flowboy

Very insightful! Interestingly, it took a breakup with an amazing girl for me as well to get out of the mindset of considering events either good or bad! Seems like you have great momentum with your development! Bookmarked.

On the contrary. The more sure you are that a girl is 'right' for you, the higher anxiety would be. The pressure to not fuck it up. A rejection would mean more, Basically your argument is that fear is there for a reason so take it seriously. Alright, let's go tell agoraphobics to stay inside then, because the outside is actually more dangerous! (Jordan Peterson talks about this too) Sorry, I don't buy this. I think the opposite is true. And I don't think this is what JP means at all, but I can't speak for him.

Jordan talks about saying things that make him feel weak. In the context that he didn't even notice it for all his life until he started philosophizing about it. That's how subtle that weakness is. You have to learn to notice it. That's not at all the same as anxiety. Your argument is invalid. Furthermore, the difference between the scenario you apparently have a crusade against, and all the others you named, is the possibility of rejection. It's not rocket science. Is your belief that everything where you risk rejection is wrong?

You are welcome! Good luck with the situation : )

Powerful answer. Wow! I felt this in my bones. Interesting to see the blue in people acting up in defense

@Hello from Russia Yes.

I also posted this on my journal, but I realized I would like feedback on it. A girl I know from acting class started texting me. We got along great and slept together. And now, I realize she's got all the power because I think she's really cool and want to see her again, and she's not so sure. I'm getting needy with the girl I slept with. It's getting out of hand. I texted her that I like her when I was drunk. I'm texting her every morning, for way too long. I am addicted to getting responses from her. She's making no effort whatsoever to impress me. Why, why can't I just be cool now? To be fair, she's very smart and witty and we get along great. So that's why my instinct is to keep her around. But not going about it the right way. I have too little faith, I think. A part of me is in a hurry to create a situation where we have feelings for each other and get kind of clingy. Because that's the way I'm used to keeping in touch with girls? This smells a lot like trying to re-create the patterns with my exes that I'm trying to avoid. I need it to be love. Why? It's A. not healthy and B. not working. I have to interrupt this. My question is: how to handle this? My plan is to at least not text her today anymore, and go do stuff for myself. Maybe even go try my hand at pickup again. I already fucked up by texting her I like her and following it up by saying I feel vulnerable in the situation. Any advice on how to recover from this?

Wow, this is big!! Made me happy to read. Congratulations! I will try those books

I'm confused as to whether I'm being a jerk to her by even meeting up, knowing that she's looking for a relationship. My personal opinion is that she's not over her ex and is better off "just having fun" for a while anyway. I told her this. She doesn't agree. And I like her a lot.

Just thought I'd give an update, in case the people who so generously advised me are curious. What I did was stop texting her, and kind of assume it was over. I used that time to chat and set dates with other girls, which made me way less needy. After a full week she texted me again, and we had a nice exchange for another week, after which I suggested meeting again. She asked me what my expectations were, considering we had found out that she wants a traditional relationship and be exclusive, and I don't. I said let's not have expectations, just have dinner. She suggested coming over to talk. We met and had a LOT of fun comparing music tastes and singing along with songs, and comparing what we consider horny sex music (I was making a playlist). Just amazing chemistry overall. Talking to this girl feels goood. Then the talking part. Turns out that me sharing that I like her and feel vulnerable had not turned her off, but confused her and she simply needed a lot of time to process that. She has only had one previous relationship, so kind of inexperienced. And she has some values that conflict with "just having fun". So we didn't resolve the whole I'm-not-what-shes-looking-for issue but we did make out, because at a certain point that just felt right. She said sternly: "I'm NOT going to sleep with you tonight!" And thanks to my decrease in neediness, I could say: "Toootally fine with me!" and MEAN it. And I meant it. I didn't expect sex but I had another date the next day, so I was just enjoying being with her. I did offer her a massage with coconut oil and tea tree oil. She loved that scent. I liked doing it. After that, I expected her to pack her stuff and leave, but she surprised me by asking me what specific things make me horny. And making me guess where the spot on her neck was that I could kiss to turn her on. This is where I felt that she changed her mind, and wanted me to turn her on and fuck her. Amazing night. Now, she's back to being unavailable (in time, she does respond to texts very well), and "processing"

I have found that no one ever takes advice from me unless they were looking for it and asking me. What I do instead is be the good example. So that people get inspired and start asking. You can use this friendship instead to practice letting go of the need to correct people. Practice not doing anything. If you wish. Also this may apply:

Wow. I just came back from gym and my body is BUZZING with energy. At the gym, I noticed: hey, suddenly the weights are less heavy! I had to stop myself from going too fast. Also, usually it takes me a while to get in the workout "zone", when I go from "oh god why am I doing this" to "YEAHH rip those muscles". This time, almost instant. I think it's safe to say that the magnesium and potassium are helping. Although I've also not come for 7 days, that's also a factor in energy levels. And I drank a mix of water with matcha powder and spirulina while working out. So it's really hard to pinpoint why I feel so GRRREAT. Again. Really should experiment more scientifically some time. It's hard to sit still and type this. Want to MOVE!!! Bought magnesium powder, ginkgo and a year's supply of resveratrol. Oh, and while feeling insanely powerful, it's just perfect that one of my girls wants to come over. I'm MAD horny!

