flowboy

You definitely don’t want to do that, that directly negates the purpose of shadow work. People with a high pain tolerance have a strong repression system: their endorphins are so high that their brain can pretend there’s no pain. Repression is also what keeps unconscious parts unconscious. Shadow integration is willingly feeling unfelt pain so that the repression system doesn’t have to work so hard, and you regain your full feeling experience, in the process becoming physically and mentally healthier. The pain you feel during shadow work is supposed to feel painful but strangely good. It’s intense but also desirable, because the ability to feel other things like meaning comes with it. The human experience becomes richer. Maybe I misunderstood you and you’re not trying to numb/white knuckle through the pain, but looking for ways to be able to feel it longer. In that case my apologies and here’s my advice: - Drink a lot of water during your sessions - Have a clean diet - Use emotional music to energise you and spur you on The last tip may be the most powerful. Try it:) Happy shadow working!

@no_name True but then I’d notice the value system conflict

Really? Even if this perfect new path showed up that would provide you with meaning and fulfillment, you'd rather throw that out because you'd spent a couple years working towards something else? The pressure you are putting on yourself is radiating off the screen and I can feel it. You don't owe your past self anything. You don't owe your parents anything. You don't owe your privilege anything. This is YOUR life. My professional opinion is that you need a vacation and some life purpose course or coaching. It seems that there is a foundation missing of the big "WHY" - why you do what you do. Having the Big Why can carry you through 9 years of college without burning out. It will also make it ridiculously easy to choose between dental and medical school, because one leads to the actualization of your vision, and the other does not. Maybe you did have that clear why once, and you lost sight of it because of all the stress. The pressure and anxiety is causing your priorities to be all wonky. You're basically saying you can't invest a few weeks to massively decrease the chances of wasting 9 years. If you can't invest a few weeks, then at least treat yourself to a weekend retreat without your phone, meditate, walk in nature. Life decisions made from an anxious pressurized state tend to be bad ones, and I have made many of them.

@playdoh I used to have a 3 hour morning routine for a long time. It was a long sequence of helpful practices which I accumulated over a long time, and gotten to believe I needed. Then I was forced to admit that I almost never did it properly without skipping or running over time, and even when I did, it was quite demanding and drained me of most of my willpower I could have used on something that actually moves the boat forward. Whether you’re a morning person or not, willpower is freshest right after you get up. I paid my coach 10K to tell me that I was wasting the best part of the day procrastinating and trying to feel “ready”, and that in fact the most successful people he knew just wake up and get started on the most important task within 20 minutes. (Luckily he helped me in lots of other ways too, was well worth it) But in a sense, that one tip actually was worth the 10K. I wasn’t making any progress and losing out on years of potential results, whilst I was doing all this stuff in the morning to try to “get ready”. Here’s what I do now: - Wake up 6:00, make bed - Jump in river - Get started on most crucial task 6:20 The stuff I did at the start of the day, I now do in the late afternoon. Save yourself 10.000 euros and drop the belief that you need any of these things to do what you really want to do. I didn’t want to accept it either. Then do your task with monkey mind Then do your task ungrounded Having the most important gnarly thing done already is a greater energiser than all your current morning routine practices combined.

Tried going on a date with psilocybin once, I found it unhelpful. To be fair, the girl was kind of an airhead, we didn’t connect on a deep level and if I had been more sober I might have been able to keep it casual and light hearted and still have fun. Instead I found myself getting quite stuck in blaming myself for the awkwardness and getting quite introspective, which really killed the vibe even more. On the other hand I have had great pickup experiences during the tail end of an acid trip. So perhaps the bad experience was just a combination of a wrong match and my insecure headspace at the time. Overall I would conclude that the internal state matters more than the substance. I wouldn’t try it on psilocybin again because I remember going from reasonably confident to insecure and introspective, with a diminished ability to find my way back to a playful headspace. LSD is probably better for this.

@Koeke East Forest has entire albums that are designed to guide a trip from start to finish. I really enjoy the music, but have yet to trip on it. He’s a really interesting guy, heard about him on the Aubrey Marcus Podcast. Here’s the music, it’s 5 hours: https://open.spotify.com/album/2LFyfGcBrrsvF8tECUs5gK?si=gvF6X-l3SgOL-jE1hbapCA Here’s the podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/58R0RNvwufGQhJgC54HWVN?si=H7k90FjXSvq4yM6NLlRfEA And also Carbon Based Lifeforms is great for tripping, I enjoyed that a lot on several deep LSD experiences.

