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As I said before, if you're psychotic, you shouldn't go to a meditation center. But many people with mental disorder background don't get psychotic anymore. Many of them passed through a process of healing which psychosis was part of it. Even if they are having problem with such "neurotic" people, it's possible to take measures in order to include them, and not to exclude. According to this article https://psychoticbuddha.blogspot.com/2013/01/psychosis-and-buddhist-retreats-back-in.html?m=1 there are retreats that are accepting people with mental disorder background. And it seems they don't ask if you have a mental disorder background, but just if you can meditate for long periods of time. That's the point they should investigate, the capacity of a person to meditate for long periods of time, and not if she has a mental disorder background.

It would be magically good if it was true, but I read some stories of people with mental disorder background that were not accepted by these facilities even when appliying to it the proper way. I read a story of a person with mental disorder background who never had an answer for her application from the meditation center. The documentary CRAZYWISE talks about a Vipassana center that didn't accept Adam after they knew he had a mental disorder background. @mkrksms also tried to apply and they didn't accept him. It's too easy to close your eyes and pretend that nothing is happening. These meditation centers are not just discriminating people with mental disorder background, but also stigmatizing them. If you have intense suffering, you may take a break of meditation and spiritual practices. But having a mental disorder background doesn't mean you're still having intense suffering.

It recalls me a story about Buddha (I'm not buddhist). It's said he became enlightened after falling asleep. Before falling asleep, he was meditating for a long period of time, getting even skinner. Maybe meditation won't make you enlightened.

"Unstable interpersonal relationships and a history of various treatments can be additional factors which make it difficult for such people to benefit from, or even complete, a ten-day course." Their statement seems to say that every people with mental disorders backgrounds have unstable interpersonal relationships. It is a lie. A history of various treatments means the person passed through a lot of suffering, but it doesn't she's not able to complete a ten-day course. You guys should understand that mental disorders may be a process of healing and not a process of regression of your capacities. "Our capacity as a nonprofessional volunteer organization makes it impossible for us to properly care for people with these backgrounds." They simply say: if you have a mental illness background, you're out. "Although Vipassana meditation is beneficial for most people, it is not a substitute for medical or psychiatric treatment and we do not recommend it for people with serious psychiatric disorders.” As if psychiatric treatment is the solution for people diagnosed with psychiatric disorders. These people are generally victims of the system. They're are hospitalized against their will and are forced to take medications. As if it's not enough, a meditation center treat these people as problematics. There is a lot to learn about what a so-called mental illness means. It's not supposed to make you weaker. It's supposed to make you stronger.

I've written to them yesterday. If they're going to answer, it'll take some time. No matter what label it's given to a person with mental disorder history, it's possible to heal it (there are some stories in Mad In America website). If it's possible to heal, it's possible to do a Vipassana retreat.

It's not free for all policy. I said that if you have a mental disorder history, it's important to pass through an evaluation. Be willing to welcome, not to exclude. I'm shocked because it's an Orange paradigm in a Vipassana center. Your idea of opening a Vipassana center is nuts. I don't have such experience to do such thing and I'm being the change when I address such problem. If an Art School mention people with mental disorders as problematic people, shouldn't we address this peoblem? If you are a person with a mental disorder history and see such stigmatizing sign in a Vipassana center, wouldn't you address this problem? If someone is stigmatizing another person, wouldn't you address this problem? This Vipassana center don't need to be closed. It needs more information about mental illnesses, as you do.

Many people diagnosed with mental illness are passing through a spiritual crisis (sometimes with no ego observation, what may characterise psychosis). Spiritual crisis happens when the individual experience many changes of, for example, goals, values and attitudes. They do a generalization. They practically say: "if you have a mental disorder history, we do not recommend Vipassana." The truth is: if you have a mental disorder history, you can take many benefits of Vipassana. But you need to be stable. Having a mental disorder history doesn't mean you're unstable. I see it more like a lack of understanding of what a mental illness is. I still think they should address mental illness, but not the way they do. They should tell the truth then (if it's the truth). Ayahuasca centers here in Brazil say you shouldn't take ayahuasca if you're taking psychiatric medicines because it's dangerous, but, after you're free of medicines, you're allowed to do that. The same thing is with Vipassana. You're not allowed to do the retreat if you're psychotic, but, after the psychosis is gone, you're allowed to do that. This paradigm of mental illness as a threat is pretty Orange.

It's not like the rollercoaster analogy. If you have a history of mental illness, it could mean you passed through a spiritual crisis. People who passed through a spiritual crisis are much more prone to do and even conplete a Vipassana retreat. I suggest reading Rethinking Madness by Paris Williams or take a look at Phil Borges TEDx Talks about psychosis and spiritual awakening.

