flowboy

@Cocolove It's much better to assess these things moment by moment, than trying to determine what the rule should be. I'm just saying: if you don't have a relationship currently, you have no obligation. Can you be considerate? Sure. If you can take it or leave it, choose the option that won't upset people. However both people are hurting after a breakup, and both people should take care of themselves first, put their own oxygen mask on before helping others, so to speak. If finding comfort in someone's arms (or legs) is what you need in that moment, to soothe your hurting soul, then I would say that should come before wondering what anyone else would feel about that. That's just healthy selfishness.

You're absolutely right, but the OP is in a critical situation right now, in my assessment. If she starts practicing introspection and self-awareness first, instead of leaving first, it may well be too late. First things first. GTFO, then heal.

@ElenaO Parents are going to mess up. I'm going to be a parent at some point. I'll mess up so many things. It's impossible to do it perfectly. For example: it's not very useful to tell a pregnant woman to prevent any stress. Yes, babies can feel stress and it influences their development. But a mother with a certain level of neuroticism will have a certain amount of stress. There's nothing she can do to prevent that. Also after children are born, they reflect your neurotic patterns back to you. The only thing I can do to be a better parent in the future, is do more regression therapy, more shadow work, more primal therapy. That's the only thing that makes me less neurotic as a person, which means my future children will be mentally healthier too. Parenting is so stressful (I hear) that it will bring out the worst in you, especially when sleep deprived. Regardless of what rules for good parenting one has remembered. I'm convinced that it's about who I am, not what I do (although one determines the other). Hence, I'm going deep on healing my neurotic patterns. That's things most people don't do, and I don't blame them, but it's very fascinating to me, because the potential is so great. I've already reexperienced parts of the feelings around my birth (much more there), some early childhood stuff, many adolescent traumatic memories. Much more to be done, but I already notice a massive decrease in negative thoughts, an increase in energy and overall well-being, increased confidence, self-esteem, and a more solid feeling of who I am and what is meaningful to me. The New Primal Scream is recommended reading, it will blow your mind. I was crying every second page, not even exaggerating. Also I talk about this stuff on my youtube.

When people are that toxic and you're that vulnerable to their manipulation/charm, then it's better to just escape with no contact. Each time you let him call you or see you, you risk being convinced, charmed or threatened back into the life that will lead you to an untimely drug overdose and a stillborn baby. Yes, just go, and you better have changed your number and found a good therapist by the time you're 30 I'm rooting for you. Gameplan Go in the morning so you can get a head start. Drive 4-6 hours to another city on the way, before he finds out. In that city you copy the phone numbers of your most important friends and family to your phone memory, delete his number, throw the old sim card in the trash and buy a new temporary one. Also block/delete him on all social media, and delete the social media apps from your phone temporarily. Then just keep driving until you reach your destination. There's always a moment of cold feet, regret, and we want to prevent him being able to talk to you. Leave a note if you want, to make it feel like closure. Accept that you're never coming back. But hide the note so that it will take him a day to find. Prevent all contact from the moment you start driving. Also: realise your part in all this. You're still going to be very vulnerable and attracted to other toxic guys for a while after. So don't make the common mistake of landing in someone else's arms. They are also not going to be healthy, even if you think so. Just get some healthy friends, a place to stay, and a good therapist.

Good game doesn't look like game. How could anyone kick you out if they don't even see you doing anything abnormal? Think about that.

I'm sure Joe Dispenza has a guided meditation for this.

The definition of codependency is an unrealistic hope that people will change. What's the root of codependency? Almost always the relationship with one or both of the parents. If your dad (or mom) was never attentive or loving enough in some way, or emotionally manipulative, always putting you down, or always needed you instead of being there for you in the way that you really needed, you have two choices: accept that he will never love you and be there for you in the way that you need (hopelessness, unacceptable to a child), or decide to struggle to change your parent into the person you need him to be, who can love you the way you need. With such a history, people start dating as adults, and then they go looking not for the people they need, but the people who they can struggle to change into the people they need them to be. And it never works. See, this is the stupid boring pattern that you're caught in. It's just imperfect parenting, making you want to seek out this loser and die of an overdose with him, thinking it's romantic. It's not. It's boring and hopelessly cliche. Millions and millions of women have died because of loyalty to a toxic boyfriend, and nobody remembers them or thinks that's cool. Your parents fucked some things up, now you're codependent. Is that worth throwing away your life over? Because you could also escape this relationship and get therapy and have a great life. Just don't forget the therapy, because codependency is not a habit that you can simply unlearn.

@Kimka I'm not going to indulge your feelings about how hard this is and how you're such a pleaser etc. This is a matter of life and death, and if you don't rise above your tendencies and make an adult decision here, well, we've all seen Requiem for a Dream and Trainspotting. At first you say you'd never shoot up, then at some point you give in. Same boring story everywhere. Here's an exercise that helped me once, and that can help you strengthen your resolve: Imagine you died today. Write your eulogy. Start with: "Today we're saying goodbye to {your name}" Then add all the things your friends and family would say while speaking at your funeral. And what your life would have looked like if it ended now. Because that's basically the fork in the road that you're in. Ok let me know when you've done that and how it felt.

