Widdle Puppy

Member
  • Content count

    139
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Widdle Puppy

  1. Two questions - I'm sitting half lotus with one pillow. My legs fall asleep after 5-10 minutes. Should I expect to be sitting long periods in this position? - on lesson 4 I'm doing the concentration exercise for five minutes. I close my eyes, focus from the back of my head and look forward between my eyebrows my eyes twitch a ton when I do this and my head feels murky and full of toxic waste. No light or sounds... is this normal?
  2. From my experience most guys who are trying to be alpha aren't really alpha and are just insecure and tryhard. I'd say the most "alpha" guys are those that are able to raise the feeling of a room and make everyone feel good and have fun. Being detached, uninhibited, able to lead, confident in self and be socially aware. The same things are always thrown around like "be yourself " "be confident" this is true but there is a ton to unpack there. Thousands of hours of work to grow yourself to be authentic and confident and content being yourself.
  3. I would say what works for me is have a routine. It doesn't have to be super elaborate. Infact keep it more simple anand build on it. Start a morning routine and a night routine. Wake up and for the first hour or two do some stretching, exercises and some meditation/yoga/breathing then perhaps make a to do list for the the day. At night turn your screen off one hour before bed, take a shower, read/journal under candle light, then sleep. This sort of morning and night routine can be very powerful. Make sure to wake up the same time every day and go to bed as well. Right now I'm doing well on the weekdays with this but I can't seem to carry it into the weekend so I'm going to tweak it and allow for one late night of partying.
  4. I'm really afraid of socializing in clubs because I'm afraid people will think I'm weird or I'll look awkward or I'll start a conversation with someone and then I won't have anything to say and not know how to lead it.
  5. So I go J.C. Stevens book and I'm a little confused. How many lessons am I suppose to do at a time during the week? What's recommended? Should I just read one a day for the preparation exercises then once I reach the first Kriya start integrating new lessons at my own pace?
  6. I feel like I struggle to do personal development work. I am not really able to focus on tasks I write down and also I feel like I don't have any specific goals I'm motivated by to create something amazing. I just have this broad general vision where I want to avoid feeling depressed or negative. I feel like this is further made difficult by the people I'm surrounded by. I'm debating if I should live alone or not. On one hand it is good to have roommates since there are many positive things that come from this but also I feel like their negative mindsets and lifestyles sort of clash with mine. I'm unsure what to do.
  7. I was able to order the book and get it shipped to a friend. I'll give my thoughts when it arrives next week.
  8. hmm yea true but it's better than nothing. I just need the technique and can try to then to fix it when I can get my hands on the big book. the short one seems to be distilled and probably can be good for getting my toes wet.
  9. damn hmmm dunno how to get it the other one isn't good enough?
  10. Hi, I would like to read JC Stevens book but I can't get it shipped to me. Does a digital version exist? Is the other book fine to learn from for a newbie? There is a kindle version for that one.
  11. I struggle with sleep also and it is so important. it wrecks my mood and yeah.... it just has to be prioritized period. I plan to make my sleep my number one priority in my life along with my gym, diet and meditation. it's just so foundational that when I am weak in these areas my whole mood suffers.
  12. I'm having a similar experience. One thing that I can't seem to do is keep my daily meditation habit and stay grounded in my spirituality. I just can't keep to it. There are just so many fucking distractions. I think it's really important to do some of that focus breathing daily (anapanasati). Even just trying to do meditation it doesn't really do much with all these distractions, hangovers, lusting over parties later, etc. Sometimes I wonder if I made all sorts of counter intuitive choices to change my life if I would just lose all ambition and I would become a hermit that just sits around and meditates all day but Leo said this is wrong and a number of other shared wisdom has said so as well. I think we have to sometimes take some action based on faith and if it doesn't work out just try again. It's scary but I'll keep trying to get my daily meditation habit going again. I feel just better when I do it and like the choices I make are better for me but I just fall out of it constantly for a few days on end and it is really demoralizing. I'm thinking of finding a therapist to talk to also as it can be helpful to work through limiting beliefs.
