flowboy

Maybe it won't work on you but I've done it plenty of times

@AJBrew I'd love to say that it's just willpower, but if I'm honest, it's a combination of that and social pressure which helped me cultivate that. The social influence that helped me was twofold: I was active in a neotantra community for a while, got to know a bunch of men and women who practice abstaining from peak-orgasm as a lifestyle, in order to have better sex, and I wanted to be one of them Because that better sex and more masculine energy is something my girl became accustomed to, I also wanted to keep it up because of the positive effects on my relationship So if you wanna do it, get some social accountability Also, if you refuse to ejaculate, your girl will go crazy for you. Because she wants to make you cum, and making you cum is also her gaining some power over you. If you don't let her, she'll be mad at you and insanely turned on at the same time.

@Someone here I made that mistake when I quit smoking in my early twenties. Just ended up smoking cheap cigars, like 10 in one day at one point ? I wasn't ready. When you've just quit, I wouldn't mess with anything nicotine like for a good while. Me, I smoke a pipe every once in a while. I actually allow myself to smoke cigarettes once a month, if I want to. Which I don't recommend you fool yourself into thinking you can because I tried it many times before and failed.

Indeed. I don't do anything complicated, I haven't read any Mantak Chia books. I avoid going above 80% arousal within the first 20 minutes. Then my body starts to be more warmed up and doesn't cum by accident. Then I periodically let the built-up sexual energy disperse from the cock area, by relaxing and letting my spine shake and just unclenching everything, imagining it moving up the spine. The first few times it doesn't feel very orgasmic, but in hour 2 it starts to be very much like orgasm. And then when she's on top and I let her ride me, somehow that back-to-front motion feels like constant orgasm. But you gotta be warmed up and not have tension in your body. If you feel the sexual pleasure only in your dick, you're not warmed up and loose enough. I tend to feel it throughout most of my body, and the dick feeling becomes only a small part of the pleasure feeling. @AJBrew It's three weeks bro, trust me Well, you can do this sooner than three weeks, it's just harder in my experience. Very difficult to not ejaculate within the first 2 weeks, after week 3 it starts becoming easy.

I am the value.

Instead of telling her you're broke, probably better to get her to buy you drinks. Brokeness is a turn-off. Having hoops for her to jump through is not.

@Antor8188 People who get laid and are successful and happy, usually spread joy, positivity and give people chances. A true alpha is generous. What's going on with those people, is they are telling you their problems. And if it hurts you, that means that it might still be also a bit your problem, part of you still thinks that's true, otherwise it wouldn't hurt. So then you have that problem in common with those guys, you're just dealing with it in a more positive way. In order to not let it hurt, I'd recommend some trauma release work, like IFS or things like this (my link) You can transform this issue out of your reality pretty quickly, if you have the balls to do some uncomfortable emotional work.

Girls should be offering their number to you on their own initiative. If that never happens, something's off in the way you present yourself. Are you being your vulnerable bold ballsy self, or putting on a front?

@Norbert Somogyi Thank you as well, I was able to turn that response you inspired me to write into a new text on my website Journaling here helped me a lot, good decision!

It's insightfully described and I think it would have helped me, to hear this, when I was 24, so I decided to share it here.

It's rare-ish to have this phenomenon (wanting to surrender, wanting to not have any responsibility for what's happening, plausible deniability) explained first-hand, instead of by Owen Cook from RSD.

@Jodistrict Interesting, thanks. Took a quick read at the treatment protocol: This is exactly what I described above as out-of-sequence pains coming up, and being defended against by the 3rd line, in the form of hallucinations of strange ideations (the NEED to hold on to the belief is because it's the only defense against the raw traumatic feeling) Which, again, is a risk of blasting a traumatized system with psychedelics. I wouldn't exactly recommend that. That's not to say that I wouldn't take it, or I wouldn't trip, I do, but it is not wise if there might be substantial trauma. ERT body work is good. I believe in it. I don't think it's a complete therapy. Neither is breathwork of any kind. But they can be good complements.

