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I live in India. Ask away. (Though I am not sure much about Mumbai, but I have visited it a few times.) One book which I really liked was Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. Don't have your parents read it. They might get more worried

My dad is a doctor. He has cured some fine diseases with Ayurvedic herbs. The cure and recovery rate is slow so it is hard to believe and often patients give up hope without going all in on it. Also they tend to try out many things in a short span of time, so it sometimes messes up their system. But know someone who was given 5 years to live due to some lung disease and they had been cured by some herbs in our garden. Point to be taken. The patient is now cured, but they did not change their lifestyle, so we cannot say they are healthy. Also the mental state of the patients affect the recovery greatly. I also know someone who had very simple disease which was easy to cure, if they just got up and exercised. They did not, and had no desire to live or get cured. They spent 3 months in hospital just like that - with no reason, just benefiting the hospital profits, even after the doctor had asked them they were fine to go. No medicines can work on such people. I've personally used silver colloidal water to wash my eyes in conjunctivitis. Infection gone in 6 hours when I washed my eyes every 30 minutes. If you're interested, read about Ayurveda and the food system it advocates. It says all diseases are an imbalance of elements of water, fire and air in the body. Once you understand how it works, you can recover from anything. One interesting book (not Ayurveda) is - What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medicine may be killing you by Dr. Ray M Strand.

Here's a simple explanation: You were born, and someone gave you a name. You noticed everything and everyone around you, how they behaved, what worked and what didn't. You noticed what got rewarded and what got punished. You noticed what was appreciated and what was criticized. You noticed what was valued and what was devalued. And just like that, in all that noticing, you cast yourself into a mould that everyone around you put you in. That, is so gradual and unconscious, that you end up thinking, this is me. That you, the image you have of yourself is your personality. As an example: Ever since I was a kid, my mom would interrupt me whenever I tried to speak something. If someone asked me a question, she would answer on my behalf before I do. And then over a period of time, I felt it is not really a good idea to open my mouth. I retreated into a shell and became an introvert. I disliked being around people even though I could not pin point why. Then that became my personality - shy and quiet. Then I move out and go to college. I no longer have my mom around. I also get to do stuff that I find interesting. I am able to ask questions openly and answer them honestly. And people started saying I'm so confident. Then that became my personality. That is what a personality is. People at in my family have a hard time believing I am confident and outspoken. People at my college have a hard time believing I'm shy and quiet. None of these extremes is me. Both are acquired traits. Personality, the word, comes from 'Persona' meaning a 'mask'. So it is something that actually covers up your real face or the real you. How do you know what is the real you? When you let go of all your masks and stand naked. Decide which aspects of you are acquired and let them go. It's a hell of a process and hurts your ego a lot.

As an architect, here's what is most unfulfilling- Designing the same things over and over and over again. I love when clients are genuine and open and voice their requirements and personal quirks which I can then convert into bricks and stones and plywood. BUT these types of clients are rare. Everyone wants what their neighbours want. It takes me all the life in me to convince them that their life and lifestyle is not their neighbour's lifestyle, so it should be unique and personal, like a fingerprint. But of course, that means more effort and more time, which doesn't market well in the industry that learns by 'how it looks'. I dislike designing apartments which look exactly the same matchboxes as those in the whole 20 sq km area. It is very disheartening to look outside the window and see nothing 'new'. People start behaving similarly when they live in similar houses, and I don't want to be a part of this mass-produced humanity. I have no idea how to go about it, but I recognize that THERE IS NO COMPETITION IF YOUR WORK IS AUTHENTIC. Sure, others may copy my designs. Let them. They may get paid more for it. Let them. As long as I get to express my creativity, why bother?

You will feel you have wasted your life when you haven't realized the role each of these situations have placed in getting you where you are. Sure some people get there faster than you, some slower, but is there a deadline to self-realization? Your life wherever it is, is this because of every single moment you have lived right now. It's not wasted moments, just tasted moments. Once you understand this, you will no longer waste any more moments reliving this story in your head. It might look unkindly of me to say this, but I'm 33 now. And I felt I wasted my life until I was 30-31. I have spent a lot of time procrastinating and blaming people and blaming myself. But here's the truth: I had to waste (or spend) that time to know that that means nothing. You cannot love yourself by hating the moments that made you you. And unless you love yourself, you cannot value your time. You cannot hate yourself into doing something valuable with your time, because you wouldn't value anything you do, because you hate abhor yourself. So even if good things come your way now, you will not value them. Instead, try this: you already are self aware enough to be aware of your shadows. Befriend them. They aren't separate from you. The past you, is still you. Just wanting yourself for the good things you give yourself is not love. Love encompasses all. Think of yourself as someone you have decided to stick to with all your life. And start there.

