Ampresus

I cheated on my girlfriend while on holiday and deeply regret. I called her immediately after and confessed, to which she obviously cried and was very angry. Next couple of days she kept texting me to come back earlier cause she felt lonely and I rescheduled my ticket to come. But then she just blocked me. Everywhere. Since she forgot to log out of her e-mail on my iPad, I could see that she installed Tinder. Before she blocked me on WhatsApp, she shared a story in the middle of the night in some random place talking about an Uber. I even saw she ordered food to this random place in the middle of the night. Ever since I have been completely broken. When I came back and asked her like 3 times about it, she finally confessed to having cheated on me. It took her 2 extra days to confess it was out of revenge. She cheated on me with a guy she spoke for one day on Tinder. He was 10 years older than her. They did molly together and after the trip fucked, at like 4 AM. She said he helped her talk about everything that happened. But I'm not stupid. I know a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on. And that was his full intention. She claims she regrets doing it, but it helped her accept what happened and changed her life. She goes out a lot more now, tries to make new friends, loves techno music all of a sudden, wants to go raving (while on drugs) and is even willing to give our relationship a try again. The problem for me is that I feel too much. I love her too much. And I feel like I lost her. Thinking about her cheating on me makes me angry. Absolutely sick to my stomach. The fact I had to drag it out of her makes me despise her. I regret what I did, but I immediately confessed. I offered her to just break up, but instead she wanted "space" and proceeded to cheat on me in return. I fucking hate her. I talked to many friends I know and they all agreed that whatever I did was wrong, but she stooped down to my level. She made whatever was fixable, infinitely worse. She could have just moved on, broken up and THEN do what she wanted to do with him. But I feel like she likes to keep me around. When I told my mom what she did, she was devastated and very pissed at her. We currently all live in my mom's house. What I find funny is that, from all this the only thing that bothers my ex (we're still trying to work on our relationship, so maybe girlfriend?) is that I told my mom what she did. That I told my mom she did drugs and cheated on me in revenge. Not how I feel, not how fucked up it was, not how she could have avoided this if she told me straightaway "I don't want to see you again" and then proceed to live her life. But whatever. Ever since I have been in constant fight-or-flight. My heart is in my throat 24/7. I keep thinking of harming and offing myself. My loneliness has increased significantly. She was my closest friend, only friend really, for so long. If she leaves, and she leaves on the 1st of July to her new apartment, I don't think I will have many days left. I sought help and am seeing a doctor today, but I'll be a honest a part of me has already given up. As I said, currently we're still trying to make it work. But there's no intimacy besides brief kisses, cause it's too much for her. Despite her saying she loves me and wants this to work, she doesn't feel like my girl anymore. I loved her so much and deeply regret what I did, but after what she did the innocent image I had of her shattered. I could never call her family my family, because they all agreed that whatever she did was justified. It wasn't right they claim, but in the moment it was justified. I have never felt this many emotions at the same time. The only thing that brought me a little bit of peace is Mooji. His guided meditations regarding Pure Awareness helped me a little bit, but I'm struggling to concentrate when I'm feeling and thinking all these things. I really wish and am trying to distinguish my identity from these thoughts and feelings. I want to reach enlightenment so this no longer bothers me. But everytime I meditate it comes up every 5 seconds and I can't stay present after the x amount of times it comes up. I'm trying to go out more, finishing the LP course and meditating whenever it comes up, but my life feels like a trainwreck. I have no LP, am switching majors in uni for the second time, found an average waiter job at a sushi restaurant and just train everyday. Now the girl of my life is gone, I feel like there's no point. I feel like I have nothing to live for. Nothing to look out for. I feel like I found love too early. Sex I can get anywhere, but the pure innocent love we had will always be ingrained in me. I will always think of this I feel like and it's torture. Pure torture. I look at porn and can only think of that guy fucking my girl in the way they do in those videos. I go outside and everywhere I went with her in the past reminds me of her. She's staying IN MY CITY. My damn city is now cursed. Even if we break up, I'll probably still run into her. I don't want to see her from a distance having another man. I wouldn't want to see her at all. Any advice is welcome. I'm having major urges to cut myself and jump off a bridge. I'm thinking of doing one last psychedelic before I decide to continue with those plans, either DMT or 2CB. Just to finally understand what you guys mean with God and Love etc. But anyway, tnx in advance for responding.

