XYZ

What if the new technology is walking away from all this constant connectivity? How about building settlements with no wifi and cell phone towers nearby, where you use the internet and telephone indoors, and outside you open your eyes and pay attention to your surroundings, talk to people, or read a book? Healthy wireless technology could be a misnomer, but as this shit gets more pervasive, there will undoubtedly be a movement to retreat from smartphone culture and live in an environment without the physical and psychological effects of it. It's been a few months since I had a cell phone, and it's far more liberating than it is inconvenient.

Probably what you are doing is acting indirect like you just want to talk platonic, but women can see right through that, and it's inauthentic. If you are going to approach, your attitude is 'yes, I obviously like you, deal with it,' never trying to hide your interest, it's implied subtext. Seeing it as a learning experience, not at all invested in her reactions. Its the current year, when women get approached, they know exactly why. What can make you look like a creepy weirdo is if you appear unnatural, like going out of your way to talk to someone, rather than spontaneously when you just happen to be in the same place as they are. Don't be that guy saying excuse me excuse me excuse me to a chick wearing headphones staring at her phone. As you will find, some women will feel annoyed and just ignore you or at worst tell you to fuck off, but others will actually appreciate being approached, be amused by it, since they are feeling the decline of masculinity and miss getting male attention in public.

Primal impulse to submit to a dominant alpha, this was a survival strategy for women throughout human evolution. In battle, the men of losing tribes were slaughtered, while the women were taken by the victors and gained their protection, the war bride phenomenon. This same instinct is why women get turned on by violent aggressive behavior in men and fantasize about the idea of being taken by a masculine man, fully surrendering to his sexual passion. This is the counterpart to a man seeing a woman in sexy revealing outfit and knowing it's his true nature to take her by the hand (or grab her by the *****) and lead her to off the bedroom right there and then. You can roleplay with these kinds of scenarios, and communicate openly about how to manage these latent desires while at the same time maintaining healthy relationships.

When you know that stop looking at porn, even softcore nudes, is necessary to stop fapping addiciton, but it feels like self-cuckoldry to deny yourself the pleasure of seeing sexy women naked, which can only happen through that medium. When you know that the key to growing out of fapping addiction is to become passionate and excited about something and channel your energy into it, but the only thing which made you jump out of bed eagerly is to look at porn and fap.

Yes, on the 4th of July (in the USA) and New Year's Day, plenty of ways to celebrate alone, but Thanksgiving and Christmas places close down and it seems everyone else is with family and close friends. My mother is the only family I have and never had the type of friends that invite me over for those holidays, so it is the loneliest time of the year. Being alone on those days is not so bad, actually pleasant when I go for a long walk and it's calm, few people and no traffic. What really makes me feel uneasy is when someone asks me how was your holiday, or what did you do? Loneliness is relative, you tend to feel it most when around other people who seem to be having fun together and experiencing human connection. In contrast when all by yourself you eventually stop feeling lonely because there is nothing to compare it to.

I can understand how ego and non-ego can coexist, as they are part of one another. But it still seems like if you lacked a stable sense of self-identity to begin with and have a wishy-washy undeveloped personality like I do, can't build up the ego anymore once you realize it's an illusion, and you're left with that empty persona, prone to indecision, lack of life goals and unable to relate to other people.

Because you are so used to relying on external feedback for your thoughts and feelings, so choosing positive states in spite of an apparently negative reality can feel disingenuous. But then you realize directly that your entire perception of events that seem objective are colored by the thoughts and feelings you ascribe to them, and this can be conditioned.

Is there an online version you can copy/paste youtube videos to listen to?

Happiness through self-acceptance feels more genuine than happiness based on automatic emotional feedback. True happiness I found also breeds complacency, if you are happy on the inside no matter what, why bother improving yourself, why bother doing anything? However, when you really do have some shitty circumstances in life that can't really be fixed, internalized happiness can get you through anything, can maintain that blissful state no matter what life and death brings you. But what you might be experiencing could be arrogance, happiness from an inflated ego, which still seeks external validation. It's a subtle difference, but one way I can tell myself if I'm authentically happy is if I'm totally okay being alone and invisible, un-noticed. If that bothers me and I feel lonely and frustrated when no one is paying any attention to me, then it was superficial happiness, the fragile surface level emotion. I guess the opposite is true too, if you feel really elated by social approval signals, even euphoric sometimes, it's because it feeds the ego. But if you're happiness stays nearly the same, like if for example, a beautiful woman smiles at you, it is grounded happiness with strong roots.