The process is iterative, once you get in a groove with it, more and more things will come up. There is an intelligent plan to all of it. An intelligence within you, call it the subconscious, has a roadmap for your healing, and which Pains you can integrate first, and which ones after that, it's all pretty much laid out for you. Once one feeling/memory has been cried through, you feel good for a couple of days, weeks, then you feel worse again. Depression, or call it "ego backlash". Worsening symptoms of all kinds. You might think that it hasn't worked but that's a mistake: that's the next feeling knocking on the door. If you have 5-10K to blow then fly over to the Netherlands and get 2 months of primal therapy. I can give you a source. It's definitely the quickest and will get you into a solid groove for the rest of your journey. Also the pujalepp.com retreat is excellent, it's 2.5k atm and really helped me and my friends and my girlfriend. Since you already have some traction with self-regression, I would say keep it up, if the above options are not for you, then this can get you really far. All the way to birth? Possibly. If you have the courage I'll keep making videos about how-to etc. Also, you've read Jenson's book, I also recommend Thomas A. Stone's one. Reading it right now.

Thanks for sharing! You're just in the phase of recognising several neurotic symptoms (self sabotage, dependence on external validation, etc) Perhaps just about to realise that self-help books which teach you a healthier mindset, don't always stick, or sometimes the backlashes are immense. And it can seem like subconsciously, part of you wants to fail or stay in that sabotaging state. Reality is more positive than that. This mechanism (self sabotage) is designed to create a feeling that is reminiscent of unprocessed childhood or infant pain. Or, that's the effect of it. This is how people get stuck in the same traps. If you use them as a pointer, your subconscious will help you to permanently heal. https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89452-healing-my-childhood/ https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89850-death-by-childhood-how-trauma-slowly-kills-you/ https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89100-weird-jaw-tensioncramping-during-meditation/#comment-1261494

It is often reported that people visit their loved ones, some days after they die, they feel the reassuring presence of that person. The takeaway is that the "essence" of a person is not limited to their body. It's the same essence that lives other lives too, before and after. It's the same essence that you still have after your current body dies. Not sure what happens to cats, but I don't see why their essence couldn't live on either. You can try to reconnect with your cat in dreams, meditation, a trip, a trance. Or just pray for it to happen and see.

