Galyna

I know, you want me to drop the idea that there is a special person for me there in this universe, aka my twin flame, and switch my attention inward. How can I drop something that is so dear to for my identity (my long-term belief which I stated above)...so how can I drop it since I have never been on that side of the river? another side of the river here is Enlightenment and the realization of my true nature. of course ego wants to hold it tight, since it does not know any better.

I love this article, just read it. "18 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate" https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/18-signs-youve-found-your-soulmate.html or this one: https://astroglide.com/blog/15-soulmate-signs-how-to-know-when-you-ve-met-the-one

No, I am not putting anyone in the box. Was just referring to my own perception of what it is when it hurts. but it is a very long concept to decipher. Might talk one day about Sedona and how useful they described there the mechanism of dissolving any emotion, even the most intense one. Might post here the page from that book. This stuff works, checked already! By the way when you called me the "butterfly", I did not get it at first, therefore asked to clarify. In my culture "social butterfly" is not a relationship stable woman, sometimes slutty. Like she flits from person to person for an enjoyment or fun. Anyway, thank you for the clarification. Language barrier, LOL yea, golden words....sometimes you need years for the profound insight to be ready. True, and I know it. But sometimes I need words to describe this reality. The realization has slowly dawned upon me, the emotion was somewhat unique and unusual.

@zeroISinfinity why have you on Earth removed your comment? I saw it but you did not give me the chance to respond. I actually appreciate your help.

Your twin flame won't allow your suffering, won't call you mad. The connection is magical, there is no ego on the way, only compassion and deep love. IF you wanna go very far, call @Nahm, he will tell you there is no such concept as soulmate or twin flame. Good news, this is not your woman and I am sorry I do not have time to elaborate. Bad news: illusion hurts, I know...it is hard to drop what you think is so awesome.

hurt is not even a word compared how strong you get.....

My main mistake here is that I do not trust the external force, does not seem like it is bliss to me, would be fair to say unknown.... Not new to me, been there, down that Surrender is my prayer I only want what is best for me, even though I do not see the bigger picture yet. Peace can be established immediately. yes, otherwise the slap on the face hurts a lot.

It takes so much courage to realize God within you. If someone ever asked me what I wanted the most, to realize my true nature and become a philosopher OR to live in the life of illusion and enjoy simple things, I would probably go with the second choice. Like truly, I do not have this courage yet. Truth hurts, it is bitter, ego hates it. Every single moment life challenges me, it is a constant fight between life and myself. I get what it is there for me, but I still hold so tight, like a stubborn child. To "drop" every single desire, emotion and feeling, to "drop" everyone who became so dear to my heart, to realize there is no "others". There is no choice, I am not in control, nor ever been....just a puppet in the hand of God. What can I do? Just observe silently whatever life throws at me. Enlightenment is the only salvation, all the pointers to open that door. Even though the illusion is so sweet and wonderful, but the pain is greater! I will probably lose the fight, drown in pain, and will be forced to open the door to the unknown. I will never win the battle, because my enemy has a weapon that eventually will put me down on my knee. I will beg for Enlightenment to not lose myself and become insane. And the funniest thing is that on the deeper level, I want it from all my heart, but it comes with package full of pain, I am not sure if I am strong enough to withstand. Anyway, there is only the exist, one way ticket without any ability to return back. The force is pulling me, and too late to turn around.

which places,here and where else?

@DrewNows My name spells with an "i", like Galina, due to Ukrainian language they put it as Galyna in my passport. Another synchronicity, which is awesome. Have you ever met anyone with this name before. You are so welcome, my friend. @Amit Today, I just burst out crying, I have never ever in my life felt so much love, this drives me crazy, love of the Creation. It lasted like ten minutes, now it is gone. I want to go so so so deep. It was intense feeling and I want to die in it! Like all the negativity or self-image just disappeared. I wanted but I could not reach this or come closer to the God. I felt this crazy energy is in my heart chakra. I started to cry so hard. I can not describe it. I will start writing about it in my essay. There is so much more to it. I fail here to describe the feeling, I need to contemplate. This is going to heal me. @zeroISinfinity you can not imagine how much loved you are by this Creation. I doubt people understand what love is. It starts with a human being, it collapses with God, where there is no you and Him/Her anymore. This is the craziest, the most dear and the most desirable thing we all crave. The whole complete Transformation.

If I really do it, my world would be very solipsistic....I mean it. It feel like I am the center of my universe. This is my direct experience. I do not have physical universe in my experience as well. It is just a thought.

