rNOW

Something I've been trying recently: It's a mixture of two exercises - one from Eckhart Tolle and another from someone I remotely knew about who used to refer to himself in third person. To a lot of people it seemed crazy, but when I started practicing it, I realized the value in it. Exercise: Referring to yourself by your name instead of "I" or "me". Here's how to go about it. Whatever you're thinking, saying or doing at this very moment, focus your internal dialogue on it as if you were another person observing yourself think, say and do that. Example, while typing this, I am saying to myself: "rNOW is typing this post. rNOW is thinking if this exercise is worthy of sharing here. rNOW is thinking of shutting down the computer and going to bed. Is rNOW using this website to procrastinate?" The easy thing about it is, you can practice this anywhere anytime doing whatever. It might seem overwhelming in the beginning but gets better with practice. You start noticing that the difference between you and others start melting because you can now look at yourself as if you were someone else. Same with things. There was one particular moment where I had the subject/object mixed up: I was saying to myself "rNOW is filling the tumbler with water. rNOW is observing the water bubbles forming in the tumbler." Followed by a sudden twist "The tumbler is being filled by rNOW. The water bubbles are being observed by rNOW" and on and on. In those moments, all thoughts cease. Even though these dialogues seem like thoughts, they are not. They're just observations you're recording to discard the next moment. And then you begin to notice there probably is no difference between the tumbler and water and you, even if for a split second, there is no you. Subtle Warning: Try to keep these dialogues internal if you want others to leave you alone. May warrant unwanted attention if practiced aloud.

I do find that exercise actually increases my weight. It reduces fat and waistline. But it increases weight. So instead of trying to monitor health by measuring weight, I'd recommend you just focus on eating well, feeling good about yourself and exercise of your choice - start mildly though. From my personal experience, I started craving healthy food when I started feeling good about myself and my life in general. It takes some practice though and getting to know yourself like you're getting to know someone else and then falling in love and being committed to yourself.

@purerogue I live in India. And have lived in different parts of the country. I am not sure whom you are talking about, but I would like to make a distinction between spirituality and culture. Spirituality concerns itself with the spirit of things, while culture is regarding food, clothing, festivals, language, etc. Spirituality remains intact throughout, but culture has many influences throughout history. When it comes to rituals, I find that a lot of people are only concerned with the 'practice' of things and not with the knowledge of that practice. And a lot of things which they do not understand, they assign it to 'God' or 'Religion'. Sometimes knowledge is lost in translation. When these practices began, there was no 'paper' or 'printing' so it was through a form of stories and metaphors that they were passed down because remembering just plain data is difficult for a lot of people. So deep truths were wrapped in stories of gods/goddesses/demons/etc. and that is how the rituals were passed down from generation to generation. Unfortunately now most people are only concerned with the story and not the truth behind it. If you dig deeper, there is a spiritual aspect to a lot of 'religious' practices. Current example: A ritual of fasting in the month of Chaitra. People abstain from salt, garlic, hot spices, etc. Why is that? To appease some goddess? I doubt it. It is scorching hot during this month. Salt, garlic, etc all these food ingredients increase/retain body heat. And unfortunately there were no air-conditioners when this practice was introduced. If you want to test it, try just going without salt for the next week and notice how you feel. I believe some of the practices are now obsolete given the industrialization and climate change. So it only seems 'religious' and not practical.

@howdoistopobsessing The word 'karma' translates as action, not a punishment or a reward. But all actions have consequences, whether they are good or bad depends on our judgement about them. And action here doesn't just mean physical action, it also means mental and emotional action. As long as you are alive in this world, you cannot escape taking action. What you can do is, take conscious action. How I understand is this way, that basically, all beings are a form of a single consciousness. When you realize this experientially, and not just theoretically, you realize that when you harm another being, you are eventually harming yourself- because there is no distinction between yourself and the other. Everything in this world is made up from the same 5 elements that you are made of. Example: if your body reacts to your thoughts about yourself, then your body will also react to your thoughts about someone else. As and when you become completely 'judgement-free' so to speak, when all your actions are taken with absolute consciousness, you reduce your karma to that extent. However, it is very difficult to practice. I have no idea about what happens after death, but I have read a few things, from different perspectives- if you are interested in studying Hinduism, you could check out the Garuda Purana which concerns itself with death, karma and rebirth.

I haven't watched the full video that you have posted, but I have watched some others, and I believe I fall into the category of 'empaths'. However, there may be various degrees, because I do not sense any 'layers' to a person as the video shows. I also cannot gauge what I'm accurately feeling in the given moment. I do however know if someone is lying and angry or sad or unfulfilled just by being in their presence, or even through text-communications. It just takes me a while to interpret those feelings as those of others and not my own. Until a couple of years ago, I had no idea what an 'empath' was. For most part, I used to feel anger in the presence of angry people. And sad in the presence of sad people and victimized in the presence of the victimized. For most of my life, I just assumed that everyone feels that way. So I think I used to be an 'unhealthy' empath. Now that I know, I try to navigate the feelings in any situation to figure out if they are my own or borrowed ones. And the difference is sometimes very subtle. Negative vibes are easier to notice than the positive ones- for reasons I do not know.

