inFlow

Itself

I didn't intend to make that experience, that was just a chill out night with my wife. Makes sense. The mind thinks that way, consciousness is just aware of those thoughts.

Also by thinking this through it gives me non-dual awareness, but not a permanent one. It fades away because of distractions and the minds resistance to it.

I can answer this one, there is no suffering later. You just can't suffer in this state, this understanding/realization just auto fixes that. But you do have your addictions which need to be taken care of as soon as possible.

Who am I?

Last week I realized this for myself. This was "my" brake through thought of becoming enlightened. I'm just replying to "myself" LOL, spiritually awaken "people" jokes It's as reading my own thoughts. The only thing now that matters for "me" is personal development. I'm so happy for you reaching this state, and also well written post!

So yesterday I still felt the no self and I reviewed Leo's enlightenment experience video. The first minutes of this video, everything that Leo said I experienced. I just wanted to see how he went through it, and it's very beautiful that I felt everything the same, even the order of the insights were pretty much the same. "Broken through every last remnant of reality, beyond life and death" "There's no difference between what's real and what's not real" - I also saw this one, I saw every thought in my mind as a real thing, every dream that I had, every thought was considered real to me in that moment, it couldn't be anything else (maybe the consciousness expanded that much that everything wasn't real anymore idk). "I see that the very fabric of all of reality and that it's just consciousness and that it's me, there's no such thing as me, it's all just reality, it's all just consciousness, it's just God, it's just God through me that's all there ever was, there was never anything else but me. It's all just me" - The best description in this insight, of this experience, this actually explains Enlightenment - "it's just God through me" "There's no difference between anything, it's perfect" "It's only itself, the only thing that it could possibly be. Itself being itself, defining itself against itself, speaking through itself, speaking as infinity not as Leo there is no Leo. Speaking as one to itself, speaking through itself, hearing itself, being conscious of itself, being itself coming alive within itself dying to itself forever " - Here Leo became conscious of itself, that he is god. Same as me, that I found my TRUE SELF, there was no Remi in the first place. "There's no difference between me and you, I'am you, you are me." - We are all one, nothing else but one. Enough of the quotes. I just wanted to update this insight with more detail just to show how similar the experience was to Leo's. And it's quite jaw dropping to see that my experience was almost identical. For now I just feel completely without a self, just being my true self, being conscious of itself, I still know that I'm infinity, but I'm not always aware of it. But most of the time it's a bit confusing when I'm out in public just seeing "myself" everywhere, it's a bit funny in a way and beautiful. But the beauty of it working so perfectly is amazing. Yesterday I decorated my Christmas tree, just sat on my couch and cried for no reason. I wasn't in any joy or sadness, I just wen't in tears all confused to why. Figured I just won't question these things just accept it. But the most amazing thought in my mind now is my development. The most meaningful thing now for me left to do is just doing more personal development. I feel so free trying out new things because I don't have this big ego with limiting belief in my way.

