Javfly33

It doesn´t make you suspect that if I Dominant male would have done that to you, you wouldn´t have enjoyed a bit? It doesn´t seem "unconditional" to me. You were highly biased, you accepted / loved the pain but just because it hit you certain sexual triggers But a male doing that to you wouldn´t hit the triggers for you. See your self-bias? Pain coming from a Dominatrix = Yeah, I´ll take that pain hell yeah. Pain coming from male or women who you don´t feel sexually triggered by: Nope, I don´t want that pain. You need to have an unconditional attitude! Which obviously nobody I´ve seen in the BDSM scene has. Is totally BS, nobody is actually Masochism unless they don´t indentify themselves with a conditional/self-biased mind. That´s literally the reason why human beings don´t want/judge pain! Unconditional is very rare. However I get your point. I think your story is valuable because if observed as you did, it just gives you a "hint" that things could actually be more relative than we actually think. So I am not arguing that, definetely if that experience helps to be suspicious of apparent absolute concepts, you got the point

My advice is stop using the mind to look for Truth. You realized in your first person experience that you are unlimited and your 'deeper understanding' came from stepping out of the perspective of the limited mind. So, why are you keep trying to jump into conclusions using the mind? Can't you see that you are trying to make sense of the infinite with a finite glasses? It's just not possible. You need to realize you can 'download' more deep insights just staying in silence. We are so disconnected of our body and our subtle energy and so obsessed with the perspective and analysis of the mind, that we actually believe what we can think with the mind is all there is! Starting a Yoga practice will probably do you a lot of good. It's great to get "downloads" of intelligence and finally accept that you won't anywhere with the analysis of the mind. Again, the mind is limited, reality is infinity. The mind just won't able to grasp anything worthwhile from certain States of consciousness and above.

But that is because you have some juicy enjoyable neurotransmitters in your brain being produce while you feel the pain... It´s no different than taking a drug for pain...mmm I feel that is cheating @Jed Vassallo

Are you sure that is divided or you think that is divided?

Hi, you seem to now a lot about Kundalini Awakening. Honestly, I haven´t research the stuff much. I am still skeptick if it´s literal or it is just a "symbol". Do you think that last night, when I went to sleep, I fall asleep and then suddenly very soon I woke up but before it my consciousness "woke up" in darkness (until here its kinda normal, people who get sleep disorders experience sometimes this "transition" between awake and dreaming), but what happened was body started trembling furiously, very violent. I let go and just let it be of course because i couldnt even move. I´ve had some sleep alterations of this kind here and there but nothing that violent as yesterday. I didnt give it much importance though, but now reading that i´d just thought to ask

@Leo Gura Love is creation And we all sure as hell are amazing creators.

I have realized than self-denial is no good. I am expert in self-denial. I want to start loving thoughts, all of them. If they appear I want to love them, I don't want to escape from them anymore. I want to let them BE, for that I have to INCLUDE them in my space. Instead of fighting them and get attached in the fight, instead of creating a fight, I want to make SPACE for them. Who am I to judge anything anyway? Why I assumed that anything would be worthwhile judging? How to include EVERYTHING in your experience?

Yeah I know I need to re-start my practices no doubt. @Nemo28 Wow

Psychedelics are not a guarantee Truth per se at all, It seems the mind will almost always make interpretations unless the mind is totally erased in the experience. I am an example of that, is not that I became more deluded that I was, but even though I benefitted tremendously of Altered states in my few psychedelic trips some years ago (they can be amazing for instrospection and just lowering your egocentrism), I thought I had discovered some deeper 'truth' with them although by that time I didn't know exactly what. However they weren't really showing me any Truth, I am it. But they did their work of course, it just they didn't show me the absolute/Truth but it wasn't necessary in that moment. I didn't need Truth in that moment but just basic self-healing. I realize now those states where just altered states happening within the "dream" too that awareness (myself) is creating. You can delude yourself with a Bible, you sure as hell can too with a psychedelic, especially if you use it to escape from normal sober life. But as long as you have a Spiritual practice, most of the times I think they will always be potentiators/catalizators of Truth, after all they dissolve the ego, they might not always show the Truth, but they will align you with it. Just make sure you don't start making stories and interpretions about the experience stepping into fantasy land.

