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Everything posted by 111111

  1. I want to stay in touch on what's going on in this world, but most news sources are complete horseshit. Can you please share any high-quality news sources you use?
  2. Hi, here are my unedited short summaries of the trips with specified date of tripping: (note: All trips were done alone (my room) during the night, except the third one. The 5th and 6th trip were reported the following day) (the 4 below reported in mid JAN) --- 06 DEC 2018 --- (1) 130ug of LSD = Very radical from expectations. Increased awareness of the "Game of Lights" projected upon "Being". Highly therapeutic effect. A lot of other effects. --- 14 DEC 2018 --- (2) 260ug of LSD = Complete dissolution of self. The mind divided into the divine self and the screaming ego from the depths of being. Ego constantly screaming "there is something important, you're supposed to focus on previous theory and make something out of it" and the Divine Self answering with compassion. Launched a Leo video and while I understood his words, they appeared to be of zero importance. --- 23 DEC 2018 --- (3) 470ug of LSD = While lying on bed the dose kicked in SUPER HARD. In like 15 seconds I was swallowed by the bed, then the entire reality + me collapsed upon itself. For at least 6hr I and the world were completely GONE, except for when I went to pee. Walking to the sink during those 6hr felt like being THE CARTOON (not in it, I was gone). I especially value the effects after 12hr (trip lasted 22hr) because mental clarity kicked in and the mind was exceptionally good at sourcing insights. There were 2 insights. --- 04 JAN 2019 --- (4) 220ug of LSD = Heard the Divine Voice. Somehow I still remember it but at the same time I can't replicate it in my head. Note that it wasn't a distortion of music playing, because when I removed headphones I was still hearing it. Saw how reality is similar to infinite fractals with the purpose of expressing God's beauty. (the 4 above reported in mid JAN) --- 12 JAN 2019 --- (5) (reported 13 JAN) 330ug of LSD = UNUSUAL TRIP (there was a strong sense of consciousness thru the trip, which was almost completely absent on previous trips). Experiencing the mind of God. Getting a decent sneak peak into how I exist within the fractal reality. Seeing how reality is striving towards union. Out of Love for Love. Hearing once again the divine voice. A very interesting experience on how I exist as a "creature". Once the beam of awareness beamed upon itself, asking what it is: Just God's Perception/Nothingness/Illusion. --- 25 JAN 2019 --- (6) (reported 26 JAN) 220ug of LSD = FAILED TRIP. 30 min after I took the tabs, the neighbor from beneath got his hanging clothes on fire because of the idiot neighbor from above. So just as the trip started to begin, I began to worry that my parents might wake up and interrupt me/catch me tripping during peak. Also I lit some candles which added the additional worry that someone from the street might think it was my fault (again, the idiot from above confirmed later that he caused the fire). This incident caused the trip to be by far the worst and least productive one. ### Below I'll go into more depth after weeks of integration and figuring out the blurry maze: The most fruitful trips were 1,3 and especially 5. Leo's latest vids and additional studying clarified the many insights and states I experienced. Let's start by describing the most beautiful 10 minutes of life: the peak of the 5th trip. (5) For whatever reason I was WAY more sensible to LSD on that day. After just 5 minutes (looked at stopwatch, not by possibly different time-perception) I started feeling it entering my body. Drinking 0,5l of strong tea just before the peak added additional alertness. During the peak I experienced a singular source which was giving birth to infinite/fractal like bubbles of perception, my ego was one of those bubbles. However during the peak I was the nothingness outside those bubbles. A week or two after the trip it occurred to me it was exactly like Leo's sponge metaphor in "What is Perception?" episode. The godly voice at 38:45 ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXhhpxt_OoI ) soaked into my mind so fucking hard, I was just hearing it in a loop without headphones (and labeled it the divine voice in my report above). During the morning I walked thru the city and saw how the stuff around me was just a "beauty fractal". Beauty leaking thru everything. I re-confirmed one insight which repeated almost in all trips: How absolutely everything was interconnected and moving towards one single union. It was very hard to logically process it (though experientially easy to bring back from memory) and put it in words, but over time it became more clear. (3) This one was so radically different from the rest. Changing the dosage just a little made exponentially more difference. Taking 470ug was by far the most mentally exhausting 22 hours of my life. And yes the trip lasted this long))) I took the dose early morning. So I took the tabs and the waiting for the kick-in was as usual. However at 1hr+ the dose kicked in super hard and super fast. It felt like