EvilAngel

Leo, in some of your videos you say that we should be able to be happy without needing to be loved, but I just don't see how this is true. An infant who is not cradled and shown sufficient attention will die. I really wish I wasn't dependent on others for my happiness, but the reality is that I am. I've been sitting alone accessing "the Now", but it only does so much. "The Now" can't bring you a cup of tea or tell you a joke. You can't get a hug from "the Now". Do you see what I mean?

I've never identified as "codependent". I just read the description of co-dependency on psychcentral and it doesn't apply to me. I am a bit of a loner (I tend to value my independence, and am pretty picky with who I get involved with) so I don't have the experience in relationships. For me, there is much more pain in relationships than being on my own, so that's why I've stayed single most of my life. I wouldn't know if I had codependent tendencies until I got into a long-term relationship.

yeah definitely my propensity for self-deception. when you realise you don't know ANYTHING. A big kick in the balls.

I'm watching it right now. It seems like they are not relaxed and I find it very uncomfortable to watch. Ironically, Anita comes across as incredibly pretentious. Oh well.

well said.

Everyone should remember that this whole idea of "being" awareness and "having" an ego is just one way of looking at human experience. After all, who is the one who has an ego? Does God have an ego?

I believe this is my soul loving my ego unconditionally. There. How's that?

Not surprised no-one's replying to this...it must be taboo to promote love for the ego on a forum where everyone is trying to destroy themselves.

What if I want to practice feeling pain without suffering? Surely then the logical course of action would be to torture myself until I surrender. Because as it happens, I do have warm socks, but hypothetically there might be a situation in the future where they were not available, so why not see if I can be at peace whatever the external conditions? I mean, someone like Eckhart Tolle says he 'enjoys every moment'...surely then he has learned to be happy even when he is in pain. Why would one seek to remove pain when one is not suffering?

@Jack River Those two sentences were perfect. I suspect I was probably just confused by the concepts you were expressing rather than there being major grammatical errors. After all, everyone has a different way of expressing themselves through text. I prefer a straightforward approach. But it is hard for two human beings who have known each other all their lives to communicate effectively, let alone two strangers who are sending words on a screen and attempting somehow to connect with someone they don't know and can't see.

@Serotoninluv I am also impressed with people who learn English as a second language. I am personally too lazy to learn another language fluently, taking for granted that English is so widespread and relying on it to communicate with everyone.

@Serotoninluv I apologise. I just find it frustrating when I can't differentiate between whether I am misunderstanding someone's explanation of a concept or whether they are simply not able to express what they mean due to language difficulties.

But in reality, it never lasts for very long. Is it my genes? my brain chemistry? My attitude? My life situation? My personality? Maybe a combination of them all, but all I know is that I can't maintain a consistent level of happiness. I'm sick of waking up and dreading the day ahead. I'm sick of trying so hard to improve my life and getting NOWHERE....life shouldn't be this way. Should I take the easy way out and start my antidepressants again? That would be a failure in of itself. But it looks like the only option...

@Jack River I take it English is not your first language? Because your grammar is terrible.

I've got to be honest with you mate, you're not a very good teacher if that's what you're trying to be... I understand the problem, yes! The problem is that I am mentally ill, and it is impossible for me to be consistently happy! There's nothing I can do about it!!!!!

@Jack River There is no answer. It is the way my life has been since I was a teenager. I had an enlightenment experience, but even that didn't last. I get fleeting glimpses of happiness, then plunge into depression again.

@ShugendoRa You're judging yourself for judging others. Maybe this is the root of your problem - you judge yourself initially and that is the reason you judge others.

That doesn't make sense. Care to explain?

No I am simply recognising that company is a basic human need. I'm not talking about manipulation or anything like that.

@NoSelfSelf OK, so tell me, how long can YOU spend alone, with no interaction whatsoever, not even the internet? I'd love to hear how you manage...

Can you experience extreme pain and not suffer? If you are present enough? I feel slightly sick just now but I do not need to suffer because it is not me who is feeling the pain, it is my body (which is not me). Bear with me while I let this stream of consciousness flow. It is helping me to stay present. And I am finding that, indeed, as I type there is pain, yet no suffering. Perhaps this is due to the fact that my mind is occupied, however, even as I concentrate on typing, I am also aware of my inner body and my breathing. So I am not completely removed from the pain that is present. It is there and I can see it, however I do not suffer, as I am completely "here and now". It feels pretty good...there is an alertness and acceptance, and surrender to what is. However, my ego seeks validation from others, it is not completely satisfied on it's own. That's partly why I write this post. This has been an interesting exercise, inspired somewhat by someone's suggestion in my "Depressed" thread. (I am writing down my thoughts in order to gain a clearer perspective on the workings of my mind). It is pretty cathartic, so thanks to whoever that was.

@Serotoninluv I am resisting the pain of loneliness. There are many people I miss in my life and I'm kind of sick of this whole notion of "being in the moment" as a way to solve all your problems, because "being in the moment" doesn't tell you jokes or give you love and affection...

Ask yourself the question: "What will my next thought be?" Then wait like a cat waits for a mouse to come out of a hole.

Marshmello feat. Khalid - Silence "I found peace in your violence, can't tell me there's no point in trying - I'm at one, and I been quiet for too long"