So I watched Leo's video on body awareness/relaxation and applied the technique. It is amazing and very relaxing. BUT, weird things started happening. One such thing is - I notice that I wake up while still being asleep, as in mind awake, body asleep. Often times, I 'see' things in my room. The most prominent things in my room are the ceiling fan, the AC and the window and I happen to see them with my eyes closed in this mind-awake-body-asleep state. It doesn't seem like a dream, because they are exactly in the same location as I see them from my sleeping position. I could also read the temperature on the AC and then confirmed it when I 'woke up'. Another time in this state, I was staring at the window and thought I need to turn my head and the window turned along with my head, but I couldn't move my physical head because I was probably in this sleep-paralysis state. This usually lasts only a few seconds before I realize that my eyes are actually closed and then I freak out and start rationalizing it - "How in the world is this possible", or "AM I GOING BLIND OR CRAZY OR BOTH?" And that is when I break out of this state and wake up. Now I've heard of people who can see with their eyes blindfolded but that is a voluntary choice they can exercise while being awake, but this seems to be different? I do not think I consciously choose it, it just happens when I sleep after being extremely exhausted. Is this 'normal'?

What you call 'productivity' is basically a means to an end. And what you call 'play' is the end. Once you learn how to play well, all productivity becomes play. The distinction is basically in your head. Do you realize, when you do something you really like doing, you don't care and you feel energized even though you extended a lot of effort into it? That is the key - to learn to become effortless at extending effort. So it is different for different people and different activities. Nobody can really be productive 100 percent of the time, you need to maintain the engine to run it well. How do you decide what is optimal? Check yourself every moment. Change yourself every moment. Do what is required in the moment. If you are hungry, eat. If you are relaxed, work. If you are restless, move. If you are tired, rest. If you are sick, recover. If you are healthy, run. Life is simple if we do not try to set it out into patterns. But then, I'm a conditioned human like you and all this I say is quite a difficult thing to practice.

Thanks @Elisabeth it's there on the list

I'm thankful for all my struggles, and for the realization that they are my best opportunities.

Yes it is ego. I used to be suicidal some few years ago. Why? Because I wanted my life to go one way and my life went another way. What part of me wants to control my life? Obviously my ego. What part of me thought I had lost everything and nothing mattered anymore if it did not get the one thing it wanted? My ego. Ego is basically what you think yourself to be. When you lose that, you feel lost. And suicidal. In truth, it is just a construct of mind.

You start from the place of your deepest struggle. Ask yourself what bothers you. And begin there. Do you find yourself struggling at health? Start there. Find it difficult to forgive some wrong done to you? Start there. Difficult to focus? Start there. Finances messy? Start there. Pick up a book related to your personal struggle and drown in the topic. From there, you will find your way into other topics.

This is a timely topic for me. I've started going off commercial shampoos and trying out some homemade ones. But I find it very difficult to get rid of oil from my hair. I massage my hair with oil on a weekly basis and I find it is very good for hair health. But without shampoo, I find it difficult to get the oil out at one go. I'm trying out soap nuts and gram flour to reduce the oil, but it is still not very effective. Will try ACV and lemon, not sure if it is good on the hair with the acidic content. Yogurt works as an excellent conditioner though.

Yes. Your food is causing bloating. You need to go easy on lentils and rice. Include vegetables in it. Don't just eat rice and lentils on their own. They are known to cause gas and prolonged eating them causes many joint diseases and pains. So here's a trick on how to eat them - add gas reducing foods whenever you eat these. Add garlic, ginger, pepper or chillies to it. Never cook these without any of these ingredients. If you want to know more about foods that cause gas/bloating, google types of food according to Ayurveda. Also, do not eat them at night. Digestion becomes weak at night and these foods are hard to digest. So less digestion = more bloating. Try to have all such heavy meals before sunset. or at least 4 hours before bed time. And eat a little less. Do not eat until full. Leave some space in your stomach for air and water movement. And lastly. Cook them very well - not al-dente. It should be mushy for it to digest well. And cook in ghee instead of oil. (Source: Common practices in traditional Indian diet. I'm Indian.)

