts way too often. I've never tried killing myself and I hope that I never will but if that does not change in the next few years, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel in the future. All this work, all this self improvement and pain, I really have made much progress the last few years, especially the last year but it hurts that it does not get recognized by women. Only by myself and my friends, you may think that this should be enough but for me it isn't. I know that there are really beautiful women out there with top tier character, but I feel like they are way too rare or most of them already in a relationship. At least in the cities I've lived in, in Germany. I just want to be more attractive to women so I can have some fun, go on dates and finally have a girlfriend that fits me. I'm eating well, I do sports, built some muscle, look good and I try to approach women here and there. But somehow I'm not attractive enough for them, I either get no response via chat or they annoy me because of too many shit tests and I know they wouldn't do as many tests if they were sure that I'd be good enough for them. So... enough crying, let me ask a goal oriented question: How can I accept this mean and unfair world? Or how can I change the way I think about the world? I'm missing positive experience with women. Sorry for this negative talk, but this is my mind and I have to live with it every day. I just want to be more of my higher self and connect more with women. Thanks for reading. Best regards, Lukas

I feel you, but I want to basically give you back what you told me. Because you are extremely right! Who gives a fuck about when people think negatively about you and shame you. You are a great person man, you really helped me out on my post and sure have many many positive traits that you can focus on. Don't focus too much on that kind of negativity, society can be unnecessarily mean sometimes, don't take it personally. I see that you are great and the rest does really not matter at all. You will find many people that see you the same way I see you. Just keep doing you. Somebody like me will NEVER shame you like this. I know you don't deserve that. Society sometimes doesn't know that unfortunately, it is what it is. We gotta live with it, and we can do this for sure ??

I'll do it ??

Yeah I will try to stop caring about society and everything that's wrong with it in my opinion, stop caring about negative stuff in general and focus on the positive, have more fun. I think one of my biggest issues with personal development is that every day I can only see what's going wrong, and not what's going right. After finally achieving stuff I don't think "Wow, well done!", my thoughts instead are "How could I have done it better?" It's extremely exhausting. Maybe I should stop focusing on personal development for a while and only focus on having fun... Thank you all for your replies, I really really appreciate it! ♥️

@Lila9 I don't know why everyone is saying that I only care about beauty, that's not true at all. Maybe I expressed myself badly in some text. I've rejected the most beautiful women I have ever met because they were toxic to me. What I think is that I should like how the woman looks, I should find her at least a little sexually attractive. From my point of view starting with a 6 out of 10, and yes everybody has their individual rankings. Or are you all telling me that it is wrong to choose women that I find attractive and from there find out if she fits to me for a relationship or not? What I'm seeing from many of you guys is that I should completely not care about her looks, so how should I then have sex with her when I can't even get a boner. What's the logic here. She is going to find out sooner or later that I don't like her looks. She will be sad and I will always think that I could have something better. I know character is more important than looks, muuuuuch more important. I've had two relationships, slept with about 13 women, I know that. But I don't think looks do not matter at all. Or is this my issue?!

@Chives99 Yeah I gave women and society in general way too much control over me and what I think... crazy to see this, feels like a different personality now. Why the fuck did I give them so much power, I don't understand yet. Have to find out. I already went to two psychologists, last year I've been to a psychosomatic clinic voluntarily for six weeks straight. Next time I see my psychologist I will talk to him about this topic. Might be interesting. Thank you for telling me this, I think I finally understood that it doesn't matter at all what women think of me, what they think of relationships or what they think in general. Like... at all, not even a little bit. I just need to have fun, let others have their fun as well (no matter how stupid their activities look to me) and keep an eye open to find a compatible woman through that process.

@integral I just talked to a friend and realized that I'm giving society way too much power over me. I thought it was only women, but it's society in general. As you just said: I'm unhappy that the world isn't exactly as I want it to be. This seems to be the whole issue. And yes I know that I have to accept reality as it is. Because it is what it is. What I can create or change as a human has limitations. So, stupid question... is there any particular way that I cannot see to accept reality, women, society etc. exactly the way as they are or "Just do it?"

