Etherial Cat

Ego is the root cause for why the world is fucked up. And when it's fueled by Masculine energy repressing the Feminine it gives you exactly what we've got currently.

That's very true unfortunately. But toxic masculinity is also robbing men from their own feminine. Actually, this is from where it stems from. You guys are suffering from it as much as we do. The world is fucked up as a result of men trying to compete with one another and trying to appear more masculine.

Yes, the process is gradual. Women will always like strong men. But a woman's definition of strong evolves with development. Basically the ideal man should have both the ability for aggression and affection. The use of force should be proportional to what is needed to remove a threat. A Man in his Divine Masculine should consider the world as his whole Self and dislike violence when it is not necessary. But not hesitate to act if it's for the greater good.

Oh, you are welcome. It's all heartfelt. There are plenty of types of pick up. Pick up can be giving tips on how to take chances and approach women in a way that are objectively great advices... but it can also be mixed with toxic ideologies and misconceptions about women. And there are some recurring traps to fall into as well. A lot of time, women talk negatively about the later. I heard "Models" by Mark Manson is a great book for healthy pick-up. But I also see pick up like the tiny wheels people add to a bike before you can cycle mostly on your own. What it gives you is an idea of what are working patterns. And then you've got to get a sense for why it works that way. Patterns depends on several factors. It's mostly the dance between the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. What you've got to do is always behave like a man who loves himself and loves women as well. That said, in our current social context, there are a lot of poor pattern being displayed both by male and females and you've got to be weary of that. A lot of the current pick up artists/men confuse current societal patterns in women as being how women always function. And this is dangerous because they then confuse it with reality and attract only what they see. And it acts as a confirmation bias. So beware of that. Sounds fair to me. Keep going. The mindset to have is to tell yourself that all the ones who are rejecting you are not a match. And that they are missing out on a great guy. Their loss. Work on your LP, on being healthy, on self-help. Become so interesting they won't be able to ignore you in the future! But don't do that for them, do it for yourself. It will work eventually.

Yes. I think you might have a lot of wounding about wishing that your parents would actually have been able to perceive your needs instead of letting you taking care of yourself all alone. What they do is turning you into a parent to your parent through this dynamic. I would look deeply for what is your relationship with your needs. Being aware of your needs, stating your needs, chasing your needs. You could have a history of giving instead of getting because of that. Because basically, when you try to get your needs met, you've been getting a shitstorm thrown at you since forever. It would be possible that you are trying to heal this pattern of wounding by holding the hope to making it work, I think. So yes. It must have been a lot of pain and traumas growing up in this situation. And you might as well still really need some help because of feeling tired and needing resource to cope with the current challenges.

No, girls didn't make you like this. You've communicated with yourself in a certain way instead of another, and you ended up resenting women because your mind only see what you want to see and you're trapped in a loop. I know a lot of actual nice men, and they had wonderful relationship with women. And they are not particularly frustrated nor resentful even after it ends. Just keep my advice in the back of your head. It's the other way around. Your problem is not women, it is how you distort reality. Hoping to integrate and be well-rounded in the future is not aligned with the causality-effect chain. You've got to do it the other way around. This resistance is exactly your problem. People are into porn that appeal to their psyche. In what context are these girls calling you nice? Nice is compliment that is often hidden as something to soften the blow before a rejection. A bit like a recruiter will tell people that they have a great profile before telling them they won't get the job. But it could also be because you are doing stuff in order to gain their favor and get their attention as part as an ulterior motive. And they come of with "nice" to describe you.

@Karmadhi I've watched probably up to 90 % of Leo's videos. I surely appreciate the immense majority of his content and perspectives in general, but when it comes to dating I find him lagging behind. And that could be explained by the fact that he didn't start dating until he was 25. And at least one of his LTR(s) seems to have been the source of a lot of pain. I'm uncomfortable about talking about someone's romantic life but since you're mentioning him I don't get how I could express my view otherwise When he talks about girls it's mostly about hook up and sex. He surely has a lot of experience with pick up, but pick up is only one aspect of relationships. Handling a functional relationship over the long term is a different story. If Leo had a LTR like let's say Annie Lalla and Eben Pagan, my opinion would be different. But he doesn't (yet).

@SamC You are on the good path. The process is just a lot of trial and error. It will get better as you gain experience. How fast did you try to contact them after you got their number?

@Karmadhi You are basically posting a video from a woman who is getting attention and view for serving men with content confirming their own bias. She's not particularly self-aware. The key is a balance. Not a doormat (that's danger), but not a psychopath either (that's obviously danger too).

I've read a lot of your post and threads. You don't seem particularly "nice". Men who are genuinely nice do not post video like that: Or That's not being nice. In fact, that's even the contrary. You are literally advocating for treating them like crap. I also remember reading that you like to fuck girls like you want to punish them or something. You can't seriously think that these posts are genuinely loving toward females, and are not symptomatic to a deeper problem? If you'd work on this, and really get to the bottom of your emotions toward women, you could certainly see huge improvement. It's very likely that your intense crave for women stem from the fact that you are missing your own feminine side. So you look for it outwards. But it might come off as needy due to the intense suffering hiding behind. If you'd feel more relaxed thanks to your own feminine side being reintegrated, you would likely no longer send a vibe of expectations, anger and neediness towards girls.

