Consilience

The journey changes you. What is the point of traveling across the world if you’re just going to return home?

Day 6 - I had absurdly intense and vivid sexual dreams last night... I had a super hot shower. I skipped my morning meditation to sleep an extra hour. Meditated for 13 minutes on a break. After work I took my vape pen out and got high. It was a lower body day with kettle bells, which was harder than normal. All day I've absolutely craved high dopamine, high pleasure stimulus. I also worked over an hour on Life Purpose and had a lot of creative insights. Immediately after the first hit I realized something about myself, and this pmo habit. This habit is literally at the bedrock of my subconscious mind. I don't think I've ever truly decided to quit until I opened up on this journal about it. It's like as long as I didn't have to admit I was a porn addict to anyone else, it was okay. Yet on some level, I'm still that 12 year old boy who discovered porn for the first time and had the most intense orgasm of his life. This addiction has vicious routes. Experientially, it's almost like by pressing down on the throttle on an issue so deeply rooted in the subconscious mind, I'm leaking willpower and motivation away from the other habits I've built. I'm also going to probably take a microdose of mushrooms tomorrow, just for health purposes. I find they can be quite healing after an aggressive backlash. Overall this backlash feels like a really good sign. A sign that things are truly shifting in the mind. I will continue to march forward with keeping my already built habits and lack of drug use as the storm of this thing builds. Ancillary insight I had as well - Progress in the coming century is not going to be a function of how much information we know as a species, or the accelerating pace of technological advancement. Instead, it will be a function of how deeply we know ourselves collectively, individually, and eventually, metaphysically.

Day 5 - Victories: 1 hour of meditation Cold shower Nutrition was on point Took a walk 1 hour of life purpose work No caffeine No weed Drank 80 oz water I am very much looking forward to when this lockdown ends. One of my biggest goals is to improve with approaching and attracting women in person, not online. I personally feel that online dating is bullshit if you're a guy. As men, we are cursed and given the opportunity of approaching women. On the one hand, it sucks having to be the one to always be approaching and initiating the interaction. On the other hand, if we can overcome this fear, pretty much the entire world becomes an opportunity to meet a lover, and that is a world FULL of abundance. As a woman, you kind of are just stuck with what men either approach you, or gambling with online dating which in my opinion already creates a dynamic of men chasing women since women have nearly all the power in the online dating arena (chasing women never works). Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of men are too scared to approach beautiful women in person, myself included which means that if you can man the Fuck up, you've already set yourself apart from like 95% of men out there. A recent insight I had was that my fear of approaching women is rooted in the existential fear of "I am not enough." It's a fear that my existence at all is just not good enough and I will never live up to my own expectations or the expectations of others. Of course all of this is total bullshit, but the inner child wrestles with these emotions. As long as my emotional mind is framed in this belief structure, there will be a massive fear of approaching women. Unfortunately, having this insight is not enough to overcome it, meaning the next time I approach a beautiful woman there will still be fear. Yet, understanding the root of these thought stories is a powerful step towards overcoming and transcending this fear. I'm also seeing that insight into one's true nature is merely scratching the surface of the fear one holds. I've had God moments on psychedelics yet still get a fear based response from the mere idea of approaching a gorgeous woman. I think a good litmus test for how awake someone is is how much do they fear? Suffering is another good litmus test, but fear is an interesting one. As long as there is fear, there are false existential assumptions generating these stories. Having insight into the root of these fears is an important step, but I believe facing them face on is another effective tool for seeing their illusory nature. In this way, approaching women, approaching women you don't think you have any shot with at all, has the potential to be an extremely powerful spiritual practice. During the lockdown, I'm not worrying about this though. I live with an immunocompromised family member so the risks of COVID are quite large. So for now, more theory, more contemplation. When the lockdown lifts, its fucking game time though. In terms of the no pmo journey - Today during meditation I had more sexual fantasies than normal, and started fantasizing about masturbating. I can tell I'm starting to enter into the phase where more and more fantasies will be popping up. If it follows the previous patterns though, the urges will peak over the next 3-4 days, but I should then hit a flatline at about day 12 until about day 20. So far the journaling has been helping. The social pressure and pride of being able to succeed is a motivator, for better or worse. The social shame of failure is also motivating. Yet the vision of living a porn free life feels... unreal at this current stage. I cannot imagine what it must be like to spend a whole month not fantasizing about watching porn, not afraid of relapsing, and that is a genuinely deep motivator. Gonna go do some yoga and go to bed.