@Nahm So...Does that mean that I am, perfectly fine where I am...always? That I dont have to go nowhere? So simple, but still don´t grasp it. Slowly going back to dreamland, although dreamland too happens within awareness. Losing awareness happens within awareness too, that is recomforting . Damn, how many layers of depth are . You too never get bored in this playground, don´t you? It´s such an entertaining movie this one

@4201 @MAYA EL Hey, I also thought (the day after it happened) when all concepts collapsed in my reality, I rationalized thinking...hey, maybe it was my brain and the psych doing an strange collaboration to actually left me with 0 memories for a moment, and therefore that's why everything seem to totally die in that moment. But then I realized, that that explanation was also something being created, something inside the consciousness, there's no doubt that consciousness came first, and it's now first and it will be, explain it doesn't make sense but this understanding came in form of intuition/perspective shift that it was impossible that any thought could convince me otherwise. After I abandon that last thought of sanity to try to realign my intense experience with my classic materialistic understanding of reality , I entered a whole new perspective and I actually comprehend it,.not with words but with something that I couldn't prove wrong. Like they usually say here 'it has no opposites'. As I did too, maybe you can explore different perspectives first before trying to make sense. It's like the Tetris game, maybe that block it can never fit in that box. (And you should try another a really really different box)

The future doesn't exist. Only the eternal NOW

Bro, I'm so happy for you. I also have had a couple of intense connection to the source in low doses like that of psychs. The most important thing is intention, how purified you are to receive the love of the source... Having a meditation practice definitely helps, don't stop doing it! And By the way, feel it now, because you are IT! You deserve this stillness all the time! Start recognizing yourself

Waking up to your true nature Is literally as waking up from the dream (of life) I'm speechless. Body trembling in some moments, not of fear but just of pure energy and clarity that breaks me (in a good way) apart. I still believe I'm a separate self. But this phrase don't even make sense because I totally accept the ego. There is I Am here which is deconstructing the dream but I am negotiating with it. It can't be. It's impossible. What I called reality was just a dream? How could it be so good? How could it be that I'm actually FREE. My true nature IS FREEDOM HAHAHA. I wasn't anything that I feared! There wasn't anything to be afraid ! Ever ! There's really no much fear or attachment to lose this "clarity" or to lose this realization of "Truth", because I don't think I have a saying in this. Respect truth. Respect I Amness because it has shown me a beautiful light. It has lighten me to me not been anybody and to not fear anything more of this dream! Everything is new, and at the same time I know tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. Well at least I hope to, I don't think this will get more intense thought, I'm slowly regaining back my beliefs, there's No rush and I feel this is too intense by this moment so I'll relax and be whatever will be. But at the same time total awe by been blessed by the Truth. ☮️ Peace and thanks everyone who has guided me in my posts/questions. I wish I could hug you thank you personally each one of you that has given me advice, understanding, and love.

@Serotoninluv You damn right . Although don´t thank me, thank Life who was the one who realized itself, I had little to do with it... You are as responsible as I was for this Hehehe, my imagination is truly amazing

@Nahm Hahaha you´re so right. It´s just that it´s kind of difficult to start abandoning try to undertand life with the mind, from the subjetive-always confusing perspective, and start allowing life to understand itself..., I´ve been all my life repressing feeling The perspective that does feel good is the perspective where I am always me.

