Aaron p

I do kryia yoga then self enquiry then vepaasana all in about an hour and 15 minutes each day. I feel like I have to stop though, my emotions are going crazy. I'm so scared and I don't know if I can do it been practising for about 7 months

Two days ago I went out drinking and got completely sloshed with a friend of mine and a girl I'm talking to atm. And ever since that night I have been experiencing what I can only describe as a low key nervous breakdown. NOTHING happened though! I do have a predisposition towards mental health issues. I'm killing myself thinking about what could have caused it. The way I see it, there are 2 possibilities. 1- This is just me, I'm having a really bad nervous breakdown and that's it. 2- It could directly be an ego backlash or directly linked to a closeby spiritual breakthrough. ...let me emphasize how bad this is, it hit me fully loaded within 1 day out of nowhere (just after I started doing kryia yoga actually). And I don't want to get out of bed, constantly thinking I'm going insane. Worrying about the bad trip I had on LSD. Noticing similar feelings from the bad trip. It just seems awfully fast and debilitating. I need some honest, professional answers here guys, I've been in tears I front of my mum and dad already. Booked an emergency appointment with doctor...it's really unbearable. I honestly think it might be a sign of a nearby breakthrough, but it's tough. I can manage a bit of sadness, maybe even a little bit of depression...but (without exaggeration) what feels like a full blown mental panic attack constantly...I dunno. I have to keep fucking playing music and songs and shit and singing along to distract me for 30 seconds at a time. Please be honest, if you think it may just be my mind getting fucked up just say. My family have a history of mental health issues. I've told you all the facts in an unbiased manner, what do yous think? Pleez, need help:(

@karkaore @Joseph Maynor @enderx7 i think I might take a break from the meditation. I dunno, the mental health person today told me that I have far too much time to think and that meditation puts too much focus on yourself and then you get worried and axious about yourself and you start segregating yourself off from others. (All of which has been happening to me). So might just give it a break for now ...

@Salvijus but yo, I've noticed something incredible! When I do the concentration on the bindu, the "cool" sensation that I always get in my throat moves upwards! I feel it moveing up my throat and into my upper throat. But yeah I'm just gonna replace my usual kryia yoga practise with peace yoga. It's too powerful I think. And I need peace at this point in time

@winterknight I think getting in touch with with a psychoanalyst is defo a good shout. My doctor has referred me to a mental health assessment in one of my local towns in northern Ireland.

@Highest I have to be fucking careful with drugs (I've found) because of my mental health. But I find that if I meditate with kryia, then self enquiry then vepaasana for about 1.25 hours and smoke grass straight after I'm done it raises my consciousness. Truth be told I don't really know the word "consciousness" actually means. All I know is, God has revealed to me that the techniques work, and I don't need to understand how it works. I'm finding the truth and that's it. But I find the feelings I get when I've just meditated, when I smoke up

@tsuki word

Since the start of my search of "God" which started prior to actualized.org about 10 years ago for me, it's always been an incredible motivator for me to look back and reflect on the subtle changes in my behavior, mental health, emotional health and just the overarching picture that is "me." For me this really motivates me because the subtle changes will eventually grow to be noticable shifts in my being. I notice myself feeling more free, less anxious, and best of all...less thoughtful! I think the prolonged and lengthy process spiritual progress is somewhat discouraging. So these little observations really help me see that I'm actually becoming more mature, [far] more manly...I notice that my surroundings react to me slightly differently now. It's nearly like I feel, more important somehow. But it's unspoken, you know if the president walks into the room and doesn't speak a word...you will still feel the heavy weight of his energy...the same thing. So let's raise a glass, here's to the small things that only we ourselves see. ?