Serious question really. You know there are plenty of people who have plenty of money, but it isn't making them happy. And lots of people who learned to be happy in life, but struggle with having enough money. Looks like an ideal value exchange waiting to happen! Everywhere, online and in real life, I see people being angry, bitter, depressed, even suicidal because of what looks to me as silly little emotional issues that can be overcome with some simple changes of perspective, some bodywork practices and lifestyle changes. Emotional mastery is something I've been developing through enduring and growing through many kinds suffering & discomfort, synthesizing what I've learned from psychology and philosophy, as well as my experiences with yoga and spirituality. I would say this is a gift I would like to share this with the world... What would be some great opportunities to test and refine this skill in real life, interacting with people directly as opposed to just conversing and posting material online? This I can ask about volunteer opportunities, I'm considering volunteering at a depression/suicide crisis center. When ready, I would also need to choose a medium as for how I'm going to provide value by uplifting others. Become a life coach who specialized in happiness coaching?

After relapsing into wanking addiction thousands of times, I figure it all comes down to staying in the present. When indulging in it, I'm fantasizing about a past that could have been, a future sexual experience or an alternate reality. It's purely escapism, and the most addictive type for me since all else pares in comparison to the momentary thrill of jerking it to porn. I have to actually accept this, not run away form it, seek other more powerful hedonistic activities to, or construct a victim mentality around it. It is a real problem for me. I can have a few beers one day and then go for months completely sober, while some can't touch alcohol without going full alcoholic. Much the same way, lots of guys can masturbate once a week, every few days, once a day, while if I start playing with my dick it ends up being a nonstop fap bender for days or weeks. Likewise, lamenting how I wasted so much of my life fapping at the computer is letting the past define the present. Stop worrying about what had been, stop fantasizing about what if things were different, start living in the right here right now... even if life is feeling shitty, boring, stressful, hopeless and going nowhere, stay with that, be patient and stay out of the comfort zone of fapping and porn. I consider myself a very uncompetitive guy, but as someone pointed out to me once, I still have that masculine spirit when it comes to challenging myself to break personal records, keep pushing my limitations outward. If I say I won't fap again ever, I surely will. If I'm afraid of relapsing, I'm surely going to. But if I aim to keep breaking my last celibate streak, and be free to have a wank once I've exceeded it by a week, that is something readily visualized, an actionable goal. And seemingly so easy, don't have to actually do anything, just not play the skin flute. Not sure if this is helpful advice or more just self-reflection on my own journey.

I learned how to choose happiness through dealing with life and getting in touch with my emotional states and thought patterns, also with physical practices, particularly breathwork. Only thing I've unhappy about recently is my financial future, or lack of money security, and not having the kind of material provisions for living a financially independent minimalist lifestyle. I had some brief bouts of depression this year feeling miserable in my present situation, and which each one developed more resilience, dug deeper into my psyche and reprogrammed myself for positivity and gratitude. This is one of many examples of ways in which I develop emotional mastery, evolving to embody a blissful state regardless of my circumstances, so I could be dirt poor or filthy rich and still radiate happiness. The flipside, which might seem negative to a lot of people, is that extreme emotional mastery is the ultimate coping mechanism. They were borne of feelings of helpless victimhood, being faced with unpleasant realities I felt powerless to change, and so I turned inward and conquered the domain of my internal world. Whereas more normal people are motivated by negative emotions to change the things which they perceive to be the cause. Prime example of this is that I try to help lonely guys or 'incels' learn to be happy alone and accept the reality of human sexual dynamics. So my niche would be along the lines of self-acceptance and internal mastery, whereas most self-improvement guides would try to get guys to keep trying harder and change themselves to become more attractive. I will be talking to people I know and see about what trainings would be best, and find some environments to further test & refine my ability to uplift others.

Many have said that being unhappy and discontent with your finances is the main motivation to make more money. Along these lines being happy with what you have is actually a limiting mindset, it's complacency within your comfort zone. But finances, like relationships, you don't have complete control over, even if taking 100% responsibility for them is virtuous, you can't always get what you want. Everything in moderation, including moderation. It would be great if you would be just as happy if you won the lottery or were broke and homeless. But so too, it is in everyone's best interests is we constantly push out limits, get uncomfortable and unhappy about staying in the same place, to hunger for more giving and receiving of abundance.

How is this at all helpful to anyone?