Got up at : 14:00 Morning,Evening,Night routine streak: 0 One Approach A Day streak : 0 Eating within 9 hour window streak : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 71 alcohol : 6 caffeine except tea : 8 TV : 0 grains : 19 sugar : 9 dairy : 25 peak orgasm : 7 porn : 28

I feel like I slept really well! I think the minerals are helping. I abandoned my morning routine this week because it takes too long, and it's too many things. If I'm waking up late and have to go to work quickly, I don't want to have to complete a list of 12 tasks before I go. And that's literally what it was like. Shower Make bed Pray Yoga Concentration Meditation Read vision Write affirmation Visualisation Make schedule for day Brush teeth Pack things for work So when I'm in a rush, the first things to go are making a plan and brushing my teeth! I need a plan to feel like I have my shit handled. I decided to make that the previous evening. I have tried that before, some years ago. I had a habit of making my daily schedule for the next day. But I ran into a problem: it was hard to make myself do it before bed when sleeping over somewhere. And another problem: I would have to do it when coming home drunk. Try waking up hung over and finding out that some drunk guy scheduled your day for you So here's my new design. Took quite a bit of puzzling to figure out how to handle evening plans. It's probably not realistic to make my date wait for my hour-long evening medition before bed. Or in the morning for that matter. Not to say that I've been meditating that long lately, but my routine should allow for it. And skipping in case I have company is also a bad idea, because 1) the perfectionist in me would never be okay with that and 2) that means that spending an evening with a person becomes a rare occasion that I have to feel guilty about if I do it too often. Because it made me skip meditation. No. Same reason that I don't drink alcohol. If I want to have people over every day of the week, then that should be sustainable. But, I do want to reap the benefits of a bedtime ritual! That will prime my physiology for sleep. And that should be right before bed! Aargh, it's all SO COMPLICATED! So, I ended up creating 3 routines. I will try them today for the first time, so I may tweak them. But they should be doable yet contain the important habits. Oh, and why routines? Because I don't like going through my day having to think about whether I've done every individual habit already or not. It would drive me crazy. And I've tried the apps where you tick boxes for when you've done it. I don't like being dependent on my phone for something so fundamental. And the evening routines: There is a column for the time. This is an example I use to see if it would work and how long it would take. I won't be checking the clock all the time, and it doesn't have to match this. If I had a big night, I will make sure I can sleep 8.5 hours, and start my routine right after I don't check my messages or other apps/forums before routine is done! If I'm sleeping with someone, I make sure to do the evening block before we meet! Trying to schedule and write affirmations and meditate an hour at some girl's place won't work most of the time. I realise this seems overly precise, but this is the way my mind likes it. When plans change on the spot, for example when a friend suggests coming over, or going out, I don't want to have to stand there for 15 minutes trying to think whether that would mess up my routines and how to fix that. Scheduling on the fly is not my forte, guys. I need a plan that I can trust. That will work in every situation and allow me to do whatever I want around it. I may change the content a bit, but I think I'm getting close. I'm off to try my morning program.

At least you did one approach! Good work

This is true for women, not for men. There's no such thing as real feelings vs not real feelings. If I eat gluten, I will be sad all day. If I don't, I'm happy. Which feelings are real? @Pallero you're suggesting here to take these feelings very seriously. I think that's a bad idea. Rather, observe and disidentify. Don't get carried away believing all your thoughts.

@ramdom133 This happens to me too! It's normal but not everyone notices It's because after a peak orgasm, your oxytocin levels peak and immediately drop, making you less eager to cuddle. your dopamine levels start dropping with a delay, and after day 3 they're at a low. At this point I regularly feel emotionally unstable and have many cravings for sugar and coffee and whatever. Your prolactin levels start going up, and then slowly come back down. If you're sensitive to this, try not cumming for 3 weeks, and see how AMAZING you feel. At 17 days your dopamine is back its peak, and you will feel fresh as a newborn baby that's never fapped before I tend to feel super clear, energetic, masculine, positive after day 15. Like I never thought I could feel like that, it's amazing. But it's tough getting there ?