@Jed VassalloVassalloVassallVa Mooji posted a video on his Facebook page about how there were flase accusations against him to ruin his reputation

I recommend against "trying to let go" the practises do this for you. Do kryia yoga. Also, your mind is within consciousness. Everything is within your consciousness. All of history is within your consciousness, all the entire universe is within your present, experiential consciousness. Be careful though! Don't let this become another idea in that consciousness of your. Infact, don't believe a single word I say. Your analogy of the rivers flowing towards one water reservoir, that would be enlightenment...I think that sounds like a good description. I overthink things a fuckton so i tend to absolutely philosophically demolish whatever is put in front of me. So i feel as though I'm starting to understand the different aspects of spirituality more. Don't worry about confusion, just watch the one who is confused. And if you become clear, watch the one who has become clear.

It's all fun sure isint it. Who knows why those guys don't live strict moral lifes. At the end of the day, enlightenment doesn't change anything. At the start I thought spirituality was going to help my mind, I don't think that is the case anymore. However I do think that enlightenment will kill me, so that god can rise from these bones. I'm ok with that. Moral or not, God's presence reigns eternally.

I love how it gets simpler and simpler the deeper I dig. Easy, effortless, being. I'll be honest, I'm still lost as fuck. But I know that's probably part of the process

@Cortex I can't wait to just fucking die and get this shit overwith. Get some Bliss for God's sake, literally.

I can't wait to have the revelation that I am immortal

The Bible actually is in agreement with what you said into that mic tho. The word says "he who is joined with the Lord is one spirit with him." It also says "it is no longer I that lives, but Christ that lives In me." Another verse says "we are the body of Christ." And Jesus himself actually says "ye are gods." However this is all spiritual truth (absolute truth), the soul and body are still there...but Catholics are especially focused on works based spiritual performance... constantly focused on what your works are and your sinful side...which of course is not really one with god [in the way I'm referring to it]. Catholics have misinterpreted the word, and so have protestants, I feel as though the closest Christian denomination is protestant, a denomination called "Elim." There are christian teachers who authentically hear gods teachings first hand. Men like "Andrew wommack" and "Todd white" and this [slightly less powerful] guy "francic Chan." But yes, everything in the bible is quite accurate spiritually

@Sharp dw Christians won't kill you but they won't like that. Muslims might hurt u. I would ask, are you fully enlightened? Because if not, what your saying is ideology...im just saying. Proper enlightened beings always bring happiness and unity I find... Galatians 5:22 says the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness and self control. It says these things will *flow* naturally out of your inner being. So then we just have to observe, in this situation did love manifest...or joy, or peace. This is not a criticism AT ALL...I'm just saying, when we don't have something authentically revealed to us by the holy ghost, it's just more human ideas. It's tricky because this kinda shit isint linear at all. There are so many dimensions and movements that are attached to spirituality, for example, it's possible to create the ideology that your reality is an ideology. Your not actually discovering matrix in this instance, your creating another layer of the matrix that is "I am in the matrix." So Satan comes in the form of light, pretending to be god. I gave up on knowledge a while ago. I just assume I'm wrong all the time now tbh. It's very very hard for me ATM actually

@Wisebaxter "focusing" and "letting go" are actually the same in this instance. We are focusing on the nothingness of letting go

I can thank kryia yoga + phyc's for the insight that I am not becoming more aware, it is the awareness that is becoming more human. Amazing

@Matt23 as of late, I have been experiencing some very very deep states, however I've made a vow to myself to completely let go of knowledge and just flow completely from what I feel in the present moment. With kryia yoga, then self enquiry immediately after, then vepaasana as well...6 months in and I'm starting to notice the reoccurring tangable feelings of just the deepening of my awareness I guess, whatever that means. All I do is look for the self, trust god for the rest. I find it works best, literally not thinking about anything at all haha. I've been able to become aware of what some of the rare actual Christian Mystics call "God's voice" and being able to affect things in your life just by focusing for 10 minutes. I started a business in 2 weeks, going to do loads of professional posters laminated all around the local area...I'm gonna teach piano. That's how powerful this voice has been. For me, I've never experienced one singlar point in time that I can say "that was a powerful spiritual awakening experience"...however, I feel this voice telling me that I will yse kryia yoga and 5meo DMT to attain enlightenment. Or at least get closer. I have some in my room, it's HCl so I was going to snort it...however I feel as though this is a better method as opposed to smoking it because I find smoking substances have a far heavily comeup. And my mind can be a, dodgy place like. So I'm gonna have to be careful make sure I'm in a class mood. I know I'm gonna be a bit scared like. Probably a lot actually. But yes I'm starting to experience the Bliss and noticeable change in personality, my lifestyle is much cleaner, I am talking seriously to a really nice looking girl and I like her, and this piano business and meditating and just all the brilliance of god

