Dean Walker

@Shiva I went from being one of the wittiest and most outgoing characters in my school almost Jim Carrey like, to a cold, humourless, over analytical robot since trying to better myself.

@Shin I don't suppose I would, but aren't people happy being gay? It's not like you'd be happy with your child being abducted. I'm sorry if you think I'm going back and forth with this question but I'm trying to understand why im thinking this way. Like isn't the purpose of this work to be more compassionate? So take a bum on the street, do I give them compassion and understand some unfortunate circumstances lead to them being in that position, or do I just go back to laughing at jokes made at their expense?

@Shin yes I think I am associating laughing at it with supporting it. But i fully understand that these things are a part of reality, and like I said before I got into self actualization I would have laughed at these jokes, I now just find them wrong possibly through a heightened sence of empathy? Say a young mother who shares jokes about Madeleine Mcann and laughs at them then has her child abducted, would she not feel guilty for not being sympathetic towards the situation and regret making jokes about it?

@okulele I'd say making light of a dark situation? But if so that's not seeing the problem for how it is, to me it's low consciousness and taking the easy way out?

@KelliCooper yeh I'd agree with that one of the most helpful methods I've found helps is just observing my emotions and letting them be.

Hi members of Actualized.org, I'm Dean im 27 and new to the forum. I've watched Leo's video's going on 2 years now and must admit I'm a bit of a dabbler in self actualizing and the methods Leo shares, but in joining the forum I plan on implementing self actualization more in my life. After watching last night's video 65 principles to live a good life I had a thought and was hoping for some clarification to how stupid I'm thinking about this, so it was that by being open to all points of view I thought this would make me more suggestible to other people's ideological thoughts. This then led me to contemplate my life before and after becoming less ideological so to speak. So from an early age up until around 21-22 I was a highly ideological person, I only believed what I had been taught and my opinion was the only one that mattered, I thought men were indefinitely the better sex, I agreed with war and bombings on the middle-east, I thought God was only a term for religious fanatics and this is just to name a few. As you can see I had very little empathy or compassion for anything other than myself or loved one's. Then at around 21 I started smoking weed, which I believe was a catalyst for being more empathetic and less ideological. I now think of both sexes equally strong and unique in their own ways, I don't agree with today's wars and I understand God is a term used by many and not all have the same meaning. I also think I might have a little stage yellow thinking going on as before I knew about spiral dynamics or integral thinking I'd offen see intelligent people attacking flat earthers, not that I'm a flat earther but I'd just think to myself those people are just seeing it from a different perspective so no need to attack them. But in the last 5 or so years seeing things from this perspective I've found my social life or skills have taken a huge drop, before when I was very close minded and ideological I had a lot of big friend groups in my city, I got more attention from women and more respect from men, I had very little anxiety if any and just felt like 'myself', however now I find myself anxious in most situations and constantly questioning myself or thinking of what to say when this was never an issue. I struggle speaking up and don't have the confident presence I used to it's like a complete opposite of how I used to be. I feel like I need to integrate my old personality with my new one but honestly I have no idea what's going on. I hope this is understandable and anyone's perspective on this would be highly appreciated.

@Serotoninluv I sure hope so, I've felt drawn to deeper meaning since I was a child. Yeah I've had breaks of upto 3 months and to be honest and after a couple of weeks I remember feeling very reserved yet powerful. You saying it helped me through stage orange has just made me have a bit if a realisation, maybe the confidence and social life was over-confidence and an exaggerated social life due to a highly materialistic perspective.

I must of misunderstood you but yeah what you said pretty much explains my dilemma and now anxiety is present, the easiest way I could explain is that when I smoke I'm introverted but thoughtful, when I don't I become more extroverted and care free. Yeah I think aurum is on the money but as you say easier said than done. I haven't had any since Sunday night so going on 48 hours and today I've already noticed myself being more outgoing but also judgmental I suppose. But like you say you have to accept it for what it is and that thought has been cropping up lately then I see the likes of Terence Mckenna lifetime user of cannabis and Alan Watts who always had a cigar in he's mouth and I think where am I going wrong.

It would be awesome if you could come to the UK or Europe next year I'm sure I could round a handful of people up myself and also reach out to people in the forum from the UK/Europe to get an idea of the numbers, it could also cover a very large area in only a few dates including the following day workshop.

I meant to quote @aurum and done the full thread instead my bad. I agree it gave me a completely different perspective but perhaps in continually using it I've relied on it to remain open minded but that's resulted in the social problems from over analysing maybe.

Yeah I feel like I have an almost constant filter checking my thoughts before I reply to people, whereas in the past I never. And yeah I smoke daily, well nightly to be exact but I've had breaks anywhere from a week to 3 months over the last 5 years. I can vouch for the memory though mine has definitely decreased since smoking. But the thing is I was always really witty and socially outgoing beforehand and I didn't originally smoke to decrease anxiety I smoked for the more laid back less neurotic mindset I had, and to a degree it helped me out of a very ideological mindset. But now when I quit I find myself being more opinionated, quicker to judge and more rude. I suppose what I'm saying is I feel like a better person now than I used to be but I don't see why I have to suffer socially, why can't I be a more concious person but still regain my social confidence.

@aurum @Leo Gura after reading this post and after yesterday's video on nootropics I think you guy's would be very interested in the work of Dr. Jack kruse, he's at the forefront of biohacking and more importantly the mechanisms of light upon the eye and skin and how disrupted circadian rhythms can cause a lot of issues with people living in modern societies.