flowboy

I feel the same. It's fun but it would just take time and energy away from what is important. Better have one quality relationship and do that one right. Perhaps it fits into a phase of life where you don't want to work on anything seriously. Taking an extended break from hard work. Or if you're a writer and want to get experiences to write about.

Beginner perspective: Yes you should have kissed her. You were not feeling it in that moment, so you should have kissed her anyway and watched it become awkward, either immediately or down the line, so that you learn the lesson to only do things when it feels right. Advanced perspective: No you should not have kissed her. Only do these things in moments when it feels right. That does not mean that you take a passive stance. You can take action to clear out the obstacles that are in the way of you feeling right about it. One of the obstacles could be the fear of creating conflict with your housemate. @WaveInTheOcean's advice applies here. Find out what you need to know, to be able to feel into it with clarity.

Perhaps my silly business ideas are actually the most aligned. I am saving the silly ideas for later, because they would be the most fun, but I don't expect them to make money. But I DON'T KNOW... The sillyness does feel very authentic and close to my true self. Perhaps other people would appreciate it and a silly idea would actually blow up. I haven't been courageous enough to bet on a silly idea and be associated with it.

@Cepzeu I don't bet, but if I did: my money is on that when you tell her what you want, she'll be so happy that you finally did. I think she secretly wants to be in a committed relationship, but doesn't want to be the one to initiate it because she has some judgments or fears around it. Perhaps she fears that you'll leave her if she tries to get commitment from you. Perhaps her parents had a bad relationship in some way that makes her wary of traditional relationships. Perhaps something else entirely. But my guess is she'll be happy. Let me know if this is true.

@flume

@SamC Good work! Do you feel that you are further along than where you started? I especially recommend: - Daily affirmation: "I love the man that I have been, I love the man that I am, and I love the man that I am becoming" - Primal therapy, especially in a 7 day retreat form (pujalepp.com helped me, livingtruthnow.com helped one of my friends) - LSD trips are great if done responsibly - Visioning your future self that you want to grow into, and taking courageous steps towards it that you can be proud of The things you have already been doing sound great, so keep doing what works. You'll have to hammer at it from different angles. You don't have to hold off on relationships until you are 'fixed', just be careful not to fall too deep into codependence and keep doing the work.

No it's not. You're just watching, reading and listening to the wrong media, cut those out. Never take in information that makes you feel negative, unless it's about something you have direct control over.

@SamC What have you actually tried? No amount of talking or thinking will enable you to break through a lack of self-love. It requires action. Examples of this: Primal therapy or different kinds of therapy that integrate the inner child and childhood experiences Psychedelics, LSD is a good one Shamanic breathing Doing things that you are scared of but deep down feel you should be doing Meditations like love-and-kindness meditation Reiki Implementing habits to better take care of yourself Practicing positive self-talk and affirmations So let us know what you've tried, and we can come up with suggestions.

@Actualizer777 I've had an open relationship for this exact reason and learnt a lot from it in a year. It's possible but not trivial. Feel free to ask me anything, in PM or on here. Some considerations: Have you pictured your girlfriend having sex with other guys? How does that make you feel? If she does, she's going to want to talk to you about it. How much do you want to know? What if the other guy has bigger muscles, a bigger penis, or more money than you? Would you still be fine with it? What will be the rules of this engagement? You definitely need some rules, because without them she won't feel supported and bonded like you are still together, when she is with another, and the relationship will start to fall apart. Don't have too many or too strict rules either, because those will invite unnecessary conflict. Sleeping over, okay or no? Have dates come over to her/your place, yes or no? Exes okay, yes or no? Texting with your dates while spending time with each other, yes or no? Sex only, or emotional intimacy allowed? Most women need to build up some level of connection before they can enjoy sex. Once and done, or can you stay in contact with your dates and meet multiple times? Is it okay to keep talking to them indefinitely? Can you veto the date of your partner? Do you have to meet your partner's date before they can sleep together? Do you have to tell your dates about your relationship before anything happens? Do you have to ask your partner permission before anything happens? What if you don't like her date, or vice versa? How will you make sure you still spend enough time with each other? Are you allowed to cancel plans with each other in favor of a date? Do you have to tell your partner about what happened with someone else, and if so, in how much detail? Or will it be 'don't ask, don't tell'? Date people you both know, yes or no? Meet the person that your partner is dating, yes or no? Use a condom always? Even with oral sex? What about cunnilingus? To minimize fallout, make sure to have the rules of engagement defined unambiguously and thoroughly. What is and is not okay. Write it down (trust me). Make sure it's not so complicated that it becomes hard to stick to and easy to trip up. Just the minimum to make both of you feel safe, and think through any possible situation that might come up beforehand. Make sure you are both completely comfortable. Leave room to alter the rules together if it feels right. Prepare to learn some uncomfortable lessons about female sexuality. Agree to go back to closed relationship if either of you wants to. Value trust and being trustworthy above all, don't ever 'wing it' when it comes to what you agreed, and never selfishly cross a boundary in the heat of the moment. Agree to cut off contact with people who don't respect your relationship, and who try to have either one of you for themselves, or mess with your rules in some way.

I understand. However, I strongly advise that you really try to learn to enjoy it. It will be the key to sustaining the state you are trying to achieve with nofap. And to undoing the porn programming. Not having sex is simply unsustainable. Tantric sex is sustainable and awesome once you get the hang of it. If you do go that route, feel free to ask me anything if you encounter difficulties

Trust that feeling. Whether you do or not, you will drift apart anyway. Then he's not ready to, and you can't save him in any way. Nothing you can do to change people who are not ready to and directly asking for your help. A life lesson we all learn at some point. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. It's even a bit misguided, although well-intentioned. Who are you to decide for someone else what's best for them? He is currently choosing to stay in this dysfunctional way of being, and that is perfectly appropriate for him at this point in his journey. You are uncomfortable with it, so you must move on.

