So, I have been in a relationship with a guy for two years. It started in a weird way, back then. We weren’t attracted to each other or have any feelings, except being comfortable together. So we decided to date, maybe not for the right reasons. But with time a lot of feelings grew between us. As if we built intimacy from point zero.
I once read here an answer for leo that says you can grow intimate with any person if you decided to. I believe if you hold that opinion as true you will be capable of doing that, as beliefs manifest themselves into reality. But I don’t seem to be able to do it completely in my case.
We are in a point in our relationship were we need to decide if we are going to take the next step and get married. But neither of us is sure about this step. We are not even sure if we love each other. Sometimes he says that he loves me, other times he says he have feelings for me. I feel the same. Sometimes I feel I love him and other times I’m not even sure. Is that normal in relationships? That impermanence? I’m unable to compare because that’s my first one.
It feels like there’s something missing between us. Maybe a lack of chemistry/compatibility/the feeling of belonging to one another. And because of that error I feel stressed out and anxious. I want this relationship to work out and with this person. Can be that an indication that I love him?
I’m always wondering if there’s a better relationship with a more loving person. A relationship that doesn’t feel forced and needs a lot of work. But I’m afraid that such thing doesn’t exist except in my daydreams and high expectations.
I don’t want to leave and the idea of it makes me depressed. But I’m not feeling comfortable staying forever and I’m afraid that I will regret it afterwards.
Earlier this year, we broke up but after four months I talked to him again. Wanted to mention that because it might occur to you that we are just attached or got used to each other. In that period I got comfortable alone and partially moved on but I couldn’t tolerate the idea of not speaking to him at all or not knowing how he is doing.
So how can I be sure if what is between us is love or not? Should I try more or not? Should I stop thinking about it and let it unfold naturally in whatever way? Because I feel the more I try and feel anxious about it, the more unsatisfied I become. Maybe because of my expectations and what should have happened. But I’m afraid if I stopped trying, that will let the relationship die. Nowadays, I’m not comfortable with not knowing what to do in my situation. I want to feel certain and assured. I hate the hesitations. I hate that I might be preventing both of us a more comfortable relationship where each feels more love. I feel that we want to have more feelings between us but there’s some blockage.
I feel I have more to say and other questions that keeps me stuck in a loop. Questions that leads to a more metaphysical type of questions. I’m unable to answer any because how could I be sure except through experiencing. Can I know just through speculating and theorizing?
What do you think I should do?
If anyone went through the same situation, I would like to hear what happened.
