flowboy

Instead of a "wing", how about just making a friend who is on your level and likes to go out and socialize? Of course, a potential friend could be amongst those 50 people. Have you talked to all of them and deemed them unworthy? I'm just trying to point to the fact that you might be stuck on the "wing" aspect of things, and your problem could be solved just by finding a friend who's into the same things. And so you can do that in all the ways that people normally find friends. The wingman stuff can be talked through / strategised over in the half an hour before you go out. It's peripheral. Of course, if you want someone who's into going out, you can talk to guys and find one. If you want someone, as you say, who has a vision for their life, then go fish in the pond of interesting people. Join meetups that represent your interests, and see who you meet there.

@Raptorsin7 If you do mindset work to integrate an abundant mindset, and work through whatever's in the way of that, in my experience the universe will reflect that back to you. Of course it helps to create your life in a way that the women you want, will want to be around.

Authenticity and radical honesty. It's so much better to come straight out with what you want, when you know you want it, than to play some sort of game. The result is more satisfying. You stand a better chance of actually getting what you want, much sooner than if you were dancing around it. I think this is nonsense. When you know what you want, you make it clear. No matter the consequences. That's what a healthy man does. Why then is this advice given? Because if she is in the position of 'chasing' a relationship, then you have the power. You get to reject or accept her, instead of the other way around. But underneath that, it is a strategy to avoid getting hurt. It's kind of a childish substitute for being a genuinely powerful man. Avoiding getting hurt is not what gets you what you really want. Vulnerability, putting yourself out there, is what is most respected and attractive. Then how do you avoid losing all the power? The answer is in this distinction: I want to be in a relationship with you no matter what vs: I WANT a relationship with you ONLY IF you are fully all-in as well. And if you're not sure, then I don't. This is the underlying frame you should have. If you aren't okay on your own, if you are not grounded enough to let her go if she's not fully committed, THAT's where you lose the power. So watch out for that, and you're golden. I had fun breaking this down for you, hope it helps.

You could do with a little more trust (in the Universe, God, Life, whatever is your cup of tea) Trust that if you feel a pull, that that is the right thing. You don't know what will happen. Certainly your prediction that it could cost you your relationship is based on nothing, and humans are notoriously bad and self-deceptive when it comes to knowing what is on the other side of their next spiritual evolution. You just gotta jump and trust, if that's what you are called to. For all you know, the 5-MEO makes you feel so much radical love, that you are finally able to feel those butterflies. Butterflies can be tied to people who resemble familiar patterns (from how we grew up), rather than who we are most compatible with. Perhaps the trip can break through that and unlock the butterflies for who you are actually compatible with. I don't know, and you don't know. It's equally possible. You either take the leap or you don't, and either decision is fine. I'm just making the point that you can't know what's on the other side, and so all this overthinking is not going to bring you security.

@Gabith If sexual dreams is what you really want, then the recipe is simple: Don't ejaculate for 3-4 weeks. Thank me later

@integration journey What I have to say on this is apparently different from the rest, but here it is: Being overly logical comes from being "in your head". Being in your head is a state of being dissociated from your body. This can be caused by different things, usually a combination: Having a job that requires you to be logical Having friends that like to relate on a logical level Caffeine Trauma response, being triggered Fear / fight-or-flight state. This is very common when doing something high stakes, such as approaching girls sober or speaking in public. The solution is to practice on a daily basis to check in with your body. Become aware of how you are feeling, again and again, until you develop a consistent awareness. Learn what it feels like to be tense and in your head, and learn to consciously relax and drop your awareness down to your belly. This can take months to get better at, but it is the answer. There's tons of exercises that can help with that, such as: Body awareness practice Active meditations by Osho Breathwork Ecstatic dance ... so many more But the most important thing is to become aware: how am I feeling, what sensations are there, what emotions are there. Do this as a habit, several times per day. Developing basic body awareness will teach you a lot about yourself. From there, having this awareness, you can share it: You can talk about how things make you feel. You can layer more emotions into your storytelling, because now you are aware of them. Your stories become captivating and interesting this way. People and girls will now instantly feel more connected to you. Because emotions and feelings make people feel that they can relate to you and trust you. Not logic. Hope that helps ?

I think you are doing fine and should just keep going. It's really not about the technicalities at this level. Your detailed analysis and decision making regarding your story telling style, presentation style (funny vs gloomy), is a giveaway that you are quite in your head still. Being in your head will yield mediocre results, because people can feel that you're not quite being yourself, you're not quite grounded. And if you're not quite grounded, it creates a slight discomfort. You are disconnected from yourself and so others feel a disconnect with you. You can overcompensate for this by being very funny or stimulating, but as you become more grounded in yourself, you can drop the act more and more and generate attraction just with natural conversation. Analysis is for afterwards. During interaction, all thinking should be dropped. Where you could improve: practice feeling into how much you are in your head versus how much you are in your body. Then practice projecting your inner state outwards. The more people can feel you, the more attraction you will generate.

This is the interesting part for me. What are the beliefs and thoughts connected to that sense of being insulted?