@Lyubov Thanks for the kind words. You say you experienced the same thing, how did you get over it? How long did it take for you? What did you do to get over it? She will be leaving my house on July 1st, so then I can start to heal properly and maybe move on from her.

@UnbornTao Thanks for the encouraging words. I will try what you're saying. I'm really hoping this will wave off of me at some point. I asked an old high school friend about how she dealt with learning that her boyfriend cheated on her, and she said it took her a good half a year to get over him. Mind you, they were together for 2 years. @integral Thanks for the encouragement. I've been hearing this a lot from people the last few days. My guy friends all say that it's basically doomed and if they were in my shoes they would just act distant until she leaves and then move on. But then I talked to the doctor and he said, now that we're equal, we can just try again and see what happens. I'm not sure how to proceed, but I guess once she leaves it will be clearer for me. @thierry See I would like to believe you. I really do. But the fact that her molly trip made her accept what happened more and be able to still enjoy life makes me think I need it to. It's already difficult dealing with that information about her cheating, but to see her completely unbothered by the whole situation almost makes me feel like it could at least help me too. Then again, she says she still suffers immensely but her brain is shutting off to try to protect her from this trauma. I don't know how true that is. All I know is I cry a lot and am very emotional, meanwhile she doesn't seem that emotional about all of it at all. @Basman Thanks for the kind words and you're right, she admitted that in that moment for her the relationship was already over. She just didn't have the balls to tell me, but would rather instead talk about "needing space" only to cheat in revenge. Also, when I say she was my only friend, I really mean it. I don't have boys to reach out to. Nobody who wants to go hiking with me. Hence the feelings of loneliness, self-harm and suicide. Because she somehow got off better than this than me. She actually met new people, made friends, is starting to enjoy her work and all this. And I'm stuck with nobody. Nobody who texts me how I'm doing, asks me to go out for the evening, train with me or whatever. I am trying though. I reached out to old friends, hung out a couple times with them and am going out with one tomorrow. Not saying all hope is lost, but just trying to explain how it all makes me feel.

@Ulax Do you happen to have a link? I'm having trouble finding a video discussing it online. Thanks for responding, I will try it out.

