• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by mmKay

  1. hyperparasite is a parasite,) and Coleoptera (beetles). Imagine a parasite hooked on a parasite hooked on a parasite hooked to the first parasite.
  2. I was going to apply but in middle of my essay I noticed that I was just doing it for the social status of having a green name tag lol. * Chimp mode off *
  3. Cat triggered by whipping tail triggered because of being triggered by whipping his tail
  4. Running late to work, but wanted to share this before. Seems amazing for short distance travel. Literally 0 emmisions. Thoughts?
  5. Leos video on meaning value and purpose, and contemplation. Broke my shit for two years
  6. May seem simple but this helped me out beyond words and may have saved my life. Let go of the " NEED TO KNOW " . ( Not saying don't ask questions, not reading books, etc ) But let go of the CLINGINESS, ATTACHMENT to an anwser like you are used to getting before. One-dimensional, explicit, non-paradoxical. Acept NOT KNOWING. There is a deep state of peace and inner silence that you get into when you embrace NOT KNOWING as a valid state of being. What am I? Why does life exist? What's the point of life? what is the fundation of existance ?? So many open threads. So many possibilities. So many unknown factors. When you start thinking and thinking and don't get to any convicing anwsers, you will feel pain, confusion and worse. But then it hits you. OOH!!! I don't KNOW!! I DONT KNOW! AND I NEVER KNEW!! I was just hiding in unconscious uninquired assumptions of reallity, of myself and worldview paradigms. And it was giving you , my favorite word of all time : Pseudo-safety. The illusion of safety. And it's okay!! Woah, I'm so astonished. I'm so amazed. I have no words. Reallity is so misterious!! What the hell? How didin't I see this before?!! Reallity seems magical. What the f^ck. HOW IS ANYTHING POSSIBLE? And that's the place you want to stay in. Not knowing is not bad. It's not stupid. It's not demeaning as our culture pushes on us . Not knowing is a superior state of being. Of openness for hypothesis. Of oppenness for direct, personal experimentation. You can ultimately only ground yourself in Actuallity, direct experience. And that's where you get deeper and deeper into spirituallity. You may want to read The book of Not Knowing by Peter Ralston. Good luck!
  7. @JessiChell ofc it's alright. The insight is that ONLY when you accept yourself , you can change. You certainly will change nothing by repressing and guilting yourself. Love any "unwanted" aspect of your life to death. Repeat with me . When you accept yourself, you change. Repeat again. Step 2 is doing it at an emotional level. I feel like I undersold the exercise I just told you in last post. It is LITERALLY the anwser to all of your suffering, since it is self-inflicted. You won't think your way out of anything. You must feel your deepest triggers and release them with Love, maybe several times. It literally is the anwser to all of your suffering. But this is as far as I can help out. You gotta do the rest. On the other hand, what do I know, I'm writing this in my underwear cos its like 33º here
  8. Wanted to add this Youtube Channel under the exact same category. This guy has over 100 one hour long precise beautifully laid out summaries of quality personal development books. Enjoy. Look at the playlist of " Study notes " for the gold, not just random videos of his.
