Javfly33

This is not normal Lol. Never had I relapsed this hard. What is wrong with my mind? I've hit rock bottom I guess. I wonder if this Will this be the time that makes me want to wake up the fuck up and go become a man, or if it makes me want to leave everything behind. But I guess the only way out is in.

Look, i Dont know how Life is in USA, maybe there are some countries or societies where Deep Consciousness development (like being conscious of Oneness) can be something which could be practiced withouth repercusions and possible benefits in the long run. But, here, no, I live in a decent country in Europe (its not the BEST ones like Germany, UK, etc) But its neither the Eastern countries (Yugoslavia, romania, etc), and i gotta say, since i started living on my own, its not that What i learned so far about spirituality and trascendent psychedelic trips havent been useful to pay my bills here, its that overall It has deeply damaged my survival and making my situation better. It has taken me time to realize that i actually need to forget What i experienced and What i learned because this is a jungle of hienas each of one deeply Lost in its own selfishness. Practicing selfishness Will only damage you in such a low develop society. I have to forget about Oneness to be Able to care a lot less about anybody else so i can get my way and make my situation better.

@Knowledge Hoarder thanks Bro. Yeah i think its a form of love Lol. Honestly It had been like almost 2 months since i havent consumed dominatrix services since my last lsd trip where i realized i was really fucked Up and i was vibrating in hate. But like i said i took aderall and It was like It reactivated that pleasure pathways. Never again. Where to start. First i would like to make money doing What i love. Then to control my mind to let me be Who i really want.

UPDATE, i confess i took aderall that same weekend because i wanted to have energy and motivation and low anxiety, But that made my libido go through the roof at the afternoon and night and felt endlessly horny/excited to consume sex products/services. At this date i havent spent more and i Dont plan to do.

@Nahm Why Dont love just love all thoughts then lol

Yeah you right in that aspect. Even though i still have an ego with strong attachments i am Lucky in that sense.

Yeah not very good...

Yeah your so cool. Add some infinity, love words and you are good to go. ? Right

Yes, you can wake Up with anxiety as i most of the times. Fortunately its all a Game and ilusion of the mind But as an ilusion i prefer an orgasm than a punch in the face (even though i Guess both of them are representations of love)

Does believing in God pays your bills? ?

How to wake Up in love everyday? @Nahm

Yeah i Hope its all imaginary and an ilusion and Im dreming It to forget that one time i awoken that i am God and Im Alone.

Have anyone in this forum reached Enlightment anyway?

How the fuck i get out of this hellish endless trip Im so fucking tired

Yeah i think its more jealously/hate towards Girls more than judgement

Yeah but several ones. Burned 300$ of those 500$ on just 5 hours, not even the crackheads can spend that much! Wtf why not mental health information about this stuff cmom liberals What if not and I can go even worse? Do you think I should quit my job and focus 8 hours a day (just like a job) on making myself a man and mastering socialization and dating?? @Harlen Kelly I have some savings and I could easily go about 9 months without working on a big city with lots of social offer. @mandyjw I'm believing to starting is all in my head tbh

It was 1 year or maybe more since I've ate a frozen pizza. Today i bought 2 Its been 4 fucking hours since i ate them and my stomach is still doing the digestion...wtf Frozen Pizza is poison Arent any good options healthy for pizza to buy in the supermarket? Im trying to gain Weight and mass muscle and i feel i need some "cheat Code" to get calories in. Eating very clean makes me look too thin

I've done a shit ton of 5-MeO by this point and wasted a lot of time and hope surfing high states of energy / consciousness on LSD (because this world we live in, that energy is useless u need to behave like a a real devil to properly survive) I still doubt Love. Or at least I find it hard to believe it.

No. But you must be careful in opening up with certain stuff depending on the stage of ego development.they are. You should be able to connect with people because of the mere fact that they are...people. Oh yeah you are so special! Keep playing this game yeah see what that did to ya

Hahaha you should try findom that will give you a taste of the dinamics of beta behaviour

?? took me a while to realize

I have found some concerning info about the of toxic heavy metals in this article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7432033/ This is really concerning because I've been taking Kratom for over a year daily, except some little breaks here and there. I haven't noticed a downside in my overall health or energy however. Anyone knows if this is accurate for all Kratom powder and if there is something I could do to counter act this (maybe I should take a toxic metals test) apart from considering stop taking Kratom altogether.

Because nobody is sure, because truth is just a brain state. Infinity, frame, holons, there is no death! Blabla bla. And then everybody is scared shitless about death and attachments everywhere. Do not trust anybody, Investigate for yourself and careful in falling to ideologies masked as "Truth" and "Direct experience". Unless it's your direct experience, their direct experience is just more parroted ideology.

Im on holidays staying at my mom's house, in the town I was born and raised. Sometimes I feel alone in my room at night and I feel I should have done done proper socialization the previous day to have been able to get a date with a girl or have some friends to go have a drink that night. Just to avoid the pain of feeling alone. I don't have a problem with being alone usually, but in this case, being in my town triggers some trauma points of my ego. I feel this necesity of feeling finally "One"/Loved/Accepted with the people of the city I was born. I don't know why but my ego , since I was I think ~14 years old, constructed a story about how this city sucked and the people of this city were losers and different than me and basically "I was too cool for them". Of course this was a defense mechanism of the ego due to trauma I suppose, but I fucking believed that shit for the next ~10 years almost, which costed me not socializing almost at all during the years which you are supposed to go more parting, having the first dates with girls, etc. I also changed city a lot because "this city was not for me". (In fact I don't live here) However in my last 5-MeO-DMT (although I had done already some progress before that year) I had a powerful vision of being ONE with the people of my city. It was particularly meaningful because I had been judging (and feeling judged) by the people of my city, (the city in general, I thought this city was lame, boring, etc). And suddenly 5-MeO put me to the ground to have sex in an orgasm of metaphysical love with my the people of my city. I felt so United with everyone. It was so meaningful, fucking beautiful, that was pure art from God what I experienced. ?FUCK? And now I think, why stress out of having someone or some girl to have a date with, if at the end of the day we Are One For Ever For Eternity ? Hahahaha. I guess it depends on your state of consciousness. You must have realized the truth endless times to finally believe the unbelievable, that you can't ever get Love because love is not a thing you can get, is what reality is. Thanks for reading ?

Of course by this I'm not trying to encourage avoiding mastering socialization, but saying that socialization should come from a place of joy (you want to share stuff with people) or desire to improve an aspect of yourself which eventually will make your life more profound and according to your true nature, rather than socializing because of feeling "incomplete" from a place of scarcity.