It hurts a lot when something tragic happens in your life and people throw that saying to your face. It is no solace. However, I have noticed this about my own life - everything that I did not want to experience has led me to an experience that I wanted. So while I'm careful not to use that saying on someone else's life situation, I like to think it holds true for mine - that even when I don't know the reason something happened, it maybe revealed later on if I'm willing to pay attention. That way I can stop looking at difficulties as punishments and start seeing them as opportunities for wisdom. "Life doesn't happen to you. Life happens for you."

People have a hard time accepting the love that they have denied themselves. So if your love is rejected, know that it isn't about you. Or maybe they aren't even rejecting it, they just do not know how to express acknowledgement. How do you show yourself love?- Communicate with yourself as you would have wanted your dad to communicate with you.

My idea of self-development is a little different. I do not watch all the videos that Leo or anyone else posts. I also do not read all the books someone else recommends. Or movies or music or diet and exercise routines. Why? Because it isn't personally catered to me and my situation. So there is this whole menu of topics for me to choose from, but what I pick depends on me. The key to remembering things is to immediately put into practice whatever you have learned- ACTIVELY. And if you try to consume everything that's thrown your way, you will end up tasting everything without savoring or remembering anything. So the key is in making a pick, one at a time: 1. Find out areas of your life that you are struggling with. There may be many, and you can begin with the one that is most difficult. For example, if you have a difficult time forgiving someone, study forgiveness- read books on forgiveness, watch videos on it and give yourself a daily homework on it. And experiment with it. See what works, see what doesn't work. Take notes. 2. Do not pick too many topics to study at once. Just focus on one and until you master that one, stay on it. You will eventually find that the topics you wish to study are all very interconnected and you will eventually end up learning a lot more by just digging deep into one. For example: While practicing forgiveness, you may find that you have trouble communicating it, so you may want to brush up on communication skills. And so on. One topic leads to another and another. 3. Give yourself tests - use the situation that you are in as a training ground. So if someone yells at you, instead of getting angry and fuming for the rest of the day, you tell yourself: "I forgive you" and get on with your day.

Until yesterday, I had no idea who David Goggins was. Today, I heard a sentence from his mouth - "I trained myself to crave discomfort". And it has been on my mind all day and I have gotten a few things done today. Soooo yes, that is a very inspiring sentence.

I believe this would change in the future. In no particular order: Awareness - Learning to be present. Objectivity and Subjectivity- Learning to observe and change perspectives quickly and look at multiple sides of a situation. Resilience - using adversities and obstacles as stepping stones. Surrendering and letting go. Equanimity - Learning to live with uncertainty and turmoil Creativity - Aligning the inside and the outside Relationships - self and others. (Includes love, forgiveness, compassion, communication, etc.) Health - physical, mental, emotional. Personal Finance Learning related to career (seminars, workshops, books, partnerships) Teach the above as and when learned.

Everyone's definition of success is different. If you say 'finances' - how much or what way of earning? If you say relationships - how many or how deep?The answer is multifaceted and each person has to decide for oneself - for each of that facets. The problem with success is - the moment you are successful, you change your definition of success.

Books by Dr. Brian Weiss

Presence. In a moment of absolute awareness, there is no happiness. And no sorrow.

@Elia Yes. I have overcome it. Though the word 'overcome' sounds like a lie. Because it wasn't some deliberate action plan. It was more of a series of little realizations over a period of 3 years, now I have lost most of my unhealthy cravings. The number one thing that changed the game was the realization that I was talking to myself as other people were talking to me. That I was judging myself for the exact same things that others were judging me for. This is when I realized that my thoughts are not my own. They are borrowed from other people throughout my life. And a lot of them were very negative. So the negative stuck. If this was true, I thought, I must try borrowing better thoughts. This was also the time I started reading everyday - 15 minutes a day. And that is when I noticed, my mood changed immediately when I read something uplifting. OR watch an uplifting video. So I took a lot of notes: Who are the people I interact the most with? What are my interactions about? What kind of interactions uplift me and what kind of interactions pull me down? After a few weeks of note-taking, I had some data. And then I realized I do not like the interactions I am having and also it is not possible to tell others to change them. So I read and read and read and watched videos which were helpful or useful or uplifting. (I did this for about 1.5 years everyday). If I had one negative interaction, I would compensate it with something positive 4 times. Example: Someone called me fat jokingly), I would lie to myself and tell myself I'm very healthy, because being called fat would send me into a guilt and shame spiral and I would end up eating more sugar. I would sometimes forget that, and so I set an alarm on my phone to go, "Hey gorgeous" every 2-3 hours. Every time my phone would show that message, I would force myself to read that lie. Another thing is noticing the root of craving- mine was guilt and shame. Through reading and lots and lots of journaling, I came to understand how the patterns got embedded in my psyche. And once you understand it, it automatically falls away. And then there is exercise - of any kind. 2 years into walking everyday, I noticed something really strange. I started craving fruits after exercising instead of my usual craving of junk food. Or even any other kind of cooked food. One more year later, I rarely feel hungry even after exercising. And it is very difficult to explain this to other people. I'm not sure if what worked for me would work for you. You might have to experiment a bit to find out. Just....do not guilt yourself into not-eating. Every change begins by loving yourself for who you are, right now. And knowing that you are enough, in-spite of all your emotional problems. Wish you the best.