  13. So first off I might not have all the right vocabulary to describe my situation perfectly but I'll try my best. I have some very deep shame and regret that needs healing. It has to do with some choices I made in the past that hurt others and I have a part of me that absolutely hates myself for this. The hatred aspect was cultivated a long time ago from my childhood which was not a loving environment and is it's own can of worms. I feel so ashamed about the shame aspect that there is this massive tension built up around it that I feel guards everything. When I feel these guards go down sometimes I become terrified and scared for I think four or five different reasons. I can't even imagine what would happen if these walls disappeared and the emotions they were blocking all flow out at ounce. In the back of my mind I'm afraid my heart will stop or something sinister. So I have these different aspects, shame, hatred and the fear of figuring it all out and they all have their own traumas behind them I suppose and they all sort of mix and create this deep knot within me. On top of that I feel like I've never really experienced unconditional love and have little to draw from emotionally outside of courage/bravery and my intellect. So now I'm confused. How can I go about really healing all of this? The shame feels the worst and needs to heal. I think I need more love and support in my life but mostly I need to untangle this knot but it's a mystery to me how because it feels like one feeds off the other and when I tackle one of them the other grows stronger. The hatred/tension and shame balance each other and the fear keeps any real change from occurring. Could I get some support please and just some things you've found helpful doing on your own to heal shame and work with the hatred you feel for yourself regarding it?
  14. I've had a couple dates since and it's hard. It feels like I'm backsliding a little also. I'm trying to deal with this fear of things not going how I want and just being detached and not caring and allowing myself to have fun and enjoy the process. I had a date yesterday and although it seemed to go pretty well it just didn't make me feel how I wanted it to. I think I have a perfectionist problem and an inner game issue of really wanting validation from doing well and am afraid of things not going how I want them to. I feel fixated on making sure I make out with every date I go on. I find myself afraid of falling in the friend zone if I don't or being put to the side for someone else and it makes me worry about if all the effort I put in will go to waste. I feel totally confused right now.
  15. So I have a few weak areas and general lack of practice in pick up and dating but I've been improving and am starting to realize that I have to celebrate and take pleasures in my small victories and also admit I'm awful with women/clubs. So my dating life has basically been being the "lucky guy" and not doing anything to improve it. Recently I started doing cold approach and implementing plans to improve my dating life. I'm seeing some results. I started doing approaches this past month and got some numbers, from some really pretty girls too! I've got two different girls out on dates that ended with kissing and making out but I also noticed I get nervous and just anxious throughout and am stuck in my head often. It's like a fear and I can feel it in my body where I just feel "in the wrong" or numb Like I'm wrong for being social or bad for not knowing what to do or am bad for not being perfect, it's kind of hard to describe honestly. I feel like I don't know how to advance it further, get them back to my place, more thoughts rise, now I'm in my head, etc. I get this feeling much more strongly in clubs but I also made out with a really hot girl in the club (progress) before which is something I've never done. I feel like I'm learning and do see progress but how do you get comfortable celebrating your small victories? For example the time I kissed the girl at the club but I couldn't advance it beyond that since I got nervous, entered my head and weird emotions came up and then I started acting weird. I also had a number of options to open several other really attractive women but some anxiety appeared within me and so I left on a low note and although I made progress during this night I still have problems allowing myself to celebrate this cause I see my other faults. How do you take pleasure in small victories while still having this cloud of anxiety, fear and shame following you?
  16. anyone have any tips for finding a reputable retreat and shaman? I'll start googling but is there a site for looking at ratings and finding reputable and safe shamans to do a ayahuasca retreat? preferably one with a healing aspect to the ritual and is willing to take on a person who has a lot of mental baggage. I think I'm ready only some fear is holding me back... but I feel like I can really heal and learn from an experience like this.