@no_name As a stage yellow man, I’d say that when I notice that someone has used fillers, they immediately get put into the mental category of “maybe fuckable but probably too insecure/shallow to consider as a partner” It’s a combination of two red flags: 1. Values conflicting (if she values looks over health) 2. Lack of self love: if she doesn’t love her body just the way it is, how can I Not making any sort of moral point here, do what you want ladies. just my honest account of what goes on in my mind when I see that

@patricknotstar Remain grounded. Like Leo said, have the conversation where you express regret and convince her you won't let it happen again. But from there, that's all you can do. Don't remain in that apologetic state unless she brings it up again. If you keep beating yourself up over it, you will just make her uncomfortable with you because you aren't grounded in your masculine power. The healthy masculine makes mistakes, fixes them as best he can, and then moves on with a clean conscience, looking forward to making more mistakes, trusting that the right people will forgive and still trust him. He doesn't get distracted and preoccupied with his own mistakes - that would take away his ability to serve the ones around him and give his deepest gift. I can tell you're anxious about this and I would be too. It's up to her now. Forgive yourself.

That feeling (of being about to ejaculate) comes from a buildup of sexual energy in a specific area of the body. It builds up around the cock, underbelly, balls - it can't go anywhere from there, and then ejaculation is inevitable. If you see what I mean here - then you may be able to imagine letting that sexual energy dissipate through other areas of your body. You can actually let it flow up your spine, to your back, through your neck, over your head, over the front of your body and all the way to your toes. If you do that, you're suddenly now much less close to orgasm and you can keep going. This is what I practice and it's quite simple. It requires: Deep breath Relaxation of tension in your body (but like, really relax) A state of not having ejaculated for 3 weeks makes it actually much easier to control, because then the habit is broken. But it's not needed. Try it! Whenever you get close, Slow down your movements Breathe into the belly Relax tension in your whole body Let the built-up sexual energy dissipate and spread throughout the body Very simple and easy. I've noticed that this is harder for me to do if I'm trying to 'prove' anything to my ego by having sex with that person (though not impossible), and easier if the person is a great sexual match for me.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you don't really expect people to tell you to go along with this (until you're married? until he wants to have children and you find it awkward to say no to that? Just live your entire life saying yes to things because you don't want to be an asshole?) If you want your particular problem solved: Ask yourself whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to. If yes, great. Nothing to do here. If not, great. Tell him "I'm not really attracted to you and it doesn't work for me to be in a relationship with someone who I'm not attracted to, so we have to stop seeing each other" Problem solved. Optional thoughts: The fact that you agreed to even a second date with someone you're not attracted to, leads me to believe that you have, as so many of us do, a pattern of pushing away our own true desires and needs in order to fulfill other people's expectations. If you recognize yourself in that, this could even be to an extent that you feel like you don't even know what you truly want and don't want, but that's false. You do know. You always know. But admitting that feels unsafe and fills you with doubt and second-guessing. If you don't recognize yourself in that, never mind this part, no harm done. I mention it because I see this in many people who were raised to fulfill their parents' expectations and needs, and were not sufficiently made to feel like whatever they wanted, needed and expressed was unconditionally okay.

@SQAAD Life is beautifully designed in the way that it will help you run into these situations again and again until you finally heal that part of yourself that thinks it needs respect from others. Your subconscious mind will actually guide you into situations where you feel disrespected. It not only helps you interpret situations in that way, but also influences your behaviour in ways you're not aware of, to cause others to behave in a way which helps you get triggered in that way. I remember having reactions like that. I was not very mentally stable at the time. As an example, once I was late for the bus, I saw the bus driver look at me but drive off anyway. I took this personally and flipped him off. ? My girlfriend rightly asked why I did that. I felt disrespected. This is a perfect candidate for shadow work! Lots of pain to uncover that has nothing to do with the lady at the store, I guarantee it.

Anxiety is a warning signal that a feeling is approaching consciousness. A feeling that was too much to fully feel, when it first made that imprint. It basically says: "If we continue on this path, we might feel the same thing that traumatized us before" This feeling, that your conscious mind is trying to get you to avoid at all cost, would be something around the realisation that you are unloved or unsafe with a caretaker who you depended upon. What feeling it is exactly, only you can find out by doing trauma work. It can range from They will never love me when I am just myself to She would actually kill me. Again the actual feeling is highly personalised, but it is a terrifying realisation for a child that implies that love and safety are conditional - which means some parts of himself have to be repressed in order to survive. He can no longer be just what he is. (in your case someone who poops) That realisation can not possibly be consciously integrated at that age, therefore it becomes a trauma. The crux is that as an adult, this pain can be fully felt and integrated because we are now not dependent on that caretaker for our livelihood. Conditionality of love by them does not mean death for us today, therefore with an adult psyche we can integrate that pain. This is why retraumatization is not really an issue and reliving piece by piece is the way out of this conditioning. I don't recommend stunts like shitting yourself in public. It could be a trigger to relive the traumatic moment, which is healing in private, but not safe to do in public. And if it doesn't, all you've done is proven to your conscious mind that it is safe to do today, but the part of the psyche that is locked away along with the old pain, still can not receive that message.