Minerals For a while now I've been worried about feeling weird on this diet: Strung out, like after a night of amphetamine use (I've heard) Weirdly fast heartbeat and stressed feeling Irregular, fast and shallow breathing Tired feeling in the eyes Mentally not fully there. Brain fog. Chaotic Loss of words and even grammar Constant underslept feeling Body feels restless, but at the same time unwilling to do things like walk up stairs or ride a bicycle Then, I remembered that I read something about mineral supplementation on keto. Maybe that's what's missing. So I bought a potassium and sodium salt (LO-SALT) and mixed it in a cup with some sea salt and drank it. Tastes like you'd expect someone's diluted saliva to taste. And it could be placebo, but I'm feeling goood. Food tastes better. I feel calmer. Also bought a more bioavailable magnesium, gonna add that on. Guess I will have to drink more water AND drink my salty mix, when on keto.

Good sarging brother!

@JohnnyBravo Wow... I'm speechless

I've been slacking off on the planning part, and now I'm suffering for it. Trying to do everything at once again, very chaotically. Also my body is complaining about the lack of exercise. That also doesn't help my focus. Before I have my first tea of the day, I'm usually in a very chaotic haze. The fact that I stopped doing my morning routine (lack of meditation) seems to make this much worse. I feel inspired to recreate a routine. One that doesn't become too much.

The woman across from me has her tobacco out on the table, and I've spent the last half hour fantasizing about asking for a cigarette. Unbelievable cravings. Unexpected, too. To the point where I was sure that I was going to, and I was already imagining my no-smoking counter going from 70 days to 0. What that would do to me. I would survive but it would be depressing. Still not sure whether I will beg people for a smoke. But right now, I'm writing about it instead. Edit: the woman with the tobacco finally left!!! Victory!!! It's weird because I had a date with a woman who smoked right in front of me, and I was barely tempted. But I was feeling good about myself then. Plus, I know that betraying your values is a ladyboner killer. Now, I was feeling bad about myself, and no one was watching me. Close call?

Wholeheartedly agree! Must say I have enjoyed this comparing views with an intelligent being. Thank you!

Got up at : 11:00 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 70 alcohol : 5 caffeine except tea : 7 TV : 0 grains : 18 sugar : 8 dairy : 24 peak orgasm : 6 porn : 27 Still having trouble with following up with girls. All my life I've done it this way: just asking to set another date to meet. "When do you have time?" But, this apparently doesn't work so well. It will take time for my brain to grasp this. I asked my driving instructor (woman) just for fun. She advised things like: "I'm in the neigbourhood by coincidence, want to grab coffee". Or: "That night I'm cooking ... and have more than for one, you could come join me" RSD seems to advise "doing cool things and inviting her along". Like going to parties, but they say it can even be shopping or laundry. A trusted friend said last night that it is important to be on your path and invite them along, to an event for example. Asking for when they have time is making yourself too available (I think?) so alternatively you could propose something and if they say no a couple times, just cut it off. "Either fuck yes, or no." Mark Manson style I told him that I really like the women that I've met so far, and I want to make sure I see them again. The control freak in me wants to set dates. His response was that maybe I shouldn't do anything at all. Because if I'm thinking about this in my daily life so much, I'm still making the women too important. I'm needing them too much. Even though I have options. There's something to it. Today I feel empty, confused and in a bad mood. I want to fill that emptiness with validation from girls. With racking up more numbers. I want the women to distract me. Yikes. I suppose it's good that I'm realising that now. Netflix never rejects me when I put too much importance on it? I'm even very, VERY tempted to smoke. Back to the topic of following up with women. I tried the advice and texted to a bunch of girls: "I'll be sitting at a coffee shop working on something today. Come meet me there if you like." Is it too boring? Too vague? Does it have to be an activity you can share? Perhaps. Not much effect: Ignored Can't because I live too far away Can't because I'm busy today with X And, this makes sense actually. On the day itself, there's a very small chance that people are available. So that's why I am inclined to ask when someone is free. The alternative is knowing in advance what I'll be doing every day for the coming week, so I can casually invite girls along, but in the future. This will require me to step up my planning skills. Scheduling out my week becomes important for dating. There's something I never expected would happen. But this is probably what is lacking. Me having plans. Plans that leave opportunities for women to join.

The library example is even worse. Imagine how that conversation would go when the girl asks: "By the way, what are you doing here" Now he has two choices. He can lie and say he's looking for a book. THAT's what I consider manipulative. Or he can go: "Oh, I'm just here to meet girls.." > "Okay then...? > Why don't you just go to a bar for that? I'm here to read." "Because mandyjw said that that can't lead to something real."