flowboy

Sure but that's neither here nor there. As I said before, ideally you develop yourself into a person who is authentically nonneedy and with healthy boundaries. I sense a lot of judgment and pain that is coloring your view of the dating world. You seem to wish for a different world, where you can just be authentically needy and desperate, and still be attractive. Well, regardless of whether that would be a good thing, I believe the OP was asking for advice that would work in this reality, not your imagined one.

Agree. @JohnnyBravo No this is not an accurate description of neediness. Neediness is placing too much importance on getting along. Needing the person (to react well, to be nice to you, to spend time, anything). Attachment to outcome. If you say: "I don't care what we're doing, I just want an excuse to see you", this is a signal that seeing the girl has so much importance to you that you are willing to do an activity that you don't like. This implies that the source of fun for you is 0% the activity you're doing, and 100% the company of the girl. This in turn implies that if she doesn't give you validation you will be having zero fun. That puts too much pressure on the situation, and it will shift the responsibility on her to make you feel good. In that situation you are not a man who can make yourself feel good, you need her for that. Because you are so desperate to be with her that you neglect your own preferences. This is not attractive. Not just to girls, to anyone. Try to imagine a buddy saying that line to you. Feels weird, right? Hope that is more clear.

Got up at : 9:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 60 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 0 grains : 8 sugar : 0 dairy : 14 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0 Goodbye, Coconut yoghurt I discovered just now that you have dextrose. Maybe on some level I've always known. But we both know, this is not what I want. It hasn't been for quite some time. It's just best for both of us if I find a different brand, and you find someone else's blood sugar to spike. Diet is going great overall. Except I've been drinking wine every day for the past week. And I started on coffee again. Morning routine is not going great, I've failed to get up early enough for the past couple days, so I just did a quick prayer and left for work. This also had to do with having people sleep over. It disrupts my morning. Maybe I should stop being so soft and just make them go home. I want consistency. I need to intervene here. First, TV. That's the easiest. I'm cancelling my Netflix again and will stop watching youtube for entertainment. Starting today. Then tomorrow I can quit coffee (too late for today) Also the time tracking is not going super well: I only do it when I'm alone, and then I have a girl over and I forget about it until the next day. I'm not going to be hard on myself for that, adjusting to this is a process. I will just keep going until the habit is so strong that I also do it in company. Then I will have consistent data.

So the ideal situation is not pretending to have boundaries, but ACTUALLY having them. This way you can just be honest. You still need to express that, though, which I named examples of. Honestly expressing your neediness will get you nowhere. Trust me I've tried.

Honest, but way too needy. There is some etiquette to the dating game, that you have to respect at least in the beginning. Good way to scare her off, unless she thinks you're a rockstar already.

@LoveandPurpose I forgot to mention that I forgot the one thing without which I wouldn't have gotten nearly as much momentum: keeping this journal. Something about writing down your process, comparing notes, knowing that others could read it, that's really powerful. If you start one right now I'll follow it

@SageModeAustin haha, thank you. We all have our moments I suppose

Got up at : 10:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 59 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 0 grains : 7 sugar : 6 dairy : 13 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 1 I've been feeling guilty about not posting and putting it off. The reason is that so much happened last weekend that it seemed like such a task to write it all down. Basically, I discovered online dating, got laid a couple times, and now I am in danger of being addicted. Many paradigms are shattering. If getting laid is easy, then how much importance should I give it? I have 4 dates scheduled for this week already. Is that too much? It probably is. I never saw it coming that I would have this problem

@LoveandPurpose Thank you so much for reading, and expressing your kind words! This is the kind of thing that helps me keep going So I haven't completely figured it out yet, but this is what I've been doing so far: Write down all habits I would have if I completely had my shit together. What is needed to feel great about myself. Make them specific Try to implement all of them at once, or however much I think is realistically possible Tire myself out and maybe have some ego backlash. Stay mindful, stay engaged, and notice that the lowest point I backslide to is now higher Learn some lessons about what is and isn't possible. Tweak my plans for my 'ideal' lifestyle. Remove some stuff, add some stuff. Rinse, repeat. If you're like me, you won't be motivated by just doing a single habit at a time. But you also don't want to crash and never get back up. I had a fear of going too hard and losing motivation forever. That fear is gone now, after having some ego backlash phases and still being on my path. This is how I am learning to trust my ability to change.

