Pouya

@Nahm Brilliant quote

@VictorB02 Yes. I'll be doing that.

@Serotoninluv @Arthur @Etherial Cat Thank you I will.

@cetus56 I've never thought of this. This can be actually true. The experience was very satisfying and maybe I won't want anymore. Honestly, my reasons were not about curiosity, I wanted lasting peace and happiness.

@Psyche_92 @Etherial Cat Fear of myself? fear of sitting down and doing nothing? why would I be afraid of doing nothing and just inquiring?

@Rilles the new feeling of seeing everything in a new way. I like questioning a lot. Maybe transition to a writing-contemplation. I can lack the motivation because I no longer like sitting down and doing nothing. I don't had the patience anymore.

@Rilles I have a deep moralization that if I dont know the truth, my life does not matter what ever I do. And I loved it until 2 months ago and now I ignore it.

Suffering? What about picking a knife and wounding my arms? What about slapping myself or hitting my head to a wall? What about sitting still so much that the boredom slowly burns me? Maybe I need a zen master with a stick.

@Tistepiste I've been satisfied with my results. The problem is I don't want to do it anymore. I lack the patience to sit down and observe. I've got hundred things to do instead of meditating and I use them to avoid it. Last time I had a profound experience that taught me many things. After that I can't even sit for 10 minutes.

@Tistepiste That's me. Now what? Let go? How? Be? How? There is no how, just being? The point is I do whatever I can to avoid it. I've done 2 or 3 sessions the last 2 months, but they were less than 10 minutes, with no focus and just clockwatching.

I feel like if i don't understand what's the Truth, no matter what I do in my life, it won't matter.

My advise would be, let it happen. If seeing the Truth makes you depressed, go through it. Eventually you'll come back and meditate/inquire later. For me, I have reached a point of no turning back. See if it's true for you. But why are you looking for a positive/negative truth? Maybe the Truth is much simpler that the idea of positive or negative doesn't even exist. Remember the possibility that you might be deceiving yourself by emotions.

I was a child who didnt like to be alone and stay home. One day i stayed alone at my home for a whole day and it felt great. I like being alone with myself. This caused me to do a lot of self-talk. I talk with myself out-loud as if there is actually a person with me that I'm talking to. Talking to myself like that, helped me to not have a problem talking in front of people and listening to others, but i think this gets the enlightenment work much worse. It's like i have 2 very distinct and seperated Egoes and it reinforces my illusion. I even find myself talking to myself for an hour without noticing it. Do I have a problem? Is it normal? Do I need to stop it? ("I" means the body here. Who is stopping the self talk?)

@Bobby i think their goal is different. Yeah it's liberation but self inquiry is straight into what you are but vipassana is building mindfulness and focus then attaining liberation i guess. I feel like vipassana is very good for mindfulness, being precent and having lazer focused concentration. But self inquiry is questioning who you truly are. Leo released a new video on it too!

@Bluff i think its a problem because my mind wont stop talking to itself. @TheAvatarState recently, i become mindful of my self-talk and say who the hell am i talking to? Then the self talk is gone, for few minutes to come back again

I've got to the point where I have to surrender my desires and satisfactions (although not very lasting) to go on with this work. It truely feels like i have to surrender my whole life, what i think am and my life is. I am resistant and irritated with this. Delusional thinking and Self Deception is getting much worse. Of course ego feels bad about this. I feel bad about it. Maybe it's one of those deep counter intuitive things, but is it really worth it? Living life with desires and satisfaction based goals or giving up everything to just being and oneness? Can i trust my instinct or enlightenment?

@Jack River I discorved something today, I create my emotions and that same I is not there to create and react to emotions. as @Sahil Pandit said, this could also be a surfacing from subconscious mind. I want to feel depressed because the more mindful I become the more I realize my non existance, it's sort of threatening me.

The more mindful i get, the deeper this wierd feeling gets. It looks like depression but why do i have a resistening feeling when i am mindful? Like, being engaged with stuff unconcsiously is reality passing by without being known. Now, the reality is getting so much richer and more "real" that it brings this deep wierd feeling with it. It is also affecting my studying and mood everyday. It's like a dominant emotion which overcomes every other one and stays in the background, having deep roots in me.

@Sahil Pandit thanks

thank you

@Jack River why do i resist what is? Why i always distract myself automaticly from it?

of the experience that is happening right now.But it makes me dull and has a very deep wierd feeling. Like peace+confusion

I am also studying to get into a great university for medical major, but i think that you can be enlightened no matter what job you have or where you live. I sometimes think that i should forget about everything related to enlightenment and go on with my life but i got to the no turning back point. What about seeing enlightenment as just Truth seeking instead of achiving a goal? Maybe it doesnt even need priority if you are just curious to now what's True? Maybe go on with life while you're mindful.

Leo Why havent you talked about the ox pictures back then with the enlightenment videos? Were you fimiliar with them?

Thanks for the info i guess the more developed you are, the more balance you have between mind and heart.