I don't think your problem is that you are a nice guy. I wouldn't put you in this category. Regarding the nature of the post you write and your relationship to females, "nice" is not the vibe I get from you. Whether nice means weak boundaries or nice in the traditional sense of the word... There seem to be a lot of resentment and anger within you. I'm under the impression you'll say that my advice is rubbish but your problem is mostly that your own difficulty with your feminine side is being projected on the outside. Women can pick up that kind of stuff. I surely do...

I don't call being 22 out of attraction peak. People here seem to be holding grudges against females who are extremely young (15- 22 ?) for their choice of partners. It's normal when you are out of childhood to try to figure out how things work and have little wisdom. Don't expect teenage girls to hold the same perspective as women who have lived 10-15 years more. But even with that, Emerald mentioned that she was in a LTR for most of her mid to late teens.

A nice guy is often a doormat. People with weak boundaries will get treated poorly by most people in general. Whether it's men or women.

She got married aged 22. So your post doesn't make sense.

I haven't seen listed yet the objectification/commodification of oneself. Seems like a big one to omit.

Thanks for this list, it's very helpful. It makes quite a good map for potential shadow material as well. I can recognize a lot of those patterns within my experience and on other girls/women. A few are sticking still heavily with myself but a lot of them have been significantly diminishing over the years. And that somewhat already feels good. It makes me hopeful for the other ones. I wonder, is it reasonable to expect to free oneself totally from them overtime or is it an overshoot?

That's one beautiful quality post. Thank you @flume

@soos_mite_ah Don't hurt yourself. This mindset, the emotional pain and this life situation will pass eventually. Better days are coming. You've got everything on your side. I know you can't see yourself that way but your self-image doesn't reflect properly on your overall energy and you seem to be incredibly resourceful and wise. Try to tap in your higher self. You can do it. That said... I'm sorry to hear your parents are unable to hold the space for you express yourself authentically. It is sad that you don't manage to make your relationship with them work, but it is rather common to have this type of lag and drama induced by not understanding one another. Reading your description, they've asked for your trust, then deflected your confession and made it all about them, and kinda blamed you for wounding them. And it is terribly unsafe and painful to experience, coming from your caretakers. It must have opened a lot of wounds, because this pattern must not be unfamiliar to you. I'd say it is not far fetched to assume that you must not have felt seen a lot and many of your needs were unmet. And this must have been (and still be) a very lonely place. I think you've outgrown them potentially in term of awareness. Both of my parents and my family members in general see the world through totally difference lenses as I do. Effectively, we are living in parallel realities and I can't count on their help because we simply do not understand each other. And to me, their lack of self-awareness results in displeasing patterns that I can't hold for a long time. My parents are out of boundaries. And it sounds just like what you're experiencing. I'm hesitating to give you this information, but basically, the sooner you'll be out of a dynamic where they'll have control over your survival (house, bills, food) the better. Because a lot of your problems here are coming from the fact that you are kind of their prisoner. In another environment, you'd be doing far better. Also, you know. Your parents are totally unaware but they really do love you. It's just that they love you at their level of awareness and it doesn't meet your needs from where you are at. I'm sending your way a few videos that have helped me in the past, in hope you'll find them useful. Courage!

Him as a judge, and you as an islam expert and we're good.

Can you point to any reputable statistic or study (not how you feel or what you believe) on that specific element? Or is that merely a feeling you have? Otherwise I'll assume that you are some kind of anti-intellectualist adopting ideological position on merely unsound beliefs and not any tangible information or observation. Coming from you, that would be very predictable and unsurprising.

You didn't get what I meant there it seems. If you want academic papers and datas, you pull them off. I'm not going to do the job for you. You're jumping to theses conclusions out of nowhere. These assumptions are based on nothing but your interpretations of my thought process, and they are incorrect. And my answer has been that the burden of providing the informations you requested is yours. -- And I'm not qualifying myself to you. I'm pointing out that your assumptions are even more ridiculous due to what I have credential for. You've depicted me numerous time as someone basing its claims on arguments based on "feelings", "unsounds beliefs", "no tangible information or observation" and of "being anti-intellectual". And basically, logical argumentation within an academic context is my main occupation. Assuming that I don't know how to base my thinking via observation is just therefore outlandish. What I have stated is nothing but the common stance of most forum members on academics, including Leo. https://www.actualized.org/insights/understanding-better-than-academics

I don't think it was Khadija. It was Aïcha. The documentary was in french, but I can send you a link. I'd need to go through a few of them though to see which it was exactly.

As a lawyer, do you think I've gained my credentials with anti-intellectualism and poor logics? Stop acting like you've got a monopoly on rationality. You're making no-sense. You sound like you're just out of intro to scientific thinking 101 and piss off everyone with your newly found knowledge.

Yes, he did have numerous issues with his wives. I've watched a few documentaries on his life and one was on his relationship with his wives. So I'm not basing my thoughts here on assumptions, but on a source. All you need to do is google it and there are plenty of content on the matter.

Unless there is some actualization through actions, which turns polyamory into something more than just ideas or emotions, I don't see a problem with it. Everyone here seems agree that men (and women by the way) feel some various degrees of sexual attraction for other people that their partners. But the whole point of the conversation here is cheating. So, granted that we are taking cheating as an action which leads to juggling between partners while being in a relationship (whether it is named or factual), we are crossing the line of sole polyamory for a relationship with multiple partners. Seems like here you were talking about polyamory in the context of action. It's not talking about it as a simple desire.