flowboy

Anything and everything that will lead to you realizing that you don't need to become more attractive. Give that some thought Because you already are attractive, underneath your layers of unhelpful conditioning, and filters that have to be dropped. Why are we drawn to people who express themselves freely and shamelessly, and everything they do seems cool? Attractiveness is absence of unhelpful conditioning.

NO. Or yes! This is not going to work anyway, so it doesn't matter how you do it. It's just a learning experience. But you don't seem to get that women don't care about your track record. It doesn't exist to them. They don't like it when you try to make them think and reason about it. They see transformation, now. Did something turn weird and awkward just now? Then fuck all the previous good experiences, those don't exist anymore, all that is there is the fuckup. Show her some positive, attractive things? Then the negative stuff from the past doesn't exist anymore (basically), because she's seeing the positive transformation. That's why your best bet is to not. fucking. address it. Again, it still won't work because you already lowered her perception of you to unrecoverable levels. Unless she's really needy herself. But at least do it well, if you're going to do it.

Do whatever you have to do, in order to learn that this is completely pointless. I've done shit like that. It was humiliating myself, making myself seem desperate and leads nowhere. But I needed to do it, to learn that. So have at it. That's so weak-sauce it's disgusting. You're asking to be blocked. If you're going to do it, at least have some balls and express your true feelings in a voice message. Feelings, not neurotic thoughts. Don't address past weirdness, rather talk about positive things in your life, and say that you were reminded of her and remember the attraction you felt. So let's have a coffee, no expectations, and see where we're at. That has the best chance of working. Which it won't. Because coming back to an interaction that turned awkward and weird, months after, still communicates that you have trouble meeting new people. But give it a shot, hey, why even write about it? It's no skin off your back. You could send a message just as a learning experience, be done in 1 minute, and then you can focus on meeting new people who you are not 10 points behind with, and thus have a way better chance with. Let me know how it goes! ?

Practice, practice, practice! That's how I did it. Being in a self-accepting state helps. But I just did it without self-acceptance, for years. Just having the courage to break through resistance and say what's really on my mind. Having it be accepted by people. Getting all sorts of feedback. Making your membrane permeable instead of keeping it closed. Right now you are choosing to be alone with your thoughts, and it's turning them into a sour soup. They need air.

I remember thinking: Okay NOW I'm really done. Done with spending time with people I don't resonate with. Done with settling for being the odd one. I'll find my tribe anywhere I go. I trust that now because I feel valuable and complete. Won't stop until I do.

You're welcome. Good stuff!

Make bed Work out (yoga or running or rings) Brush, shave, cold shower Meditate Empty email Look at vision Haven't been doing it consistently lately. But when I do, I get so much more out of my day. So I'll get back into it.

I see we have similar taste This is your mistake. I didn't need to read the rest. You absolutely have to change the way you view "rejection" because it's not fair to you. It's just incompatibility. The reason that it's the woman rejecting the man, is not because there's something wrong with the man, but because the burden to approach and take initiative is on the man. So she has to say no, he has to hear no. It's hard for both. But mutual incompatibility is the reason, and if she's more in tune with that than he is, which is common because sexual urges distract you from being sensitive to that, then the burden is on her to point it out. @electroBeam 10 rejections is nothing. But rough to take in a short timeframe indeed. If you become more sensitive to feeling into compatibility, you can just have a conversation with people and tune into that. Then you'll never have to make her say no, because you already know. And when you know "yes", you know it will be yes.

@Gabith So that's great as an intention, or a long-term vision of how you'd like to be. It's not a requirement to enjoy life right now. You can be totally imperfect and even a little needy, and she'll still date you and have sex with you sometimes. You're too concerned with trying to be something. Trying to be different. Why? Growth is great. But right now, you're good enough to date girls. So stop navel-gazing and text her a time and place. Good luck!

@museumoftrees I used viagra one or two times when I was 16. To be honest, the pattern persisted after that with many other girls. So I can't claim that it was a complete solution. But yes, it's counterintuitive, but the shame is what keeps a pattern in place. These thoughts can only exist because you refuse to share them. Expression is key. Really think about that! How can you make the experience just as satisfying, without an erection? What things can you do, or have her do? (Remember: girls care most about the intimacy of it. Cuddling and kissing naked together for an extended period of time, is great for her too. Unless you get all weird about it, because you care about penetration ) If you have a plan B that is just as good, then you've solved the problem. From there you can relax and get hard.