Finally I've found a friend who can express in a word format my thoughts, well done! yep. thank you for reminding me.... You are just my best. Love how you put it. I would disagree with this little part as you can not kill the ego, in a way, you are it! But thank your for the wonderful insights. Deep...as usual

yeah, this is exactly what I am doing, I know I am complete, but it is just a concept, I do not feel it in my heart. In my heart it feels like external circumstances should fulfill me.

@Amit for you too, dear....you just dont realize it (actually, you do, you told me the other day) anyway, speaking generally, most ppl do not realize it. I do not realize it, not there yet.....therefore spending some time and writing things as I see it, but it is all my own projections.

We need to define "better"..what is it? I would just say it is a unique preferences of yours. For you might be "better" for someone else is not. yep. After talking to Phil, I understand that I can throw everything in the window, all my insights. Because as he would say you are already whole, there is nothing to complete there. Love you too.

You are welcome. I hope you are really happy. I am glad you are talking to Nahm, he is the Pinnacle. Nobody can beat him in the advice. Agree. I am talking from the perspective of ego, he talks from the perspective of God (which is exactly who should be listening and it is what you need to hear at this stage of your development). We are just speculating here. P.S. I have sagi among my best friends, I dated one. My dad is Sagi, I know. They are lovable, sunny, caring and warm ppl. Can not say anything negative about them. My psychologist, who coached me for five years before I came to Nahm, was Sagi. All sagi I've ever met are into spirituality and teaching. Their hearts are always open, this is your main feature, you never dwell on negative feelings.

okay this one is for @zeroISinfinity As paradoxical as it can be, you actually want what you fear. Read Sedona Method, they explained the mechanism of letting go there. Ideally for you, the most favorable situation would be to date a woman who knows your shadow. And what you are telling us here, you should be able to tell her as well. I mean, there is nothing to lose. Think of this way, if someone truly loves your core being, they will accept you as you are. If she does not except you as you are, then it is not your woman!!!! She just must be very confident and not panicking when sexual betrayal happens. You must trust each other so much where you can sit and talk about it. Otherwise, you will hide, have sex, but one day it will be exposed. It might cure you, it might not. Experiment and understand what works for you in relations and what not! If it cures you and you have a deep intimate connection with your woman, you will not want to seek something else on the side. Or you have to genuinely ask yourself what is more important for you random sex or love and meaningful connection. We make choices in life all the time, every second. Be conscious of your choices. If you choose sex with hot women, then commitment is not what you really need or want. You realize that right now you are NOT authentic self with that lady. You are wearing a mask of a good guy. You are masquerading into someone you are not. It creates split in your psyche. You fear of intimacy and crave it at the same time, so so so much! You think that when you expose your inner self, you will be rejected or judged. You are actually not really scared of intimacy; you are scared of the repercussions and what it might cost you. Just accept of who you are. Yes, womanizer, so what? Maybe your other qualities will overweight this part of you for some lady. Also, you are scared to be weak and vulnerable with your lady. But do you know that a vulnerable man is the most appealing, sexiest and the strongest. Ask @Natasha and @Preety_India if you don't believe me. You become only strong by accepting weakness and being vulnerable. We are not robots, what is wrong about having those emotions? Drop that image you hold about yourself. I think, Alex, you need a professional counseling. I can not help you. Everybody is helping you in this thread in a way, but it is not on the professional level where you work on this issue with your counselor. We are on page 61 now. We can spend another 60 pages but you will not get a desired result. First of all, because this work is very intimate and we can not heal you in group. Second of all, talking on forum is not what you need in your situation. You need to set free and talk to a real psychologist or Nahm without holding yourself back or omitting important details about your background. No matter what we say, we do not know you personally. And quite frankly I have noticed that you do not really care a lot what others say, you still do the same thing over and over again. I will start my classes next week and with all my respect to ppl here, I will not have time to commit myself to forum as I did in the past. hope my response will help you.

I think you are a good guy, Drew: deep, loving and caring....Just be your true authentic self. You do not need anything from anyone, really. It hurts I know. I hate when Nahm tells me this too. Giving can not pretend, it should be authentic. We can not expect anything back because expectations hurt the most. Life always slaps my face when I am in the expecting mode. It is hard not to...I know. Maybe we have to be rooted in the present moment and be relaxed. Future does not exist. Why worrying about the loss? Maybe what we need now will not be that important in "so-called" future and it will resolve on its own. You never know what is waiting for you around the corner.

