Javfly33

@Emerald Thank youuu ??

Hehehehe, oh if i knew.... Not very long ago I heard wall to wall how my i Girl i started liking was fucked for over an hour. To .make things even more juicy It happeend when i was at the comedown of AN acid trip... Honestly i Dont know if that was good or bad, if made the acceptance more easy or not, i defintely rolled through the bed several times in Pain ?

I Dont know. @mandyjw I Guess I want to know What i want ??

Idk i used to feel this way occasionally (envy) 5 years ago when i met this Girl. The i forgot her and It passed, But the thing that feeling was before discovering the fetish itself

@Emerald I Hope you can provide me with some insight here girl

I must confess, i am dissappointed with the results of my spiritual work regarding Truth. In regards to self development, spiritual work has turned to be quite useful. Even though i still suffer from daily anxiety, I feel less anxious and serious overall in the Big picture. Some deep trips have also developed in myself an strange skill of connecting and socializing just naturally with people. Sometimes i take for granted this, so its time time to say thanks. However in the purely Truth related aspect: -1. I do not know What reality is. -2. I do not know What am really am. -3. I do not know if my personal story is real or not (did my father really existed? Or i imagined my father body and additionally i imagined that he had a POV (he died last year) to really Lost myself in this hallucination) -4. If my father was real, why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God. Blabla. You now the drill, this are same questions over and over that i had from the beggining and they have NOT dissapeared or solved after many years of - 1. Actualized videos - 2. Actualized forum -3. Meditation -4. Non dual literature -5. Of course Psychedelics. Overall i woudl do It again 10/10 (particularly that orgasm of pure love with everyone on 5-meo Lol) but honestly saying "those questions just come from the ego", "you are just a wave in the ocean" , "you are not real", "you are Nothing/awareness" doesnt fill my curiosity!! So What? Its there any point anymore in having Hope of answering this questions? It really bugs me that i cant really answer What reality is FULLY while i am living IN reality. I find hard to believe that its not possible. But at the other Hand I've tried a lot and i feel i am 1000miles far from truth as always.

@Nahm yes nahn i have realized several times that i am awareness behind the thoughts, and believing them to be an "i" creates the false story of ",i" having a personal past etc. Buuuut, i do live daily Life in that state of Consciousness.. How can you maintain a job, goals etc withouth personal story? I mean i get What you Mean But Im not sure if its possible to be there except in meditation retreats and so on.. Once you go back to material Life (aka paying the bills, maybe being concerned about your family, etc) a minimal level of Fear sets in and therefore you are always trapped in thoughts as long as you keep playing that survival Game (not talking about you, i mean my experience)

Yeah But how come i cant get myself to verify that as Absolutely True. It could be possible that my father is a dream character i imagined, But i Dont see how i could ever verify that? What if he was really real? How would i know?

How you think other " real drugs" work? Lmao

@QandC can you give some examples of her irrational fears and delusions? Im curious

Good luck!!! Be strong and positive. You can do this.

Yeah, It is definetely how It felt after doing psychedelics during the years of living comfortably on my parents house, and then enter the labour market , i had to behave like "i didnt saw anything Lol" its also shocking when i realized how far away our current society is from working congruent to conscious levels and knowledge that Psychedelics give. Its like you have to go back 1000 years to the past and forget everything high conscious you have learned to be Able to function correctly so you Dont get abused and manipulated by your peers, etc

Jesus. Yeah i am verifying that the first few years I've started working and i didnt wanted to accept What i was apparently seeing, that nearly all facets of my Life Will take a lot of time and tremendous effort to master and making a living on ones owns terms its rare and very difficult. It just seemed so brutal i thought i wasnt understanding things right. But now i see everybody is wage slave around me nobody knows about non duality selfishness its normal, survival at any terms its the whats acceptable for most people and yeah, this is the jungle holy shit

Why most americans are just Big? Im sure you guys Dont even hit the gym

I have to offer Leo, i just find very difficult to find the free time, energy and Focus to materialize that Creative skill.

Yeah!!

