Jordan94

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  1. @ardacigin Thanks again, I actually started reading the book after my previous post, i'm at like 250pages now and I have to say that yea lol I agree with all that you said about the book it's just a pure fucking gem I'm really surprised as well that it was the first time here that I heard about it and there's not a lot of people talking about it more, we should do a TMI mega topic where we could discuss progress on the path/advices/questions/whatever regarding the book/model that would be cool As far as my experience with it so far, so yea as we could have expected I'm mostly on stage 3 not having mastered it yet (or rarelly, and sometimes on more unfocused session I drop to stage 2 obviously), so that was a big strategic mistake to go for purification/equanimity based meditation (goenka tradition vipassana) when my focus is not really good yet I can already feel that the tools/practices/advices from the book are really helpful and wayyyyyy better than what I was doing before to improve on that, so yea working on that now, I guess it shouldn't take me that long to master stage 3 and progress above given I've already meditated some time overall but i'm mostly not there yet though @Mu_ Wow thanks man I was not expecting that haha As far as the trap, I'm not sure, I would not think so too much but maybe, I could see how knowing/believing in some lacks that i might have could reinforce them, although in the end (or begining I should say lol) there are still there in the first place, meaning that even if/when I would not think that my focus is not that good or what, it's still not magically going through the roof just because i removed the awareness/believing of it However one trap that I see myself geting into and that is kinda related, is to go about it in a too much goal/result and tryhard oriented manner, and that can be counterproductive sometimes for sure, although I've tried briefly to go the opposite side sometimes and I would say resultswise (meaning progress/fruitfulness of the practice) i'm better doing too tryhard than too not tryhard I think But for this point only recently with the book I think I understand now that the answer is actually that it's way better to actually do both at the same time in a balanced way
  2. Okay yea thanks I see the trap there, I'll try to stay honest with my emotions and okay with any of them
  3. @noselfnofun Cool that you can relate For what you said about the expectations, I can see how that can be true, as obviously after a retreat we will be on a peak, and from there it's normal and sure that we will go down at least some in the next weeks or so But I don't think it's a big thing, for me if I look back and make a summary of my practice and results/effects of those 2 years, the 2 hours daily are just not worth the benefits I get out of retreat momentum (so the majority of the time) @ardacigin Great post again thanks Yea I totally agree with the pillar skills thing, it matches pretty well my experience I actually already thought and measured my progress in meditation in those exact 3 points, and personally it's clear for me that i'm wayyy more advanced in equanimity and sensory clarity than stable attention/focus, which is really my weak point (Outside of retreat momentum) Sensory clarity I can feel a sensation in nearly any part of my body if I put my attention there, equanimity I can do okay-good-ish especially if I put intention in trying to just observe equanimously sensations (at least i'm more advanced than my focus/attention), and attention as I said it's just my weak point so far, I would be 20-30% of the time of a 1 hour sit actually half-focused on the technique, the rest is monkey mind So i've been really puting emphasis so far on trying to improve my focus, since it's my weak point, but still with strugles and my focus is still weak after 3 years But now I feel like one other way to go (at least for some time, eventually obviously I'll have to improve my focus if I want to go further, but my goal now is really more to have some nice benefits from the practice, rather than aiming for enlightenment or whatever) would be to engage in a practice where it's less relying on focus And obviously in SDS, after the 45minute mark when the intense pain starts to kick in, being focused on the sensations is not really a big problem So yea i'm thinking more and more that i'm gonna go more deep in SDS and more equanimity-based practices What's your setup for SDS at home btw ? cushion on the floor ? bed/sofa ? no cushion ? other setup like a zafu or whatever ? I will read the book yea it seems really interesting, I already checked what it looked like when @Enlightenment mentionned it, thanks you two for the share
  4. I would say definitly vipassana is better especially for a newbie Because you will have everything prepared for you and a good environement
  5. Thanks for the answer I'm not sure to understand what you say, you mean just stay with the present emotions/situations always rather than visualising futur possible scenarios ? I think I see this point, it means that if i'm trying to "fix" bad scenarios before they happen that's implying that i'm trying to avoid them and i'm not okay with them ? Although when i actually visualise the 'bad' scenario i'm actually accepting it and being okay with it (in my visualisation or if it actually happen in the present moment later), so wouldn't it be fine ?