@Reciprocality Thank you for responding. We already have had several talks, both together and also with my mom, and ultimately decided we still want to try in this relationship. She will be moving out July 1st, so then I can have proper space from here. Because right now, living with her is not easy. It's not easy to not be able to confide in her, take care of her and her of me. It feels like we're just friends with some bad blood between us. I'm a very physical person and the fact she won't allow me to be that with her makes the situation worse. @Reciprocality I truly get this. Like I have known about this enlightenment stuff since 2019. I know it takes time, lots of experience and insights, 10 000 hours of yoga/meditation/self-inquiry as Leo would say, but I feel like this situation is pushing me towards confronting reality. I'm getting more insights every other day. On the days I don't feel like harming or offing myself, I get such profound insights and deep meditative experiences. Just to name an example: a couple days ago I wrote in my journal how I am not my thoughts and emotions. Fundamentally, all the evil negative thoughts and emotions I am holding are NOT me. I know this deep down, I just want to learn how to actualize it I suppose. Hence why I try Mooji guided meditations to help me with this.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 14 months now, but the last few months have been difficult for me. I keep getting urges to text, snapchat and flirt with other girls. It started with going on dating apps and getting matches that way, but now even in real life I've gotten numbers from girls through regular flirting. My girlfriend and I have traveled together, live together in my mom's house and both go to school/work/gym. We have so much in common, we've been together for so long, yet I keep getting these urges to see other people and I don't know why. No one has cheated or abused the other, hence why I'm asking you guys for help. Obviously I know that whatever I'm doing so far is bad, but I don't want it to get worse. I still care for her and wished I felt the same way about her as I did just a couple months ago. But we have argued a lot about various things and my resentment for her has grown. The thing is though: she does nothing inherently wrong. She's no abuser or straight up mess. It's just that her small behaviors annoy me and I know if I confront her about it we'll be fighting again. I guess I feel like she doesn't validate my feelings. Things like cutting me off while I'm talking, purposefully leaving a mess on my side of the bed or table, being ungrateful when I pick her up from work but at the same time expecting me to always be grateful for her. Her impatience and complaints, just in general not necessarily towards me, make me resent her. These small things make her less desirable to me sexually and as a result we don't have nearly as much sex as we used to. I feel like I'm heading towards a train-wreck. Yes I could just break up with her, but she is truly a one of a kind girl. I do love her. I don't want a relationship this strong to end. I helped her lose weight and got her into the gym. We have been overseas together. Her family loves me, mine loves her. Besides, I'd have to live with her for the foreseeable future since she can't just move out tomorrow. Her family doesn't live in this country, so she'll have to find a new place to rent all by herself.

Hello everybody, A couple days ago me and my girlfriend tripped on 10g of magic truffles. I won't bore you with the details, but I did have a significant experience which I'd like to share. During my trip, my girlfriend got really upset because she missed her family. She felt extremely lost with what she wants to do with her life, her job and her school. Her family is overseas and she moved to my country to have a better future, yet she keeps thinking that she isn't making any progress here and would much rather spend her time back there. Although her home country isn't the best, at least she'd be with her family. Now of course I got emotional too and tried to comfort her, but that thought process stuck with me for the rest of my trip. I'll admit that I myself don't know exactly what I want out of life. Yes, I bought the LP course. Yes, I watched (almost) all of Leo's videos/did the work. I'm currently stuck on the section where you have to read biographies, so my progress halted. I have been stressed too. I have been looking for a place for us to live (we currently live with my mother), the past 3 months I was looking for a place near my uni but couldn't find any and I still don't have a proper job. What the trip showed me next was something remarkable. It started off with me closing my eyes. I'm not sure what I experienced was, what you guys call, "infinity". Infinite patterns and colors surrounded me and brought me to an almost alien world. It was there where I realized what Leo has said before. God is infinite, and his reasoning for being infinite was because he could. The whole point of me seeing what I saw was because I could see it. It was right there in front of my eyes, yet I felt like I had been so blind. Another realization (I guess? Perhaps you call it something else) hit me as well: life is about love. As "Matt Kahn" as it could get haha. Literally all life is about is giving and receiving love. God loves itself, reality loves itself, which is why it exists. It sounds so weird, but this kept screaming at me. Explaining this to my sad girlfriend did obviously not any good, besides making her laugh. She said she found my love-message inspirational, but the other one she didn't get. I tried explaining to her that ultimately all her worries are just that. Thoughts in her heads that she gives value. I tried explaining to her that objectively it doesn't matter whether she stays or goes back, both are out of love. Both are correct, not one specific one. Now that I write this down, I'm starting to realize why I sounded so confusing to her... Anyways, I wonder what you guys think. I must say it didn't feel like ego death, since I could still remember everything about myself. When I closed my eyes however, for a second, I didn't feel like "I" anymore. If I had to guess, I was slowly approaching ego death. I do remember thinking by myself: "is this it? Am I ready? Will all this be gone? I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm scared. At the same time though, this is what the work has always been about. This is the journey I started. I'm not sure I'm ready yet." I'm tripping again next week with either a slightly stronger variant or a higher dosage of the previous one. I'll try to explore further if I can. Please let me know if any of this sounds familiar to you guys.