*note, not a native English speaker. It's consciousness. I'am this thing called god. I'am the one. I'am conscious of myself. I always was myself, but believed to be someone else. Rolling back to yesterday. Sat around the house, ordered pizza to eat with my wife, the evening was kind of a mini celebration that she got a new job. Also we vaped weed as well, we kinda randomly stumble on some serious mystical experiences while we're high and my wife loves them. Anyway we talked something deep about our relationship, we kinda opened our hearts out to tell the deepest of truths that we hold on to each other. Then a bit later on we kinda changed topics and went spiritual, started asking questions. I can't remember how it actually happened, but somehow randomly I just stumbled on the question like "How am I, I?" "How is my wife, herself?" And then I was like "wait a minute, can it be true that I'am my wife, hmmm, how can I be myself? Why? Maybe I'am just consciousness perceiving everything from this body who is able observe and thinking that I'am something else?" And then it clicked. I consciously understood that I'am everything. I'am me, I'am my wife, I'am also my mom" and I'am also you who is reading this post! Then I said that to my wife! And her jaw dropped when she heard about it. In her mind it also clicked. We were so excited of this insight. Then I like looked at her and felt like I'm looking at myself looking at myself. Then we thought about everything that could pop in our heads. And the boundaries and our projection of good and bad were melted away in an instant, everything seemed good. I thought that we need to test this out. Then the theme of rape rose up. I asked her how do you see rape now, and my wife actually thought that you could seriously enjoy some rape. Nothing bad about it. Like our notion of BAD has vanished, everything that we considered good, bad or we saw fear on something just POOF, as it never even existed. Everything seemed perfect! It's just the way it's supposed to be. Also death is good. You cannot die. You will always be. Interesting thing I felt in myself particularly that moment of the conscious understanding was that I felt a separation inside of me. It was as if a fake me and the real me was split in half and I could feel them inside of me. Inside I felt two sides, on the left the "god, consciousness, everything" me and on the right the "ego, self creation" me. And the ego felt like it was gone. He was never even there. I was shocked to found out that my whole life I wasn't who I always thought to be. I clearly found out my true self! I'am consciousness. There was no me in the first place. I'am everything. I'am everyone of you reading this post right now, but the ego separates us, you see yourself as a separate being which is false and therefore an illusion. Also I thought about how people are worshiping god praying to it, seeing it as a higher being than himself. The understanding can't happen if you see yourself as something else than god itself. You will never find it from the ego mind, you create it and fall into the trap believing that you are lower than "him". The notion of an external entity is false. I still can't answer the question why there is something rather than nothing, I tried, but the answer was that this is nothing, just total nothingness, but I think that this didn't answer my question really. I couldn't understand the answer so I thought I need more time to found it out. But the one thing that is clear for me right now is that I found my TRUE self as everything. I feel compassion to everyone, seeing everyone as myself, just behind this ego smog. And I think I will never try to convince people the truth, because they won't understand it. I will just enjoy this state as much as I can. I still think I will go back to my old ego self (hope not, or not so fast). I kinda feel it creeping a bit on me. I had dreams that I was fighting with with my wife. So the ego is resisting as usual. Hopping for the best.

Yeah. I was my father having sex with my mom (which I was also) then giving birth to myself and figuring it all out. What a actual mindfuck

@Truth Addict Okey so being has no reason. I sort of get it, but will have to contemplate it now. So the next question would be how did it came into being.

@Nahm Yeah it runs way way deeper than I think. I figured out the "Why can't it just be nothing" my answer "You have to have something in order to have nothing, so there has to be something the existance itself to hold nothing, and this is kind of nothing". But I can't figure out why did it come into being. The answer WHY. What is it's purpose. Will I find it out for myself if I work on it? I kinda don't want any early spoilers. Reading the answers doesn't answer the question for me. I gotta experience it for myself.

By the way now that I remember prior to the evening in the day time I did some Posture exercices which had some interesting forms. Heres a pic of one that I did. I dont know if it had something to do with this experience, but I never did yoga prior to that day (im planing to do it in the future). Still maybe it gives somebody any clues.

I totaly understand what you are saying, but I will be on the look out if the ego reaserts itself, because I had a couple of experiences that were really powerful to me, and I always end up back to my ego self. So im kinda used to the idea that it might come back. But it gives me strenght to keep doing what I'am after.

Pretty much thats how I saw it aswell! It's quite accurate to my experience.

@ActualizedDavid This insight was experienced yesterday. My name is Rimvydas, but lets call me Remi for short. I just can't say to myself that I'am Remi anymore. Today I just feel super great, so so happy, just enjoying being this body, loving it the way it is, it's a great feeling to give love to a living being that im conscious of right now. But in the background I kinda feel the ego comming back, but it's so so subtle. Still Im hoping to keep this state as long as I can. I have a long ways to go still.

@non_nothing LOL the last one, but it's true.

Why even bother to change the world? Enjoy it as it is. It's perfect. Nobody needs to know the truth as long as you know it. Just enjoy this life in this body that you are aware of. Don't make this into a problem that you cannot communicate the truth. Yes it's a problem, but don't take it so hard on yourself. Just let go of it and enjoy life! You wanted to enjoy life in the first place didn't you?