Hi there, so, I took a recreational subtance with psychedelic properties about 2 hours ago, I wasn´t looking to have any kind of "spiritual" experience right now My psychedelic experience is very limited so when I do substances that has this kind of properties I am careful with the dose, the following caught me absolutely by surprise: So, the thing is, for some reason I stopped having thoughs at all, and next thing I know, I am perceiving a body breathing to save itself of non-existence. I literally had no fucking ground of reality to ground myself to. I started thinking about this Forum / Leo and I realized I couldn´t ground myself to it either. Just nothing made sense, total annihilation of any kind reality. Incredible fear and absolute terror of what was happening (literally each second was being "created" so I couldn´t ground myself in ANYTHING). Nothing nothing comparable to anything i´ve experienced in other spiritual practice (or sober insight). Not because this was "better", but because this was of a level of intensity that I didn´t know it was possible. Is this ego-death withouth the death? In some sense I´m still terrified that this is possible at the other hand I´m in awe in how this is possible. I mean, if i had let go could have been actually a blissful experience? I think if I had let go I could have learned something. In the present moment at the end of the peak "insanity", it looks like in the present moment there wasn´t that existencial fear and everything was Ok. It makes me think what I experienced is ego struggling. I am humble and I´m terrified but at the same time I don´t feel bad thought, I wouldn´t call it a "bad experience". Just the most intense moment of my life. Well, thanks for reading. I´m completely speechless right now . Also, I love you all

Woah you are amazing too I will continue to create less fear and more love of course

@purerogue But there it would be something there? Imagining not existing right now. Realize that for you to imagine not existing, you have to now be here. Try to imagine a place that is not here. Even if you think of a very apparent smart answer, the thinking will happen Here. The feeling will happen Here. Everything happens Here. Where other place it could happen? Where would you go rather than Here?

@Nahm I'll try this and let you know too. Here in my country is not nightime yet but I imagine today I will still have my darkness fear, independently of what I experienced last night. Just a weird question in form of intuition...so my fears are actually one of the reason that it's stopping me to be washed away with love and truth? It's the only thing that makes sense of why happened yesterday since I didn't took a high dose at all of the substance. Also, probably your universal consciousness probably have "transmitted" to mine during this last days that I have opened to you guys (well, this is just pure theorizing haha, but maybe ...)

Be prepared to be ashtonished by Awe. Be literally prepared to your sense of reality to totally fade away Try to imagine that it will not.be a metaphor, the lack of existing reality will be as real as how real feels now that physical reality (your parents, this forum, etc) exists .

@Galyna Interesting that you have that fear, I was going to contextualize but I didn't, but indeed before the experience I closed my eyes in total darkness and put on some music in total darkness. Very fast the music with the darkness and my physical sensations merged into a very mild hallucination that somebody was struggling me (in fact I knew the the "struggling"it was just the sensation cable of the headsets around my neck, combined with the slight auditory effects of the music). Well what I want to say with that is that I also have that fear of darkness!! When I'm in my room sometimes I put on the lights a certain way to feel more "safe" and when j go to sleep sometimes I like you. Well in this moment yesterday I absolutely had to let go (accept being strangled by an entity in my room) (again, it was a mild hallucination, not very intense, but still) so with that letting go of that sensation/hallucination it just keep going more more profound until I don't know what happened but I surrender myself to apparently the present moment and that started to "kill" my sense of identity? As I said it didn't kill me completely at all, I struggled to make sense what was happening but the thing before happening to me this experience it's that I thoufhy ego-death implied losing your sense of identity, but I didn't think that implied losing your sense of reality ALSO. This took me totally by surprised, that I was literally giving a meaning to my life, and that the reality was everything was being imagined each second by myself. The only thing that existence was existence but... without the meaning. Without ANY meaning.