@ted73104 Thanks for your message. You put this decision in a rather different perspective which opened my mind quite a bit. I never thought of it that way. Especially what you said about your colleagues.

I wanted to talk about being independent today. I'm in my early 20s and am currently studying at a university out of town. I work at my dad's company. It's nothing fancy, but I am well off because of that. I only work a couple hours a week and make the same amount as some of my fellow students do working 20-30 hrs a week. My study also doesn't take that much time out of my day, so I am left with quite some free time. I have a girlfriend and even she works 4x a week during the evenings as a waitress. My best friend studies to become and works as a chef. It feels like everybody else is getting their bread up besides me. I currently live with my parents, but have been making efforts of moving out. For a while my dad was planning to buy me a house, but I decided that I'll rent a place with the money I make at his company. I will still have to use his financial backing as a way of giving landlords reassurance that I can pay my rent. In a way I'm still using him you know. There's also a good chance I'll still find no place to stay, in which case my dad offered me to buy a larger house in the town I'm currently staying in. Again, I feel like I'm leeching off of him. Now my girlfriend wants to live with me and is willing to rent a place with me. She said she's also fine (rather excited) if he could buy us a place. Be it out of my hometown or not. She said she's even willing to pay at least some money per month to me as to not feel like she's leeching off of me completely. Now I want to live with her for certain. And right now, unless the landlords respond (I've sent about 25 applications for different houses to rent), it's looking like he's going to buy me my house in my hometown. If he were to do that, I do want to use my full paycheck to pay as much of the monthly expenses as I can. Which leads to me wanting to have some form of independence. I have been thinking of getting a 2nd job, but I have a feeling that I'll have much less time to spend with my girlfriend. Unless I find something which has evening shifts. I have never worked for anybody else besides my dad, so this would be my first "real" job. On the one hand it seems like getting any kind of job and getting my hands dirty for once will do very well for me, on the other hand I feel like I've become so comfortable now that any kind of change will mess up my life. I spend basically every free minute of my day with her and we even work out together. To disturb what we have now seems on the one hand unnecessary, since I could just ask my dad to pay for the expenses, but on the other hand good for me. Before you ask: I already have the LP course and so far don't know for certain what I want to do with my life. I have been thinking a lot about starting my own restaurant, something my girlfriend is also interested in, but I feel like right now I can't do much about that. I feel like I can't study and start a business at the same time. A business should have your full 100% attention no? I do have the money to invest (no I'm not asking my dad for even more money) but I will be honest that I have not researched this nearly as much as I should have. I am willing to burn my lifesavings for it, but am not confident I can make profit on the first day. Sorry for the long read, but I hope you understand my situation now. Should I just find a regular job until I'm done studying? Should I start my business and try balancing it with school? Should I even take any money from my dad at all? If I find a place to rent, just quit my job at his company and go completely independent? I'm so lost, I hope you guys can help me out.

@Sabth No, but I am the youngest of three.

@Dauntment Thanks for your message. Just to clarify somethings: this is because I have had an idea for a while now about a certain type of food chain which I've (so far) never seen before in my home country. It's a really cool idea and many of the people close to me told me that they've never heard something like it before. I'm interested in it because it will allow my entrepreneurship and cooking side of me to flourish.

