flowboy

This is the interesting part for me. What are the beliefs and thoughts connected to that sense of being insulted?

@Rishabh R Turn your attention from outwards to inwards. Instead of being focused on: "Does she want me to approach?" Focus on your inner experience. Do I feel a pull towards her?

I think being fully seen is what we most deeply desire, as humans. Every tiny step towards it can be hugely uncomfortable, but you won't regret it. Have a conversation with your friend. Hear what he/she liked about it. Underneath the shameful feelings, I guarantee that you'll find joy.

@Jacob Morres It's necessary to develop awareness as to what exactly causes this reaction in that moment. - What are you afraid of? - What are the thoughts surrounding it? - Is there a past situation this reminds you of? Perhaps this response was created there? - What are the sensations in the body during this? - What other emotions do you feel besides fear? When it happens, it's best to be open about it, and talk about what you are feeling. This will help you to understand it better, and also it helps you because it creates acceptance. If you are open about something, most people will be accepting of it. That means that now you can move on from it without having to hide it. And they will be able to trust you again. And you can stop sweating so much. Try it, it will be therapeutic

The willingness to make people uncomfortable is directly aligned with that essence of manliness that a woman is looking for. (I didn't say desire, I said willingness!) I want you to know that there is no workaround, if you want to have satisfying relationships with women. You can't ponder or think your way around this. There's no way to completely avoid making someone very uncomfortable at times, being very misunderstood at times, being very disliked at times, and still be respected by women and attractive to them. You have to grow into a man who is willing to be misunderstood and disliked and is okay with awkwardness, when it is aligned with his goal. Because his goal is aligned with the greater good. And so he trusts himself. That's the first step. Accepting that this dreaded situation IS going to happen. Unless you lock yourself up somewhere and don't pursue anything. Then, how to dread it less? That probably has something to do with releasing trauma. I had to do a lot of trauma release (which means I had to do a lot of crying) to get rid of something like this. (In my case it was more like a compulsive desire to please and to be liked and accepted by her) Shadow work is a good way to do that. There's many forms and modalities of it, you have to find some way that works for you. I also have a video that can help: @flume also has a video that can help: And you can find many more resources that others can recommend. The video above mentions Primal therapy, which is a great way.

@Valach *Potential* red flag there. Are you in touch with your boundaries and self esteem enough? Unhealthy (but common) dynamics in a typical relationship is the woman getting upset for reasons that the man then goes and blames himself for. Giveaway of that is structural lingering guilt and pleasing behavior. But that's just a guess, I wanted to point to it just in case that is going on, and in case no one else spots it. As far as your main dilemma goes: here's my general take on situations like this: Clear out conditioning and stuff from the past that is coloring your judgment and preventing you from seeing clearly. In the case of jealousy and judging her for having slept with 20 guys (for an attractive girl in her twenties that's really very modest), shadow work is the thing to try. I remember having a conversation about that earlier, perhaps you've already done some work on that? In any case, that will help bring clarity. I've also got a video that might help. Take some time for yourself, go on a hike alone, get some peace and nature. A retreat by yourself. There, you will communicate with no one until you are clear on: is this (fucking more women) karma you need to live through, or can you let it go? Also, What option (relationship or single) supports your purpose and 1,5,10 year vision best? If you could have anything you want, really, ANYTHING, in the relationships & dating area, what would it be? Part of becoming a man is making a decision and living with the consequences. Trust yourself, even if it gets messy. Let me know if you need more support or clarification on that. I've been through such a dilemma myself, and I do empathize.

If you feel the pull to move to Amsterdam, hell, do it. Moving countries is a great way to clear out old stuff and kickstart a new phase. However, Amsterdam is expensive. Prepare to pay 800 euros a month for living together with 2 other people or upwards of 1200 a month to have your own tiny studio apartment. And riding the tram for an hour back and forth each day to get to anywhere. Your expenses in Amsterdam will probably be upwards of 1600-2000 euros a month, even if you're not doing that much fun stuff. So perhaps it's good to try and get a good gig there before you move. Then again, if you're good at improvising and making stuff happen, don't let me limit you.

A short-term way to make money would be doing artistic design & editing jobs on upwork. What exactly is your vision and life purpose? I sense lack of clarity of the future, which can produce lack of clarity in the present (what skill to learn etc). You have a youtube channel, but where is it going? Who exactly are you creating a powerful impact for? How will they pay you, and for what services or products? How will that create your financial independence?