Bro don't worry about it. This is a classic case of applying a teaching at the wrong time. You are supposed to be romantic dreaming until you learn not to. Why are you whining that you aren't wise and perfect like Leo yet? How does wisdom come? Failure. If you want to be wise, then you have to put in all the experiences that make a person wise. Don't expect to read some oneliner and be instantly changed. Go have some needy fun with that girl bro, she might be into it. You don't know. You're overthinking it. Oh and one more thing. Tell her what you want. You said you are thankful to have met her. That's weird, she expects you to propose a date, obviously. What you said actually reads like blowing her off. It reads like a "No thank you." So fix it fast! Time and place. Chop chop.

I had the exact same thing. It would be triggered the moment I put the condom on. The shame is what keeps this pattern in place. You have to become okay with never getting an erection today. Literally. How will you still have a good time? Think about that. And make sure you can do it. Decide to have fun anyway. Do other stuff. Stop caring about getting hard. You'll get hard bro. Either that or pop half a viagra until the pattern is weakened, that's what I did at 16. (I think it's a valid psychological tool, but watch some people get triggered when I mention that )

I change my mind all the time. I changed my mind at least four times about writing this down or not. I feel super clear in a strange way. No thoughts about future/past. I should be sleeping because tomorrow working I guess, but it doesn't matter to me. There is no tomorrow morning. There is just now. And what I feel. The many things. - deep gratitude - leftover sadness and grief - connection - appreciation for people - appreciation for life - appreciation for who I am - loneliness - disappointment I'm seeing colors around things. My vision is sharper than normal. My movements are more elegant. I could do things so elegantly right now. I wouldn't make a mess. The movements are fine-tuned and measured. I don't have a need to fill space with sound. I'm focused on eating my banana and typing. My body feels soooo good. Toasty. Symmetrical. Completely at ease. Belly breathing feels heavenly. I'm so at peace, I have no thoughts, except what I'm typing right here. Also, heavy topics aren't heavy. Death is beautiful. Sadness is pleasurable. My partner can't understand me and is tired of listening to me. It feels selfish and cold. Nothing what she says is quite right. It's always not that, but something else. I'm not mad at her, but there is always something wrong with what she says. Some way it disappoints. I thought there was no end to being held, but there's a time limit apparently. My experience is so rich that it takes a long time to express. My partner needs space. It makes me furious. I can only think of dramatic reactions. Reasoning is very hard right now. I can, but I don't want to. It's like ugh. Yeah, sure I "get it" logically. Sigh. But let's explore all these feelings more! So interesting. How is it not interesting to my partner? That pisses me off. YOU HAVE TO LOVE ALL OF ME. You need space? You don't have space for what I'm going through right now? It feels like work to listen to me? FUCK YOU. The kind of sex I would like, would have someone else in the leading role. Someone should overwhelm me with something. Make me have an experience. I just want to connect to people more. Give more people long hugs. Empathize with them. Cry with them. Support them. Seriously, I feel like the last hour of an mdma high, physically. I've smoked more than half a pack of cigarettes today, but breathing has never felt so good. Wrap your beans around that.

I feel like such a complete human. I'm thoroughly content with who I am. I almost feel a bit selfish for experiencing so much meaning from processing tragedy in a group.

@fopylo Meditation should help you be aware of what's happening inside you. Then all you need is the courage to express that. And love it. That's what socializing naturally is. Expressing what naturally arises inside of you (scary or not) and loving it, and trusting that whatever outcome will be fine. That's what the others are doing. Simple, but not easy.