Hello everyone. This is truly one of the most desperate times that I have come to this forum for advice. Today, my girlfriend told me one of her deepest secrets. She explained to me how she got played by her best friend's brother. For context, we are almost 5 months together. We confessed our love for each other last month. She is a really sweet and innocent girl. Not one that dares to speak out and can even be a bit of a pushover at times. A people pleaser to a degree. She's from Cape Town, but moved here to Amsterdam at the beginning of 2023. She explained to me how all the teenagers there know each other. Are related to each other to some degree. Back in 8th grade, she used to get text messages from her now bff's brother asking for explicit images. Mind you, they were both 12-13 at the time. She explained how at that time she perceived any attention she got as good attention, including from harmful boys. Because she felt special, she would send him these nudes. He would proceed to ghost her for weeks, only to return and ask the same favor. He even shared explicit images of himself at some point. This kept going for a bit, but eventually died down. She realized he was a player. Then all of a sudden, one day while she's sitting around a big round table with fellow classmates and friends, this prick can't resist the urge. He touches her ass while he is sitting next to her. She was wearing a school uniform skirt. She was starstruck and didn't know what to do, so she just didn't react. He even requested sex from her later, but she managed to sway his mind by claiming to be on her period. She ended up giving head. This was with consent I must admit, but after hearing all this I can't imagine she actually wanted this. After this nothing else came of it. They didn't speak for a while, she befriended his sister in 2021 and thus they'd see each other more. One day, while this class A asshole was having a celebration because he got his pilot diploma, he shouted in the middle of the room "[my gf's name] you won't get anywhere with giving head!". She said she awkardly laughed it off, seeing as everybody else was laughing too, but she felt so ashamed. This only made my blood boil more, as clearly this guy has been bragging about this to his friends for a long time now. She claims that even if she told this story to her bff, she would pick his side over hers. That's how close they are as siblings. In fact, she doesn't think anyone would pick her side, hence why she kept it to herself up until this point. Even her own sister would not take her side according to her. My dilemma: I want to hurt this guy. Pretty damn badly. Like my Red side started boiling when she told me this. Seeing as this prick is from South Africa, doing the conventional "telling law enforcement" will do no good. His family is rich so they're invincible. Still, I want to inflict pain on him desperately. I have been thinking of different ways ever since, because I just can't imagine her befriending this predator's sister. We are going to Cape Town for Christmas, and I'm guessing I'll be meeting the siblings there. Seeing as you guys are more conscious, I request your advice. Would you simpy forgive and forget if you were in my shoes? Would you just move on? If you saw this man in person after what your girlfriend told you about him, what the hell would you do? Please by all means enlighten me. I know better than to react irrationaly, I want to think this through.

@Sugarcoat The reason I came to this forum is because I know it's my ego that wants this. I don't see myself as a hero or a savior. Instead of assuming I am a macho man trying to square up for my princess, listen to what I am saying. I have been here long enough to know that any form of revenge will not make up for what she experienced. That's why I came here, to ask for alternative solutions. If I cared that much about my image, I would've just gone through with it in the first place. I don't want to lie, hence why I say I have these feelings I feel like expressing violently, but that doesn't mean I think it's the right thing to do. I am conflicted about what the best solution is, not about showing her how much of a man I am.

@Ulax THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. This will be of much value thank you. This was the answer I was looking for. Having been in this community for a while and also having had my fair share of spiritual experiences, I know that whatever revenge I plan will not be enough. I knew there were ways to resolve this with meditation or therapy, I just didn't know how. Thanks a lot man.

@integral I get what you're saying and I told her this as well. The only complaint I have ever made about here is that I wished she'd just grow a backbone. I don't know how I can possibly make this change come to fruition with her though. Usually, Dutch girls are already pretty wild and agressive even if you did nothing wrong. Picking fights with dudes trying to harrass you or pepperspray them or ganging up on him with your friends is normal here. She comes from a different world and I don't know how to make her stand up for herself more. I know I can influence her, but changing a whole human being's beliefs and values is really difficult. This is why I requested advice on this forum. I know there are people here who can see this clearer than me right now.