enjoyable dying. For 5 minutes nice visuals, then I was literally falling thru my bed (not physically) and then the whole fucking world collapsed onto me and VANISHED (all in a few seconds). It was the only trip where I completely lost my shit (self-control). For example, 6hr after vanishing I was running thru the apartment like a wild animal (thank god didn't hurt myself or jump from the window, really should have trip sitter at this high doses) having absolutely zero idea what the fuck was going on. My mind was shattered into hundreds of pieces and at 8hr I was trying to literally construct my ego back from those broken pieces. And I was so incredibly conscious of the ego reconstructing process. Note that I did open my eyes while going to pee between 4-6hr, but it wasn't done by me. Hard to explain, but it was literally a dreamy/euphoric cartoon and my body was a part of/controlled by it. I invited my friend over at 12hr to bless him with some LSD. I was trying to cook pasta when he came but my sense of space was completely fucked (felt like my left arm was floating thru the room) so I handed the task to him. After nourishing my body with energy, I blessed my friend (waited 1,5hr for his belly to digest the food) with his first ever trip (gave him 220ug so he would have a break-thru, he's well developed so no worry). He had radically different trip then my trips, proving that it all differs from person to person. At around 16-18hr it was extremely easy to source out insights, because the LSD still had strong effects but I had some mental clarity. One big insight was experiencing the infinite sphere which contained all possible forms inside it. It's like a block of sand, which contains lots of forms depending on how you look at them. Talking with my best friend while both under LSD was one of a kind experience. I regained self-control when his peak kicked-in. At 20hr I tried to sleep but couldn't because effects were still strong. For example at 21hr while watching Blade Runner 2049 the image was 3d and sounds really heightened. (1) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/28760-insane-results-from-my-first-ever-lsd-trip/#comment-331316 ### Conclusions: LSD is an incredibly powerful tool, and I'm extremely happy I didn't listen to guys telling me to not do it weekly under my second trip report (which I deleted because it was too honest for them and too toxic for me). What really motivated me to write this post is to confirm Leo's words that yes, you can realize God and go really deep with stuff like LSD (and it's WAY easier to get then 5Meo). However you need a very healthy mind. Before doing those trips I've been doing self-development for 4-6 years and worked on my psyche pretty good. For example my friend (which did way less work then me) had worse results on both of his trips. He experienced a lot of regret and ego resistance while I had none of these. I listened to my intuition and glad that I did it! Overall the trips were like going thru a blurry yet intimate psyche-maze . With the exception of the 5th trip (and second half of third trip), which all of a sudden was soaked with consciousness and zero confusion. By confusion I mean when most of your brain is activated it's very hard to concentrate only on one part of it which responds for talking or memory. Example: on 4th trip I was looking at the stopwatch (counting from taking the tabs) after peak and making very hard effort to remember what was the purpose of it. Setting "goals" before LSD trips proved completely useless most of the time. These trips made lifelong changes on my mind. Wish everyone could experiment (starting small doses for average folk and below) with LSD, because it's highly therapeutic and hard to not benefit from it. Even my 6th "failed" trip did had it's purpose. (One other insight I had during all trips is that everything has it's purpose) PS. Has anyone tried Modafinil/Armodafinil + LSD (so they'll peak at the same time) ? I'd like to recreate the sudden presence of awareness during the 5th trip by combining the two. PSS. The reason I specified the reporting dates so clear is to highlight how many insights have a lot of similarities with Leo's 13 awakenings latest vid, especially the fractal parts, even though I reported that long before watching his latest vids. (It's very easy to fall into the trap of confirming other Guru's words, instead of sourcing out the Truth for yourself) Out of Love for Love!
  3. @peanutspathtotruth A few crazy guys did 1000ug. Like WTF. I'm afraid to imagine what it would be like, probably some serious brain damage. 470ug was already a mind-melting experience. Can't remember the name of some famous teacher requesting a high dose of LSD on his deathbed, great way to go out))) Though I would take 5Meo in his place.
  4. @peanutspathtotruth YES I did fast before third trip. Didn't eat for 12hr before taking the dose. Slight dosage difference completely changes the trip. The 2nd trip was a dozen times more powerful compared to 1st trip even though the dosage was only double. The 3rd trip was radically different to 5th even though only 130ug difference. I probably won't do over 500ug because it's VERY exhausting.