@Rishabh R Turn your attention from outwards to inwards. Instead of being focused on: "Does she want me to approach?" Focus on your inner experience. Do I feel a pull towards her?

I think being fully seen is what we most deeply desire, as humans. Every tiny step towards it can be hugely uncomfortable, but you won't regret it. Have a conversation with your friend. Hear what he/she liked about it. Underneath the shameful feelings, I guarantee that you'll find joy.

@Jacob Morres It's necessary to develop awareness as to what exactly causes this reaction in that moment. - What are you afraid of? - What are the thoughts surrounding it? - Is there a past situation this reminds you of? Perhaps this response was created there? - What are the sensations in the body during this? - What other emotions do you feel besides fear? When it happens, it's best to be open about it, and talk about what you are feeling. This will help you to understand it better, and also it helps you because it creates acceptance. If you are open about something, most people will be accepting of it. That means that now you can move on from it without having to hide it. And they will be able to trust you again. And you can stop sweating so much. Try it, it will be therapeutic

The willingness to make people uncomfortable is directly aligned with that essence of manliness that a woman is looking for. (I didn't say desire, I said willingness!) I want you to know that there is no workaround, if you want to have satisfying relationships with women. You can't ponder or think your way around this. There's no way to completely avoid making someone very uncomfortable at times, being very misunderstood at times, being very disliked at times, and still be respected by women and attractive to them. You have to grow into a man who is willing to be misunderstood and disliked and is okay with awkwardness, when it is aligned with his goal. Because his goal is aligned with the greater good. And so he trusts himself. That's the first step. Accepting that this dreaded situation IS going to happen. Unless you lock yourself up somewhere and don't pursue anything. Then, how to dread it less? That probably has something to do with releasing trauma. I had to do a lot of trauma release (which means I had to do a lot of crying) to get rid of something like this. (In my case it was more like a compulsive desire to please and to be liked and accepted by her) Shadow work is a good way to do that. There's many forms and modalities of it, you have to find some way that works for you. I also have a video that can help: @flume also has a video that can help: And you can find many more resources that others can recommend. The video above mentions Primal therapy, which is a great way.

@Valach *Potential* red flag there. Are you in touch with your boundaries and self esteem enough? Unhealthy (but common) dynamics in a typical relationship is the woman getting upset for reasons that the man then goes and blames himself for. Giveaway of that is structural lingering guilt and pleasing behavior. But that's just a guess, I wanted to point to it just in case that is going on, and in case no one else spots it. As far as your main dilemma goes: here's my general take on situations like this: Clear out conditioning and stuff from the past that is coloring your judgment and preventing you from seeing clearly. In the case of jealousy and judging her for having slept with 20 guys (for an attractive girl in her twenties that's really very modest), shadow work is the thing to try. I remember having a conversation about that earlier, perhaps you've already done some work on that? In any case, that will help bring clarity. I've also got a video that might help. Take some time for yourself, go on a hike alone, get some peace and nature. A retreat by yourself. There, you will communicate with no one until you are clear on: is this (fucking more women) karma you need to live through, or can you let it go? Also, What option (relationship or single) supports your purpose and 1,5,10 year vision best? If you could have anything you want, really, ANYTHING, in the relationships & dating area, what would it be? Part of becoming a man is making a decision and living with the consequences. Trust yourself, even if it gets messy. Let me know if you need more support or clarification on that. I've been through such a dilemma myself, and I do empathize.

If you feel the pull to move to Amsterdam, hell, do it. Moving countries is a great way to clear out old stuff and kickstart a new phase. However, Amsterdam is expensive. Prepare to pay 800 euros a month for living together with 2 other people or upwards of 1200 a month to have your own tiny studio apartment. And riding the tram for an hour back and forth each day to get to anywhere. Your expenses in Amsterdam will probably be upwards of 1600-2000 euros a month, even if you're not doing that much fun stuff. So perhaps it's good to try and get a good gig there before you move. Then again, if you're good at improvising and making stuff happen, don't let me limit you.

A short-term way to make money would be doing artistic design & editing jobs on upwork. What exactly is your vision and life purpose? I sense lack of clarity of the future, which can produce lack of clarity in the present (what skill to learn etc). You have a youtube channel, but where is it going? Who exactly are you creating a powerful impact for? How will they pay you, and for what services or products? How will that create your financial independence?

Here's my thoughts, in case they help you or anyone else with a similar dilemma (and I've been there too): The different problems you describe (such as fear of "losing" time, needing to dig deeply into one domain versus being more fulfilled being a doubler, having to choose) only exist by the grace of conditioned beliefs being put on you by other people in your life at different times. Deconditioning yourself is a longer term process, but that would solve all these problems because it would dissolve the framework that created the problems. The dilemma you describe has a quality of preoccupation and worry to it, and seems to weigh your decisions today too heavily. "What you decide today determines the rest of your life" is a common burden that parents, schools and society put upon young people. And it is completely false. You'll never hear it out of happy, truly actualized and free people. It is burdened people spreading the burden of their conditioning to others, such as you, while consciously believing that they are helping. Concretely, the bird's eye view looks like this: Develop a vision, first broad-strokes and fragmented, then progressively more detailed and coherent Move towards the part of that where you feel the most energy Over time, all your talents will find their place in what you are creating, if they are still aligned.

