aklacor727

I need advice on how I can bring up to my brother that his victim mentality is keeping him stuck.. it's always excuses after excuses, negative mentality, black and white thinking. I thought about just sending him Leo's videos on it but I don't want to offend him. Would that be motivational or offensive you think? For someone to send you a video titled "how to stop being a victim". He has low self esteem/self image so I'm just sensitive to the fact that then he would add that negative label on himself as well. But If he were to really soak in that info and were open to it I just know how much it would help. Hes very very very stuck in life and has been living with me rent free for a couple of years. I'm trying to help him get set up with a career that he can support himself with long term. I had a long talk with him the other day on how this situation is not sustainable and how I am putting a time limit on it. Legit he brought up suicide if he were to have to be homeless/living in his car. I am talking 1-2 year time limit, not like next week. It frustrates me that he jumps to that type of thinking. I'm just thinking...where is the drive/personal responsibility?! Dont you not want that to happen? Time to do something, take action and responsibility...! Sigh. I just don't want to regret down the line that I didn't do everything I could to help him better himself. I know it is his thinking that's keeping him stuck. One thing that I did do was give him Psychocybernetics to read, which I'm hoping will give him motivation and start to see how his thinking and self image directly affects his life, how he can change/work on that. If I need to elaborate more let me know... But I would really like advice and suggestions on the best way to approach these types of people. How to give them the motivation they need/etc. Thank you!

@commie a sense of personal power would very much help him... that's a tough one though on what he would be inclined to want to do to attain that ? hmm I'll have to think on this. @Ya know lol, that video does seem more of something he'd watch over Leo's. Definitely would be a step up from where he is. I would feel bad showing him that though before hes able to let out and talk about some of the emotions he's been repressing. But this is good to have for after hes let go of some of that, kick start the angry motivation lol and hopefully some more progress @universe the gym closing down was more of an excuse to himself that set him off track. Like I said, victim mentality blaming things on external factors, etc. And this is his mentality with many facets of his life, not just this one. If he really wants it he can make it happen either way which we talked alot about throughout our discussion. To be honest I don't know if he is passionate enough about it and the career he is shooting for to actually make the weight change happen. Which is why I put a time limit on things... it's tough too because lasting change requires positive motivation not negative motivation. And the negative motivation of not wanting to be homeless is probably stronger since the career hes shooting for is not something hes actually passionate about, it would just be a way for him to be financially independent. Not making excuses for him, just being realistic about the psychological factors of it all. My hope is that just for the sake of being financially independent can be enough motivation. Another reason I wanted to make it clear to him that this living situation with me is not a long term possibility. But yet again, that's tinkering along the lines of negative motivation. But he is open to other career possibilities as well that don't require losing tons of weight lol so we set a goal that he should realistically be at after a year and based on if he is on or off track we can go from there. In the meantime like I said just going to work on being more of a part of his life and an influence on his growth, and there for him with compassion and love ?

@universe lol, thank you I wish it were as easy as just that but I know it's not. I definitely do think he needs a ton of love. Its unfortunate because though we live together we are not close. He spends a lot of time playing video games, pretty much all day, so we don't have alot of opportunity to talk and when we do its just small little conversations in passing. Plus I'm just an introvert anyway and enjoy spending time by myself reading, guitar, art, YouTube, etc. BUT I really do want to help. When the gyms open back up I think I'm going to make an effort to regularly go with him. Though I'm not much of a gym go-er, it would at least be a way for us to spend some time together so that I can have more of an influence on his life, grow a closer relationship. When he moved in 2 years ago, the plan was for him to work part time (just enough to pay his bills) so that he still had energy to go to the gym and lose weight to ultimately be able to work in a career on a ship to where he would be able to be on his feet alot doing physical labor. Hes very overweight. He has some progress over the last 2 years but losing weight is not easy and with the pandemic and gyms being closed it threw him off even more. When he brought up the suicide thing, he said something along the lines of "I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die I enjoy living. But if it were at that point of being homeless I wouldn't see any other way." I know it seems as though hes taking advantage (if that were the case this would be much easier for me to just write him and this situation off) but unfortunately he has alot of mental limitations..as I said low self esteem, also very bad social anxiety, and we had some traumatic situations growing up (toxic alcoholic household, both our parents ended up passing away). I don't think hes had many people to open up to about his feelings and has kept them inside for a long time, has ALOT of healing to do. And the video games are a distraction for him. Though our deep talks are few and far between, when we do I notice him holding back alot of tears and emotion, n definitely coming through as anger and blame... You are right, for now love and compassion is the best I can do, and can just go from there when the time us right. And making an effort to be more of a part of his life. And maybe eventually we can get to the point of him opening up to me about these feelings and healing a bit... Will be recommending to him the Sedona Method in the future as well that would be really helpful for him. I hope he ends up enjoying the Psychocyberbetics book. For me, one good self help book lead to a chain of others from seeing all the possibilities. Fingers crossed maybe it does the same for him... Thank you ?