  5. @Leo Gura I'm quite paranoid by nature) One thing I completely forgot to mention is how incredibly familiar was the experience of God's mind. It was so obvious!
  6. @1x0 Basically explore stage Green until you get sick of it and start being aware of it's downsides. Then move into Yellow. Now you don't have to exhaust your current stage mainly thru physical stuff (building projects): because that's gonna take a lot of time. 80% theory (studying and contemplating) + 20% practice (engaging in the physical world) seems a more efficient balance. @1x0 @1x0
  7. @Bluebird Looks like you need to work more on your psyche first. Meditate and study to strengthen your core. Just tripping alone won't do you much good except "fun experiences".
  8. Dosage: One 130ug tab of pure LSD25 (Be careful lads, there are many fakes. Also most tabs are laid with low-quality LSD. Please do not ask me where I got mine) Preparation: As for my first run, I decided to simply test the waters and leave any hefty goals aside. The trip took place in my room (alone) during the entire night and then outside. Trip: A lot of stuff happened, so here are the highlights: - Extremely beautiful visuals (like carpet turning into a pool of worms). The patterns were popping out like mad (the few pink tiles in the bathroom bathed the bathroom with a pink haze). The colors were SO gorgeous. - For about 10 minutes my consciousness got "mirrored". Any thoughts/perceptions would echo inside my mind. This caused the "present" moment to extend to a few seconds instead of the normal 1 second. - Time slowed down SO HARD. I simply couldn't believe my brain was capable at working at such a high frequency. Every minute felt like 10min+. The music was playing at a very slow pace (like the 0.75/0.5 playback speed in YouTube). I remember looking at the watch and laughing at how 5 minutes felt like an hour. - Now something huge. My consciousness was "morphing" into stuff multiple times. I could look at a shirt and become it. There was no one perceiving the shirt, or the context in which it existed, just the shirt. I used this magnificent morphing ability extensively. - Short-range non-duality. When I was sitting on the chair and hugging a huge pillow, it took a mental effort to distinguish myself from the pillow or chair. There was literally no difference between the pillow and my arms. - Music was SO GOOD. I listened to this amazing album 3 times during the trip: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXhhpxt_OoI ). It's (kinda) true what they say, you never heard music if you weren't under LSD. - I had the crazy idea of watching a Mandelbrot Zoom ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR4JCVAh74c ). It felt like I was physically travelling thru that world. - Euphoria and body-high. Welcome to the world of shadows There was a lot of other stuff, but they pale in comparison to where I got at the the 6hr-12hr mark. While before I theoretically knew what materialists call "world" is nothing but projection onto being & happening within being, now I got aware of this phenomena. What i perceived as "reality" before now felt like a LIFELESS world of lights. I strongly emphasize HOW DEAD everything felt. When I talked to my mom, it felt like talking to an object (and I was an object too). The "world" including myself felt sooooooooo distant. When I was riding the bus heading to the park, I was making huge effort to not loose sense of "reality". The bus was disappearing under my feet like sand thru fingers. I saw so much beauty in a vagabond's eyes. BEING was prior to the game of lights most folk hold as "reality". That was by far the most magnificent morning of my life))) After-Results - All of the negative stuff build-up from years of stress and suffering got released. My mind got "refreshed" - I feel so much better inside this body. - I see so much more beauty in this game of lights. - While the perception of BEING isn't near as strong as it was during the 6hr-12hr period, it still improved my day-to-day perception of it. Also now I understand from experience (not just someone's words) what I'm aiming for with meditation. - Feeling happier.
  9. @TheAvatarState @Sven I've been into self-actualization for 5 years. Meditating, studying and contemplating. So the things I experienced during this trip (mainly the being) wasn't a shock at all, just FINALLY a much more profound experience of what I came to realize on theoretical grounds. I've read so many trip reports where people emphasize their "abstract thinking" under LSD, yet during this trip my intention was let go of thinking, because that's what I was doing for the last 5 years. During the trip I actually tried to focus on the inner world and exploring the depths of my mind, but I quickly remembered that the exterior and inner world is the same thing. Spiritual insights aren't hidden hell knows where, they are right in front of us all the time. As for "going weekly", my intention will be to fully embodying the insights I already learned all these years. From the research I've done, tolerance seems to go almost completely away after 1/2 weeks. But yeah, I'll better stick to 2-3 times a month.