I have noticed I have anxiety around specific people. Not everyone though, irrespective of whether they are people known to me or strangers. There are some people who trigger me into anxiety without reason. Why does this happen? An example is an acquaintance who has hired me for their personal project. My heart goes into an overdrive seconds before they call, and so now I can say for sure when they're calling without even looking at my phone. I'm not sure how this happens. And it feels it is going to burst out every time I have an interaction with them. And I find it difficult to focus on anything for hours even when the phone call was just a cordial 30 second interaction. Initially I thought I wanted to impress them with my work, but that isn't true. The truth maybe that I do not like the way they behave and go about getting work done. Personal differences aside, I have decided, I want nothing in return for whatever work I'm providing them. I'm just sticking to the project, because the entire project depends on me and I do not want to be the one to ruin it by leaving it mid-way. So my question is - how do I manage my anxiety in the meantime? Is there a way to know before hand which people would bring out this type of anxiety in me? And why? (I do not have social anxiety and I really love my work, so neither of this is the case).

@Etherial Cat I used to suffer from impostor syndrome and low self esteem a couple of years ago, I believe I have mostly resolved them. I think the reason for this anxiety is mostly value based - wherein the other person and I have different values and goals and I am forced to do things that go against mine. Like example, one person I know just stole some decor stones from a hotel and expected me to keep it a secret. Or getting favours using my name and contacts. I think it is not pertaining to me, but them, because it is not the same with all people. I'm not anxious going on stage in front of strangers, or meeting others or calling others. Only certain selective people. But then people are mirrors. So I'm trying to find out what part of me is triggered by this behaviour and needs healing.

I find Sandeep Maheshwari on the list. He has two channels on YouTube - one dealing with self development and another with spirituality. Most of his videos are in Hindi aimed at audiences in India. But some are in English. He conducts free sessions in person with an audience and then uploads the videos on YouTube.

Some I have come up with few of these after a terribly toxic relationship: (in no particular order) - Are you close to your parents? What was your relationship with them while growing up? - Why do you seek a relationship? - What is your ideal day? - If you had all the money, health and unconditional love in your life, what would you want to spend your life doing? - What do you do in your free time? - When was the last time you cried? - What is the question you wished someone asked you but nobody has? - What does an ideal relationship look to you? - Can you be alone for long periods of time? - Are you afraid of death or illness? - Do you wish to have children, if yes why, if not, why? - What were your lessons from past relationships? - Do you read? What books? - What are your deal breakers in a relationship? MOST IMPORTANT: How do you do things you don't like doing? Like cleaning the house, doing the dishes and laundry? Disclaimer: You could scare away potential partners with these questions

@Joshi3 Thanks. I say I do not have social anxiety, because it is not common for me to feel this way with most people. Only some selective people. I have observed often what happens, my heart starts beating very fast and after a while, I have to reason myself out of it. As in the physiological symptoms are more prominent than the psychological ones. Or I'm unable to pinpoint the root of it. @Preety_India Thanks a lot. Yes. A psychological clash, particularly of values, wherein I am forced to do something I think isn't right. Though it is not my project, I find it unnecessary to bring in my values to it, but I find this person is wasting so much of his own time and money and energy into things that are not working. I have a belief in me that it is wrong to leave things mid way and to see through the completion of things, this belief maybe causing anxiety? Because I now see that if something is bad for me, I shouldn't be afraid to let go of it. I do notice how the body language and behaviour of certain persons cause me to recoil. They are more like 'in-your-face' or 'my-way or the high-way' people who continuously bash others for disagreeing with them. But I find that my observations only surface after spending some time with them. Thanks though, this makes sense.

There was a time in my life when I would open the refrigerator to get ice to add to water and instead pick up the ice cream box next to it. So I would eat ice cream when I was thirsty. For me personally, the change was very gradual and not intentional, I started exercising and journalling and resolving some emotional issues and my cravings gradually died down over a span of 2-3 years. Today evening I had several guests over who were all eating my favorite ice cream. I did not feel even like giving it a glance. But I did try other few things which can be termed as 'conscious actions'. You cannot force your mom to change her diet. You can change yours. Here's how: Place a healthier counterpart of the unhealthy stuff next to it. For example, Yogurt with honey next to ice cream. Dates and raisins next to cookies and chocolates and cut salad next to a pizza. Place the objects such that whenever you 'see' the unhealthy items, you are also forced to notice the healthy ones. You could set a reminder on your phone to beep every hour to remind you to eat healthy. The change won't happen in a day or a week or even a month. But very slowly, if you keep at it, you will find yourself changing. Don't be disappointed with relapses in the mean time. And do not feel guilty. Remember you do not want to learn how to 'resist the urge'. You want to not have the urge in the first place. Then the whole world might be eating whatever the hell they want, you would remain unperturbed.