@Theprofessional You could shortcut that 8-10 years (15% of your total life - how much of your remaining life?) and put out a gofundme today, get that 5k, then do the best you can with it. If you have real passion, you'll probably do some good with it, probably also make some real mistakes and fix them. This will teach you enough to do the next project even better. If you think you need experience, this is the way to get it. The real world. This is not brain surgery. There's no real reason to not start learning from real experiences today. Get a cinematography student on your team to help you, so you learn even faster. I just saved you 9.5 years of your life. You'll want to say: "It's not that easy" - mind you, I never said anything about easy. This is hard, because it takes guts and self-belief. Things 10 years of school won't give you. And it's not an either-or situation. You can do all of this, starting TODAY, whilst still attending school and becoming educated. There's plenty of room for your own projects when studying this art - friends of mine are in filmmaker school and they are already getting paid to make real things for real people. Do I have compassion and understanding for your state of mind and reasoning? Yes. I waited 10 years to start my business, I thought I was objectively not ready. Which was true, I was a mess. But with a little more self-belief, I could have stood up and fallen down and stood up again, and gotten ready that way far sooner. Turns out the only thing that gets you ready for real, is doing it.

@K Ghoul Very few quality answers here, but this is one. You are on a self-development forum, so maybe you see it coming... Your reaction to her behavior is what is called a trigger, caused by your shadow. You have two choices: Try to get rid of the external trigger (asking her to shut up), which, even if it works, resolves only this situation. Life will bring you more situations like this, where you get the exact same annoyance, again and again. You can keep fighting the situations, but it will drain your energy. Do shadow work, look inside and this way you can stop being annoyed and reduce the stress you experience from this. If you do this, perhaps even one good session is enough, life will bring you more slutty dressing girls but you won't even notice it. You'll stay calm and peaceful and will be able to ignore it and focus on what you care about, in every situation like that which comes after.

Of course when I say "You can have everything you really want", there's a catch because I'm referring to alignment with what's authentic. Some apparent wants will fall away as non-authentic, at the same time as what is really true and wanted is progressively seen as effortless and already here. That said, anything is possible. Provided that it is really desired, rather than needed to compensate for perceived lack. Inquire into who gave you this conditioning. Different people along the way, but you can realise this way that limiting beliefs are usually a gift from other people who were feeling very limited. You can stop seeing it as "yours". Your perfectionism is also not yours, someone taught you that. It's developed as a defense mechanism against pain, for example a strict or conditionally loving parent, or early experiences with social rejection. When you're ready to go through that realisation, that's a good step towards dissolving it altogether and putting the judging part of your psyche to better use. Of course there's processes for that that can take weeks or months, I'm just giving you a bird's eye view. Excellent, I recognize this in myself too. I had beliefs that the struggle was necessary, that without the struggle the result didn't count, I was proud of struggling, I idealised it and was attached to the struggle. So I kept struggling for a long time ...?

Depends on what's in the way. What aspect of your inner experience is not in accordance with that currently? It is the natural state, so it's all about removing conditioning and you get there.

Decluttering Insights Getting rid of things has (had?) an emotional blockage for me. Around ungratefulness. Insight Things are but a symbol for love. When the love has been received and felt, the thing has served its purpose. I tend to fear being "ungrateful" when I consider getting rid of stuff that my parents directly or indirectly provided for. I went into a memory (the ice cream on the ground) that popped up because it triggered ungratefulness. Changed the scene. Actually got an insight and an emotional breakthrough: I already received the love. Thank you. I didn't need the ice cream. Or the book. These are just symbols, permission slips to feel it. I hug my mother in that scene and throw the ice cream on the ground, this time not out of ungratefulness, but just to show that I know the real value is in the love we feel, not in the symbols. I still cry as I write this down. I will say "Thank you" to what I get rid of, to help me emotionally feel good about it I will clearly separate What brings me joy today from What used to bring me joy

@Karmadhi I'm habitually suspicious when people put energy into discussing topics that feel disempowering. It's an occupational hazard. Usually there's something there, unresolved, that if it were resolved, the interest in the topic would dissipate altogether. Now sometimes I am wrong, sometimes I am right, but I certainly will respect your wish to not make it about you. You didn't ask for that.

@Amannl3in Thank you for answering. My read on the situation you are describing, is that there is tremendous tension around you making yourself read, despite all the worries about the future, and why things don't work the way you want. It can feel stressful to make yourself focus like that, and it's very hard on the mind when the mind is busy with other worries. My invitation for you is to take some space to get clarity on the worries about the future and why things aren't working the way you want. That could involve you asking another question, doing some journaling, some visioning, and/or even some shadow work. When you get to that place of peace, of: "Aaaah.... Now I can relax. Now I know that things will work out for me, one way or another." That's when you won't have to strain as hard, in order to read. And you'll get tired of it less quickly, because it's just inspiring and interesting, and you don't have to battle other worries at the same time.

@mememe It's not a bad technique, I've used it. I've just found something that works a bit better for me, which I explain in the video. But feel free to continue doing what works for you!