Surfingthewave

@Alyosha There are several things that stand out in your post. Why you feel the urge to take drugs when they don't make you feel good, your difficulties coming to terms with your sexuality and your sense of shame that this brings you. When we bring suffering on ourselves there are many reasons for this. Journalling your feelings may help you to pick this apart if you don't feel like talking to someone. Is confidence something you struggle with? Why do you think the thoughts you have of being gay leave you feeling uneasy? You describe having bumps in the road of your self actualisation journey, why do you think you are having these?

@Raptorsin7 Yes. You're getting to the root of spirituality. When you sit and feel what arises in you, and face it, you become it. After lots of practice, you transcend it.

So the festive season will always play havoc with my meditation practice and enlightenment work. However I let this go and just enjoyed the hedonism and chaos. No resistance, no fight. I saw it as a bit of a break from the routine. Also old habits return, over eating, drinking and spending, but this will be only for a short time. Lots of anger / strong feelings however raised at work, mainly due to not feeling freedom. Will reflect on this later. Sleep routine still up and down. My thoughts go wild at night but I know why. Did a yoga Nidra one night which helped, my intention was "self expression". Something amazing happened visiting the family. I wasn't triggered at all! Couldn't believe it. Massive progress. I've been doing this work for several years now and going back to my family has always pulled me back into old thought stories and deep emotions throwing me off the path. This time it was magical. I was able to observe what was going on with a smile. It's also about being kind to yourself and giving yourself a break in hard times. I realise how lucky I am in some ways. My cousin has been given 5-7 yrs to live due to a cancer diagnosis. This has put a rocket on my work.......

Looking at a lot of posts on this forum and also the difficulties my friends face as well as I, the above seems to be the things we struggle with over and over. (The holiday season brings a time of reflection, contemplation but also triggers). Why do we need support with decisions when there is no "wrong" decision? Why do we struggle with persistence and perseverance when the going gets tough? Some thoughts: - Not being in touch with the source, inner power, gut feelings, higher power etc so we seek others advice. - Distraction is a stronger force than perseverance - In order to persist, we have to struggle. To struggle is to go against the grade, societal pressures, societal norms, unfollow the herd. It's also a difficult thing to do and in our comfortable bubbles we live in (netflix, takeaways, instant culture) we don't like things that are difficult or take time. Thoughts from you enlightened folk would be good.

@Mada_ Art is life.

@Bestversionofme You raise some important questions about sexuality and gender. You will find your tribe. There are two difficulties you are grappling with: how your sexual fluidity impacts your masculinity and your sense of isolation in this. Sexuality is a spectrum, we are all somewhere in the middle although social constructs make us feel we should be gay or straight. Stand up for who you are, let go of shame and keep talking / blogging about it. Social constructs are illusions of the mind. Be proud of who you are. Continue to reach out and you can break some of those constructs. Believe me you will feel a whole lot happier. Masculinity is forever evolving, be part of the modernisation of this so called gender identity which is seeped in so much pressure to conform to rules. There are no rules, just you living your life. The now is all we have, be part of the evolution of gender and sexual identity. Be the best version of you.

@VeganAwake When you are asking these questions you realise you are asking yourself. Seeking and being burnt out are concepts of the mind. Just celebrate the now, return to source. Everything else is a distraction.

@Raptorsin7 What if there is no desert, and no water. It's the seeking for something which is the resistance, the resistance to what is. There is no right and wrong way. You'll experience happiness in what's around you when you go directly to source, to what is. This can be achieved in many ways, meditation is a good route. You appear to be seeking for answers. You will only get these answers from deep within you when you are ready.

What is power? The power of Now The power of Positive Thinking Personal power Powerful quotes Powerful leaders Power is a term used a lot in personal development. Power moves us in ways our experience shifts, and is never the same again. Power can be great but also can be toxic. What if we were to let go of all assumptions of power. There is power in humbleness, consistency, perseverance, patience. There is power in actuality. In experience, in what's around us. What is powerful to you?

@Derek White What is it then, in your opinion? @Raptorsin7 Just be aware of how we can trick ourselves into quick fixes. Changing habits are tricky but as you build momentum you'll get there. Constant never ending improvement is key (thank you Mr Robbins) but for some of us, it's the "constant" part which is the hardest part.

@Tom T Your business will always be in demand, however competition will be something to consider. Technology is any businesses gold mine so as you can use Skype etc you'll be fine (although there's nothing quite like a counselling session directly with the person). The brexit fiasco is a worry for us all but go forth my friend, forget about those corrupt politicians and good luck!

@Raptorsin7 Happiness is a concept in our minds. Meditation will help you to reach a no mind state, which yes can make us feel better. You have already started with this so well done. You have talked about depression before. It could be a chemical imbalance so I would get your mood checked, in case. Other techniques can make you feel better such as visualisations, affirmations, diet and exercise. If you bring up those natural endorphins every day through exercise you'll feel much better, guaranteed.

@VeganAwake Haha yes, you're preaching to the converted! ☺

This made be really really laugh. Like a full on cosmic giggle. I should say, to Leo's no BS response. Interesting point @thetrut11.

