kev014

@Leo Gura I've been looking in to the Bible and the teachings of Christianity a lot more over the past few months. Per my understanding of the foundation of what Christianity suggests, Christ is the Son of God who came and gave his life for all of mankind and that we need to accept Christ as our Lord and Savior. This is in direct opposition to what you suggest - God is everything and we are all streams from the vast ocean of the oneness that is God. I'm curious how you explain this contradiction or what a stage Turqoise Christianity would suggest? Seems to me like its coming down to just who I choose to believe.

So last Friday night I went with a friend to see a guy named Bob Larson (here's a link to his youtube channel to see some live exorcisms he's done: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jezebel+bob+larson) who supposedly does exorcisms. I had seen a video or two beforehand of him performing these but I was still very, very skeptical. At this event, there was definitely an exorcism that I witnessed live. This random woman from the crowd started crying uncontrollably and he brought her up front and her entire body language and voice changed; she was shaking uncontrollably/violently and yelling back in pain - this was not the woman we'd seen at first. I'm not here to try to convince anyone of the validity of this, I am looking for others who have some understanding/experience of this, it freaked me the fuck out and after reading some of this guy's writings, it feels like I have encountered a few of these 'demons' in myself and others and am trying to figure out how to get rid of them. @Leo Gura I am curious to hear your thoughts on this.

There are different levels of consciousness within both men and women. Hypergamy is very real and correct in some regards, and in others it is totally false. You are basically trying to take the approach 'what can I do for this not to be real?' You're trying to use your mind, consciousness, whatever you want to call it for reality to be different than how it actually is. Why not focus your efforts on actually answering the question DIRECTLY for yourself what is hypergamy, is it reality, what makes a man attractive, what do I value in a woman, etc. rather than mentally fighting with a theory you've heard proposed online. If hypergamy is true or not is irrelevant, do you know who you are as a man? Do you know how a woman fits in to your reality and what value/lifestyle you can offer her? These appear to be more practical questions for you to be asking yourself.

Growing up I didn't have the greatest relationship with my mother or my father. Fortunately, my relationship with my dad has grown tremendously and I've got clarity on what I/we need to do to continue developing a deeper connection, respect, appreciation, trust and love together. With my mother, however, I'm not really sure what exactly the adult son to mother relationship looks like in a healthy way. Honestly I just feel more pulled to communicate with my dad as we have similar beliefs and are just both dudes so its easier to connect. I'm curious, what healthy mother son connection and communication looks like as adults? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I spent a fair amount of time in the past trying to change my mothers' behavior and 'fixing her' to be more emotionally available/supportive after feeling deeply rejected and abandoned by her throughout my youth. I can see now the flaws in this and how this felt to her like a total rejection from her son. So, what mindset/psychology shifts as well as practical, real world things can I do to develop a healthy adult relationship with my mother and from your personal experience as an adult (if you're under 25 please don't comment), what does this look like? My intuition tells me that forgiving her, letting go of resentment/emotional traumas, and stopping trying to change her are the bulk of the work and that the future will unfold into the healthy, relationship I'm seeking.