The main question is what do you do when you trip? Are you active, do you try to look everywhere or just go inside your mind without any distraction. My prior trips weren't very deep, but with every other trip my insights are much bigger because I understand how to use this tool. Don't feel bad if you don't get huge life changing insights. You have to work with what you get. Don't push yourself that you can get everything in a year time. It's a long process, takes time to implement the changes. Like one trip can click for you half a year later. Its SUFISTICATED stuff

Yesterday evening me and my wife sat around the house vaping weed and having nice conversations. Then around midnight we went to the gas station to buy some cigs and the sky was clear, all the stars were visible and I just looked up and became conscious that it was the cosmos that I'm looking at. I said that to my wife "Look honey, look up into the sky. And she was like "yeah cool, what about it?" And I said "can you see the infinite cosmos?" And She was just struct by the magnitude of the infinite, all the visible stars. She instantly, as described, was feeling very weird, she felt very small and very big at the same time. As we went into the gas station she saw everything, every item, every people, the cashier, me and her as a unity, as oneness. And I instantly understood that she was in a non dual state which was a huge thing for me cause my girl is fairly new into this stuff (she had a couple of mystical experiences prior). As we went out we were going home and she looked at everything, cars, trees, building and she said she couldn't understand what it is. Her words: "I see that it's a car, I understand what it is, but what is it?" She felt happy by this insight. Uploading a pic file to show how I understood what happened. The earth is GREEN The atmosphere is BLUE In the past when I looked at the night sky I perceived it as atmosphere level, nothing unusual. And yesterday I was "Wait a sec, it's not the sky, I'm looking at the WHOLE COSMOS, and my perception wen't beyond my prior understanding. In other words my perception was limited to BLUE and I broke through it becoming conscious that I'm always actually looking at infinite cosmos. Next time you are looking at the night sky become conscious that it's more than you really think you see.

Weed is amazing if done correctly. But most of the people who smoke it just don't understand the power that it can give, but as others said it's weak compared to psychedelics. People who smoke they just use it for entertainment purposes like watching movies, listening to music, munching on food, having sex etc. The low conscious stuff. I find that weed helps me understand lots of stuff that's happening in my life. Been working on my understanding about how the ego works while high on weed and got some interesting insights of it. Quite useful, but nothing TOO deep. IMO: Overall weed is a great tool for surface level personal development, just be aware that it doesn't become a crutch. It's useful from time to time (max once a week to go through everything in your head), but don't make weed your every evening activity. Also it's highly addictive for others.

@Haumea2018 I can either jump on it or not. I can carry on with life without a problem. But when I concentrate and give my full attention to something and question that, then it reoccurs again, the not knowing. It is very deeply interesting. I see my reality in a whole different way now, but it depends do I want to see it normal or not.

Hello everyone. I'm in a very weird position at the moment right now. I started to deconstruct my reality some time ago and I think I hit rock bottom. Yesterday I smoked weed with my wife and had a nice evening as usual, discussing a lot all in silence, discovering some minor insights etc. But later I saw a window of opportunity to question something, to get a bit of time into my spiritual stuff while I was high (not too much tho, was like 6/10). And then it hit me. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I don't even know who am I, what is all this, how is this possible. I saw myself as an alien here in this world. Like why are we the way we are, but in a very shocking and scary way. The natural feeling of reality has vanished. I didn't even understand what socks are. I questioned everything that I could, how am I possible to be here, breathe this air, get feelings and feel love. What are all these things. Why do they even exist. What is existence anyway. I was shocked by how much I didn't understand, felt like I'm going nuts. My question: whats going on in my head right now? This thing happened to me yesterday, but I woke up now still feeling this way.

I always try to be aware of my ego in these kind of moments. Especially the next day after, what will my ego try to do. I just googled some info on depersonalization and I found that people were having bad times with these de-persona experiences. But whats all this actually? Is this the way to the Truth or just my mind playing tricks on me? I'm still very early in this path to even understand where im going with all these experiences, are they good or are they just traps and I'm labeling them as the Truth. I don't wanna fall of track and take the wrong road.

But it didn't give me a panic attack or a existential crisis. It's weird, but no bad things are happening in my head.

Aaahhh!! Damn I forgot all about taking responsibility.. That changed alot for me in the past. Gonna start tommorrow by taking full responsibility for my addictions. Thanks Alex!