  6. @ardacigin Very inspiring, both your posts and your experience, i would be really interested to have your opinion/advice on my situation if you don't mind I've been doing 2 hours daily sits (no SDS just regular for the most part) of vipassana meditation for like 2 years now (i started like 3 years ago, sometime less than 2 hours a day but total that would make 2 years where i actually did 2 hours a day, also been doing 5 ten day retreats), and after having look back on the results/fruits of the practice in those last years, i've found that it was not really effective, given the time invested and the mosty low results i've got in daily life After a retreat (10 days of 10hours daily) I would nearly always see great fruits/change in my experience of life that last for a few weeks, so i'm satisfied with those, but i just don't manage to maintain a good enough quality of focus/meditation (I think) with 2 hours practice of vipassana so after the momentum of the retreat fades off I just get little fruits/benefits in daily life of this 2 hours practice I've been thinking that the reason i get little results of 2 hours is that outside of retreats I can't manage to have a good enough quality of focus to make this particular technique effective enough with 2 hours daily and a high-distraction environement (aka life), but i might be wrong that's just my feeling (I would say 20-30% of the seated time where i'm kind of focused on the technique (which is basically body scans while staying equanimous to the sensations), and the rest is lost in monkey mind) Although one think that i've always found effective and to give clear results even outside of retreats is SDS, basically when i'm in a period where i do SDS, it's quite easy for my mind in daily life, when there is pain or an unpleasant sensation, to go like "ow okay i can see the unpleasant sensation there, it's wayyyyyy less intense than the one i've got in my SDS lol, so no big deal lol" So i've been changing massively my meditation practice recently, 1-2 weeks ago, and now i'm just doing self-love / self-acceptance practice/visualisation 1h30 daily (simmilar as the one in leo's self acceptance video), so far I find it really effective and to give great effects in daily life, basically way less self-added negativities so a better enjoyment and experience of life Now i'm quite unsure about my meditation path/progress and how i should go about it, it seems clear to me that the way I was doing it before is just too uneffective and that there's way better for me to do than that, self-love/acceptance seems to be a great thing to do and effective, but I don't know too much about the rest like regular presence/focus/equanimity/mindfullness/whatever practice Also as far as SDS outside of retreats, i've been hitting some technical difficulties : If i sit (half lotus or just cross-legged) on the floor with a cushion under my butt, after one hour my legs feel numb in a weird way like there's no more blood flowing, so I don't think it's good If i sit on my bed with a cushion under my butt, I just don't feel much pain in one hour (in the retreats I would feel a good amount of pain after 45minutes untill the one hour mark, and usually being able to finish one hour but with suffering) So what i've been doing is that i sit on my bed with a cushion but i put some small object under my butt to add some kind of pain, but it's not really convenient, sometime i will feel not much pain or too much pain depending on how i place the object/sit, there's more randomness to that Another thing I've been thinking and implemented a bit, is to create shorter-intense situation where there is unpleasant sensations, rather than having to wait 45minutes to have pain arrise, one thing i've been doing is to put water on my face, but not wipe it with a towel, so i just stay immobile and the water slowly goes down on my face, and it actually produce quite intense unpleasant itching sensations What do you think about implementing some practices like that to train equanimity ?
  7. Nice In which country do you live btw ? India ?
  8. Hope y'all doing well I'm continuing (had paused a little bit for 1-2 month) my practice in that direction, feels good again and i can see rapid great changes and benefits (more than with other types of meditation i've been doing) I'm comming across another question that bothers me a bit ; What i'm doing mostly is, if something bothers me, i'm afraid/unsatisfied/whatever negativity about it, I visualize myself in the 'bad' situation, for example it can be losing money, being rejected/alone, having people go against me, some unpleasant scenario happening, etc, so i'm visualising a little child me in this 'bad' scenario happening, the little child me being mostly affected about this scenario, and me huging him, accepting and giving love to him (can be in differents ways but basically it's always about accepting and giving love to him anyways) I'm wondering if there could be a downside to do it like that, as i'm always visualising 'bad' scenarios happening, could there be a sideeffect that i'm gonna attract more of these bad scenarios by spending a lot of time visualising them ? what do y'all think ? @Martin123
  9. @Leo Gura That's something I was wondering when watching your last video You said that God is infinitely powerful and beyond any limitation, so that would mean also that he can create without any problem a world/way where suffering is not vital to life at all, no ? This point I didn't understand because it doesn't make sense to me that God would be absolutely unlimited but also that he has to respect some design constraint like there has to be some 'bad' stuff that would be good in the bigger picture because they are necessary Now one other thing would be to say that 'bad' doesn't exist and it's just a ego perspective/creation, and that everything is good even suffering, murder rape, etc ... That would make sense then, but then it's different that the concept that the 'bad' things are actually 'good' and necessary for the bigger picture So I'm confused here, did I misunderstood something in the first point ('bad' things being 'good' in the bigger picture) ? Or actually the answer is just the second point (nothing being bad) and the first point is irrelevant ?
  10. Thanks Btw what do you think about Vipassana ? Is it just the same ? kinda simillar ?
  11. I got my armodafinil last week's monday and took 6 pills so far, first 2 days then mostly one day in one day off (actually it was, monday, tuesday, thursday, friday, sunday, tuesday), each time one complete pill 150mg I had a lot of troubles sleeping the first and second day, right now is better the days i take it, maybe already less effect by taking it one every 2 days, yesterday i took one and it was not that much of a change compare to normal day i feel The first day was definitly a big change and effect on my awareness and capacity to focus, althought it's still subtle it doesn't jump on your face, but the positive effects are clearly there, my meditation was wayyyy better easily, i felt also some positive effects on mood/motivation (not sure this one could have just been not caused by modafinil), intuition/creativity connecting dots I feel like it might be too much to take one every 2 day and it's already building some tolerance and lowering the effects, does anybody have some infos about the tolerance ?
  12. Yes I would say it's the main reason, when people go to their room (me included) in the end we meditate a bit then just kind of give up and chill mostly Another big reason is that you have your little cussion/setup in the hall, in your room you have your bed which will give you a less good posture (at least for me) and focus Another thing is that you have the whole group atmosphere of having the other people meditating around which is gonna help you to meditate in many ways, for me even also in some egoic way desire to want to look good for the other people, which is not really the best motive haha, but at least here it results in something helpful (keep meditating well)
  13. As Gabriel said ask a lot of questions to the teacher (you have to put your name for interview time before lunch everyday) And eat lightly, empty stomach will be better for meditation Also in my experience, it's easier and better to meditate in the hall than in your own room (at some times you will have choice to stay meditate in the hall or go meditate in your room) And i would also not lying in your bed in the breaks, it can easily make you even more tired and wanting to sleep, so better to rest comfortably seated in your bed or by being outside