  9. @Leo Gura Little experience in relationships is one of my weak point so this may mostly be armchair philosphy but i'd like to hear your take on this "insight " : Long story short, I used to have a massive crush on a girl and it would drive me nuts, make me depressed and feel extremely jealous when I saw her with other guys, making out with them even imagining her having sex with others. It was a real source of suffering for me . I even imagined scenarios where we would be together but she cheated on me with my best friend or even family members, which would make me suffer even more. Yes , I used to be a monumental SIMP lol. But my intuition tells me girls also obsess over guys in this excessive creative way, so maybe this will help you in some way @JessiChell Before I say anything , yes, you could argue that these are just imagination and mental exercises, but I feel there is a ton of value in experiencing this in a Mind, Body and Feelings - emotions Visualization exercise and fully accepting it, rather than simply discarding it as " but this won't work in an actuall real-life scenario" etc. And I'd be willing to play devil's advocate and say that the potential for growth is as just as high as going through the actual real life experience. So, a huge release came when I applied detachment , Love and acceptance to those imagination exercises. In real time, from one second to the another I felt this overwhelming sense of release and letting go. What I did was Imagine all these things that make me suffer, see them in my minds eye and feel them in my body, and deeply come to peace with them. Accept them, embrace them and fully love them. Basically accepting that I'm resisting those things and proceding to fully accepting them happening. I Imagined many many possible scenarios that would make me suffer, like she hooking up with my brother, or with my best friend, or she getting gangbanged and enjoying it, etc etc ( feel free to substitute these for your personal painful imaginations , the richer and more detailed the better ) And I couldn't belive it! it was such a huge weight of my shoulders. Suddenly I was okay with all of these scenarios. I was completely open to the ideas of open relationships, polygamy, threesomes and even tag teaming her with my friends ( mentioning these because they specially triggered me ). I was okay with she being with me and also she not being with me. I feel like that's where the actual jump happens from "Codependency - She needing to be with me and me needing to be with her "- " Independence one not needing the other, but in a repressive way of not being able to open up or not wanting to get hurt , and finally interdependence where both are fine with whatever happens and are free to leave whenever they want and still being open, loving and fully taking in the experience of eachother Most likely pragmatically such things would hinder healthy relationships or would requiere unrealistic base level of consciousnesness and detachment from both sides for it to work, but I really wish you develop the skill to experience this. It's so beautiful and so amazing to be free of such suffering, and realizing that it was self-inflicted all along. You may look into Byron Katie books or her YouTube channel for a simple 1-2-3 formula, but the real growth is made at the level of deep feeling into your emotions and triggers. Good luck!
  10. Tai Chi Singing Improv speaking off the cuff ring training photoshop is one i fell in love with obseving wild plants, how they are similar, how they are different, what insects live on them, how their flowers look, how they smell, what their texture is. I was completely mind blown when I discovered about Aphids in my garden weeds self massage and foam rolling Speaking in tongues Making myself laugh with ridiculous ideas biking in nature <3 learning basic car mechanics and electricity. Im 22 and I didnt know how a wall socket works. Also, research youtube in other languages. most likely you are suck in the recomendations in your own language. Translate something you want to look into into russian, german, spanish, french etc and follow the rabbit hole. Quite eye opening. for chinese you may need VPN
  11. ?? jump on second hand websites . lots of people upgreat their pc and sell their 2019 pc dirt cheap, or just go to some friend with a great PC and pay him 10€ to let you play for a whole day and get your fix, something along these lines. if gaming is what you want to keep doing. for me what helped was realizing that every time i sit at my PC to play League of Legends, I'm just skipping time, nothing else. This exact moment and situation I find myself in, I will stay in, for as long as I keep playing. So imagine yourself at 25, playing Cyberpunk 2077. then yourself at 35, playing cyberpunk 2088. then yourself at 45 playing cyberpunk 2099. In the same house. in the same job. with the same friends. etc. this may help you to get some leverage. If not, that's okay. the desire to change must come from within. " guilt " may be used as leverage but only deep intrinsic inspiration will get you some sort of transformation
  12. I'm sick since yesterday. Been working on exposed sun for pretty much two days and dealing with close contact with really dirty materials and air ( mold, tons of dust, sewer gasses and rat feces ) . I got a quite pulsating headache. Nothing too serius but : Two years ago undergoing really heavy emotional pain ( Dark night of the soul ) mixed with some Kriya yoga and Byron Katie exercises I discovered that I'm able to bliss out on command, no matter what the circumstances. The idea is, I get very present, I surrender to the experience , and then I accept it completely. I radiate Love from inside out , imagining like an aura coming from inside of my chest towards my surrounding, just as router " radiates " wifi signals from the inside out . Woke up at 5 am. I found myself resisting the headache, and I had the idea to flip it. I surrendered the idea of the headache being " bad ", and the idea of there even being such thing as an "headache" besides a "sensation" in the forehead area, . Then I put my attention on that physical aspect of the headache and focused on " experiencing it fully" and embracing it as much as possible . I started feeliing how it's fading in real time. For 5 minutes it was gone pretty much completely. But later on It comes back, in a quite softer way. Pretty sure I'm able to re-create the experience multiple times more . I had the ah-ha moment of this being what is actually ment by lower case "self-healing" . I imagine there is much, much much more depth to this. Also, the kind of energy that I manifest by "blissing out on command" feels so real, so empowering, so light. Many times I get the chills up my spine when I do it . It makes me feel so "Complete". Maybe this is what Charlie Goldsmith is doing with his touch-healing. Idk if his things are BS or not, but I'm open to the idea, just in the same way that if you put both of your fingers in the electricity sockets, electricity will FLOW THROUGH YOU and you will be electrocuted. Well ?. Is this the essence of healing ?