I've been investigating approaches that directly address childhood trauma too! Here's what I found so far: Primal therapy is the most direct path. I consider it the gold standard of childhood trauma healing. But it has the limitations that you need a primal therapist, who has been through it themselves. Their role is to see through all your tricky ego games and roleplaying, and strip you of all your defenses so that you're transported into full, 3D stereo relivings with all the sounds and smells and everything. This is not something an average person with some training can do, they are themselves too neurotic to be able to be so secure, discerning and forceful. Also, Primal therapists are hard to find. I've found some but it was difficult and there are a lot of fake-primal therapists (rebirthers, primal rebirthing, all that crap) Regression therapy also addresses childhood trauma. It has a lot in common with primal therapy, but it puts lower requirements on the guide. The therapist can be neurotic themselves, that's fine as long as they ask the right questions and stay out of the patient's process otherwise. This can also be done alone, although it's harder and not everyone gets traction with it. Jean Jenson and Thomas A. Stone both describe their own methods of self-therapy, recommended reads. It's simple to execute with a willing therapist. The trouble is that often therapists will not fully commit to the process and want to skip steps, they'll want to use hypnosis which is ill-advised for this purpose, and they won't be patient enough to sit back and let the inner wisdom of the patient guide the sessions. Their ego can't handle the fact that they have so little input, besides presence and asking the same questions over and over again. They get bored and want to use the other cool shiny tools that they learnt in their education. Of course there are many counterexamples and you'll be able to find therapists willing to engage in this. This is the main reason for why I'm coaching groups now to be each other's guide and take turns. Psychedelics are hit-or-miss in my opinion, and certainly not the safest, most advisable, or most complete path (in the context of trauma work, not enlightenment). I use microdoses of LSD sometimes combined with the questioning process, and it helps me find and process old pain. Anything beyond a microdose is a really bad idea when doing trauma work, in my opinion. And I don't even advise people the microdose method, because I've seen it go south too, in less than stable psyches, whereas if they had had a little bit more patience and just done the process sober, they would have had better integration and stabilized. There's two theories on how LSD and marijuana can destabilize a psyche: * Stone says that they stir up repressed pain out-of-sequence (too big too soon), which, if the 3rd line (thought/belief structure) can't handle it, will result in hallucinations and strange ideations, because those are actually a last-line defense against actually reliving it. * Janov states that LSD weakens the gates, the neurons firing inhibitory signals at the repressed pain, blocking it from awareness, and this opening of the gates can be permanent. The problem is that those gates are there for a reason, they shield you from the too-big-too-soon pains. This is why LSD creates insight and wholeness (literally opening blockages and reconnecting parts of the memory that were barricaded, which feels like rediscovering part of the self, therefore becoming more complete), but also why it can make you go psychotic (the gates don't shut properly after the trip, maybe they were weak to begin with due to birth anoxia, now some heavy duty trauma is bubbling up that you didn't see coming, and the only thing that the brain can do to make sense of those big monstrous feelings AND STILL keep the real reason out of conscious awareness, is to create hallucinations, to make sense of the feelings. This is what psychosis is, but also how dreams work. If the 2nd line (feelings) IS able to defend against the out-of-sequence trauma that's been unblocked, you're more likely to get an episode of existential depression. If the 2nd line can't make sense of it/defend against it, that's when your 3rd line, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions, will have to adapt, hence psychosis.) @Jodistrict I've read reports that suggests that iboga can put people in touch with their all-knowing inner healing intelligence, which I hypothesize to be the same force guiding the healing process when doing primal therapy or other regression based therapy. The intelligence that selects which pains are ready to be integrated and which are not. Is that what you're referring to? In that case I could imagine it making sense, but I'd mostly expect it to give you information on what memories to work through, rather than working through it in the trip. I'd be curious what you've come to know about iboga and childhood trauma.

Amazing

You’re going to get one random person and the opinions of your dipshit friends stop you from talking to girls? I’m a community like a college campus or a village, spam approaching will eventually get you a bad reputation. You want to play a more indirect, authentic game. Organise social events. Be a leader. Stand out in some way. And hang out with a social group who is actually social, who follow your lead and respect you. Read Models by Mark Manson

Doesn’t seem safe at all, none for me thank you.

Why is it important that she’s black? Is that like a fetish or something, or a bucket list item?

Yes but YOU ARE these things ? and you should OWN it! And some women are not up for that, some of the women will actually properly detect that and reject you for it. and They Should. This is a consensual game after all. This is why you should love rejection, because many women will be up for a night of no strings attached fun, those will not reject player vibes, and those will also not regret sleeping with you.

Seeing spiders is a common side effect of sleep deprivation. So check that you’re sleeping enough. Yes and there’s plenty of medications that can make you see shit as well.

Well you’re not screwed for two reasons: It’s only a risk factor, not a guaranteed illness, otherwise 80% of the population would get a disease in their forties or fifties (most people have childhood trauma, few of them know) You can let the pain out through therapy or self therapy and then the risk factor is gone

Death By Childhood - How Trauma Kills You

@thenondualtankie Awesome share. Symptoms sound a lot like when I had covid. Sorry to hear you hit your head though. My take is that these are memories from in the womb, right before trying to get born. Especially when the baby is ready before the mother is, the infant can get this "imprisoned" feeling that is quite traumatic. Often when people start to dig a bit and remember more, they discover a massive anger towards the mother - for not letting them out. It's so common that "walls caving in" is a common theme in the collective unconscious, it is commonly said to be felt during panic attacks, and many people have a phobia of small spaces. My hypothesis is that this low state of consciousness is similar enough to the state of consciousness of an unborn baby, that it triggers these memories. When I was ill with covid, I also had a lot of old feelings bubble up.