@Son of leo Depression is the superlative case of repression. Repression = pushing away (emotional) pain. With each bit of pain that is repressed, a bit of your wholeness and sense of meaning and authentic desire goes with it. Therefore when there is too much to repress, you lose most of the sense of meaning and desire that is inherent to being an alive human. The way out of depression is to choose to feel more of what is repressed, thereby lifting the depression. Some depressed people are actually really angry, but unable to cope with that and process that fully, so hence they are depressed. Other common feelings are sadness, grief and hopelessness. The less you push these away, the more you will feel. The more you feel, the more emotional pain you feel, but also the less depressed you are. And after feeling the pain, bliss and insight follows. That's not to say that you can just make that decision from any situation. Repression is there for a reason. Are you currently in a condition to handle emotional pain? Is your life stable? Do you have the time, space and guidance needed? If not, then the first thing to do is to go get that. Set your life up in a way that makes it possible to process some repressed feelings in a safe way. If that means working a day less at your job, do that. If it means temporarily removing yourself from a toxic family system that doesn't accept and hold space for your feelings, cutting off contact and going to live on a friend's couch, do that. If it means getting a therapist, coach or mentor, do that. If it means reaching out to a friend even though it's hard, do that.

Since I can't directly answer this but I would be able to ask someone who knows, I can already tell you that you should probably provide more information regarding all the things you are currently doing in order to break into the art field of images more precisely defining what the success criterium is for 'breaking into the field' your view on why what you are currently doing is not working/sufficient

@Danioover9000 A friend of mine is a successful artist. He spent years drawing for sometimes 16 hours a day until he reached a high degree of mastery. Getting more clients over the years, I believe he makes art for games amongst other things. Now he is 22 years old and also employs other artists, built a company that gets requests from clients which are then distributed amongst his team. So now he has a steady source of income whether he feels like working or not and is basically financially independent at 22, able to work or not work whenever he wants. He travels the world and does a lot of personal development retreats and stuff, which is how I met him.

@bejapuskas I don't know what was said in the post you hid, but I think you're way out of line. If you're going to punish people for the content of their opinion and your personal feelings about it, you're crossing the line into abuse of power. Assuming you agree that the role of a moderator is to facilitate civil and free discussion, rather than suppress what you don't agree with and make people feel like they're only welcome if you like what they have to say. Stick to judging people's manners and how they treat each other. Making them play nice. If you personally disagree, personally disagree. Don't use your mod powers to silence someone who disagrees with you.

This is the opposite of what you should be doing. Having a point on the agenda like this makes it into a Big Thing. Which also makes it Very Awkward. I feel for you because I had this mindset for a long time that if I just mustered up the courage to Confess My Feelings - she'd somehow reciprocate and happily ever after. You're in a position now where you suppressed your desired towards her enough - that she basically is not aware you have a dick. Confessing a secret love / attraction for her now, just rubs her nose in the fact that you were not confident enough to be yourself and show her what you want right off the bat. That's very unattractive so we don't want her to focus on that. Therefore, you have to play it like sexual tension is slowly building, something that wasn't there before. You want her to start wondering because of the hints that you drop whether you like her. Not being sure! She has to be kept on her toes, thinking about it, but not being sure whether you actually want her. If you keep doing that and she doesn't leave or address it, you can do the same thing with a slow and playful physical escalation. And @RMQualtrough is right, alcohol will probably improve your chances. You can play the whole thing through in an evening and sleep with her, if you drink together. Then in the morning, keep it together and don't go confessing your feelings, match her level of investment. If she's acting casual, you act casual. If she said it felt right, you confirm that. If she says it was a mistake, you agree. It doesn't matter what is said, just don't be more emotionally invested than her. Then if she wants to meet up again, it's on (even if she said it was a mistake and she doesn't want to have sex again - actions speak louder than words)

Don't ever say that please. Looking for affirmation from her comes across super insecure. (which it literally is - if you felt secure you wouldn't be so in your head that you had to ask - you'd go by feeling and reading cues. I get that you're too far in it with this girl now that you can't be cool - but at least try to pretend, it's better than nothing) Remove the part from "do you" onwards and then talk bullshit over it, never leave it hanging Nuances matter! Pressure on, pressure off.