  17. Thanks for the advice. I did a bit of reflecting and there exists this sort of broad contradiction in my mind. So basically I can see there is this "FLOW" deficiency in my dating life. I stick to sort of trying the same thing over and over. Some things I've reaped the low hanging fruit from and it feels good but it isn't getting me the results I "need" and it's making it hard to progress and is demoralizing since I'm now sort of starting to hate the process . I have some emotional issues on the inside. I'm in this bad habit loop of seeking validation and the current paradigm or process I'm using isn't working. I'm attached to it however and a rejection of it is a rejection of ME and that hurts and it makes the challenge feel redundant and like it's impossible for ME to continue to progress. It's like I'm stuck on the second level of a video game :\ I need to do healing on the inside but I'm not sure how to do that separately since it seems like dating is really one of the few things I feel actually makes a lot of this painful stuff inside surface. Let's say I just gave up on dating now which I have for the last few months earlier this year. Life was comfortable and I felt "good" but I know I wasn't being challenged in any way and sort of fell into a lazy/depressed state. The stuff on the inside wasn't coming to the surface and in a weird way from that perspective I felt "healthy/comfortable" but I could feel underneath I wasn't and it would only fester down there. But now that I'm doing dating again it's exposing a lot of this painful stuff to myself and I'm trying to find a way to make the whole process a proper challenge and not something that is just going to bring up tons of pain and then me throwing in the towel because it was so demoralizing and a lack of any validation. Any advice you have for figuring out how strike a balance of process and using that for validation and reward rather than falling into the age old unhealthy habit loop of "challenge -> validation & reward y/n -> pain/emptiness" ???
  18. To understand my emotions better
  19. it's tobacco it's the same as smoking a bunch of cigarettes in one night so yeah, bad for you
  20. I lift three times a week Made a ton of progress this year and it feels amazing. took my squat up to 90kg from 50kg.
  21. Speaking of why did this hurt... I had a date a few days ago with a really cute girl who I had a lot of common in with and really was my type. We made out some and it just went well. I tried to get her back to my place after and I think she wasn't ready for this proposition and how I went about it. She unfollowed me then a few days later on social media... I know I shouldn't be overly invested on a first date and usually I'm not so bothered by stuff like this but this one for inner reasons really hurt me. I found myself willing to show the "real me" on this date and let down some emotional armor on this date. I've been depressed the last few days. It feels kind of pathetic to be triggered this badly by just a first date but there is a ton to unpack here and it really has me fucked up.... Do you have any advice on how to reflect and learn from stuff like this? I see it as a start at least. I don't wanna be one of those guys that's just like "suck it up and move on" since it feels like an inner issue that I would just be bottling up.
  22. Todd V. Easily the best teacher of pick up and technical dating advice. I feel like I've learned so much from him. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo9XJennsRNhyPbXCq6e8aw For dealing with the emotional side of things there is 6 Pillars of Self Esteem and then other domains of life you can explore which will help your mood such as exercise/weight lifting and meditation (wim hof is a really masculine type of breathing meditation I recommend.) Also don't fall into the trap of poor information intake when it comes to pick up. Tons of garbage out there. Your relationship with women is 100% your responsibility to fix. Red pill is garbage and while there are some nuggets of wisdom scattered throughout it the entire ideology is basically victimhood and external factor focused mindsets. Getting good with women comes down to your own emotions and skills first and foremost, everything else comes second. Start implementing healthy habits of taking action, celebrate the small victories you have and don't ever be afraid to admit to yourself that you are awful with women and are taking action to improve!
  23. I fell off on my meditation habit and my self actualizing path over the summer and it has been completely demoralizing. I absolutely hate this. I can't seem to get back on track no matter what I try. I feel lazy and hate myself for this. - I feel confused about what meditation method to do - There never seems to be enough time or I waste time and can't do any of the work - I can't seem to plan anything long term or plan any retreats - I have shadow work to do I think but feel like I don't even know how to approach any of my problems - I'm worried about everything - My sleep schedule is totally fucked - Feel like the situation I'm in is the cause and am a victim - Feels like I'm stuck in honey and if I get unstuck I'm going to have to face some painful things On the positive side though I am going to the gym three times a week and making progress in this domain. So I don't want to say I'm totally doing nothing and I know a good habit or two like this can really make a difference in the long term. I'm just not seeing the value of anything. Any advice on getting unstuck from such a situation?
  24. Thanks so much for this post!