Galyna

Recently I’ve been experiencing a breakthrough regarding Time and its implication. I am not in a state of clarity all the time but rather is pushed into it when suffering occurs. !!!!For starters, human language is incapable to relay the feeling or inner perception. But I will try as hard as I can. Please do not be too hard on me, I will be using words like "me", "I", "yours", "mine". Nothing here is mine or yours and it is shocking. Shortly after becoming “nothingness” in my direct experience on September 12th, I fell into the conceptual abyss of time. It became clear to me that if nothing has happened but only appeared as it has, there is only a present moment, time is not real. You carry this body in the 3D space (it is also an illusion, btw), it’s moving but on the background of “your” awareness, there is always stillness. It literally feels like I hit the wall and the motion of time in my thoughts has come to an end. The only representation my mind can create is this: ------>| Where the vector (------>) is thought about “my personal history” aka identity and its past and the wall ( | ) is this present moment. For the ego it is terrifying. Quite frankly I am not sure how to process this. This realization creates anxiety, the desire to hold still and do nothing. It disrupts my ability to plan ahead, dream, hope, and make any kind predictions. When thinking about the future it becomes blank/nothing. As of right now, I have this perception of the body in the 3D space and my thoughts. I am disoriented because my ego used to identify itself with a future/past when making any plans and creating hopes. It is scary because when nitpicking a thought there is no ego really, just a present moment that catches these thoughts’ frequencies (including the thought about “me”) as radio waves. I don’t believe in the thought story anymore. It is shocking. Because I clearly see how this illusion, call it ego, creates a time continuum and a personal story to function normally, to survive. When ego cannot cling to the time, it’s slowly dying, there is no story for it to hold on. Any thought that arises about the future is rejected automatically because I see that it is just a thought and the so-called future will never happen the way thoughts present it. Now…try to really grasp it and see what will happen. You'll be in panic. I’m experiencing this horrific fear. Of what? Of ambiguity and uncertainly, for the major part because I am very confused about this experience. The best word to describe my mental state would be confusion or disorientation. Also, the feeling that I am going slightly insane. However, this present moment is THE ONLY SAFE PLACE to be to avoid the suffering that is caused by the thought about the illusory future. This is my only escape. Appearance, call it "reality", is a quicksand of thoughts that create ego and time. There is only appearance, nothing really happens, and impossible by default. I do not claim anything here, just sharing. I am still confused and can not wrap my mind around it.

Touche!

The truth is there is no space, no objects, no colors. Yep, kinda like space exists in a relation to what? Does it really? Then how? What is it stipulated by? and so on and so forth......thought, thought and another thought.

Sorry had to remove my last comment with emoticon, but i know you read it. Anyway, thank you very much.

Lol, there is no flux either. Seems like it is but not really, just an illusion.

@Amit I mean as God I am already creating. God=I. We can’t separate them. So God/me manifests through me/God. The circle is complete. ?

Literally, since there is no one to make a choice, being happens without any choices and without anyone to make them. Agree, but that’s already the case. ? no need to do anything, no effort is needed. Just go with a flow. Who are we?

@Someone here I am always in the present moment ?

@Amit would it be proper to say to completely surrender in relaxation and the choice will make “me”? Illusory purpose will create the being on its own and “I am eleven miles away from the window of paradise. “

Well said, thank you for your feedback.

Had anxiety out of nowhere in the morning today, I believe according to some data about Kundalini, this anxiety is a necessary step of the purification process. Confusion is about how to execute, plan and organize if there is no one there behind the scene, and because I am not the raw experience all the time, feels like confusion as I can not make a choice now, no control right? but the illusion of the ego is still there. Surrender, right... I guess it has nothing personal but more like existential or absolute fear. Like “ who am I and what is happening?” These type of crazy thoughts. This kind of fear that happens prior to total surrendering. In all honesty, it is not up to this "illusory ego" of what will be adopted or abandoned. All forecasts are false. Deconstruction is hard. Prepare for unexpected!

I would argue that because shift implies time! and there is no motion and change but rather the appearance of it! It is all Singularity which means there is no point A and point B. You understand that there is no distance between the objects, right? Think about how motion is possible in these instances. Can not agree more! I believe I do not identify myself with the body anymore. There is an appearance of the body, and perception along with feeling and thought, these all comprise Galyna. Yep, but we all know that the process itself is painful with regards who claims it. If there is no time, there can NOT be any steps, my friend. We can not anticipate awakening in the future. See how we can create thoughts. Like there are so steps for me in the future that i need to move forward to achieve something. Is it really? But in a relative sense, I understand very well what you are talking about. God damn it, the awakening has already happened and hasn't happened at the same time, lol. Thank you!

Everything I posted on this forum in the past month happened due to an enormous amount of suffering. Call it my DMT. Not just one thing has happened, every step in my life was designed for this realization. "Knowing" is not the right word. The correct way would be to say that I have just noticed the blind spot or "some glitch happened in the system for me to notice it." Bear in mind, there is no one here/there to see, notice, or know. There is no time, nothing has happened, just seems as it has. There is no such thing as enlightenment bc there is no one to gain it and bc there is no timeline where it can happen. Fluke luck but this experience has always "been" there. Everything is a dream, dream does not have any quality. Everything I write here is a total BS.

Lol, another synchronicity, the universe gives me the info that I need the most! Thanks, my friend.

Thanks, nice source, I will check this out, I really need it right now in my life.

There is more to it as per my reading. But thank you for the feedback. I also read that twin flames are destined to separate at one point in their lives.

Okay, I need to explore this topic better. There is a difference between a twin flame and a soulmate. But to satisfy a twin flame "rule" they have to have a huge passion and attraction. Read about it.

Yeah, I know what you want to say, don’t be too pedantic about my words, you know what I mean with regards of any dualities

The very nature of our so-called “existence” (life) is just a pure illusion. Nothing is fixed inside of the dream ?

Yes, I did. You are on the path to enlightenment, once you are being aware of being aware, you will not be able to go back, ever. Congratulations. The next step is to recognize the thoughts and their nature. Meditate and ground yourself in the present moment by always being aware. Make it your meditation, with regards of your locations and setting. It helped me a lot. Also read Michael Singer “ Untethering Soul”. He talks about being aware a lot and the book is very simple.

It doesn’t have qualities, everything you’ve described here are pure thoughts and mind games that egos of that ppl came up with post factum when they experienced this “void”. therefore Nothing is really nothing, but our mind can make everything it wants from it.

It’s very personal but is connected to love.

At this point I have totally surrendered, so let’s see. actually prior to become Nothing, I had five years of contemplation.

YW

What we need to do here is to get closer toward what the IMAGINATION is! Because it’s Absolute! The rest is unnecessary speculation.