  10. It took more then 1hr to kick in, then it held super strong for about 4hr, then 2hr of coming off back into a lifeless world in which I bathed for another 6hr. Of course I plan to trip more in the future))) Probably every week for the next 2 months. More serious trip reports (with proper preparations and goal setting) coming soon! Exactly! I attribute my birth into the lifeless world of shadows to tripping in a semi-dark room while listening to somewhat dark music)))
  11. @traveler @Serotoninluv @Leo Gura Actually the last time I had general anesthesia something very interesting happened: Probably after the surgery I opened my eyes for a bit and saw the lights on the ceiling, but there was no sense of time, space, ego, nothing... Just those lights without any context or metal filters. Even though it was short, and happened 2 years ago, I will never forget that experience!
  12. Check out Danheim
  13. Looks like an ego-backlash, very common. Maybe, but the most direct approach is to just keep the beam of awareness onto the stuff your ego throws at you.
  14. Nobody can say what exactly is right for you. Read books & listen to Leo's vids and create a good meditation habit. Work out the basics first. What you lack is strong levels of awareness. How can you see in the dark (your life) with a dim flashlight (weak consciousness)?
  15. @Shin I read in a book (probably "Neti-Neti Meditation") 3 stages: 1. Duality 2. Non-Duality 3. Nothingness
  16. Exactly! Osho (stage Turquoise) and his cult (stage Green) is another example.
  17. @riplo I see SO MANY people on this forum fall into the same pitfall: not mastering the basics first, and yet pursuing the greatest fruits of self-growth. Forget about enlightenment. Study and train your mind first, then move on to the big stuff. Read about human psychology, master your will-power and self-control over your emotions, master your life-style and so on. no comment... so what is dictating your life: emotions, rationality or consciousness? there are many different spiritual awakenings/experiences, not just enlightenment. If you want to take on the dragon (enlightenment) you better become a very good warrior first (master the basics Leo was talking years ago), or you're doomed to fail.
  18. look up "The Book of Not Knowing" by Peter Ralston, very hard read though.
  19. @Arthur "The history of humanity is the autobiography of a madman!" Highly recommend the "Wrath of Khans" by Dan Carlin!
  20. @Mr Being thx for sharing! That's a nice career/business idea!
  21. That actually might be a positive sign! Keep purging that ego!
  22. Here's a great podcast with Stanislav Grof, who's got over 60 years of experience/research/experiments/observations with LSD/psychadelics. https://tim.blog/2018/11/20/stan-grof/ Comment down below what you think about Stanislov's view on consciousness! P.S. Has anyone read "What is Reality?" by Ervin László ?, Stan recommended it.
  23. @Shin Don't mistake "stuff" with wisdom. One thing is to learn how to make toilet paper and the other is how to become a wiser human being. The smart rat knows how to make cheese, The Wise rat knows how the smart rat's mind works. Do not mistake knowledge with wisdom.
  24. @Shadowraix Salvia Divinorum is such a powerful, cheap, healthy and LEGAL psychedelic. It's really underestimated in the self-actualization community.
  25. @The White Belt I use both earplugs + headphones (with white noise) at the same time! Foam earplugs are too expensive in the long run (for me) so I use re-usable silicon ones (just wash 'em after each use) for 1 month. https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Hot-Soft-Foam-Ear-Plugs-Sound-insulation-ear-protection-Earplugs-anti-noise-sleeping-plugs-for-travel/32792167519.html?spm=2114.search0104.3.46.6e4516496um3rV&ws_ab_test=searchweb0_0,searchweb201602_5_10065_10068_10890_5730315_319_10546_10548_317_5733915_10696_10924_5734215_453_10084_454_10083_5733715_10618_10920_5729215_10921_10304_10922_10307_10820_537_536_5733815_10843_10059_10884_5734015_10887_10928_100031_321_322_10103-10890,searchweb201603_51,ppcSwitch_0&algo_expid=b86491f0-edc0-4fcf-853e-b1f1912ea32f-9&algo_pvid=b86491f0-edc0-4fcf-853e-b1f1912ea32f