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Everything posted by EvilAngel

  1. OK, so I know my problems won't all be solved by moving, but I'm sick of the place I live and I need a change of scenery. I live in the UK, but don't want to say exactly where for privacy reasons. There is only one person I know in the new city I am planning to move to, so I will pretty much be on my own. I am planning on getting a one bedroom flat and looking for a job to top up the benefits I am already in receipt of. My main issue is that my upstairs neighbour is a junkie and I am also just sick of seeing the same old streets/shops/people. Not only that, but I currently live too close to my parents, who are having a negative impact on my life. I need to be my own person (I'm 31 and I still feel my parents have too much influence on my decisions etc.) Now, I am already a fairly isolated individual. My worry is that I will be even more lonely in the new town then I am already. At least I have the option of visiting people in my current town, or bumping into them in the street. However, I need a fresh start and I need to expand my horizons. There's got to be more to life than my current situation. I want to do a University or college course starting in September (probably psychology as I think this is my life purpose). So I guess when September comes around I will be able to make friends with other students and won't be as lonely. Has anyone who has maybe been in a similar situation got any advice for me?
  2. You say this in at least one of your videos. I'm just interested to know why, because I for one have had some very powerful experiences during and following on from prayers. I have had prayers answered many times, and when they are answered it fills me with a joy that I can't compare to anything else. Can you explain what the Holy Spirit is if it is not in fact the workings of a deity?
  3. She doesn't seem like a very confident person and it's hard to take spiritual guidance from someone like that. Like, even if what she says is true, the way she says it stops me from taking it seriously.
  4. I don't know a good way of dealing with being ridiculed. I was ridiculed constantly throughout secondary school. People liked to make me feel stupid. They would pounce on any opportunity to devalue and embarrass me, and they seemed to enjoy it immensely. It didn't just happen occasionally. It was every hour of every schoolday. I found it extremely hurtful. My self-esteem was slowly eroded over the years. Now I'm in my thirties, I am hypervigilant in social situations. I am sensitive even to the slightest remark from friends or family. In a room full of laughing people, I often feel like the butt of the joke, even if there is nobody explicitly saying anything bad about me. To me, everybody in the room looks like a bunch of evil hyenas, laughing mockingly. If they look at each other with a knowing smile on their face, it feels like they're implicitly communicating how ridiculous I am. I don't know what to do about this. People tell me not to take things so seriously. But the truth is that I'm sensitive, and it hurts when people laugh at me, so to laugh at myself would be inauthentic. I have always taken things to heart, and I don't think that's something I can change. The problem is that if you bring this subject up to people in real life, you risk making a situation awkward, where people feel like they're not allowed to make jokes or laugh in your presence. It's a catch 22 and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
  5. I feel possessed by some entity. I tried to kill myself 10 days ago. I took some pills. I didn't die, but I think my insides are fucked now. There is the most unbearable, sick feeling of dread, terror, sickness and evil in my core. I can smell the evil inside of me. It's putrid. My eyes are going crossed. I'm spitting blood sometimes. I've totally ruined everything. Nothing can save me. No prayer or meditation can help me.
  6. Thanks for your replies. I've got my medication sorted and I feel a lot better now. Xxx ❤️?
  7. I used to look into people's eyes and see my soul reflected back. Now there's nothing there. God help me.
  8. I want to know what your secret is. Are some people just predisposed to being more easy going? I can be way too sensitive sometimes, and it's something that I hate about myself, but I can't seem to change.
  9. @TheAvatarState so you're suggesting that I accept the fact that I take things personally?
  10. Is the joy of living worth the suffering which accompanies it?
  11. Been meditating hard-core all day, and 20 minutes ago everything became clear again. Peace, laughter, freedom, joy I am pure awareness. ?
  12. You mean how many hours did I meditate yesterday? Or how many hours have I meditated in my life?
  13. Some people say that we are 100% responsible for our own feelings. This has never been true in my experience. Things that other people do affect me. I have limited control over how I feel. Can someone explain this to me?
  14. -Yeah it doesn't feel good to think I have no control... -blah, blah, blah I am the awareness of the thoughts and feelings...zzzzz What's my grade?
  15. ??? That made me laugh. But you can see why asking questions can be more useful than giving straightforward answers, because it makes you think.
  16. Thinking differently about a situation, by counteracting a negative thought with a positive one. ? I understand we have some control, (or what feels like control), but I've never met anyone who was FULLY in control and that's why I started the thread, because I actually think full control of one's feelings is impossible.
  17. The ego is created moment by moment by thought. Personal development helps create a healthy ego - as in a healthy self-image, which is unquestionably a good thing. You need an ego for day to day functioning, and a solid sense of self is important, otherwise you would be a quivering wreck. Awakening does not get rid of the ego, it just makes one aware of it. You can create a beautiful painting of a flower and appreciate it for what it is (a painting) , all the while realising that it is not the actual thing it represents (a flower). So you can create as big and strong an ego as you like, but just be aware that it is not real.
  18. The Paradox that I find the most challenging is that of "seriousness" and "humour". Have you noticed that everything is deadly serious, yet ridiculously funny at the same time? ??? ?
  19. Is talking to a camera a good self-development technique for improving confidence or self-esteem? I find it difficult to look back on videos I've recorded of myself. They make me cringe.
  20. I think this would be beneficial to make people realise that rushed, low-quality videos are not particularly useful, and that quality of content is more important than quantity. ?