Tistepiste

I think I figured out how my ego keeps me trapped in the monkey mind at every chance it gets. Basically, when a "bad" situation happens, which causes stress (denying of what is), a huge endless loop is created. Making me think about the situation over and over again, until it is resolved. When it is not resolved, it will just keep looping and looping.. Until I can let it go. I have a very hard time with letting go. Why? Because I don't find a reason on why to let it go. I realize it has very bad effects on me, both mentally and physically. It hurts my heart, literally, and a feeling of intense stress all over my body. But still. I keep on feeding those thoughts. I never understood why they kept coming back. I know the thoughts are bad, I know they are "just" thoughts, and that I should stop giving them energy. But somehow it is stronger than me.. In every way.. A therapist told me this could be due to "autism", "ocd", "adhd", or "anxiety". Maybe I have all four of them; whatever. I frankly do not care. ___ Now I came to the realization on why they keep coming back. It's because I want to give energy to the thoughts. It's as if they are important for me. For example, I would think "let's stop thinking about the thought". Then I'm like.. But why should I stop thinking about it, they are important, they are valid. They are a representation on how you feel, so by having thoughts, you can understand yourself and the situation better. When I don't manage to understand the situation better by thinking over and over again, I think more and more until I feel like I understand it... Which actually leads to understanding nothing at all. But just puts me deeper in the cycle. It's like I am always trying to look for answers that aren't there, but somehow I convince myself that they are. And that by thinking, I can find peace. When I stop thinking about it, I feel threatened. It's as if, NO. This isn't over yet! You haven't fully resolved it for yourself yet! You must think more in order to do that! But this goes on for ever, and it keeps me trapped in this endless loop. Basically now, I am much better at it, thanks to meditation too, and just realizations in general. However, right now I still have an active feeling of underlying stress. Still shortage of breath. The pain in my heart is gone though. I am not sure how to stop this tense feeling of stress. And that's where the thoughts start again. Because I know where the stress is coming from... It's still energy left from the negative thinking? So .... The loop starts again. Because I will start to think about the negative thoughts again, trying to rationalize them with the goal in mind for the negative feeling in my body to stop. But this is just a vicious circle... Because the one is responsible for the other and back and forth.. In the end, It's all thoughts. And I know this. But apparently, I don't believe it yet. I am trying to do meditation by focusing on breath and body energy. But sometimes this feeling is too overwhelming. Any other insights? Advice?

@Shin but it's kind of paradoxal in the post you're claiming you should "just awaken" while you aren't yourself kind of proves that method doesn't work, right

Are you awakened? Even leo isn't enlightened

What would be a good first dose? My first dose was 15g, but I heard this is quite a lot for a first dose. My trip was amazing, though.

@archi you mean taste disgusting?

@Flammable Atlantis

@Leo Gura But you're so knowledgeable in the field, done so many things, know so many concepts. But you still haven't achieved it. Kind of demotivating isn't it?

Really? He hasn't reached enlightenment?

@Evelyn I'll try focussing on breath. Actually seems like a good method.

@Nahm Somtimes i feel like my ego is way too clever / tricky for me.. It is a master in keeping me in its loop, it's actually scary.. I don't know if I am clever enough to be smarter than my ego, if that makes sense. Why would it not be what I had in mind (about skype)? Awakening oriented conversations are very interesting @dorg Makes sense. Wish I could put it to practice in a better way

@Nahm Wish I could meet you one day so that we can have a good and long talk

@Nahm Have you achieved enlightenment? Just curious!

Have you started your book already? And found a topic? Very intrigued! The topics I was interested in were already mentioned, so no use in repeating them!

I like your posts, but the paragraphs are really hard to read.. It would be easier to keep them more compact instead all of the spaces haha.

Aww.. Sad to see you go, any particular reason? I enjoyed reading your posts. Good luck!

@egoless thats actually kind of a disappointing thought

@egoless So you're saying enlightenment is not something to seek, but is just a deception?

What is your constant state of mind/body? Do you feel pure peace all the time? Are there moments when you feel more happy / better than other moments?

I see a lot of experiences from people saying they see spirits, ghosts, demons,... When they open their third eye. What are these entities actually what they see? Is it like a mirror? Is it their shadow projecting? Their own fears? Or are they "actually" spirits, demons,..

@Enlightenment @Enlightenmenti see that the mantras used is dependent on age? So you are 50+ years old? I am 24. Maybe I'm too young for all these enlightenment stuff haha..

@Enlightenment thanks a lot for answering all of my questions. Really appreciated!

@Enlightenment Ok. And did it *suddenly* happen, like the realization, a "snap". Or more like a gradual removal like you said, until you felt there was no self left?

@Enlightenment Alright. And you did this technique for 20 mins a day, for 10 days (so 3 hours), and that got you enlightened? Just curious, not being sceptical.

@Enlightenment Was it hard to let go of your "self"? I mean, within 10 days you basically killed your self

@Enlightenment 20 mins -> 10hrs of practice: some changes Let's say you do this once a day, That means it takes a month to have "some changes". However I read you said it took you 10 days to get to enlightened?