Thank you for such a positive and supportive message; it really speaks to me... Yes exactly. It's not about this habit being morally bad, just like playing video games isn't morally bad. But the vision of a life where we're not caught in a cycle of addiction and essentially becoming who we authentically want to be. This perspective on clarity is extremely important to remember as well. I really appreciate the support. I'm with you as well. <3

Day 4 - Today was odd. I felt particularly depressed and low energy. I REALLY wanted to smoke weed, which is odd. It felt like my mind was being starved of pleasure and was seeking any type of stimulus that would grant it dopamine. Happy to report I did not in fact smoke weed haha. However, I did drink a tiny amount of caffeine this morning which I was hyper mindful of, and how it could be my ego trying to justify repeating conditioned behavior, and perhaps in a sense that was what was happening, yet today it genuinely felt needed. I haven't felt this off in a while, but sometimes we all wake up and feel like absolute trash. It was around 1/4 the amount of a mug of coffee, this rest decaf. I've noticed that if I play into old behaviors such as drinking caffeine, playing video games, watching porn, smoking weed, the urge to do other high dopamine activities arises more strongly, as if they're all linked to the same neurological pathway of the mind. I'm going to remain hyper vigilant of the urge to drink caffeine for the reminder of this work week (weekends are easy not to feel a need) since the floodgate was mildly cracked. On the topic of pmo, still no big sexual impulses, which is typically how this timeline plays out. If this pattern follows I won't be hit with any major sexual urges until this day 6/7, and then from day 14 onward it will be a REAL struggle. If I've learned anything about this addiction it is that the ego is to never be underestimated.

Thank you for this perspective. Very insightful ??

Day 3 - Honestly not much I feel like reporting on today other than I was so distracted doing shit the thought of pmo'ing wasn't present at all. But day 3 is child's play. The climb continues.

Day 2 - Rules I didn't specify in above post: No normal masterbation and no porn without masterbation. Things I'm proud of myself for accomplishing today: Made my bed 1 hour of meditation Hatha Yoga outside in the sun Cold shower Ate adequate protein Did a microdosing workshop with my cities local Psychedelic Society Spent 4.5 hours on life purpose work I've been taking a break from making youtube videos recently in an attempt to really manifest another level of quality. Like a massive exponitial jump in quality. Ive been spending a large amount of time introspecting and researching on what kind of videos I want to create. It feels like my muse is being stoked and slowly building. Time will tell what it turns into.

They’re all just different flavors of experience, some of which require a more contracted ego/mind/body state than others. For example, fear requires more contraction than love. Ive found that the emotions lower on these various scales feel more dense, the “higher” the emotion, the more free and light the emotion feels. Another example - true peace, equanimity we may call it, feels like the reciprocal of apathy. Both have a “whatever happens, happens” orientation, yet one is lighter, more free, and connected with actuality. The other is self oriented, disconnected and heavy. The “pseudo science” emotions are just different distinctions in experience mainstream science may or may not study. The truly scientific mind would examine their direct experience and begin their contemplation there. Ive personally learned far more about emotions watching them directly in action than reading books or studying science, but study can be an important piece of the puzzle.