@Judy2 I get where you're coming from. Please keep in mind that most people will not experience something like this. This forum is mostly white straight men, or in general just men. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does mean they are not exposed to the awful shit some girls go through. Especially if they never had a girlfriend, it is hard for them to imagine a scenario like this. I learnt a lot from my gf. So many times random strangers will just start conversations with her when she's outside on her own. Not even at night, just during plain daytime. Once while she was sitting in a park this random Russian dude sat next to her and start talking for half an hour. It took her signing and nodding to random strangers for help, when another stranger girl politely asked him to fuck off. She says whenever something like this happens, it's never the locals harrassing her but the foreigners. Obviously I'm grateful fot this girl, but how many times is it going to take until some dude wants to do more than just talk? Some girls will go years taking up shit from their bosses, all because they feel helpless. It is a god awful world we live in, and I know by taking revenge for her I won't change that, yet I feel like it's my duty. How can I make her feel safe when I cba to confront this asshole?

@Ulax South African law enforcemet does not work the same way it does in our First World. If this happened here in The Netherlands, that guy would be in serious trouble. My girlfriend could just report it anonymously. She told me he had done this to many other girls there and even has had sex with a girl from 8th grade while he was in 12th grade. Mind you, the girl would have been 12-13 while he would have been 17-18. The environment a country like South Africa creates allows these predators to roam free, especially if they have the money to pay law enforcement off. Fyi, the country is filled with poor slums where crime roams free. Rape is a daily occurence. Everywhere on the societal ladder, people are above the law. I do know though that, like his sister, he is planning to move to the UK for his studies. If his behavior continues there, obviously notifying law enforcement would be the best choice. However, I don't live there. I don't know any people he would study with. There is no way for me to help any of the potential victims he may prey on there.

Are you saying me, and by extent her, should just give in to the pain? Like fully embrace it, no holding back? Would a sage or yogi take this route? Would a stage Turqouise person take this route? I just can't understand how my gf's experience can be part of the holism and non-duality that Leo preaches about. How God made it all this way. Lets say we do this, and I see this guy at the end of the year, what do I do? Do I treat him like friend? Do I let my hatred absorb me everytime I look him in the eyes and not lash out? Do I just let it tear me apart again and again?

@Recursoinominado I'll admit, I can't. I don't have much fighting experience. I am not going to pretend I am rambo or John Wick and can fight my way out of this. Still, it hurts me really bad everytime I think about this. I felt absolutely horrible when she told me this, knowing how desperate and helpless she must have felt. I want to show her that she doesn't have to feel that way with me. That when it's up to me, I'll make sure this guy will regret laying his eyes on her in the first place. I mentioned she's from Cape Town because South African police do not work the same way they do in the First World. They don't bother looking into stuff like this, are afraid of the gangs roaming around the country and even when they prosecute blatant rape, the predator gets a lenient sentence.

You act like it will waste that much of your time man. Both have valuable lessons, even if the people pleasing part doesn’t apply to you necessarily. The satisfaction meditation video is just a practical solution to the problem presented in the people pleasing video, so yes I recommend you watch both. Especially when struggling with loneliness. I have the same problem as you and watched both as well.

Awesome post man.

Happy late new year! Last week I decided I had enough of feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and meditated an entire day. Kind of like a solo retreat in my own home. I would meditate on the couch, the usual crossed legs position, when I was eating, basically the entire day. I did a combination of Leo's satisfaction meditation and the Letting Go technique as described by David R. Hawkins in his book. I didn't expect this to magically fix all my problems, but it was either this or the dark path towards suicide. What I experienced astonished me, though I am sure it wasn't an awakening or God realization. I had multiple moments of bliss. I would have zero thoughts for a solid period of time every so often on that day. As I let go more, I realized that I am not my emotions or my thoughts. What I AM yet however I have not fully realized, but this still felt like a huge step. I keep identifying with my thoughts and feelings, even though I have realized before that they do not represent me for who I am. I actively choose to identify with them. With this into account, I realize going about day-to-day life without identifying with your thoughts or emotions is remains difficult. When the feelings become too much however, I switch over to a certain awareness and stillness before I unidentify with said feelings. Even in social settings. On New Year's Eve I was at a party. Even though I was quite intoxicated, there were times where I would hear sounds of people talking and music blasting, yet all I could do was realize it was just in my head. Like the meaning of the sounds or the feelings from being drunk, were just that. Sounds and feelings. They were not me. I gave them meaning, but inherently there was none. I hope some of you can help me out here since I am not quite sure what I am experiencing. I still have my moments where I will take a step back and just observe what is happening to me. My thoughts, feelings, noises, sounds, sights etc. I have tried to "push" this by asking "what am I?", yet my current answer feels incomplete. I feel close to an awakening, but since I have never had one before I am afraid it is my spiritual ego talking. I notice the intrusive thoughts sometimes where I will hype myself up or feel superior because I can see from this weird unidentifying perspective while others can't, only to realize that is my spiritual ego making this a power game somehow.