If you buy, you have more freedom with the books - like writing in the margins, making notes, underlining, making references, etc. which isn't possible with library books. Also, you might want to look up something while reading something else and you don't want to be running to the library over and over again - especially if you read really good books that are worth reading multiple times. If you are just beginning to read, you can use the library to check out books and then maybe if you find something worth buying, you buy it.

Are you getting enough vitamins? (Specifically B12?). Though hair loss may have many reasons, one of the most common ones is vitamin deficiency and stress.

@SaltyMeatballs Not always, because the more daunting a task is, the more digging it requires. Once you have dug through the root causes, then it becomes easier to ' just go do it.' I had a huge procrastination problem, which after digging through I realized the bottom line - I was not valuing what I was doing. Why was that? Because the people around me did not value it. So I was looking at my work through other people's eyes. I needed to change that and become very clear on why I'm doing what I'm doing irrespective of what others thought about it. Personally, I find that when I'm doing something for money or fame or success, I automatically lose interest. The moment I think I'm making a 'contribution' to something or someone in a positive way, I feel motivated. So every time I feel I don't want to do something, I ask myself if it useful or valuable to someone else? This doesn't always work for everyone and not for all things to work on, so it is a process to discover. P.S.: Right now, the emotionally difficult task for me is to get off this forum and sit and design a door, so there I failed.

Do you have any questions or a process of self-inquiry that keeps you on your path? I find sometimes, asking the right question, it resolves the problem because the problem was in the mind.

@SaltyMeatballs Don't work hard. Don't work smart. Work consciously. That is really getting to the root of things as to on which things you should be working hard for and on which things you should be working smart for and which things you shouldn't be working on at all. And why. Working hard in and itself is not useful. And you can only know what is useful if you know what matters to you. As such Leo has a sentence that has pretty much helped me: "Always do the thing that is emotionally difficult". If you pay attention in any moment, there will something that is of utmost importance for that particular moment, but you are avoiding it. Maybe set a reminder on your phone every hour or two that asks - what is the emotionally difficult thing I'm avoiding? And then go do it, without ruminating over it.

No. I do check out the recommendations a book has. I read based on what I wish to learn. And topics that I'm struggling with in real life. So say I have a problem forgiving someone. Then I check if there are books on forgiveness which I can read and put into practice immediately. So I have a list of to-read books from recommendations. And then when the time comes, I check out if any matches my situation. Then I read that.

Ask yourself why do you need to pretend to be humble. Is it because you are not? If not, why is it that you want to be seen as 'humble'? What do you think you can gain from that pretense? And what can you lose if you let it go? What happens if people see you in a different light than the one you want them to?

I agree with a lot of previous posts - do not 'decide' what to avoid and what not to avoid in your mind. Listen to your body and let it decide. So you decided to cut off all sugar from your diet, but there may be times when you will crave sugar if your sugar levels drop. However, it takes some practice to notice that the craving is in your body and not your mind. Same with all types of foods. As and when you start noticing how your body reacts to different foods, you will find that the same food cooked and eaten immediately will have a different reaction than that eaten after 3 hours of cooking.

I think I have this problem too. It is like your mind wanders off away from your body. I have started this exercise recently, I remember reading about it in an Osho book years ago, but I did not think much of it at the time. Now it suddenly hit me- that this is really some important thing. How you do it is you give voice to your actions inside your mind. For example, right now I'm typing this while drinking tea. So I say to myself: "I'm typing this, now I'm back-spacing the word. Now I'm smelling the tea, which smells exotic. Now I'm taking a sip of this tea. Now I can hear a bird chirp outside and a carpenter drilling a hole in the wall somewhere. Now I realised I have detracted my attention from this post to the noises outside." And so on and on. It just basically means you pay attention to where your attention is in each moment. As easy as it sounds, it is very difficult in practice. I think for me it is very difficult to practice this even for a single minute. But maybe with practice, it can improve. As and when you try this, you will realise that that moments where your attention is 100% on what you are doing, those moments are very 'light'. There is no space for thoughts or emotions or random ideas to float about because all of your attention is on the thing you are doing or paying attention to.

@Amun Sure - All my days are more or less the same - I work as a freelance designer, and that takes up about 4-5 hours a day, sometimes a couple more, the rest of the day is spent in journalling, reading, cooking, cleaning and exercising. I have a very limited social life so my interactions with other people are limited to work and family. The dreams started about 6 months ago - they are not very regular, since I do not take afternoon naps most days but they do tend to occur when I am extremely physically exhausted. I remember telling myself to 'relax' a couple of times just so I could manage to rest in the short amount of time I had for a nap. I think my mind is too tired to be occupied by thoughts which I usually have before I go to bed at night. That may have something to do with such dreams.