Let me contextualize a little bit because if not it will be difficult that you understand me but if you understand me you probably think this is an interesting insight: The usual approach (fixing thoughts stories with more thoughts) One thing I picked up from a self-develpoment Youtube channel I saw recently is what I call "thought-techniques" for people who identify themselves as "socially anxious" The classic Psychology approach calls them "facts" because they are supposed to free you of any kind of social anxiety/similar neurosis once you recognize them. I still think they are just thoughts to make you feel good, that´s why I call them "thought-techniques". One of this techniques that is supposed to alliviate your "socially-anxious symptoms" when you fear, for example, how stupid you looked when you said this thing to that person a long time ago, it´s recognizing the following: Today, I saw a post I uploaded a long time ago to my social networks, who made me "cringe". Some "negative" thoughts and an emotion arised. However, after that, I used the "thought-technique" I described above, and almost instantly the emotional discomfort dissapeared! (I felt safe). I have to recognize I totally "catched" that thought. I totally chose to believe that "thought-technique" because it felt gooood. However, in a sense, I feel that using/attaching/believing that thought it wasn´t such a wise action as it seems. By having that "anchor", I don´t actually surrendered to the fear of appearing cringe to other people. Some intuition tells me that I have to use more of an inclusive approach instead of this "thought-aids". Now I explain it below: A different approach (Letting go of try to fix thoughs): Again, a little more of context to explain correctly: I want to start to socializing with more people that my few friends and family, also, to pick-up girls. I just came back from the city centre/pubs, I ran into a couple of acquaintances but I didn´t talked much to them, we said goodbye, and afterwards I stayed there, in a busy street seeing how I felt, I was a little burn out today to actually try to start approach anyone or do anything social in that moment, I just wanted to finish breathing a little more of social stimulation before going back home, when suddenly recognized very clear a thought that was there (and was the reason I was feeling a sort of discomfort of anxiety in my body). The thought was the following: Now, I could use a lot of rationalizations and thought-techniques to try to prove the above thought as "false", however, I choose not to. Not because I think it accurately represents reality, but because the thought I´m going to use to make me feel better or prove the above one wrong, I have the intuition it doesn´t actually represents reality neither. What I think is a better approach is to actually not try to "fix" that above thought. Not try to prove it "false". Not try to run away from it. This intuition tells me this fear of appearing cringe/weirdo/inferior I´ll end up having to surrender it. Not try to run away from it. Now, how do it? I´m going to slowly start recognize these kind of fear thoughts and don´t give them the "thought-technique" so usually. I´m going to observe them and not jump to the conclusion that they are bad and instantly try to fix them or prove them false. Before doing that I´ll recognize them, and I´ll realize it´s all happening under the same...even if I´m the weirdest human in the planet, this weirdest/cringest creature it is been produced by and within the Light. The Light, presence, isness, actually loves the cringiest act as much as the most "cool" act. Is not only that it loves it. It IS IT. From that point, is just surrendering. Surrendering to the fear of being "x" and actually recognize that been whatever one is, is totally OK. Not conceptually OK, metaphysically, acceptance, light, loveness OK. @Nahm A big hug because you are been such inspiring in this journey @Serotoninluv You too, your insights sometimes motivates to consider there is really a different form of looking.

I was with the lights switch off, so I didn't see too much. Reality perception was the same, there wasn't any visual distortions or anything similar like that . I just find myself in a reality where all beliefs and ideas of the reality were destroyed, so I just find myself with a pure canvas of reality. Each second, an imagination of consciousness, that imagination creates the "reality". Compare that to the model we all have of reality of something "grounded". Ashtonising annihilation, an annihilation that I couldnt think it was possible. I'm still surprised my brain actually was able to grasp it without imploding in itself of the intensity and radicalness of this realization, but it helped to not lose my shit too much just focusing on the breathing and "forcing myself" to let go (even if it's a contradiction lol).

@Leo Gura Yes, only at the end of the experience I started to consider if "those guys" (referring myself to you guys the Forum) were actually not bullshitting and this "stuff" might be more real than I thought it was. Or course, during the experience I remember during the panic attack having thoughts of go into the forum and actually asking about what was happening to me because I was so scared, but at the same time I couldn't because I would instantly realize that it would be nonsense because I was creating that idea (the idea of the forum Actualized.org actually existing) in that very second! I can't believe each crazy thing you said in your blog videos post-awakenings insights you were actually been LITERAL and not using metaphors.