@Lento I think it's important to be critical of all teachings. Leo has explicitly said not to follow one teaching. It is important to read around and experience a variety of resources when on the spiritual path. When he bangs on about psychedelics it can get a bit dull. If you don't read around you're vulnerable to idealism which can throw you off the path.

@integral Thank you for this, I've been struggling with sleep again this week ? I do suffer with seasonal affective disorder due to lack of light, hadn't thought about the link with melatonin production. I would say I have an excitable nervous system so GABA could be key. As a kid I always struggled with sleep. I also have a stressful job, could be time to quit. Really great dietary tips. Again thank you and get that book published ?

There is no happiness and sadness. There is just is-ness (to quote Mooji). Happiness and sadness is filtered through the lens of perception, sensations, feelings and thoughts. The lens of the mind. Actuality just is. When I shop for Christmas presents I'm in a good mood, I see the raw poverty on our streets, I'm sad. When I'm sad due to an event at work I'm happy because I have a job. Whatever you feel, flip it. Is -ness is here to stay. Feelings are temporary states, actuality isn't. Actuality is here to stay and is the greatest gift there is. The biggest mistake we make is to think "something" can make us happy. This doesn't exist. Saying yes to the moment is happiness. Is fulfillment. Leave your mind at the door and see what happens. When you experience "no-mind" you are in the direct path of is-ness, of source. That is true happiness. But dear readers, letting go of the mind is the biggest challenge there is. Or is it?

Insights this week: Massive ego back lash experienced. Massive. Huge. Insomnia back on. Thoughts back on. But this was after an amazing self inquiry and yoga session where I connected to source effortlessly, watched my mind, my thoughts go by. The awareness of awareness became a recognised feeling. Quite blissful even. Today however its a different story. But that's exactly it, it's a story. Trigger points could have been work but also family dynamics as this is the link to previous trauma. I'm using all the resources I have to let this go, watch this space. That's exactly it, it's space of consciousness, the sky, the screen, nothing more. I'm longing more and more for freedom, freedom in my work, freedom in my day to day. I've added this to the dream board.

@seeking_brilliance I suffered with back and shoulder pain / psychological trauma and following a Reiki session I was diagnosed with a blocked throat shakra. Actual functions are self love, creative expression, communicating your needs and speaking your truth. Blockages can be to do with grief, trauma, loss of someone you love, divorce, separation and lack of self love. There are many methods of opening but some I found useful were reiki healing, massage, heart opening yoga positionsand singing. Others include diet, vitamins and superfoods.

At what point do we realise the obsession we have with the hero's journey can become a distraction from the journey itself? How can you fight the threshold guardians if you use up your energy worrying about them popping up all the time. The counter intuitive nature of this work means that we are still consumed by our egos searching for meaning, and this can become a distraction itself. My own experience has been something similar: we may become obsessive about the searching itself which impacts on the journey (you may throw the baby out with the bathwater). Enjoy the journey. Miracles happen every day. The sun rises in the morning and the stars appear at night. Realise that our psyches will always want an ending. There is no ending to enlightenment or personal development.

@Lento You can try several techniques in meditation. 1) Become the pain, so be aware of the pain permeating your whole body. 2) Localise the pain so be aware of the area of the pain. 3) Focus on where the edges of the pain are located. Be aware of the edges dissolving.

@Strangeloop Letting go of shame is the hardest part of realising your sexuality. Let go of what your family and others have conditioned you to think. This is your life and you have every right to live a life of being gay. Work on these emotional difficulties you have that come up for you, they appear very strong but in reality they are just thoughts and feelings you can let go of.

Here's your problem. Yes you can let it go on some occasions but you also need to look at your own personal boundaries. Why would you permit yourself to be treated this way? Why does this keep happening? In certain situations it's about being assertive and managing your self worth.

Interestingly my sleep has improved. It's not consistent but much better. My mind becomes very active at night I've become aware of this. My chakras are more balanced ? - I reduced my portion sizes and stick to mainly protein and veggies for dinner, before bed (no meat or carbs) - I've introduced more herbal teas, particularly ginger and turmeric. I've also introduced more blueberries, nuts, avocados etc into my diet. - I stick to a script when I wake up in the night, a bit of a mindfulness practice so I don't get into a cycle Sleep is medicine. Let's not underestimate it's value. Someone also posted on here you need less sleep the more spiritual work you do. Not sure about this but I'm sure that when I'm exhausted my ego runs amok.

@Nak Khid Interesting debate. It depends on your own inner resilience, coping strategies and neurological balances /imbalances when it comes to mental health. Mindfulness can be used to help solve some emotional difficulties however when it comes to chemical imbalances, in such forms of severe depression or anxiety, medication and or psychological therapies may be needed. I think professional assessment is often seen in a negative light when it actually can enhance or be enhanced by mindfulness. I can relate to the part about traumatised egos looking for a short cut solution in the form of enlightenment or searching for the "no self". You probably should work on the trauma before any seeking begins.