@assx95 I can relate to everything you have said. You professed your love to this girl, after what appears to have been no serious communication or connection with her (I'm not sure, just based on you not explaining any history or context this appears to be the case). You met her a few times, went on one date and then wanted to be in a relationship. This probably freaked her out, you got very serious and emotional with her without any serious history or connection. This is important to understand, if you are in love with a girl after barely knowing her, this communicates to her that its not real. How could you love and adore her if you don't truly know her? Its just infatuation, lack of options and lack of self worth. I say this with compassion and understanding, I've been here myself many times and in some regards am still working through this. Over enthusiasm, lack of grounding, and becoming overly excited in the beginning stages of a relationship with a woman (whether the first interaction or a month in to a relationship) communicates a lack of previous relationships and a sort of neediness. Mainstream culture and movies like hitch have romanticized this needy, desperate approach to dating (not suggesting this is you, just trying to further explain the dynamics) that is actually the opposite of what women are attracted to. Our mainstream propaganda has us totally fucked up with what healthy, positive relationships actually are. We are constantly inundated with on again off again, needy misconceptions of love - this is not love, this is the manifestation of deeper emotional traumas and issues playing out between two people. True genuine love takes time to develop, it takes connection, commitment and understanding/respect of both the good and the bad in another person. The 'honeymoon phase' of any relationship is largely hormonal and getting what we may have been previously deprived of throughout our youth (emotional connection, intimacy, worthiness, sex, validation, etc.) So the question arises then, what can YOU practically do to be happy on your own (most important thing in any relationship) then how can you engage in a healthy relationship (whether its with this girl or someone new)? I'm going to make some assertions here that may be totally incorrect and I say them respectfully, if it resonates with you, run with it, if not, no harm no foul throw it away. I'd suggest taking a look internally, how do you feel about yourself, how much do you respect yourself, how worthy of love, respect, and appreciation do you feel? Answering these questions for ourselves honestly takes time, vulnerability and courage. Also, I'd consider looking at your relationship with your parents and particularly your mother. How comfortable have you been giving and receiving love, attention and praise from your mother? Was she supportive and nurturing throughout your youth or was she emotionally distant and disconnected? These things will effect our relationships with women more than anything - going and doing cold approach can teach you to be attractive and sleep with girls, but if the 5 year old in you feels unworthy of love/respect, you'll always find a way to sabotage a long term relationship, I know from personal experiences. The conscious mind may say 'look at me, of course I'm worthy of all these things and more.' But the true answers will come from our emotions as we respectfully allow them to unravel and reveal deeper and deeper layers of our psyche. Attracting girls and having healthy, mutually beneficial relationships are two totally different things. I just threw a lot at you but hopefully its of some value, let me know if you have any questions.

@Leo Gura In terms of improving the quality of both my individual life and everyone else's, is realizing myself as God, and all that comes with being God, literally the most valuable thing I can do? Seems like life purpose, relationships, health, finances, travel, etc. are all important but like if I am literally God, every single blade of grass, every ant, every planet, every person on this damn forum, an infinite blank slate of nothingness just infinitely dancing through different forms, infinitely creative, infinitely intelligent and infinitely loving... these other elements of my life just seem honestly pretty insignificant in comparison. I'm having trouble explaining this but my intuition is telling me that the most beneficial thing I can do for myself, Kevin, and the world as a whole is to fully realize myself as God. Most beneficial in terms of bringing love and consciousness in to this world. Maybe a stretch here, but is the whole reason for God manifesting in infinite forms to get to know and experience itself and become a 'more mature, more conscious, more evolved God'? I guess my question is, does God (and I know I speak about this as something separate from myself - semantics) want me to awaken? If I'm doing this dance forever, there's no impatience or hurry, but there is a desire to know myself as God. It seems there is no higher joy in the Universe then God knowing itself as God, seems like this is why Leo pushes 5meo so much.

So I've read psycho cybernetics before and am about to reread it. I've been trying to launch a YouTube channel for quite a while but have some definite holdups. Noticing I don't feel fully confident in myself as a leader or as an authority, worried about judgment from friends and family, and just not really having many positive associations with creating and releasing content. I'm curious who here has undergone a radical, deep identity level transformation; how long did this take you and practically speaking what techniques did you use to reshape your self image, thoughts, emotions and ultimately your actions in the world? I've used affirmations and visualizations in the past so I may already have the answer here, would be nice to hear directly from people who have radically changed their life with these techniques.

@Angelo John Gage I wouldn't say everything else was fake, but it was definitely an 'oh yeah, I forgot.' This has been my experience with just about every trip; I have some realization thats like duh, this is so obvious. But the idea that everything else is fake, no, everything else is just life to be enjoyed, just a setup to awaken. I'd say it seems like life is created as this little game to forget all these things and awaken, literally like hide and go seek.