@LfcCharlie4 Im curious what pathogens you’re referring to? What chemical structure in eggs specifically “feeds every virus?” Moreover, what type of research or evidence is this doctor pulling from? Is it possible some bodies process nutrition differently? For example, some bodies respond EXTREMELY well to resistance training. Some guys can half ass it at the gym 3x per week and become JACKED whereas others can bust it 5x per week or more for mediocre results. The stimulus and outcomes are obviously in a different domain than nutrition but my point is that in this case, the same physiological stimulus (resistance training) is giving a radically different output (muscle growth) depending on the individual physiology. Could eggs fall into this category? Could meat? Could fat? Could carbs? Im not trying to defend eggs at all. In fact Im against factory farming and will only consider eating them from ethical sources. But in terms of health, I just have never found targeting and demonizing specific foods as a holistic viewpoint. Some things like candy, soda, cookies, yeah its hard not to directly bash, but eggs? Just seems strange. Even stranger when I consider my own anecdote, feeling noticeably more energetic and stronger after eating them. Im open to this being in spite of potentially negative consequences though.

Start a 1 hour meditation practice and start spending dedicated time every day self reflecting. Consider buying Leo’s life purpose course.

@VeganAwake He also has an entire section in his book "The Book of Not Knowing" describing how the nature of nothing and the nature of infinity are identical

Interesting to read that about the eggs. I recently started eating eggs again because of an intense craving my body had. Every time I eat them, my body feels GREAT. I have a degree in nutrition and have studied this stuff for a long time now and one of the biggest principles Ive learned is to be skeptical of absolutest claims. Different bodies, different microbiota, and different minds respond differently to food. There are a few good principles pretty much everyone can follow, for example low sugar diet. But even with sugar, a bodybuilder with a low bf literally will handle sugar differently than a 15% bf male without much muscle. Nutrition partitioning is POWERFUL. Another example is caffeine. I have a marathon runner coworker who drinks coffee 1-3x a day, has no crashes and shitloads of energy, more energy than me and needs less sleep. Perhaps he could optimize this more without caffeine but his body definitely handles caffeine differently than mine Im guessing because of all the running he does. When it comes to nutrition, think holistically and listen to your body. For me, reintroducing eggs has really made a positive impact on how I feel. As woo woo as it sounds, my body literally just feels better eating them than not and over the years Ive learned to trust that feeling. This dude’s work sounds really interesting though! Seems like it’s worth exploring and finding what works for you

2nd this. Bodybuilding is like the fountain of youth. As well as all the benefits listed above, higher bone density, balance, joint mobility, joint’s soft tissue health, strength. Dont have to become a competitive bodybuilder or start obsessing over your muscle size but training like one is very powerful.

@LfcCharlie4 His work has helped me immensely so... idk what to tell you. Kinda like when someone tells me Leo is arrogant and full of shit. Alright? Doesnt change the fact that he’s helped me immensely. Plenty of anecdotes of his teachings working successfully and he also gives all of it away for free, unlike other coaches.

@VeganAwake If you listened to this dudes content, he doesnt define ego as merely a separate sense of self, he defines it as the part of the mind which causes suffering. You like to post a lot of his videos so I figured Id make that clarification. But maybe he defines ego differently based on the video?¿ Im not sure. @DreamScape I think this perspective is important. However, the ego is also a very tricky beast and its devilry should never be underestimated imo... but it’s also no less deserving of love and care than anything else. Thank you for sharing your journey and this powerful perspective.

Look up Steezyasfuck on YouTube

Corey Wayne’s material is extremely solid. His approach is a bit... classic? For example he emphasizes calling instead of texting. Also, he coaches against texting at all other than if it’s used to set dates, he is really big on men pursuing their purpose, not sitting around waiting to hear from a woman or texting, he also has principles for how to cold approach, body language, dating, relationship, and long term relationship, coaches that women need to pursue 70-80% of the time or the attraction will slowly lower, men pursue more in the beginning but slowly let women start to take over. Out of all the dating youtube channels out there, Ive learned more from him than any other. He has a free book so you can validate his stuff for yourself, unlike a lot of these coaches asking you to pay for their material. The book itself could be better written, but if you pay very close attention to the principles outlined, it works extremely well. Id check him out.