It comes down to what you authentically are willing to do for a girl that's not too important to you (yet) This changing plans stuff is a test to see whether you have boundaries. So, make sure you give off the vibe that you would be totally cool with cancelling the date if she becomes too much trouble. Then be as accommodating as authentically makes sense for you. This showing that you have boundaries while being accommodating, can be achieved by adding a condition to your sentences. Real life example: I had a date last Thursday. She was supposed to show up at 9. But then she had to help her roommate. And then she broke her bike or something. Since she was very apologetic about it, I said every time: "Don't worry about it, just come over if you can make it before 11" "Should I still come? I fixed my bike but now my phone's dying" > "If you can make it before 11". Truth is I wouldn't have cared if she was 4 hours late and came over and fucked me at 1AM. But I needed to show that I had boundaries. While still being reasonably accommodating. Condition can be anything. If you wear something nice so we match If you promise to behave If you bring a bottle opener If you promise not to rob me If you make sure you're fresh and not still stoned from your party All the above I have used. Come to think of it, I use this stuff a lot

@SageModeAustin Well yes, you can't win if you're not willing to lose. But would that help you? Can you just decide to be vulnerable from now on? If so, great, problem solved. If not, answer my question

Yeah, it's helping me in subtle ways every day

@Alex14 Congratulations, it took you three forum topics but you finally asked her out Will you let us know how it went at least?

Is that really the thing you're afraid of, heartbreak? If so I would expect there to be some traumatizing heartbreak experience in your past. Children grow up without a concept of rejection. Then shit happens. For example I was cyber bullied and humiliated by my first serious crush. Stuff like that, dig it up. What is it?

@bejapuskas Yes, it's a great personality trait and very useful for friendships. I'm just saying that trying to entertain is not the best mindset to try for people who already are stifled. I get how you mean it and why it works for you.

This advice is golden! I second this. Follow this, forget the rest I would say. No, you're still trying then. That is being a pleaser and will be off-putting to women. This is a bad idea.

@luqqzrThis is good! Now try doing that without caring so much whether it will work. This is the next step, necessary so you can express yourself more freely. I'm pretty new to this shit too. What I found so far is that what works is that you're saying stuff to entertain yourself instead of her. Get out of that pleasing frame. You can only get a woman if you're willing to lose her

@JohnnyBravo Totally agree that if it isn't your thing, don't do it. Also I do feel you, or have felt the same for a long time. Meeting in real life yes, all the dating apps and wasted time texting people, it creeped me out and I didn't want to accept it or start taking it seriously. Also you don't feel any vibe off a person over text, so trying to get to know someone like that is a waste of time. My current view is that it's just another way for people to meet. I try to not text endlessly but meet up quickly. And from that point you can feel the vibe and try to connect, and from that moment it doesn't matter anymore how you met, isn't it?

Read it it's one of my favourite teachings

But you are right that I was overthinking. I left her alone for a week, then we started casually talking again and actually we'll meet this Saturday. Only thing is, she wants to be exclusive and I can't do that

That's not because of the pickup. They get into it because of the desperation, and to improve and grow out of that. Why would you shame them?

Since you don't seem willing to explain this with arguments, which is fine, let's just agree to disagree then I guess.

Go take up a new hobby and join a public class. Preferably something that inherently involves communication and gets you loose and out of your comfort zone, anyway. Examples: improv, acting for beginners, storytelling, public speaking. Sports will also work, if you're into that. Another thing you can do just to practise is go to music festivals (with chill vibes) by yourself. Everyone is open and in a good mood, guaranteed success.

Amen to that!

Creativity is not something you do. You let go and then it happens. How do you let go? Practise it. I recommend improv classes. You need to get yourself to a stage where you don't give a fuck anymore whether what you say will offend her, and you are just saying shit to entertain yourself. That's where the magic will happen.