Stage blue & green in a romantic relationship...I've been contemplating this lately and trying to weigh the pros of the qualities of this person and what they would bring to my life, with the cons of the differences of values.. We are not in a relationship, actually were in a long term back and forth relationship in the past, and just recently reconnected and talking about giving things another shot. Looking back, it makes alot of sense why we didn't work out, as alot of him was in (unhealthy) stage red, and I was in orange/green. Had no idea about spiral dynamics at the time but now that I do of course I am weighing this.... He is VERY heavy into stage blue now and I am pretty heavily green. This is a HUGE progress for him, but of course there are still huge differences in values, and looking at things in the long term, as he and I continue to progress up the spiral there will continue to be more. But looking back it was the unhealthy aspects of stage red that really was a deal breaker for me. No doubt he is past that and fully in stage blue (hopefully healthy, I need time to discover that). How much value do you put in to spiral dynamics, and choosing a partner that is on the same wavelength as you in regards to that...? There are other aspects to everything that I am weighing as well of course, but wanted to at least get the opinions of you all in here in regards to the spiral and what may be wise to consider in this situation, if I am looking for a long term lasting relationship... ?

I have finally accessed shrooms! Never taken any psychedelics before. I would prefer to take them by myself (most likely just in my room as I don't want to be out and about outside without first knowing how they will affect me). Think I will be fine on my own without a trip sitter? I don't have anyone that I feel would be good for that. I was thinking about taking a half of an 1/8th. Also, any suggestions on how I can make this trip most spiritually beneficial?

Thanks guys ? yes my room is quiet, I had some lemon, in here just me and my cat listening to a Alan watts speech on love waiting for things to kick in. I love baths, was thinking maybe taking a bubble bath later during as well depending how I'm feeling.

Well I did it. So wish me luck ??

@Roy thank you! This makes me feel better. That's what I was thinking, the foundational aspects are what's going to make the difference, as people will always be changing and growing anyway. I will have to see how my emotions/love for him grow as we build this new foundation. . It got so bad before that I literally became numbed towards him. But time will tell ?

@Austin Actualizing Just what ive been looking for thank you

Love yourself and just let go ?

It finally clicked for me and changed everything....by being so concerned about other opinions of me, it was putting me in my head and shutting me down. The very act of doing this, if anything, has created the opposite of what I desire which is connection! I decided to just let go. Be myself, no cares of whatever anyone thought. See what would happen. If I felt my body tense up I would just relax my body and get back to the present moment. Pretty soon, I was connecting and having good conversations which just relaxed me more. With all that is going on in the world, political conversations came up which I would normally not really contribute to. The person I got to speaking with, has the more conservative patriot violent mindset. Talked about how if he was rolling through a riot In his truck and someone tried to do anything he would just shoot them ? he even had a gun on him! (When I challenged that he justified it with overpopulation ?) I got deep into talking about love, and even brought up spiral dynamics. He got very passionate but I was pleasantly surprised to notice i wasnt reacting or responding in emotionally defensive ways, just curious about understanding where he was coming from and wanting to open his mind. I understand this is just the point he is at in his development. Thanks to @Leo Gura and all that I have learned from him. He seems to be pretty stuck in his beliefs but if anything I hope I planted a seed of love into the back of his mind, and if I cross paths with him again I hope to only grow that more ? Thank you leo, I love you!