@NoSelfSelf I know, that's why I created this whole post.

@Chives99 I guess I started thinking that people are worth more when they are in relationships or good with women from the beginning of my teenage years, where all of my friends had fun with girls on partys etc. and I was the shy socially awkward kid that was not as social as them because I played too much video games and was on social media all day. So most of the time I was standing alone somewhere and didn't know how to behave. My parents never taught me how to be social. That's what I had to learn by myself through therapy and now coaching. Until the age of 18 it was impossible for me to even look people in the eyes, I didn't know how to do it, it felt weird, I didn't know it was important, it was not even possible for me to do with my family or best friends. they even made fun of me then because of that and because I was always "skin picking" on my face, it was brutal... they had a group chat only talking shit about me, when I found out I confronted them, talked about it and now we're all still best friends. Now I can talk to strangers without any problems, skin picking is gone and much more. So yeah, I still think that being in a relationship is worth more than not being in one, maybe even because my parents always pressured me, wanted me to finally have a girlfriend... but I think that's normal. So does it make sense to stop thinking that people in relationships are worth more? And why exactly should I stop thinking like this, how can I rationalize this? My mind still sees some kind of logic behind this. It's obvious for example that women are more attracted to men who are already in relationships... there are many reasons for this.

@NoSelfSelf No, this sentence was just childish.

@NoSelfSelf Childish, but thanks for trying to help. I still appreciate your effort.

@Chives99 Good question, I can't remember who told me that I was worthless. I'm going to think about this. If I can find that out I'll try to see the reason behind why they said this and forgive them if I can...

@NoSelfSelf Nope, if most men wouldn't just think with their dicks, attractive women wouldn't get as much attention. Therefore women would question their self worth. When she has 100k Instagram followers sure she thinks that she deserves the world, even if the only thing she did was show how she looks. You say that I can't expect her to have sex with me because I've done much personal development work, but why can she expect that everyone wants to fuck her just because she looks good? In my opinion this is extremely unfair and that's what I hate about society. And no, she didn't get to know me. So she couldn't know what type of guy I am. She even came back to me after a few months but I rejected her because it annoyed me that she didn't give me time. This is the nr.1 on my No-Go list for women that I want to be in a relationship with. You're just assuming bullshit now.

@Chives99 But how to love when you have so much hate? And I know exactly what type of woman I want, I've had much experience with this. Plus this was all part of the Coaching process. Coaching was about personal development, self awareness and dating.

@integral Wow, thank you. Makes sense to search for places where women can be found that are interested in personal development. I was trying to go to places where women dress the same as me, listen to the same music etc. Coaching is finished now, so I finally have time to attend my yoga class again with less anxiety to approach women. Online Dating I'm going to start in some time again, problem is that I'm addicted to social media, I deleted Instagram etc. to reconnect with myself. Online Dating apps are not too good for me right now unfortunately. Over emphasis for beauty is a hard topic for me, I'm still trying to overcome this...

@Raze I will check it out these days, thank you.

@NoSelfSelf No, that's what I'm actually not doing. I've learned this through coaching. I know my worth and after approaching many girls, I've realized that every woman reacts completely different. It makes no sense to think that something is wrong with me, they don't know me. I don't take anything personally anymore. This is what I've done in the past. Now I'm just annoyed when women are triggered by stupid stuff and react weird or act arrogant because they think they deserve the world but have done nothing for it. And what's sad is that they even get it, because many men just think with their dick. OnlyFans is the best example for this. You are right with the validation though, when I have no women around I feel worthless. This is what I take personal in general. Rejection is a little different topic. Yes I think that I am still a little scared to get rejected but I don't take it personal because some of the rejections I've had were extremely stupid. One girl told me that she searched for a guy that had x traits and I had all of them, she just didn't give me time to show her. This is what pisses me off.