@Robert We can all learn from multiple perspectives, not needing to take anyone's viewpoint at the exclusion of others. Come to think of it, lonely guys would benefit form hearing the stories of those like them who have transformed themselves into studs or found the wife of their dreams, and others who have learned to cope and thrive without sex & relationships, learning to be happy nevertheless. I found your posts very helpful and appreciate it.

Any introduction to psychology textbook is a good place to start

The greatest paradigm shift you can have is to stop viewing a girlfriend as a thing to be gotten. I don't believe in any such things as being single or coupled, they are a false duality, these are just concepts and imagination.

@F A B See @Robert Love and belonging are subjective states of being though, you can experience them in any environment, with your own self, with all of life, the universe, with God and with other people. The psychological traps are: Believing there is a line between being 'alone' and 'together'. Interpreting your body's mechanisms for fulfilling the biological imperative of procreation as authentic survival needs that can and must be satiated. As simple mammals human beings were primarily concerned with group protection and sexual conquest as their mode of living, they experienced intense emotional pain when lacking those things in order to go an seek them. But we live in a totally different world where hourly survival doesn't depend on group co-operation and very little of sexual activity is intended for reproduction. If and when there comes a breakdown in society, as seen during natural disasters, people will really need each other in an immediate sense, and learn to work together. And indeed it seems that the closest friendships are forged by necessity, like co-workers, soldiers or neighbors forced to cooperate as they are dependent on each other to complete an objective. A comfortable environment where most of our necessities can be met with a few clicks leads to a world of increasing alone-ness. Whereas in primitive times just existing as human beings of the same tribe was enough to foster an alliance, we now have to find common interests, things to talk about, things to do together. Times of peace and prosperity are times of declining social capital. It's not uncommon for when I say that I'm happy alone and tell lonely guys they can also be, others will say No No No! You need sex, you need friends, you're repressing emotions, you're lying to yourself! That just seems like projecting your own version of reality and talking down to others who can't have certain things, or don't have the same value systems. I'm E/INTP and Eneagram type 5 though, so it could be just easier to re-contextualize things, to step outside of social and even biological conditioning. As I get older I genuinely enjoy being alone more, while at the same time, have much more fun socializing when it does happen.

But it isn't a need, just a strong desire, and not even for a any specific thing, but a concept, a fantasy, an ideal situation you are imagining. You won't die if you don't receive female validation, fall in love, and make love. Treating it as a need only leads to suffering, whether or not you experience such things. Honey is something that tangibly exists, and you can own a jar of honey. Relationships, meanwhile are shared experiences that require other's cooperation, and you can't "have" another person like you can have a jar of honey. You seem to be confusing suppression with transcendence. If something indeed feels like a need to you, and you pretend not to care about it, that is suppressing. To transcend a need is to master personal development to the point where something which once felt very necessary, and you desperately longed for it and suffered in it's absence, is recontextualized so that it's genuinely no longer a need, you are able to just let go of the desire, and thrive emotionally, having liberated yourself from the attachment to it. You could not do this with food, water, sleep, oxygen, etc. But sexual things, absolutely! We can learn to exercise significant control over our emotional states, and in uncomfortable, painful, stressful situation this ability is tested and refined. The periods of negative emotion become shorter and you become more resilient afterward. My point being, it's in the best interest of everyone to get out of states of bitterness, anger, depression and victimhood with regard to sex/relationships. In this way, the less you see people as means to alleviate your loneliness, more likely those kinds of things will naturally happen, not all that counter-intuitive. And if they don't, well hey, it's alright, because you don't base you happiness & self-worth upon gaining approval or sex. One thing I do try to emphasize from my own experience is that my interactions with women are far more fulfilling after I stopped trying to get anything from them. The TAKE attitude is off-putting, self-centered, isolationist- the GIVE attitude is expansive, open, inviting. When not invested in whether people like you or not, you can be yourself, live in the moment, smile, laugh, cry, have deep conversations or make a complete fool of yourself... and this has allowed for far greater connection, and intimate moments with women, than when I used to be concerned with being attractive. And I'm a pretty oddball case myself, I would assume most normal guys would easily get into relationships once they just let go and ACTUALLY stop seeking them. And you know, actually go to social activities where you talk to people, see regulars you befriend and meet new folks, not afraid to introduce yourself and start conversations. Been sleeping better the last few days, and I'm grateful for the challenge of my situation. Like I've said, it makes me lots more emotionally resilient, and grateful. Last week I remember I felt miserable about it sometimes, than made a mental list of things that I appreciate about living here, and it led me to realize how lucky I actually am, how fortunate I've been, and how bright the future could be- but 'living in the now ' is the best way I've learned to cope with anything in life. Leo said that even physical suffering is really just emotional suffering, and maybe this seems to be the case. Regardless, the reason I hate neediness is it is a selfish way of looking at the world and towards other people, wondering what they can do for you, what you can get out of them, primarily seeing them as a means to an end. Sure, people of higher consciousness wouldn't put down others for feeling & projecting an aura of neediness, but coming from that place is a barrier to forming connections. If I have a new friend who has a house with a spare room, I'd want to ask if I could crash there at least temporarily, but neither of us would be comfortable bringing that up until we've develop a friendship based on valuing each other for who we are, no what we can offer. Likewise if someone came to me complaining about being incel and depressed. I'm passionate about helping guys grow out of those mindsets, but approaching me with such negative energy right off the bat would make me uncomfortable with them, un-trusting, like they see me as a repairman for their personal problems. I don't want others to feel this way about me either.