@EnlightenmentBlog That was my first instinct. The reason I ask is because in the psychocybernetics book on this, he speaks about how it helps if you try to make it like you are watching a movie. Maybe he just meant the detail, but I wasnt sure if literally he meant like watching a scene with me in it. Thank you for your reply!

I am wondering-- would it be more effective if I visualize as if I am experiencing in my own body, from my own point of view.? Or "watching" myself, like a bystander looking in? If that makes sense... Thank you! Just want to make sure I am getting the most out of the time and efforts

I'm gathering images from the internet and the ones with the aesthetic that I like have the "be" in front of it lol. I could always choose ones that I don't like as much though.

Would it be unwise to have images that say things like "be happy" "be a creator" because to say to be something in a way implies that I am not that, and engrain that into my head that I am not? Instead should I just have "happiness" "create," etc. Could be over thinking it, but ya never know. Thanks!

Anyone have success with this "elastic habits" thing? Came across this video yesterday and I loved the idea. Ordered a cute calendar and stickers that are on the way, and am starting today! ?

Fell asleep listening to that last night ? thanks for sharing

Sedona Method is a great book for learning about letting go, it explains this in depth. Also check out "Loving what is" by Byron Katie

Been really enjoying this show I found on YouTube, "what do artists do all day?". Great if you are working on your life purpose, know it is in the realm of art but you are struggling to find your niche or perfect medium and need some insight... They do about 30 minutes per artist, separated into two 15 minute episodes. Just started getting into it but so far theyve featured a few successful painters, photographer, taxidermist. Really cool to see how different artists have turned their passions into successful careers, and to see what their daily lives working are like. ?

The process she shows in this video is very helpful

@Commodent thank you! Much more clarity here

Purchased leo's life purpose course, working on my values list, and I just want to make sure I am doing this properly to have the most accurate list I can. If I have a value, and it is not something I necessarily embody in myself very often (though when I do embody it, it brings me much happiness -- one in particular I am speaking of I discovered is part of my shadow self that I have repressed) would this still be something that should be on my list? I value very much when others embody it and when I surround myself with it in my life. So I would assume yes it should be on my list, but I have alot of extra values that seem very important as well and I want to make sure I prioritize them properly. There are a couple I'm confused about that fall along these lines. Probably just being a perfectionist, but either way thanks in advance for the advice ?

@Commodent and I shouldn't over think on the priority for those either right? I keep wanting to put them further down as less important on my list because of not embodying them yet, but then as I think more they do really mean alot to me though. Lots of back and forth going on lol

Just curious on the different people's journey's here, what moments stood out that you feel were game changers and really took you to the next level in things.. For me, as I bet alot of people do that get into personal development, one book opened the doors to other topics, things I realized I could improve on and understand, and I did this for a good couple of years. But for me looking back, it was over the top and I was being neurotic and a perfectionist, at times had the feeling of I would never get to the point of being where I needed/wanted to be. Too much to work on, heal, etc. Eventually came across and read "Subtle Art of not Giving a f**k" and it actually really helped me get over my perfectionism, really helped change my perspective in that area. There were alot of good points in that book but the concept of "you are only doing the best you can do at your current level of awareness" was something I really needed to hear and at that moment changed everything for me. Very much my outlook and ability to love myself for where I am. ? Also, just these past couple months I cannot even believe how much anxiety has reduced in my life just by taking time to fully feel my emotions and be able to let go of them. That has seriously been a life changer, it feels like so much weight has been lifted off me and I am able to live so much more in the present, enjoy spending time with people more, more confident, comfortable etc. It's a huge difference from before I started doing that. Also, discovering actualized.org of course ? biggest game changer of them all.

@Nivsch I dont think you have to worry about it, if you've been content and happy being single and desire for a relationship to add value to your life rather than *needing* it to be happy, a neurotic need, you won't emit that subconscious neediness that repels people. Also remember in relationships its important to be aware of and express your needs which is much different than being "needy" In the meantime of completely realizing you are whole and complete through awakening experience, just the perspective of relationships adding value and happiness rather than being something you need to have happiness is a good way to look at it