So took n-n DMT last Tuesday and Friday night for the first time and had some interesting revelations. I've taken shrooms and acid a few dozen times but this was a totally different experience, more chaotic, intense and confusing than I would have anticipated. Both times immediately beforehand I felt nervous as shit, as if my soul knew what was coming even if I couldn't imagine it. I had set the intention and meditated/prayed on coming in to contact with my spirit guides or ancestors or whatever loving non-physical entities have been with me throughout my life. Immediately after taking a hit, physical reality seemed to 'disintegrate' and I immediately forgot that I had just taken a hit and was sort of confused what was happening. It felt like being birthed in to a different dimension. I was quickly met with this feeling of encouragement to surrender and to push or expand, like a welcoming almost. There was no real clear individual(s) but just this definite sense of communication/welcoming with the 'other side,' the non physical. It was like they were trying to entice, seduce or play with me. There wasn't really much emotion throughout either of the two trips, but a fairly grounded/confident understanding. It was like when I came in to contact with these beings, I had always known at a deep level all my life that there was something else to this reality, something I'd forgotten. It feels like the grief/mourning, sadness and depression I've experienced throughout my life and very heavily this past fall was like my ego mind dying off and purging stuff from my subconscious/childhood. Could also be that the ego mind was doing all it could to continue distracting me as I had had many expansive states of consciousness throughout the prior 2-4 years. Difficult to explain but for a good couple months there were just waves of tears and this sense of like mourning my own death. I remember being in my backyard looking at a red wagon I played with as a kid and just feeling absolutely devastated like my youth was just a dream now. Is this mourning/dark night of the soul par for the course? I know many others go through this, but I haven't ever really heard @Leo Gura talk about his personal experiences with this. Its like I came in to the trip, had contact and encouragement from these beings, and then shot past them into myself as God. It was just this sense that I am God and that I've always known that and just forgot and had distracted myself all my life. There wasn't that much else to it, but just this sense of it being sort of obvious that I am God, a feeling like 'duh, what did you think?' Those words 'I am God' came up so clearly. I had this weird sensation in my body that would look like trying to breath fire out of my mouth, it was as if I was about to explode out of my body, out of my throat and chest mostly. Felt like a freaking galaxy was about to explode out of me, like I would just ROAR it in to existence. Felt like these beings were encouraging me as if to say 'yes, you are God; step in to that,' encouraging me to roar I am God. Again, no sense of panic or anything, but I didn't let myself fully explode out of my body. I've felt terror of 'where am I going' on shrooms before and not surrendering, I think I just didn't anticipate this happening and didn't really want it to so I was able to stop it both times without any negative effects. I can see now how one has to be ready to accept the magnitude of this, to surrender their being to it; it truly is terrifying and gut wrenchingly beautiful. I can see how it will shake you to your fucking core if you let it. I don't think these trips were very emotional/intense (in either a positive or negative way) for me as I just wasn't that conscious and haven't been since I've been depressed the past week or two, eating heavy food and sleeping a ton. I can also see how going unconscious (stopping meditation, eating shitty food, jerking off, etc.) are internal mechanisms to not see the Truth, to distract myself and at a certain level to give myself time to integrate and process emotions. I'm learning to see the intelligence in my unconscious desires and where they are truly coming from. Also had a felt sense of literally being my father. We argue about stupid shit frequently and seeing this helped me feel more compassionate and to know that the more I let this realization seep in to my mind, the less triggered I will be by others behaviors and the more loving and understanding I will become. I can see now that love isn't really about this fluffy romantic emotion we're conditioned to believe; can't fully say what it actually is about yet, but I'm getting a firmer grasp over time. Being in Boulder (where I was the past week and am moving to in a month), it also became very clear to me how Green sees love. Far healthier than the Orange environment within the Bay Area or my college/fraternity life. Can't figure out how to articulate it right now but I intuitively recognize that this Green love is not the pinnacle, that it is still very judgmental, has a shadow, has an heir of superiority, and lacks true compassion. It's like Green proactively tries to cultivate love, tries to DO love, whereas in higher levels I imagine it just sort of shines through and is self evident. I feel I've gotten tastes of this in the past, just like the trees and birds and the light glimmering in the morning I can feel it all as this sort of non physical love that I am aware of at times and then forget. I can see how Green (and myself wherever I am SD wise) radically underestimates the concept of Oneness/God, to green its just ideology/belief. Feel very grounded writing this and I definitely intend on doing n-n DMT more and hopefully 5 Meo soon as well. I see now the seriousness of this; the need to integrate afterwards, the need to meditate and sit in stillness beforehand. I could easily do it more and not derive any value from it, or I could transform my entire world view and relationship/understanding of reality, all a matter of the intentionality and consciousness I bring to it. I can also see how these glimpses are important first steps, but they don't really create any changes in our lives until we actualize them, until we actualize ourselves as more and more Godlike. As I've moved out of the Dark Night of the Soul period the past few months (ironic that this happened right as I stopped smoking weed), its like the light is beginning to shine through everything again and I'm starting to see myself in it. Does me being conscious of this and 'evoking the light' and bringing it through effect others in my presence? It seems as I've gone through my awakening process the past 4ish years, the world around me shifts and others are effected by my evolution - not sure if this is just my perspective changing or me projecting on to others or if as I awaken to my God nature, it helps others awaken as well. Also, when boarding my flight some three hours after this second DMT trip, I had this childlike excitement for what was awaiting me on the plane. The thought was that there would be some interesting person I would soon meet. As I got to my seat, I found a teddy bear that some kid must have left and immediately it reminded me 'I am God and I manifested this teddy bear for myself as a reminder.' Crazy stuff. Definitely much more to ponder; hope you all enjoyed reading this!