I've encountered lots of this before, and came to the conclusion that people who are mostly extroverted only get very analytical and inquisitive when they are emotionally invested in something. Therefore, they will take thorough questioning as an emotionally charged argument, and respond with their own emotional reactions, even taking it as a personal attack if their point of view is challenged.

Problem seems to be that you are focusing on yourself as an ego identity, and view women or relationships as something to be acquired. A solution might be to transcend yourself, and let go of the ideas of being single or coupled, instead focusing on direct present experiences and authentic connection with people. About as simple as I can explain it myself. I'm around the same age and never having sex or 'having a gf' is not something even thought about much anymore.

It's more like how when learn to feel totally okay, comfortable and happy being alone, being in social situations comes effortless and you connect with people naturally. May sound counter-intuitive but it's the same principle of experiencing the full spectrum of life, like becoming more masculine by allowing yourself to be feminine, feeling greater happiness when you allow yourself to feel the depths of sadness.... Basically stop resisting what is, but be aware of the present moment, not your own narratives. What do you do, when are you in social situations or events? Don't expect to make friends and get a gf just by going outside and talking to random people. These things happen in a community setting, doing group activities. Like at a book club, yoga center, church, school, at work, sports, meetup groups for hobbies, you get the drift. It's never guaranteed though, that's why you need to be outcome-independent, won't have a good time if you go somewhere expecting to form deep human connection, but if you're open to it, it can happen when you'd least expect.

@dude Where are you going to poop and shower?

But some are completely and utterly alone, don't have any living family members, are socially autistic, or not attractive. If these are things I, OP or someone else can't actually have certain things in life, what good does it do feeling bad about it than transcending these to not see them as personal needs? I have become lots more social in recent months, but as far as intimate relationships, pretty much don't care anymore. Shed all ideologies like incel, volcel and MGTOW, have not even any concept of what a relationship is or should be. And I have much bigger problems to deal with, so unmet desire for women feels like a non-issue in life. Meanwhile, happiness is something you have nearly absolute control over, regardless of external circumstances. This is something I prove to myself, being faced with very uncomfortable, painful and stressful situations, but maintaining a positive emotional state. As I tried to explain, I don't think it is healthy to base your happiness on acceptance, approval or sense of connection with others. And when you are already happy with yourself ti is much easier to connect with other people from a place of giving not taking. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I also noticed you used the world help 3 times. So as long as we're on the subject, how do you get other people to care about you enough to help you, and how do you ask for help without being needy and imposing? Because I have a really shitty life situation, as I mentioned in other threads, suffer from chronic sleep deprivation (and consequent suicidal thoughts) from a noisy home environment, not having a bedroom or any indoor heating. I only told a few close friends about this, and asked if they had any space for me to live with them. None did, although they would have if they could, and I would have offered the same if they were in my situation. Something like that would feel like a big burden on others, revealing how screwed I am and asking for help, very counter to the positive happy vibes I want to maintain when socializing. Though I do hear about the types of friendships where people can be vulnerable and needy, and mutually supported, just as if they were trying to survive in the wild together. How does it get to that place though, to go from making new friends to trusting each other and genuinely caring and wanting to help, okay with each others' neediness?

Yea, that does seem quite absurd when you think about it. But just as you might have any kind of relationship, or no relationship, people can be together for all sorts of reasons. It's apparent though that a high consciousness person has less need for relationships. When they do happen it's something that would be figured out every step of the way, two (or more) people choosing how to be together, not just following a relationship paradigm, or ideology, or mutual neediness.