My Friend Lisa's Funeral The sadness has had its way with me. Now, all that's left is love and gratitude. There was a slideshow being continuously projected on one of the walls. It was pictures of her, as I had known her, and of her as a child. And videos of her, dancing, being happy and cheeky. It got me every time. I couldn't look at it without crying. The dress code was: orange, or otherwise colourful. No black, no suits! People were dressed in hippie clothes. An entire community of spiritually minded people, all whose lives she had touched in a significant way. All together to celebrate who she was. At first, I felt myself most drawn to other people who couldn't hold their tears. I don't know how some people kept it dry. It's just so fucking sad. And it has to be sad. I feel like it's supposed to be this way, that it feels like you will never stop feeling sad. That's what is right. The speeches were heartbreaking and funny. And a little cringe here and there. Stories that I could recognize, really. That's so her, that's who she was. Some guys had had remarkably similar experiences with her. This was a very complicated amazing person. There was one guy, with a really likeable face, who made an awesome speech slash poem. Then he, like others, would address her directly - turning towards her body that was posed on stage - and break out crying. And that would get me too. Every one misses her so much. Towards the end, I got to talk to mr. Niceface. He apparently had had an intimate connection with her until the end. Which is a hard burden to carry, because then there have to be things that he could have paid more attention to, he could have called her more, told her he loves her more. Paid attention to her cries for help. I touched his arm and told him I understood. There were also things I could have done differently. But I am only human. And those things were not the right things. Again coming back to: not knowing the future is what enables one to be authentic. If I had known she'd kill herself, I would have done anything to prevent that. If I had known for sure. I never expected her to actually go through with it. She had come home after stepping in a deep puddle of mud. Put her feet up on the couch. He asked her to wash the mud off her feet. She went to bed, still with muddy feet. She had tied a knot in the arms and legs of a stuffed animal, which had been a disturbing sight to see. And he had been busy with some long lost friend visiting him at that time, and just put up the hard boundary: "Don't put your muddy feet on my stuff". Instead of listening to her message: "I feel like shit, I am twisted up like this stuffed animals' legs are twisted up. You care about your stuff getting dirty? Fuck your stuff." I feel for him. I also ignored her being dramatic at certain times. Because all the drama had gotten too much for me, and I had to draw a boundary. She was such an inspiration to us all though. I want to listen to her Spotify playlists and remember what she taught me. Loosen the hips. Go where you feel that you must be. Listen for what feels pure. I want to keep her pictures and her voice messages in a dropbox folder, so that I can always come back to it. I really do feel like she is with me in some way. Like some part of her has been integrated into me. This was such a healing experience. I'm glad I had the courage to read her a poem I wrote and make a speech. I'm glad I got to connect with all these people who loved her too. It feels like I've been to a party. A sad party. My feeling right now is not unlike the comedown of an MDMA trip. So much connection and healing happened. Warm, toasty body. Good night.

@Preety_India Let's discuss those things over PM if you like.

Because you forgot about the fat! More coconut oil, more olive oil, more avocado oil. Animal fat if you're into that. You'll be very satisfied

And bonus: your life will be more fun! Healing and fun are better than healing alone.

@Michael569 Thank you! Psychedelic truffle: 0.5 grams (not comparable to dried shrooms, they are fresh) Cordyceps and reishi: 2 grams Rhodiola: 1 gram

I feel pretty focused and mentally clear on a combination of reishi and cordyceps now. Currently I am testing them individually, and then taking a mental performance test around noon. 20 days each will be quite some time until I get results though. Goal is to see which supplements perform best: Reishi Cordyceps Rhodiola Psilocybin

People tend to say: "No one could have made a difference. You can't think that way." It seems much healthier to me to think: Perhaps there is something I could have done differently, that if I had, she'd still be alive. Perhaps. But I didn't, because I did not know what was going to happen. So I just acted in line with what was authentic for me, and was as loving and generous as I can be without crossing my own boundaries. Not knowing the future allows one to be authentic.

People can sense that when they interact with you. So it's best to work on that too, and your flake numbers will go down. You don't have to have a Life Purpose (TM) fully figured out, but some activity that you are passionate about and brings you enthusiasm will already make a difference. Some hobby, workshop or sport that you always wanted to try, but didn't have time for or were scared of. Anything. Now you have something to talk about that is authentic to you. Girls want passion. They want something that is interesting about you, that they can sense is authentic. Otherwise you're just "some guy".

A ladybug just landed on my window, crawled around for a bit, and left. I got to see the underside of the ladybug. Ladybugs represent Love to me. As if to say: This is the underside of love. Can you appreciate it? The love and deep appreciation I feel when someone dies. Yes, I can appreciate it. Perhaps equally rich, but complementary. Not light, but heavy. Not hopeful, but dark. Not with, but without.

What is your life about? Can they sense a strong purpose from you? What else are you doing with your time that is meaningful to you and that you are passionate about? Are you showing that?