Yes and no. If black americans today are only a handful of generations removed from slavery, Jim Crow laws, KKK, lynchings, etc. that emotional trauma still exists. This doesn't just go away. Imagine knowing one of your relatives was brutally beaten to death after being a slave for decades. That is some spiritual pain that doesn't just vanish, same thing with holocaust survivors and their descendants.

@Leo Gura Through many of your posts you talk about the evolution from Orange to Green and essentially how liberals are Green in their advocating for social welfare policies. Do you see any of this as Orange just taking advantage of and pretending to be Green? Maybe this is the skeptic in me but it seems like creating a system of more and more government provided benefits just builds a voter base and gives the democratic party power. My thought is that the every day liberal citizens have genuine intentions, but those in power just use these Green ideals for their own selfish benefits like Orange does with many Blue values.

From my understanding stage yellow realizes that there are practical, logical things that must be done to create change in the world. While love, compassion, empathy and connection are powerful, there are systemic questions that need to be answered. Everyone becoming more loving, intuitive and emotionally sensitive is a great start, but the questions of how to manage civilization still exists.

I went to Grounding Camp in January of 2018. He speaks and advertises in very ideological ways 'men are pussies, beta males, etc.' Certainly, he makes things more black and white then they really are. I think the mistake that he might be making is that he went hard core green, hard core feminine for a while and is now giving the appearance of demonizing that when in actuality he's advocating for that integration (or at least it appears so). He should focus his energy more on helping men successfully navigate their emotions, their trauma, and their inner feminine (as he did) rather than going on the offensive.

Elliott is pretty evolved. He's gone pretty overboard recently with the demonization and finger pointing but it appears it is coming from a place of genuinely trying to uplift men in response to all of the hate/demonization of mainstream media directed at masculinity. The stuff with Donald Trump is about setting boundaries and being firm in his convictions, not about dominating or putting others down (although this is what DT does this is not what Elliott is endorsing). Elliott's entire ideology is 'become the strongest version of yourself and empower others.'

@Leo Gura Is this recognition of one's nature as nothingness what causes a dark night of a soul? Not that a dark night is necessarily inherent with this awakening, but that the ego cannot handle this realization.