It’s complete magic, absolutely mystical

Honestly, just start applying the material and the law of attraction will happen on its own. This has been my experience anyways. Some REALLY weird synchronicities have occurred since beginning this journey, havent explored loa or manifestation too much, I just take a lot of action and trust/surrender to the universe and shit happens.

Just to counter the above texts - my mind used to be extremely active. Unbearably active but for whatever reason I kept pushing the 1 hour per day. Very creative but very active. By this definition, I would have a “strong mind.” Yet now there is a noticeable decrease in mind activity both inside and outside of meditation. So by these definitions Ive gone from “strong” to “weak” with even more creativity (meditation has helped on the creative front.) Moreover, Ive actually been able to go deeper on psychedelics because of my meditation practice. Label the mind strong or weak all you’d like, meditation has nothing to do with that. Meditation is about the systematic process of rewiring your mind to be more transparent and embodied to the Self, to Truth. It can produce insights but it’s more effective at embodying the insights you’ve already experienced through this slow rewiring process. At risk of sounding defensive, I don't like the language of “meditation is for weak minds.” This is such a loaded, egoic statement without nuance or explanation which could very easily deter someone from seriously exploring meditation. Meditation works for some minds better than others. Labeling these minds as weak or strong is just the ego creating unnecessary hierarchy and value judgements.

Meditation is not for weak minds as Leo says. In fact, consistently meditating and facing boredom requires enormous emotional labor. Our minds are like heroine addicts, activity and distraction being its drug. I would argue not being able to meditate for long periods of time and remain equanimous is symptomatic of a weak mind, not the other way around. True power and happiness is being able to do literally nothing at all and be at peace. To someone who is caught by flashy experiences, distractions, society, and the endless amusement the ego craves, this will of course be labeled as weak. What a brilliant defense mechanism by the devil. And perhaps there is some truth from that perspective. However in my personal experience, a mere 1 hour of meditation per day for the last 2.5 years has been just as transformative as psychedelics or any non dual theory Ive picked up from Leo or other teachers. Your true nature *is* meditation. Let that one sink in

I personally alternate between do nothing and The Mind Illuminated which is basically concentration meditation. Ive found do nothing to be surprisingly powerful once there’s a foundation of metacognitive awareness, in other words a high level of awareness of mind activity. The surrendering component of do nothing is extremely powerful as this is a gateway to the Self, to Truth but concentration from TMI is important as this trains the mind to stop its insane level of activity which we’ve been programmed and conditioned with from our upbringing in western society. If you feel like do nothing only results in an uncomfortable amount of monkey mind, either surrender to that or train the mind with concentration before returning. I think in the long run surrender and concentration merge into what we might call Being. As in Being has both a quality of surrender and concentration.

Great except 7. No more than 2x per month. Id recommend advancing your meditation to the point where you have insight into the damage marijuana has on the mind. Until you have this clear insight, either consciously or subconsciously, you’ll feel a draw to use frequently. Ive been there cycling through heavy use and abstinence, only to fall back into use. It requires a pretty hard shift in awareness of mind before I was able to walk away without craving. Weed is s great beginner psychedelic but it’s addiction risk is very high, and damaged on sober memory and sober cognitive function adds up overtime, unfortunately.

12 hours, it was loooong haha. I think the higher dose and the fact that I haven't tripped in a bit contributed. Contemplation yes but Ive found detailed journalling to be invaluable. It helps contextualize and make sense of the trip in a powerful way. Meditation and yoga seem to help too with driving the behavior changes needed from the trip. Which on that note, Ive found Leo’s concept of “Learning = Behavior Change” to be a huge component of the integration process. These trips always teach me lessons but the if the lessons aren’t actually changing my life in practical, tangible ways, they have less significance and are often slowly forgotten. Integration is about aligning your being with what you’ve experienced on these trips, and a huge component of alignment is behavior. Thank you! That really means a lot Yes the work can be insanely powerful, and focused if used properly! I had a lot of less significant trips when I began but back then I was still learning how to actually utilize psyches to their full potential. Im still learning. Never let a guru tell you this is a shortcut or that it isnt work