Here's my thoughts, in case they help you or anyone else with a similar dilemma (and I've been there too): The different problems you describe (such as fear of "losing" time, needing to dig deeply into one domain versus being more fulfilled being a doubler, having to choose) only exist by the grace of conditioned beliefs being put on you by other people in your life at different times. Deconditioning yourself is a longer term process, but that would solve all these problems because it would dissolve the framework that created the problems. The dilemma you describe has a quality of preoccupation and worry to it, and seems to weigh your decisions today too heavily. "What you decide today determines the rest of your life" is a common burden that parents, schools and society put upon young people. And it is completely false. You'll never hear it out of happy, truly actualized and free people. It is burdened people spreading the burden of their conditioning to others, such as you, while consciously believing that they are helping. Concretely, the bird's eye view looks like this: Develop a vision, first broad-strokes and fragmented, then progressively more detailed and coherent Move towards the part of that where you feel the most energy Over time, all your talents will find their place in what you are creating, if they are still aligned.

@Theprofessional You could shortcut that 8-10 years (15% of your total life - how much of your remaining life?) and put out a gofundme today, get that 5k, then do the best you can with it. If you have real passion, you'll probably do some good with it, probably also make some real mistakes and fix them. This will teach you enough to do the next project even better. If you think you need experience, this is the way to get it. The real world. This is not brain surgery. There's no real reason to not start learning from real experiences today. Get a cinematography student on your team to help you, so you learn even faster. I just saved you 9.5 years of your life. You'll want to say: "It's not that easy" - mind you, I never said anything about easy. This is hard, because it takes guts and self-belief. Things 10 years of school won't give you. And it's not an either-or situation. You can do all of this, starting TODAY, whilst still attending school and becoming educated. There's plenty of room for your own projects when studying this art - friends of mine are in filmmaker school and they are already getting paid to make real things for real people. Do I have compassion and understanding for your state of mind and reasoning? Yes. I waited 10 years to start my business, I thought I was objectively not ready. Which was true, I was a mess. But with a little more self-belief, I could have stood up and fallen down and stood up again, and gotten ready that way far sooner. Turns out the only thing that gets you ready for real, is doing it.

@K Ghoul Very few quality answers here, but this is one. You are on a self-development forum, so maybe you see it coming... Your reaction to her behavior is what is called a trigger, caused by your shadow. You have two choices: Try to get rid of the external trigger (asking her to shut up), which, even if it works, resolves only this situation. Life will bring you more situations like this, where you get the exact same annoyance, again and again. You can keep fighting the situations, but it will drain your energy. Do shadow work, look inside and this way you can stop being annoyed and reduce the stress you experience from this. If you do this, perhaps even one good session is enough, life will bring you more slutty dressing girls but you won't even notice it. You'll stay calm and peaceful and will be able to ignore it and focus on what you care about, in every situation like that which comes after.

Of course when I say "You can have everything you really want", there's a catch because I'm referring to alignment with what's authentic. Some apparent wants will fall away as non-authentic, at the same time as what is really true and wanted is progressively seen as effortless and already here. That said, anything is possible. Provided that it is really desired, rather than needed to compensate for perceived lack. Inquire into who gave you this conditioning. Different people along the way, but you can realise this way that limiting beliefs are usually a gift from other people who were feeling very limited. You can stop seeing it as "yours". Your perfectionism is also not yours, someone taught you that. It's developed as a defense mechanism against pain, for example a strict or conditionally loving parent, or early experiences with social rejection. When you're ready to go through that realisation, that's a good step towards dissolving it altogether and putting the judging part of your psyche to better use. Of course there's processes for that that can take weeks or months, I'm just giving you a bird's eye view. Excellent, I recognize this in myself too. I had beliefs that the struggle was necessary, that without the struggle the result didn't count, I was proud of struggling, I idealised it and was attached to the struggle. So I kept struggling for a long time ...?

Depends on what's in the way. What aspect of your inner experience is not in accordance with that currently? It is the natural state, so it's all about removing conditioning and you get there.

Decluttering Insights Getting rid of things has (had?) an emotional blockage for me. Around ungratefulness. Insight Things are but a symbol for love. When the love has been received and felt, the thing has served its purpose. I tend to fear being "ungrateful" when I consider getting rid of stuff that my parents directly or indirectly provided for. I went into a memory (the ice cream on the ground) that popped up because it triggered ungratefulness. Changed the scene. Actually got an insight and an emotional breakthrough: I already received the love. Thank you. I didn't need the ice cream. Or the book. These are just symbols, permission slips to feel it. I hug my mother in that scene and throw the ice cream on the ground, this time not out of ungratefulness, but just to show that I know the real value is in the love we feel, not in the symbols. I still cry as I write this down. I will say "Thank you" to what I get rid of, to help me emotionally feel good about it I will clearly separate What brings me joy today from What used to bring me joy

@Karmadhi I'm habitually suspicious when people put energy into discussing topics that feel disempowering. It's an occupational hazard. Usually there's something there, unresolved, that if it were resolved, the interest in the topic would dissipate altogether. Now sometimes I am wrong, sometimes I am right, but I certainly will respect your wish to not make it about you. You didn't ask for that.