Yes you can leave, it's very simple. Block him on all social media, get a train/plane ticket and go. Then get a new phone number and throw your old sim card away. If you don't do it now, you probably won't live till 30. Is that what your parents and family wanted for you? Is it what you want for you?

You can't be responsible for someone else's feelings. That's codependency. You can make agreements to do or not do certain things so that the other can feel good and safe. That's a relationship. No relationship, no agreement.

Coaching works because of the accountability and the outside perspective. Many people who are stuck, have a multitude of smart thoughts about what they could do to get unstuck. Some of those options they think of will be right for them, but then they will dismiss them, using logic that is grounded in fears, fears that they are not aware of. Fears of failure, fears of looking stupid, fears of humiliation, fears of losing friends and family or their support or approval. Fears of getting out of the matrix and never finding their way back. Fears of success. When I do life coaching with people, I find that the techniques I have to use to truly get someone past a blockage, resembles what a therapist would do. So those fields do overlap a lot, the difference being that my client would already be mentally healthy, or whatever society considers mentally healthy. My opinion is that happiness and mental health are actually the same thing, or extensions of each other, but that's an unpopular opinion.

I've "rebounded" in my earlier relationships and that led to other great things. The next relationship. Or sometimes not. Sometimes I was in a broken space and nobody wanted to come near my needy ass. But who cares. The pity fucks I got here and there were still mutually beneficial. Nothing wrong with a bit of comforting each other. I've gotten back together with an ex and it was the best decision I've ever made in my love life. Making rules about these things is a silly ego game. Just trust your judgment on a per-situation basis, and hone it.

@Michael569 He didn't come across to me as an ingenuine person, so I decided to google what he would be selling (from his marketing efforts) But now I see: David Sinclair, if you read this, I'm very disappointed in you. It was all to sell your rock albums. You're going to have to take a lot of that NMN, if you're going to wait for us to buy your music.

Congratulations on the material successes you've had, such as getting a good degree and a job, and having great friends! You're actually so lucky. Because people whose life is in shambles, they blame the "I'm not truly living" and "not good enough" feelings on external circumstances. Which makes sense, if the external circumstances need improvement. It's easy to rationalize feelings of selfishness, not being good enough and being a loser that way. I did that when I didn't have a degree, didn't have friends, didn't make any money. So you're lucky because you have your life together enough, that it becomes obvious that this problem is internal. The way you feel doesn't match your life, and so, we have to look inwards. This is my domain of expertise. My feelings of notgoodenoughness started to shift when I started healing my childhood. You can do this through self-regression or regression therapy with a professional. I've experienced both, actively practice it and help others with guided sessions. Here's some resources: And you can try this exercise on the "not good enough"ness: https://youtu.be/qjG_4MSZDP0

@Leo Gura Do I even need to comment?

It seems ridiculous yes, to the one who hasn’t experienced regressing to their own birth memories and feelings. To the ones who have, it becomes self-evident. You can become directly conscious of the reason and source for all the quirks in your personality as well as the neurotic symptoms and psychosomatic ones. Once you become directly conscious of it through regression, there is no more argument or doubt.

Yeah... but Sinclair still takes it. I'm assuming that's for a reason.

No he didn't. Notice how you're talking to your former self more than to OP (so much so that it blurs your perception of what he's actually saying)

At least you're getting laid now! That's great, congratulations.

This is why you had depression. Not because you have something inherently wrong with your brain chemistry. Or hormones. It's almost criminal that people get put on these pills and told a story that they are defective in some way. Anyways, if you find a therapist who can work with childhood trauma and can do regression therapy, you'll be good. You can even heal yourself. This is the domain I work in, you can ask me questions about it via pm also.

"I am living my best life" is too vague. What does that even mean? How should your subconscious work on that for you? Affirmations must be concrete and represent continuous evolution.

So? That's a lot of friends already. Why are you making yourself meet people you don't like? Is the real question, IMO. Before we go on diagnosing you with stuff, aren't you just preferring fewer high quality connections over being in a large herd? Herds are stressful to me too because you can only be a superficial self.

Boi doesn't even know about resveratrol and NMN? Lithium?? I think he's self-medicating a psychological issue.

@mrPixel I experienced that when I quit smoking. Like you said, I got so depressed it was scary. People were worried. I had a cigarette again, and everything was fine. Now I have been a non-smoker for some time, and I quit coffee a week ago. And I feel more energetic and positive than ever. Here's why: Sometimes (often times) a substance habit can help to suppress a depression that is already there. But not to worry, depression is merely old painful feelings from the past, waiting to be re-experienced. Re-experience them, you can let them go. Let them go, no more depression. No more depression, no more need for coffee or cigarettes. You might want to check out my video about me quitting caffeine where I also explain a bit about how the underlying depression works.