  13. @Even Hessen Thanks for the feedback. Interesting, will check all of that out.
  14. This is the excerpt I was talking about from the very beggining of Maslow's book. We have, each of us, an essential biologically based inner nature, which is to some degree " natural, " intrinsic, given, and in a certain limited sense, unchangeable, or at least, unchanging. Each person's inner nature is in part unique to himself. It is possible to study this inner nature scientificallt and to discover what it is like --- " not invent, -- discover " This inner nature, as much as we know of it so far, seems not to be intrinsically evil, but rather either neutral or positively " good " . What we call evil behaviour appears most often to be a secondary reaction to frustration of this intrinsic nature . Since this inner nature is good or neutral rather than bad, it is best to bring it out and to encourage it rather than to supress it. If it is permited to guide our life, we gro healthy, fruitful and happy. If this essential core of the person is denied or supressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later. This inner nature is not strong and overpowering and unmistakable like the instincs of animals. It is weak and delicate and subtle and easily overcome by habit, cultural pressure and wrong attitudes toward it. Even though weak, it rarely dissapears in the normal person- perhaps not even in the sick person. Even though denied, it persists underground forever pressing for actualization. Somehow, these conclusions must all be articulated with the neccesity of discipline, deprivation, frustration, pain and tragedy. To the extent that these experiences reveal and foster and fulfill our inner nature, to that extent they are desirable experiences. Also, check out Leo's majestic video on Happiness : Lastly, once you start running on Feeling more than on Thought, all of the traits of " Self-Actualization" of this post start to fall into place :
  15. @Raptorsin7 hmm. I'll get to that in a second. First of all the MOST IMPORTANT PART. How connected are you with your feelings? I get the vibe that not much, but I may be wrong. Are you capable of picking up on the subtle signals that arise in your body in the present moment, in the form of emotions, intuitions and authentic desires? That's Key. Its SO KEY I can't emphasize it enough. Feeling is way, WAY superior to thinking, and is one of the mayor shifts that will get you out of the Dark Night of the Soul and Nihilism overall. You can't get out within the thinking paradigm. I'd say this is one thing that I and many many others as I've seen had to learn the hard way, since Leo's vids didn't teach this explicity back then. Imagine the hypothetical scenario that you do not have the ability to think voices in your head. complete silence. How would you live? How would you decide? Literally no thoughts, just perception. How? By how things feel. By the sublte vibe that people emit and by intuitions, literally without much further thought. Now this is quite an extreme example. This actually requieres nuance. To develop this, I went through a 10 month or more period of just doing " what I felt like" . But this at first will lead you to your lower self instincts. I remember streaks of months and months of routine of porn, junk food and videogames. Just because " it felt good" But you gotta develop nuance in your ability to discern feeligs. Do I feel this desire coming from my " higher self " or from my " lower self ? It's super clear once you learn this language. Obviously in the case of junk food etc, I'ts an addiction , from the lower self, " the desire or feeling of NEEDING to grab some overstimulating mind-numbing food, etc etc. This would be a gross feeling. Quite strong and difficult not to notice. 100% the time will come when you are sitting on your couch and you feel uneasy, as if something was missing, as if you need something. Once again, thats a " gross feeling " We are looking to feel the subtle feelings here. It's like a whisper from your body. Or you may also call it a whisper from your soul. It's LITERALLY TELLING YOU what to do. But do you understand the language? Do you have enough base consciousness to notice and discern this subtle feeling? Or will you let it pass by like an unread whattsapp message that you never get to ? Byron Katie said that If you fight reallity, you will lose 100% of the times. Because things are how things are, and if you wish they were different, you are doomed. Or something like that. Yes, it comes from acceptance. But don't think or have opinions about it. Leo just uploaded a great video yesterday about making nuance distinctions. Feel how different imaginary scenarios make you feel. Feel how " resisting " something feels. Feel how " accepting and embracing " something feels. Literally imagine how something would feel and not only accept it, but love it . If something triggers you, causes you emotional upheaval, then great, GREAT! That's EXACTLY what you need to love and accept. One easy area to look at is whatever makes you feel shame, whatever you judge, whatever you fear / don't want to happen, etc. Basically your shadow. Once again, the process is " Notice that something is making you suffer. Notice that you are resisting it. Accept that you are