I've been labelled an artist ever since I was a kid because I was/am really skilled at drawing. I took drawing classes and have learned different techniques for it. And then I realized, that most of the time, what I have been taught was 'How to copy/imitate' and not create. Even when I created something seemingly new, it would be just a remix of stuff I've seen before. So now I've taken up a new hobby: to draw intuitively. I open a sketchbook and I just sit and ask my intuition to tell me what colour to make or paint and where and how and when. I don't reason with it and I don't try to make it into a 'good' painting/drawing. Only made a few so far, but they are very different from my usual styles and also do not follow any particular style or colour combinations. There are moments while drawing/painting when my mind gets involved in it, and that point is like a blotch on the whole paper. For the rest of the time, it is very weird. It makes me draw things I have no idea what it is, just lines, blobs and shapes, but in the end, it comes well together, even if it is not 'pretty', but it looks cohesive. I even had a point once, when I wanted to keep drawing and my intuition (supposedly) told me it's enough. And I didn't stop and it got spoiled and overdone. However, I find it difficult to practice this when my mind is too distracted and taken up by things of daily routine. So my question to all who practice any kind of art - have you any practice that follows such a way of creating from the intuition? And if yes, how did you manage to do it, and if there are any other tips you have regarding this, or is just practicing more and more the right way to go about it? I do this as a hobby to train my mind to shut up, and the moments when it does, are very blissful.

When something happens in accordance to our desires, we call it 'pleasure'. When something happens in opposition to our desires, we call it pain. In reality, the thing that happened is neutral. It is our labeling of them that is pain or pleasure. So in reality there is no such thing as pain or pleasure. What is pain now, can become pleasurable next. What is pleasurable now, can become painful next. If someone punches my face and a couple of my teeth fall off, I would call it pain. If my teeth are rotting and painful, and they fall away on their own, I would call it a relief. So everything changes as context changes, and every context changes at every single moment. Seeking pleasure and avoiding pain is how we forget to live with awareness. Even seeking pain and avoiding pleasure looks different, but is the same lack of awareness. So seek nothing. Avoid nothing. Insist nothing. Resist nothing. Be nothing. Become nothing. Just observe whatever is happening in front of you, and do what is necessary for you to do.

Attachment. Is. Not. Love. Attachment is when you can't let go of anything - be it things, or thoughts. In short, it is 'clinging'. You may not tell her that you need her but in your mind, you do. That is still neediness. So instead of asking yourself what will she think of this or that, ask yourself, how do you feel in her presence? How do you feel when not in her presence? When you are alone, what kind of company do you make for yourself? And most importantly, do you feel complete irrespective of her position in your life? A good relationship is not a half and half. It is 2 wholes.

What you said happens to everybody because we have trained ourselves into distraction. Here are a few things I've done to undo the damage while reading. 1. Read first thing in the morning when you are more likely to be energized to read. I find reading before bed makes me fall asleep and I remember nothing. Also, sit up straight and don't read while laying down. 2. Use a pencil or a marker or your finger to drag your eyes as you read. Mark things, make little notes, etc. Use the books, don't just read them. 3. Don't just read any books. Decide what are you struggling with currently? Relationships? Health? Finances? Work? Communication Skills? Read books related to that topic. For example, I read 'The book of forgiving' by Desmond Tutu when I had a hard time forgiving someone. This will make you pay attention to what you're reading and apply it and test it out immediately in your life. 4. Once you read something that resonates with you, copy it down in a book or somewhere. And then after a few days, you will have a lot of insights to refer to in a notebook. Compare them and share it with someone else, and let them know what you learned. If you wish to remember something, you have to practice it- either by action or teaching it to others. 5. Start with reading one page if more is too much. If one page is too much, read one paragraph. If that is too much, read just a line. There are no rules to reading. Consistency > Intensity. 6. Read immediately before or after doing something that you already do everyday. For example, you brush your teeth everyday. So then tell yourself, you will read one page everyday before or after brushing my teeth. And then don't worry about remembering it. Your job is to just show up. 7. Lastly, this is entirely personal, but I find that my memory is more visual. So I remember things by their fonts or where on the page they were mentioned. Since Kindle has all the same fonts and layouts for all books, I don't remember much if I read ebooks. So I buy physical copies. I let them sit in front of my desk for a few months after reading them and whenever I see them, I'm automatically bound to remember what I read in it, not in it's entirety, but the insights that I had while reading it. Hope this helps. Good luck!