Not sure whether this belongs in this subforum or the one about dating, but for now I'll leave it here. Recently my girlfriend from uni broke up with me and it hit me hard that besides her I really had no one else I considered a friend there. In a way I used our relationship to cope with my loneliness. I remember vividly when she asked me what I wanted out of our relationship and I simply told her ''I want to stop feeling alone'' whereas she said ''I want somebody that I can improve and he can improve me''. As heartbroken as I was and still am, I know now that no girl can satisfy that inner craving. I have been to parties, done pick up before and am now considering hitting the bars again alone this weekend. This loneliness hit me hard enough that I even approached a girl I had huge feelings for (but didn't work out, she didn't feel the same way) because I was so alone and wanted someone to talk to. She made me realize there could never be one girl that could fulfil that for me. Even her, someone I consider perfect for me, can't fix my loneliness. What is the point of going out for then? Just meaningless sex and upping my body count? What is the point of going into another relationship when I know it won't fulfil me? I feel like no amount of partying, sex and even ''meaningful'' relationships can help me with this. Everything about going to a bar, socializing with drunks and getting phone numbers feels so shallow to me. The best thing that can happen, and did happen with my ex, was that I get a girlfriend and I still feel lonely. Solves nothing except horny issues. Might as well fap from time to time or pay hookers if I am feeling really horny. I watched Leo's videos about loneliness and started doing his ''satisfaction'' meditation daily. So far that is the only step I feel somewhat works. No amount of socializing can make me feel at peace as much as just sitting there. I am pretty sure I was close to my first awakening just a few days ago, but I don't want to hype my spiritual ego up too much. I guess what I am asking is what should I do? Hit that bar anyway? Push through? Get maybe a few phone numbers, best case get laid and proceed like my loneliness isn't there? I feel like at this point no amount of girls, sex, booze, psychedelics or socializing in general can help me. My other option really is doing a little retreat in my own home where I will cut off all electronics and just meditate for at least one full day. Maybe multiple days if I can keep it up. Any thoughts/suggestions are welcome.

I am currently doing the satisfaction meditation as explained by Leo in this video: Really struggling with loneliness so I thought I might as well give it a try. I haven't consistently meditated in months and thus am building up again starting with 20 mins everyday for a week. My goal is definitely 1 hour and from time to time multiple hours on a day.

Hello everybody. As I tried to make love with my girlfriend, my dick just wouldn’t fit. Her vagina would not open up at all. I mean the entire scene was set. We had tons of foreplay and she said she was ready. This would’ve been her first time having sex, but unfortunately it just wouldn’t go in. I was rather disappointed with this tbh. I thought it was my fault at first, because my dick would get soft at the worst possible times. Eventually I did get it hard though, yet it just didn’t fit. Before you say: did you finger her first? She has stated to me before that she doesn’t really like fingering, so she never does it. She only feels stimulation on her clit. We did look up online what it might be and we think that her vagina just needs to be used to have things inside it to get bigger. Something like a dilator, which for those of you that don’t know (I didn’t either) is a buttplug for vaginas. Anyways, please let me know what you guys think. Much love <3