@NoSelfSelf Your answer basically fueled the hate that I mentioned above. Useless.

Hey, I'm psychologically addicted to women, and I've been that since my early teenage years (I'm 22 now). Pretty often I think about suicide but I am never going to do it because there are a few people that do really love me, and I love them. Nights are most awful for me, I feel extremely lonely and through the days it doesn't look much better than that. I only feel alive and FULL of energy when I am around attractive women. Basically, my whole life and mood depends on my relation to women at the particular time. If I had great relations to women throughout the whole time, my life would've been great, but unfortunately that was not really the case. It frustrates me, makes me really angry that everything depends on women, and that it has never been different... only before the teenage years.

That's it! The thing still is that I'm not sure if I "need" a girl, I've heard very often that you can find real love only from yourself, you have to look inwards blah blah. As if you just had to meditate and those needs would be gone. Well, for some people this may have worked, I guess here we are back again with the ego transcendence or let's say spiritual stuff etc. Because I have this in my mind, I'm thinking that I am wasting my time with searching for love in women. I "should" get it from myself only. But I'm not ready for ego transcendence as well and all these thoughts are fucking with my mind. I can't trust myself here, as I said, lost and confused hits the nail, I don't know what's right for me and unfortunately I have never known, so I can't even say what has ever been right at least once. Before I transcend the ego, I want to be in peace with it. My whole life I've been in war with the ego and I still am.

Lost and confused hits the nail. The rest, yeah funny but it killed my confidence just more. Still thankful though that you're trying to help me. Will never take it for granted.

@Zak Yep that's what I was doing the last few years. Self improvement and nothing else. Some things got much better, some not. This "women" issue is just one of not too many issues that are still left, but it's like the only issue that I feel I can not control, where I feel like a god damn two year old baby and I can't help it.

@mandyjw creative/work life sucks big time, well work life, from other points of view is great, I can finish all the tasks I am given, but yeah I am bored, and I can't do more work because it's too much. So basically I'm bored and stressed and the same time. I like what I'm doing but somehow I don't. Not really sure what to think of my work life. In my private life I have nothing to do with creativity. The only passion that I have is sports and that only because the progress is visible, I can go over my limits pretty easily and I like doing so. And I've been doing it for a long time already, so I'm pretty good at it. For example at football I quite often am the best in our teams, it gives me some kind of attention/love that I crave. I love having the whole team on my back to bring them to victory. But yeah, I have massive back problems so Gym/Football is not what it used to be. I'm trying to recover but it's extremely difficult. Please don't tell me to do the life purpose course, I tried it, wasn't able to finish it and for now I'm trying to find other ways to get me to some kind of passion or I don't know. My ONLY goal is to not get bombarded with thoughts over women every second every day. I don't want to conversate about meditating as well, I used to meditate a lot and now I'm trying again, every two days for like 10 minutes is the best I can do currently and that's alright for me.

@Zak I know that ONE healthy relationship would fix everything for now, but I still feel like it would be a distraction from something else. And I can't find out what that shit is. And somehow I can't seem to attract girlfriend material, my environment involves basically no women at my age that are attractive. Only for let's say a friendship with benefits. It feels like no girl in my area fits to my personality. And even when I find one, she doesn't want me. I'm not sure if I behave differently than I would normally do in those situations. Everywhere I go, I feel like the completely different guy. The one that is outstanding, but somehow in a bad way.

@kagaria It doesn't feel like everything is relatively okay, it just feels fucking awful. Ego transcendence is nothing that I am trying to achieve right now, maybe in a few years but not now. I'm still trying to work out how I can be more confident with women, but then again I'm judging myself that I am too dependent on them. It's just a huge dilemma. I don't know what would be better to do in my position, and even if I knew that I had to approach more women, I wouldn't be able to because of my shitty anxiety. I don't know where this anxiety is coming from and how to overcome it, what is blocking me so hard from doing what has to be done. It really feels like it's one big thing that is blocking my whole life and it's just one wall that has to be broken.