resisting it. Embrace what is making you suffer by imagining it from all the angles that come up to your mind ( and also try to feel it in your body and emotions) . Embrace , love and accept all of that. Finally watch the Bliss come. You have to allow it to be, and also make your effort to embody it and blow air . Literally Imagine physically and mentally being in a bliss state in the very present moment. Feel deeper, and deeper and deeper into it. That's how you manifest it. " I'm telling you this because ultimatelly there is only so much we can do with words, but your FEELINGS are guiding you the entire time! In the blue Kriya book that Leo recomended when his video on it came out, they call it " inner guru ". Abraham Maslow calls it " the subtle desire for Self-actualization " . It's pretty much intuition, Ill paste an excerpt from Maslow's book in a different comment. Yes and no. You gotta start somewhere, but the most effective way, once again, is by " feeling acceptance" . Once you clearly have felt the distinction between lets say resistance and acceptance / Love, you have a direct experience attached to the sounds " I accept this " , just as I have made a connection between the sound " bliss " and embodying a " bliss" state that I was talking about before. Otherwise it's just an emplty label. If I write " szczęśliwy" , you have no clue what this, because it's a foreign language and you haven't made the mental connection between those sounds and the direct experience of " being happy " ( which is what this word means ) This wall of text should be enough to point you in the right direction. You gotta do the rest if you want actually want to. Besides that, It feels like a deep appreciation and admiration of the Perfection of the present moment, and a deep feeling of Love and acceptance. Start with some direct experience reference that you have of the emotion of Love. Then Imagine it deeper, and deeper, and deeper. Being present, relaxed and focused helps. Good luck
  16. Maybe clickbaity title, but I want to get this message out there. Don't eat 100% dark chocolate first thing in the morning. It's an extreme laxative. Been shitting like an open tap for over 3 hours. Almost had to be drinking salt water real-time to not to pass out from dehydration. And I don't know if I'm done. I don't know how much more I can take. I wouln't be surprised if I came back channeling the new Bible or end up comunicating with Machine Elves. A smart man learns from his mistakes, but a real sage learns from others mistakes. Words are unable to comunicate precisely this experience. Oh God. --- just as I was about to post this I ran to the bathroom to puke out a blast of semi-digested blueberry coconut oil chocolate. Literally as I was mid-vomit a picture of Leo with that santa hat flashed in front of my eyes. I don't know what else to say. I think it's time for a nap. No I didn't take any psychedelics.
  17. Found out that it was the combination that made it explossive. Self made 100% dark chocolate with coconut oil and 2 grams of erythritol. Now it's been over 5 hours of sitting on the toilet on and off. Ended up throwing up as well , many times numb from hips down, shivering hands and chattering teeth. I felt so helpless. Also felt this subtle primal feeling of wanting to snuggle with something to feel safety. I only had my folded beanie around but sinking my forehead and nose into it calmed me down. I like that it was a test for my capacity to suffer mindfully. Also being grateful helped. As a shaman friend of mine said, "you'd suffer even more sh*tting yourself with a jaguar stalking you in the middle of the jungle" ( true story) So yeah, that definately could've been worse. Kinda worried i'd pass out but happy ending.
  18. idk your exact situation but it feels like 1 2 and 3 are all solved by putting time and effort into Life Purpose. If I was you I'd go for 1-2 gap year just to think and introspect. I mean what's more valuable than understanding yourself and creating a fundation to live a fuflilling live for the rest of your life? What's with the rush? Who cares if you finish your studies at 28 or 32. You can even go back to studying to be a family doctor when you are 40 if you feel that's right for you. The career will still be there. Your pressure, rush and lack of time is self induced. Btw, right now your currency and what you call " rewarding " is money. What you call rewarding should be Passion and fulfillment, not dollars. Find your "what" and you will find " how " Also appreciate that most likely, your problems aren't unique. Don't you think every young human being struggles with finding meaning in his life? On the other hand, this really isn't for everyone. Some people simply don't have the autonomy to be the leader of their own life , that's why the education system is great. It keeps people busy and on a " relative " good path that otherwise would just chill with their friends kicking Pepsi cans around and munching on Oreos on the couch, if not worse. I'm not recommending anything,¡. You gotta feel into yourself , ask yourself the right questions and ultimately think for yourself. PD: a little graph that's usefull for somewhat of a fuzzy big picture understanding of Life Purpose. Credits to whoever posted this before on the forum.