Sounds like you're in a great mindset to meet new people and make new friends. When I went through something like that, I just started doing new activities I felt drawn to, and new friends presented themselves. Since you are a bit more awake now, you'll have a desire for meeting friends who you can share your new interests and thoughts with. You'll find those while joining group activities that you feel align with you since your changes. Do a lot of them and the right ones will present themselves. You don't need to push hard to get to know people. It will be more like magnets in sand: move them reasonably close and they will click. When I went through a similar kind of change, I started exploring new things. For me that was: Improv comedy workshop, found a friend there Tantra workshops, found a whole network of friends there Toastmasters, found a friend there Primal therapy, found a friend there Joined a men's group of a guy from Toastmasters, found friends there So just explore group activities that you feel called to, and it will happen. You don't need to work hard for it if it's right.

I think practicing non-ejaculation / semen retention is a great idea. I do it. However I think it's a mistake to think that you can't have sex. You just need to learn to have sex without working towards ejaculation. It's called tantric sex. I recommend you get into it, perhaps read a book or do a course. Your girl will thank you because it will force you to have sex a lot slower and it can last for hours. So it's great for her. And it may seem unsatisfying for you as a guy, but actually that is not true. Having very slow sex for hours is very satisfying and feels great. Just make sure she's in on it, and agrees to help you not cum, by slowing down whenever you need. Have a great time!

@MatteO22 It's a cliche but I have found it to be true that when you give up the search, it finds you. It being that person who you feel 100% yes about. All relationships and encounters that are not exactly right, are there to prepare you and teach you lessons for when you meet the right one. So they have a place and are useful in this way, to you as well as to the girl. However when saying yes to some date doesn't feel right anymore, you don't need it. It's okay to resolve to be celibate until the right person comes along. The work you do on yourself is what ultimately enables them to come into your life and stay, so that is energy well spent.

So much emotional maturity and wisdom packed in one post. I don't even know where to start? I like this guy.

@NoSelfSelf Your intentions were to help your former self, not to help this guy. This guy actually knows what to do and you just created confusion because you were triggered. Not a fake nice person. If you can't be a real nice person, don't be a mod.

@NoSelfSelf Clearly you are projecting your own unresolved issues onto this innocent person with a very reasonable question. Coming from a perceived position of authority, this is confusing and can be potentially damaging. It's resulting in some very judgmental and unhelpful posts that are completely missing the mark, and making this forum an unfriendly place. If this is how you want to behave, I fully understand, but it's not appropriate behavior for a mod, so I kindly ask you to give up your moderator role. Thank you.

Binaural Beats I'm underestimating them! I desperately needed something 'extra' today, but knew that coffee would result in lack of sleep the next day. This binaural beats playlist on my headphones nearly instantly put me into a state of deep focus and serenity. It's weird that I didn't notice before how well they work. I should use them every day.

It's a sunny day. I'm walking to the office holding a basket with food and drinks that my girlfriend prepared for me. I'm sipping coffee that she prepared for me. I have the best girlfriend ever. I'm very aware that I have what everybody wants. Or should want. Or doesn't even know they want. I'm thinking corny thoughts like 'a smile is the cheapest gift that you can give to brighten up someone's day' and smiling at everyone. Everyone is smiling back at me.

I would suggest that you make them more important then. Do some visioning and really work out the details of where you are going 1, 5 and 10 years from now. If you are not excited, work on it every day and change it until it excites you. This will make you non-needy like nothing else.

"What's the most important thing in life?" MEAT!! "What happens after you die?" We put them in a cave and then we move. So down to earth.

Nah, that's nonsense. Unless you regularly run marathons, you really do not need to worry about taking enough carbs. Actually, eating more healthy fats and less carbs is for many people (including me) a good way to increase focus and mental energy. And to stay lean, because many sources of carbohydrates are also fattening. Just don't go extreme with it (no keto) If you are feeling tired and weak after eating something, you shouldn't eat that again. You're supposed to feel energized after eating. I also feel tired and weak after oatmeal, it's because of the gluten-like substances in it that my body doesn't tolerate well. So I don't eat it.

Thanks a lot for your feedback and suggestions guys!

https://translate.google.com/translate?sl=nl&tl=en&u=https://www.greenpan.nl/reeksen/copenhagen/copenhagen-keramische-anti-aanbak-koekenpan/CC003108-001.html Friends and family are recommending this to me. Since I decided to stop eating teflon as a daily supplement, I'm in the market for a frying pan. This is a "ceramic anti-stick pan made with hardened aluminum and stainless steel" I don't know what that means. The creators were dissatisfied with anti-stick layers that release toxins, so they wanted to create a healthy alternative. "Thermolon is a ceramic anti-stick layer without harmful PFAS and the base substance is derived from sand. It can be heated to 450 degrees Celsius without destabilising" https://ucs4rrwt7okujg5jg4dd6f6j54-ac4c6men2g7xr2a-infonu.translate.goog/diversen/41752-thermolon-de-veilige-antiaanbaklaag-in-de-koekenpan.html Opinions? Will this release toxins or not?

I would definitely read the book first. You definitely need to know what you are doing. See also: I have no personal experience with it. I do suppose I will try it at some point. But I will be careful as fuck.