One month ago when i was on vacation on my hometown, i had such a tremendous time, i started to work on my LP and i had such a good time. But i have came back to work and now its not the same. In my free time i am not Able to work on my LP. Not because of time (although its a thing) But because i am not relaxed enough. I have some overall Fear in my karmic sistem that i had not when i am on vacations on my hometown, that makes me very challenging doing anything than its not basic things like groceries, going out to have a drink, etc. Since i started working a full time job abroad, when i have vacations, ITS AMAZING. I value so much the freedom, and particularly the lack of release of cortisol, because once i start working my stress levels go up and even though when i clock out obviously i disconnect, the rest of the day i am NOT in the same state of freedom/peacufelness as i am on vacations. My sistem (body/mind) is not working properly. I am not reaching peacufelness Joy states in my free time that are neccesary for me to create my profound and complex LP.

What is really dramatic is rationalizing how God can be you and at the same time cry like a stupid dumb Guy. My ver: if you were God , you wouldnt suffer, so my bet is, you are a part of God, but you are not really God

For me, this Truth realization thing is more or less as having confidence/self esteem. No Matter how much you read, watch, learn, think, go to a coach, or whatever, Nobody can ever Tell you "you are fine as you are", because that would be outsourcing your confidence and esteem to others. That would be thinking again that your confidence or self love is in anyway conditional to What you say or do. Confidence or self esteem is blind faith. Blind love. Lol. So i see Truth as the same. Nobody can ever verify for me that i have realized Truth. I Will not be Able to verify that my awakening is legit EVER. Why? Because that would Mean that i am outsourcing the truth to another person/Guru. And they could be wrong. But, in the other Hand, is the same problem. Because if Truth could be this thing outside of me, then it would be possible to verify It. I would just have to "go outside" my subjetive experience and bias, and CHECK TRUTH! (More or less like science likes to brag about). But i cant. Never. Only i can decide What IS truth. My authority is total and final. And that is terryfing. That means i Will not ever be Able to verify the truth of existence. Ill have always to take the realization or discovery of the true nature of reality as a leap of faith. A guessing. You CAN ALWAYS doubt It. Because here you are, Alone in your own authority. Nobody can verify It for you Lol. Quite the mindfuck. Truth is not posible. Until you Tell yourself It is.( In that case that would be you assuming that truth is possible)

Mmm ime the first thought a Guy is thinking is not wheter he wants to fuck you or not. At least thats in my case. However i think you are confusing different things. One thing is sexual atraction, which doesnt necessarily includes the thought "i want to fuck her" But just... that, an atraction of sexual energy. And another IS the inclination or curiosity to Connect. This can happen with just a friend, It doesnt even have to be a sexual or intimate partner.

Nice But It probably wont enlighten you

Cant Tell you any advice since Im very clueless at survival, But i wish you good luck! You seem to remain positive and good mood so i bet you Will find something better

Forget spirituality, non duality ,etc. Treat other like its not another you But rather someone to exploit and manipulate the most you can for your selfish agenda. Construct an story In how they are bad so you can further be mean and manipulative to them withouth no remorse for you.

Spoke to an user of the forum, apparently i havent yet really surrendered the ego. My trauma is still there after many ego dissolutions, so they must have been just parcial, not total. I think i need a clear awakening through 5-meo before i can continue any further. Cant meditate withouth clearing Up my trauma anyway.

Dont bother, is useless. I watched a lot of leos videos, did lots of Psychedelics, a lot of them i stopepd myself to even have fun (like putting music during the trip) so i could Focus on awareness trying to get enlightened. Did too lots of Boring meditations and self inquiry which really never solved Any of my problems (except one single awakening with self inquiry which lasted 1 day and i was at peace) Im not saying God aint real or awakening is not posible, It clealry IS for some genetic freaks. But not for 99% of people. So chances are, you are going to waste your time, energy, and hopes pursuing something that anyways you Will have when you die. I advice you to focus on material achievements (this includes making your mind more calm and powerful sure) and forget Any Hope of trying to achieve satisfaction , happiness, or Bliss, just because.