Western Buddha

Hello, Two months ago I traveled abroad and met a girl from the tinder, looking like a female to all intents and purposes, but when I got there she told me she was an escort girl and she wanted money. I told her I was not going to escort girls and she just brought me by the hand until I finished. I suspected a little during the act that she would not let me touch her or take off her clothes, And she seemed to have a lot of hair extensions, I talked to her later and she confessed to me that she was transgender and was really hurt by Meza.I felt at Brown for a week, I told a few friends who of course laughed at me and it passed. The thing that suddenly a month later I started to remember it again and since then it's just stuck in my head, I came back to my country and I still think about it and very upset about it. I feel like I've been sexually abused, I've had a lot of difficulties in my life and I've had a lot of mental scars but I've never dealt with a problem like that. I'm 100% straight and that's why it bothers me so much. Since I was with her, I had already slept with some women, and yet this thought still comes up here and there. I do not really know what to do, I decided that first of all I'll post a posere here and maybe try to go back there and hurt her like she hurt me, I'm talking about hitting her even though my chances of finding her are pretty faint, I know it sounds childish but sometimes I think it's a great solution to close circle. i'm doing meditation for already 2 years withoutmissing even 1 day, im just changing the time here and there between 20-30 minutes. i do the do nothing technique, should i keep going? Thank you,

What do you guys think about putting some fragrance sachet with odor of flowers in the bedroom? like lavender, coffe and other flowers too. is it beneficial?

does anyone here knows a good book for stop comparing my self to others?

Do you have recommendations for good tv shows without so much negativity but with deep insights? real or animated both fine. thanks.

In my morning routine, I'm practicing the box breathing technique. Also, I'm always trying to breath through my nose (during exercise also). But I keep finding myself breathing in a shallow way. How can I train myself to breathe deeply and calmly all the time? Throughout all, the day? Thank you.

I feel like every day im trying to find solution to my problematic past in 100 different direction and for real im not really getting anywhere. do you think it will be useful to choose couple of techniques and just do them for couple of months without any additional research?

I just finished leos video about understaning emotions: In this video leo is talking about feeling the emotion completely. But what if its not an emotion that arising in me but bad memories? Can in mix feeling the emotion with letting go of it? Thanks guys!

Hey guys. First i want to tell you all thank you for all your help! i love you! Do any of you guys have some advices on how to improve my diary writing? how to go deeper?

Whats the diffrence between letting go of something and suppressing an emotion? I saw leo's video but it seems to me that letting go can become a way to supress emotions, am I wrong?

Do you think i should watch leos video on how to deal with strong negative emotions and after that i can apply the letting go?

So basically the method is to feel what arises and then acknowledge it and then let it go (like a cloud that passing by)?

Or we should do it like the sea waves without any stop between the inhale and the exhale?

ok thank you. i kind of know what my problems are. i just dont know how to face them. do you think it is beneficial to do breathing exercises? not as replacement but as an addition.

So what's your opinion on letting go?

Hey, I have a question - I've been meditating for 2 years and lately I have noticed that the way I feel and think about situations is changing all the time. One day I can think about an event from the past and think it was a disaster and the second day I'm thinking about the same situation and think it was a funny one. Like I really feel like I don't know what is my point of view on my past and. That's causing me to be indecisive What's going on? could it be because of meditation?

Yeah i think i get where you are going. But it making decision making so hard.

its seems a little An applicable. do you have any other idea? .

its a nice story man what does it have do to with my question?

no

I'm afraid to make a decision of forgiveness, I'm afraid that I will regret not taking revenge in the future. I warned other people, posted posts, reported to Tinder and i even contacted her in person but she didnt really talk to me. I know in a logic way that forgiveness is a better way but for some reason I still can't take a real comitment to it. i cant decide between revenge and forgiveness.When I was 13, I sexually harassed some lady in a bus and i regret it so much, and now I feel like karma has come back to me, if someone I hurt didn't seek revenge on me why do i feel like i have do do it?

hey man. have your heard the logic about an organ you dont use stops to work? i think no porn is a must but no fapping at all is not a good idea if you dont do sex, a friend of mine did no fap for over 1 year (and didnt had sex durning that time). after one year he met his girlfriend and his dick woudnt stand up. it took them a few months to make it work again.

I know its the right decision and it feels much more better than holding grudge and coming up with some crazy revenge plans. but i feel like my true forgivness wont happen in a second. i really need to work on it, i guess making the choice to forgive is the first step.

thanks man! i decided i want to really forgive her!

Hey, I usually writing my feelings in a diary every morning. I'm adding to it some practice of writing the best stuff that came out of bads things that happened to me - my intention is to make myself see the negative incidents in my life as good ones. Recently I have been thinking about doing the same with qualities in my inner character. For example, I know that I like to compare myself to other humans all the time (and I'm suffering because of that), and I want to write myself every morning why should Istop with this kind of behavior. What do you think? will it work?

Hey man, Did you talk to her in person? or you just texted her? From my experience it doesnt work with women, the more you chase her the less she wants you. In this case she completely ignoring you so i think you should let go and move on with your life. dont text her dont call her dont ask about her and dont follow her on instegram. This is the only way to let go from her.