@Natasha @Amit @DrewNows @Preety_India @zeroISinfinity So… here is my first insight: The ideal partner that we are all seeking for is our opposite gender counterpart that has already been deeply enclosed in us. Someone we are so craving and longing for is already within us, all we need to do is to find that person in real world. I am talking about our “inner” male and “inner” female. When we deeply fall in love with someone what we really attracted to is our own qualities that we see in other being. We already contain masculine and feminine qualities. If you are a male, of course masculine qualities prevail but not necessarily. Some males are very gentle and soft, so they can have more than 50% of feminine qualities. (Remember that video of Leo about masculinity and femininity.) There is a fine line between these and how they disperse. We can have a very masculine female and vise versa. Anyway, each of us holds his own “inner” female/male. Full circle completes when our “inner” male/female merges with the "outer" (person we meet in external world) and they become One. I was so wrong thinking that there is another person in this university who is just like me. I thought you meet that person, like your twin, and there you go…you find your happiness. No, it is not true and actually possible because I am the one, the original, the unique one. To hold another copy of me in the universe would be to violate the law of variety. To merge with someone on the deeper level, all we need to do is to match our “inner” male/female with the "outer" one. My “inner” male as a light worker, he is a knight, very responsible, empathetic, fixed, loyal, kind and compassionate. I do believe that I (or my “inner” male) already contain these qualities. But what a joy it is to see my “inner” male when he manifests in real world, in front of me. There is a constant never ending admiration, because you find yourself in this being over and over again! Same with guys ( @Amit @DrewNows and @zeroISinfinity) when you are being hurt, misunderstood, judged or rejected!!!! it is your “inner” female who suffers. Because masculinity does not contain compassion. It is a pure feminine quality. Masculinity fights and destroys; femininity holds and preserves. To nourish and grow in the love department, your “inner” f/m needs to be pulled out from the depth of your soul to the surface. How do you pull him/her out from the depth of your soul? By interacting with the "outer" version of your “inner” m/f in reality. Then you will start to mirror each other. It is really enigmatic experience. Because in this union you will have “inner” female and male, and “outer” female and male. In order to truly go deep in each other, you need to match your “inner” male and her “inner” female with each other. Then success possible in the external reality. If mismatch, you will never grow in these relations. Your relations will become stagnant. Please understand my message here, what you see and crazy about in other being is already in you. You are all these qualities, but sometimes you do not realize it. Love is subjective because you love your own qualities in other being. Love is never objective. You beloved one is your own shiny inner diamond. In a way there is no such thing as “inner” female/male. I used the linguistic terms to explain you the concept. You are neither female nor male. You know it. I truly wish that people in my thread find their own inner males/females. When you do, you will feel so much joy and completion, on all levels. Because otherwise your “inner” m/f will never be acknowledged or fathomed. You will never integrate masculinity or femininity in a proper way. Much love and hugs!

The majority of people only want to receive. Kinda like homeless asks another homeless, it requires spiritual maturity to give and be ecstatic about it.

That is the paradox, you can not ask for it, something you look for has been already within you for a long time. And always be. Please describe here what kind of love would you like to receive, like make bullet points. Second of all, by asking love, you become "homeless" who does not know what he has. Homeless who is rich but does not know it. Love is so subjective. Under any circumstances love becomes objective. Drew, read Osho when you can. His book ("love freedom and aloneness") I truly think transformed me forever and how I see authentic connection between man and woman and other ppl. Let's put it simply. Have dignity and respect to your own self to not ask for anything, but rather give instead. Do not close up, you will find a partner who will take you as you are. Have vision about it. Do not even believe in it, make it your reality. Realize at the same time that you might never be loved as you wish and your body decays one day without receiving this experience. Accept this, like truly accept that something that you search and crave for will never be given to you, and just let that desire go. You are not in control here. It is very painful to realize, something you hold so tight which is so dear to your heart will never be given to you. But then guess what? As soon as you let it go, you will receive more, you will receive Freedom, freedom from suffering. Eventually you will receive Love, and the paradox is you will receive it when you do not care about it, when you let it go and when you learn to live your life and be happy with what you already have. Next step is spiritual maturity. Nothing becomes so dear, everything can be released. Much love to you, my friend, do not be sad. We here to support each other. Hugs.

Drew, plus one! I agree.

Lmao

@zeroISinfinity I did not receive anything from you, my friend

@zeroISinfinity don’t pretend you haven’t seen my last comment, Alex. I really want you to reply to my last comment. If I don’t see the explanation, you won’t hear from me again and will not continue any conversations here anymore.