@Amannl3in Thank you for answering. My read on the situation you are describing, is that there is tremendous tension around you making yourself read, despite all the worries about the future, and why things don't work the way you want. It can feel stressful to make yourself focus like that, and it's very hard on the mind when the mind is busy with other worries. My invitation for you is to take some space to get clarity on the worries about the future and why things aren't working the way you want. That could involve you asking another question, doing some journaling, some visioning, and/or even some shadow work. When you get to that place of peace, of: "Aaaah.... Now I can relax. Now I know that things will work out for me, one way or another." That's when you won't have to strain as hard, in order to read. And you'll get tired of it less quickly, because it's just inspiring and interesting, and you don't have to battle other worries at the same time.

@mememe It's not a bad technique, I've used it. I've just found something that works a bit better for me, which I explain in the video. But feel free to continue doing what works for you!

Also, rather than taking breaks or doing pomodoro, you could try the log method: Very cringey old video, but perhaps worth a shot to get you back into that flow state after your first hour of focus has passed.

@Amannl3in I have struggled with focusing issues for half my life, and have a lot of experience fixing them. Let's begin. I need to know whether this is something you "have to" read, or if it's something you are really interested in and there's no pressure. Just tell me the level of pressure you put on yourself to read it, and also how interesting you find it. Both on a scale of 1 to 10. Please tell me what other issues you struggle with. How calm and peaceful do you feel throughout the day? Do you have other neurotic tendencies, anxieties, insecurities, fears, triggers, anything like that? They could be more related than you think. Please tell me how much caffeine you consume and at what times, and how many hours you sleep. What other interests do you have besides what you are reading? Is there something your mind wants to rather do instead?

@Karmadhi If you insist on being attached to this feeling that something is not fair, don't let me stop you But that is your choice. It has consequences for your well-being. You could try letting it go. Maybe just for a minute. It won't kill you, I promise You deserve, and can have, everything you really want.

@Illusory Self Awesome, then I think your most efficient growth can be had by going on a date sober, blowing it, doing the inner work using that guided video or a written shadow work practice, and repeat. You'll probably feel way more confident on the next date already.

@Rishabh R I'm just giving you the abstract rundown of how these things can go. All you need to do is follow that good feeling and act on it. Take opportunities and realise that doubts are part of the process. Over time you can learn to recognize your inner voice from different mind parts, thereby separating doubts from your inner voice telling you you need to change course. But that's tricky and don't worry about it.

@7thLetter I believe we had a DM conversation about this, but it may have been about something else. Hey, that sounds a lot like me. I also planned to be successful at a young age, but I couldn't really push through on the initiatives I took, and the opportunities I got. But as I look at it today, being 29, I can see there was a good reason for that. I was held back by inner problems I had to resolve first. And doing that also showed me a much more meaningful purpose. I'm happier than ever today, my success is growing fast, literally having to cry tears of joy almost daily. (Ok, I'm having an emotional week ok:)) So it's all good in the end, even though it definitely didn't seem that way when I was beating myself up over still not having started that business, et cetera. An important part for you, I sense, is to forgive yourself? Your view that you "weren't putting in enough effort" is perhaps true, but very one-sided and self-punishing. There must be a mindset issue holding you back from putting in enough effort, or you would have! And that mindset problem is something you either inherited, or built up as a defense mechanism against unpleasant or traumatic circumstances earlier on in your life. So acknowledge that. This is part of your karma, and you can deal with it and heal it, if you respect it and allow space for it. And trust that you will find your success when you are ready to receive it. So keep pushing and working and doing courageaus steps to become ready. I won't go into the crypto thing but I agree with Leo on that.

These doubts are not necessary at all If a job related to that turns out to be the right step, then yes you will. If you don't get that, then that wasn't the right step. Your life purpose exists in many stages and layers. Perhaps you are supposed to actualize what you have come up with now, in which case all you need to do is take opportunities that feel right. Perhaps you are supposed to find a deeper layer of your life purpose whilst shooting for this one, which is completely fine too, in which case you follow this one and use it as fuel, but be ready to let go of it when a more meaningful layer presents itself.