  19. Shared the story almost exactly one year ago. Quite interesting to look back at. It's quite a relatively long post but you may get some insights from it. What Kriya yoga did for me was simply to temporarely silence my mind while breathing long and deep, and therefore allow myself to notice that if I don't think, the present moment is pretty much as Perfect as I allow it to be, and I If do I think ( specially through a distorted perception of realliy), I suffer. A lot. Identifying with the voice within and being grounded on un-inquired assumptions of reallity just add on to the pain. TLDR : I realized that my pain was completely self-induced. What worked for me : Notice that something is making you suffer. Notice that you are resisting it. Accept that you are resisting it. Embrace what is making you suffer by imagining it from all the angles that come up to your mind ( and also try to feel it in your body and emotions) . Embrace , love and accept all of that. Finally watch the Bliss come. You have to allow it to be, and also make your effort to embody it. Literally Imagine physically and mentally being in a bliss state in the very present moment. That's how you manifest it. For me it requieres being at least being relatively calm. Maybe you gotta go through this multiple times for one thought/belief/attachement/fear. I'd say it feels quite natural once you put your focus on it One sidenote, addictions can cravings add to the suffering as well, it's not just mental beliefs and thoughts. I had a really intense addiction to carbs / refined sugar, eating disorder, chronic dehydration and overall really bad eating habits besides quite extreme lack of body exercise ( I remember lying in bed up to 20 hours per day barely getting up to pee ) for weeks. I had the luxary of being quite isolated. You don't need to be a genius to notice how that affects your wellbeing. Mind affects Body and Body affects Mind. I realized how sugar LITERALLY HIJACKED my thoughts and emotions making me really depressed and nihilistic. It was a real eye opener. If you are interested, heres my battle with food addiction from half a year ago. I ended up completing the challenge, just didn't document it all the way. ?
  20. @Esoteric I Lmao'd ?, like that guy that was tripping, and he said his dog walked into the room, he petted it and it left. Then he remembered he doesn't own a dog. CG kid on Youtube. Great guy.
  21. @Leo Gura Aight thanks for clarifying. I guess you mean as in the way of expanding and altering your state of Consciousness and since then you include all "other" in the notion or experience of "Self" you have "access" or absolute direct connection to "other", as it's literally you, correct me if I'm wrong. I did experience merging my identity with my thoughts, feelings and perceptions realizing it's all made out of the same ineffable material while doing an Actuallity recontextualization exercise, but I did not experience merging with another Being with such depth. Closest I've ever been was in a lucid dream where I wad looking a girl in the eyes and touched her boobs, just to realize I was looking in my own eyes and was feeling hands on my own nipples LoL.
  22. Sure, I'll share my experience with you. I'll reply in a couple of hours since I was working on a reply for you and I accidentaly deleted 4 paragraphs, and if I do it now I'll most likely half - ass it . ?
  23. Uhh yeah, I thought You'd say something along those lines since I follow the content. But I thought of this " therapy " as a method of a more day to day consciousness way as I don't really have access right to God consciousness on the snap of my fingers yet, to , but I can " rewire their thinking" by guiding their thoughts, inside of this duallity framework. You mean despite of my just slightly above average level of consciousness I can just imagine my mom not to be an alcoholic? I guess it would mean also taking action besides of "thinking it up"? Yeah, I guess what I'm basically trying to say is this
  24. Amazing. This would mean that Healing " others " is possible through simple words, if I'd be able to make them imagine and feel this experience of " surrendering, experiencing, embracing and radiating , assuming they " have a baseline of consciousness" , the proper "open-mindset" rather than being fixed on their attachment to pain and suffering , and are in touch with their body / feelings. It's Literally " remote healing " . Woah.