@Nahm yes, I do feel as though the happiness is reoccurring...like I've experienced happiness before but only at times. I think maybe I actually am happy and it's just because of my beliefs that I make myself happy or sad. I never experienced it reoccurring like that.

@Nahm yes, I do feel much happiness at this point in time like. It's so good

Feels pretty good lol...I guess......oh shit, I just got it...ok, I got it. Hahahahahaha thank you ?

Lol, I mean that its nearly like I'm only now starting to experience what it's like to be human because of how lost I was in false concepts and ideas

@Paul92 what's happening Paul mate, I'm aaron from Northern Ireland. Right, so straight away I'm just gonna tell you that all of these thoughts and emotions are VERY very typical to be seen in someone who is just about to embark on their spiritual path. So don't be depressed, just allow yourself to BE and keep following your heart. Excellent excellent excellent. Do NOT change this. And definitely do NOT believe in nonduality or spirituality. Belief leads to false revelations, and insights of the imagination... Imitations of the truth, instead of the truth itself. Don't reject any conceptualisations of nonduality, just don't believe them...see that whatever you imagine about god, isint actually god...it's your imagination. You will see certain truths when *God* chooses for you to see them. And not before then. It's very important that you neither believe or disbelieve anything. In other words, don't take any step in any direction. The only thing that matters are the practices, get familiar with self enquiry, kryia yoga especially, be careful with phyc's as well...they are explosive. Ohhhhhhh brother, this is FERTILE ground! Deeply philosophical mind, logical, analytical. Beware though, when using the mind to do philosophy, deep inner dissatisfaction arises (at least I find). I have an extremely deep mind, and I know that using it only brings more pain. Instead of eating more from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you should eat once from the tree of life and become alive. It's all about discovering who/what you are. When using consciousness to see the truth (which is itself, consciousness), God's love and joy and peace overflow out of your heart. You have to die like Jesus died though, the worst death. You must decend to the lowest parts of the earth, and die so that you can be born again of the great one...and become him. "When you close your eyes you see black, you are not the black, *you are the consciousness in which the black exists*." You truly mean this? You'd give anything to be able to live forever? then give your SELF, begin the process of learning what you are by learning what you are NOT. self enquire and search. What part of the body is "you" the left pinkie fingernail? Is that part considered "you"? If it we're removed, would you still be here? Yes? Then you can exist without your pinkie nail, which means the pinkie nail isint you. What about more foundational things like your face...if the skin around your face and mouth was removed and replaced with a new face, would you still be here experiencing life directly? Can "you" exist without your face? Is it "you." What, when removed, causes *you* to be removed. Emotional sensations? Memory? What determines what you are? Is it your taste in music? If that was gone would you still be here experiencing life directly? Find the self, and you will find the gift of God, eternal life. The truth is, you are already an eternal God, it's not your choice...you already are. (Don't believe this though remember! *FIND* the truth by asking and answering simple self enquiry questions) Ok, the concept of "chemistry" you have right now...is happening *within* your consciousness right nowwwww. The idea that it is not happening within your consciousness, is an idea that is also happening within your consciousness. You cannot escape this. The belief that consciousness does not exist, occurs within your consciousness. And the idea that other people have consciousness, is still just another idea... happening within *YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS*.

@Peo just know, you will have physical and mental ramifications if you do this. Your muscles will become extremely weak and stuff if your meditaing all the time...you can develop problems from the withdrawal from your human nature. It would be hard to come back, but I know that enlightenment is the only thing that matters, and if you feel good telling to do some mad 1 year retreat, then you would be an absolute fool not to do it.