@aklacor727 and @Hello from Russia I believe flow state is slightly different from what I'm talking about. I think maybe what @remember says might make sense? I'm not really sure, I hear these clear concise 'wordings' when I become extremely silent. Oftentimes it extends into other daily things as well. Like example, I was thinking of going back to my bullet journal after having given up so many times and the voice (or whatever it may be) kept telling me to check YouTube over and over and over again. I resisted it because I am trying to avoid looking at screens before bedtime. And I opened it and the first suggestion that popped was one video regarding a bullet journal method. Like right now, there is that voice again telling me I should be working on a particular project instead of being here on this forum. (But I'm ignoring it) @remember What is then the difference between automated and intuitive processes and what is the inner artist? @modmyth I practice something called 'morning pages' every morning, and sometimes this other voice pops in with words of its own, and I'm often baffled I could come up with something like that while just doing a sort of brain dump. @MAYA EL That is quite interesting! @Angelite Yeah I know, intuition needs prior knowledge to function and it uses that knowledge as a tool. For example, I cannot suddenly start writing in French if I don't know French. What I meant was the style of drawings that it makes me do, is not something I would have thought of making. Also, good drawing, it is such a mind-calming activity to draw! @Codrina That's an interesting journey. I've studied architecture too, though I find it often too technical and I find it hard to practice any kind of intuition when thinking in technical terms. I can however be more open to intuition in aspects of design that deals with colours and textures.

I used to be severely depressed for a while in my life, though it was a situational depression and has now come to pass. I write this from my personal experience, of what went on in my head and how I came to fix it. It is no easy means and the whole process of being depressed to being completely free from it, was around 9 years. So please be patient. For me, I felt really trapped in life. What I mean by this is my thoughts and emotions were in constant contradiction. Good feelings would contradict each other and result in guilt or any other negative feelings. The reason for this was - my constant need to be everything to everyone without hurting anyone including myself. But if that wasn't possible, at least, I shouldn't hurt others, even at the cost of me being hurt. Then by contradicting this thought, I would immediately fall into resentments towards others and myself for causing this hurt to myself. And then I would do something nice for others to make myself feel better for a while and then repeat the whole process endlessly. Why did I do this? - Codependency and low self esteem. I viewed myself through other people's eyes, and I assumed what they saw of me wasn't that good. And I wanted to change it so badly. So instead of trying and sorting these contradictions, I used to get swayed by them and think there was something wrong with me because of this. That often lead me to spend days planning ways to commit suicide. But deep down, I just wanted these contradictions to end, not my life. Luckily for me, the situation that was the primary cause of this, changed and I got slightly better. The final straw was actually accidental. I came to realize that all my thoughts, are borrowed thoughts from my parents, teachers, friends, etc. It was just a trivial revelation I had suddenly when I noticed the voice in my head was speaking to me in the exact same tone and wording that my mom talked to me. So there it was as real as the sun in the sky- that I had no original thoughts of my own. They are all borrowed, including all the contradictions I used to have. Once I realized this, I thought, since all the thoughts are borrowed, I must borrow better thoughts from better sources. So I started reading books that uplifted me. And every morning before I talked to another human, I would read a few pages from a book. Over a period of time, I noticed that my mother's voice in my head was gradually replaced by the voices in the book. So that is one thing. Another is I read in one of the books, about this exercise called 'Morning Pages' by Julia Cameron. The exercise is to just wake up and start writing 3 pages of whatever comes to your mind. As it is. No judgement. No good or bad. And not show it to anyone. So if I'm suicidal and thinking of killing myself, I write down - "I feel suicidal and am thinking of killing myself". If I think Keanu Reeves should marry me, I write down 'I think Keanu Reeves should marry me." If I think about how bad my headache is, I write that down. There are no rules to it, you just copy down thoughts that occur in your head out onto the paper. And then without reading or ruminating on it, throw away the paper or burn it. This is useful because it brings our thoughts to our awareness when we write them down and also empties them from our mind. It took me about 2 months of doing this everyday until I started noticing the difference in how I feel. I still do this everyday, it has been over 2.5 years. I'm not sure how you could make your girlfriend do any of this, probably you could suggest it, not as an exercise to ward of depression, but just something you both do together. Pick out a couple of books - personal development ones, and read together and do the morning pages together. Just let her know you won't judge her for whatever she reads or writes. Hope this helps.