@evgn Your unhappiness is not caused by your girlfriend. You can break up with her now but you'll just add to your misery later. It's about how much of a rock bottom you need to hit, in order to get the motivation to fix what really needs fixing, which is: At a certain level of consciousness, you can not be happy whilst this statement is true. The question is: do you need to lose your relationship too, before you actually do something about it?

Super well-written and well-described. A joy to read. Seems like a super healthy practice! Got a good impression from this retreat through these words.

Why are you expecting tons of rejections? Why are you holding a belief that you won't succeed at what you are trying to do by talking to these girls? I can only assume that your mindset is working against you. The built-in excuse to fail, we all have that mechanism. Goes like this: - I'm talking to girls, so I can say that I'm trying, but then also I hold this belief that I don't have time for sex because of university, and I expect to get rejected a ton, so that when I do, it will soften the blow. I did the same thing for a long time, but I find it important to catch that. Here's why: the reason you are getting rejected, is because you expect to. If you go up to someone with the idea in your mind that they will probably reject you, they WILL (some of them will be friendly, but none of them will want to date) - exactly because that energy can be felt. It's the energy of not fully going for it. You can be sure of it that women can always feel it from you that you expect rejection, and will then automatically comply with that expectation. Another way to say it is: you're not willing to get hurt. You can't win if you're not willing to lose. Probably if someone would watch you talk to women, they would spot all kinds of obvious self-sabotaging patterns, that are just there to keep you consistent with your belief that you won't succeed TODAY, or in less than 5 years. I'm saying this because I was the same, in a bad way. I'd literally preframe my proposals with "you probably gonna say no, but would you like to have coffee sometime", that's how obvious it was in my case. I still cringe writing this. And of course it came with all these shifty looks, not holding eye contact, tension, nervous speaking, et cetera. If you decide with your full being that you get laid this week, you will. But maybe you find that you don't really want to - maybe you're not ready, maybe there's something scary about it. Maybe it's really not a priority for you right now. And that's okay too. But in that case, you can skip the talking to a girl a day practice - for if you're not fully trying, fully wanting to succeed, fully willing to get hurt and humiliated, all you're doing is teaching yourself how to fail with women. So you can also quit that, and spend more time on your degree. Either choice is valid. But as long as you have this inner conflict, women will feel that you're not really in, and not really out, and it will make them unattracted.

@eTorro Anxiety is an alarm bell for old unconscious pain that is about to be felt again. So one feels anxiety, consciously, and starts to project all kinds of thinking patterns and logic about what is scary about it, but that's all nonsense. The anxiety just says: "if we stay here, we might feel the pain again. The pain that was too big and overwhelming for us last time" That pain has something to do with a variant of feeling unloved. Unaccepted, maybe. Not good enough, maybe. Maybe a sense of hopelessness, a knowing that you can't just be yourself and express yourself just as you are, and be loved. As a child one of your primary needs is to be loved unconditionally: without having to behave in any particular way for it, and able to express anything and still be loved. There will be many moments where you can learn that this actually is not the case. Moments in your family system, moments in a peer group at school. Probably both. That pain is too big for a young person to handle. You are probably not aware of it right now. That means you need anxiety to warn you, to never get into situations again where you might be reminded of it.

How can you claim that you even know that you've become "more attractive to women" when you've never even had sex? That you didn't pay for? If all you've done is talked to women - great, but they've all friendzoned you, so apparently you didn't do it right. Go get a girlfriend. Sleep with actual women. Then talk about how to be attractive to women.

Meditation will help, but not fix that. It works like this: self-consciousness is a protection mechanism With a violent father around, a child has to learn to watch what they say or do, in order to not set them off. This mechanism starts to lead a life of its own when you are all grown up, even though you don't need it anymore. So now it's active and making you watch yourself in social interaction. It's called hypervigilance and is common with CPTSD. As long as the pain of being a child with an unsafe and violent or absent father, is still somewhere hidden, outside of your conscious awareness, your defense mechanism will be active. The only thing that will help is to dig up some of the unfelt past pain, feel it, process it, and show the inner child that it's not relevant today anymore. That it is safe now. Expect to spend many hours crying spread out over several sessions, to have your problem fixed. But... it really works! As I have seen time and time again.