Javfly33

So patological recurring use of bdsm origins from trauma? Yeah...I Was expecting that. I need to heal myself up

So Ive been coding on my own almost 2 years . I have a nice portfolio, but even though I have scored some interviews and I haven't been able to land a job. And lately I'm not getting any interviews (last 6 months), even though I've been basically applying to about 5~10 offers each day.

Enjoy that . You don't imagine the amount of suffering you have avoided by being demisexual.

I guess they do too. But seems that as a man I must offer them more than just that. I don't understand the second question though

I'm not looking for a relationship. Rather, I'm looking to develop my masculine side to attract women. My whole life is dominated by fear, low self confidence and worth (if you believe this concepts I guess). I want to become a man of projection, self value, confidence, I want to conquer, love and lead . Right now I am a sheep. Even my porn tastes are of a beta male. I need to change this 180°. A relationship would just stagnate me. Not that I could get a relationship.with a high value women anyway. A high value woman will see that I am a beta so she will just friendzone me.

I think as you but then you see the consciousness stage most people are I personally get discouraged that some high wisdom profound business/purpose can be done unless you are in a very advanced place. (Which I might move to what the hell)

ahaha Cute. But that's not the real world Oh but she can't know that until we are in bed ?

Your understanding of anxiety is flawed. If you have a healthy survival mechanism, anxiety need to happen so you can know what actions are more risky or less risky in society. What cures social anxiety is the discovery that anxiety is not your enemy, but rather your reaction to it. You have to accept that anxiety, and not label it as "bad". The labeling as "bad" and the belief that the anxiety is wrong or shouldn't be there, is actually what creates the suffering. Not the anxiety itself. Of course, there are some cases of extreme anxiety. Which a lot of times even incapacitates the mind and the body. In some extreme cases this needs to be deal with it. But it's not most people cases.

Yeap Could be. Don't worry I don't go around thinking this is the case. Haha

Because you are God and you are bored ? The supposedly highest answer is: The "something" is a delicate imagination to teach yourself about love and prepare yourself for accepting more and more love. Death is the infinite acceptance of who you are: Infinite love . All of the stories and problems and desires of your ego and life story right now, are being designed by You, God, as a fantasy/movie which revolves around preparing you towards accepting more love and in a nutshell loving yourself. (Excepted from "The ultimate structure of reality explained. One of Leo's video)

Ive had multiple "awakenings" where that voice seems just a thought, and that's it. Like a colour you see, or a sound you hear. BUT, most of the time, like 99.99% of the time, that voice seems a self. (And it's me, obviously). But this voice actually started contemplating itself just a few seconds ago. It accepted that it feels very real. "How this is not a self?" The voice said. Why does it feel so real? It seems very real that THAT is a self and it's me.

You gotta be kidding that these ones gives you a non dual awareness

Interesting. Very interesting.

I think I'm stuck right there. It doesn't feel like that. It seems I'm inside the body. Seems the awareness is being projected from the body!

I think I have trascended the second. But the first one yeah it feels very like that, very real. I agree but why most of the time none of that is actual. And no matter what when the internal voice arise I think that's me. Feels very real

Since I started my first full time job, I have gotten a little bit bitter with how people are in general. I had jobs in the past but maybe because of certain variables people in the workplace had their duties more clear so they weren't much option for "fighting". But in the job I'm currently employed, people behave in such a way that I feel I'm in a pit of hyenas, instead of humans. I know that is my responsibility to step up and defend what is mine, but still, I'm not used to that spiral dynamics stage red. That constant daily fighting. Sometimes I prefer to work a bit more just to avoid daily confrontation. As someone which gets inspired by the non dual understanding and that what excited me would be to create a company/life purpose which Unites people, share love, highest wisdom...etc, I find myself doubting if I should really do that. Since most people are in such a stage of development where they absolutely only think about them and have no problem at all in each day "fighting" to try to get you to work for them although that creates a toxic environment.

Would constant awareness on the breathing work? I've tried a lot of times. And sometimes I get to that place of bliss. In that place, when thoughts arise, they can't touch me. Like...I see that they are just a thought. Not me. But then , maybe after an hour, I just give up: it comes a strong thought of identification ( they can be about whatever but they usually have a sort of an implicit negative aurea of "if you identify with this thought you will come back to the ego, don't do it". So fear arise in that fear I lose myself in the thought and I start to lose the bliss and awareness on the breath and so on. Do you think is there a point in doing this or I should just let it go and accept life it's not permanent. The ego state sucks so much compared to that present moment bliss ?. It's difficult to accept I have to live that state too. And most of the time btw.

"From the absolute perspective". Damn how much I hate that phrase hahaha

Not sure if porn is the most accurate way to know what turns you on. My porn tastes were significantly different than my actual sexual tastes. ?

Interesting, it happened to me too when my father died. Although more than high state it was a kind of mania . Did you have feelings towards this family member or you are indifferent to his death?

I just realize that when I'm not on drugs, I am almost never fine with being in the present moment . Lately I've been sobering up, in everything, including even coffee I find myself having thoughts of future, like "ok, what I am doing now (going to the groceries) make sense because that way I am going to eat today enough so in the future I'll get more muscle and that will get me more confident which eventually will lead to other things which eventually would make me more happy". So in a sense, the process of going to the groceries was bearable because it had a purpose. But if not, if I would find myself unable to bear the boringness and emptyness of being in the present moment . Why it's so difficult to be great with just being at the present moment?

I went one 1 year ago. Most psychologists don't actually understand mental health.

You might have a point. I need to stop re-creating myself and seeking.

@allislove I agree, but im.not happy anymore with that relative / absolute duality. It's time to unified them in one. As Eckhart Tolle said: "I need to stop living with 'myself' . There might be two of me. The 'myself' and the One who can't live with 'myself'. ???Please God dissolve me. Can't keep creating more suffering.❣️

This shit never ends. ?