It still stigmatizes people who have a history of mental disorders. It would be much better if they just said: "We accept people with history of mental disorders, but, they need to pass through an evaluation." There are examples of people who participated in Vipassana retreats and were diagnosed with mental illness. It's important to recognize that mental illness is not what most psychiatrists say it is (or what mainstream science say it is). Psichiatry is pretty an Orange paradigm. The way the meditation center approach mental illness is from an Orange paradigm.

@aurum advices are gold. When I sticked with RSD teachings, I used to have relationships with any girl. Now I see how important it is to be aware of what type of girl I want. But, in order to know what type of girl you want, you also need to know yourself.

I just read Leonardo da Vinci by Walter Isaacson. The interesting part is to discover that Leonardo da Vinci procrastinated a lot.

There is a story that Roberto Shinyashiki tells in one of his book: You're already a winner. You won the race among many sperms, so it makes you a winner. I remember this mindset helped to win some Chinese Boxing fights when I was younger. Edit: I enjoyed more the process than the prizes.

If I understood Leo's videos, green is more like an entrance door towards Tier 2. In green, people connect more with their feminine side and, when they realize that life needs a purpose, they walk towards yellow.

What's happiness?

Even the smallest dose of aripiprazole has side effects (blunt affect mainly). Suffering is important. Avoiding suffering is the same than avoiding yourself. You have the right to suffer. You have the right to even feel suicidal (p.s.: I'm not feeling suicidal). But, as you said, if things get too much extreme, I will seek for help. Actually, I seek for help even when things are not extreme.

It's true. Depression is always temporary. I'm currently having some depression swings (maybe due to my medicines withdrawal) and yesterday I was pretty bad. Today I'm better. One way of dealing with it is being aware that all of it will pass. Even when I had suicidal thoughts 3 years ago I used similar strategy (despite taking fluoxetine). I won't always trust my mind as well. Sometimes the mind wants to trick you. By the way, I don't know if it's too materialistic, but what keep me away from suicidal thoughts is the idea that I have a life purpose and I have many things to accomplish before dying. I also think on my family. But the key is to realize the mind play some tricks. I think I learned it from The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

I read some parts of the text you posted. It says: "A defence mechanism is one that we use as a shield. Sociopathy isn't a shield. We aren't guarded against the world. We don't feel that the world is a threat. If we did, we wouldn't so freely walk through it without apprehension. We don't feel like we are being attacked by the world, at all." The most important factor I can recognize when I was repressing my emotions is that I thought everyone was a threat for me. It led me to many dellusions. If the text statement is true, I'm not a sociopath, but a person that has blunt emotions or difficulty to express them. I really don't have desire for power. I just want to have a good life and do my art (I love drawing and painting).

I came from my therapist with a book about psychopathy. I picked the book from the clinic's library. I still haven't read the book but I took a look at some articles on the internet. My question is: "is it possible I'm a psychopath?" I'm doing a treatment for schizophrenia and my emotions are blunt. I can't feel many emotions and can't feel a lot of empathy. Of course, I can cry, but many times I cry alone because I don't want people to see me crying. I'm a bit confused now, because while I question if I'm a psychopath, I wonder why I was able to feel emotions and have empathy when I was a kid. I loved even animals. Maybe the antipsychotics are making my emotions blunt (I'm still tapering off steadily) and that's why I can't feel a lot of empathy. By the way, after I started taking antipsychotics, many things declined in my life: my emotions, my aliveness and my physical health. I also feel like a psychopath because I'm still not able to handle a long-term relationship. The longest relationship I had was only for 6 months. I feel like a crap...

I'm tapering them off, but I can't do it cold turkey. I still have some fear of getting psychotic again and being hospitalized by my family. I have fears, but I still do it. I didn't know you also took antipsychotics. How was your withdrawal? Did you feel many side effects? Did you do it cold turkey?

I'm almost sure antipsychotics repress emotions. There's a book called Rethinking Madness by Paris Williams that talks about that. Antipsychotics seem to take away our aliveness. I wouldn't be so attached to the mainstream paradigm of what schizophrenia is. There are some people who think schizophrenia has relationship with a spiritual crisis. I don't even trust most psychiatrists. Most of them are attached to the mainstream paradigm of mental illness. The last psychiatrist recommended me not to stop taking antipsychotics and he wanted me to take antidepressants. There many intere$t$ in this industry. I want to do experiences with psychedelics and, to do so, I can't be taking any psychiatric drug.

Thank you, @Feel Good! The last book I read was Leonardo da Vinci by Walter Isaacson and I'm reading Walk Through Walls by Marina Abramović. The first book is quite inspiring and the last one is a bit scary sometimes (Marina Abramović had some serious traumas). I also read a summary of a book called The Knight in Rusty Armor. Very interesting story about emotions. It seems to be a story of an Orange guy turning into Green. He cries a lot in the story like I'm doing these days. But some times I get a bit confused and I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe I'm depressive and sensitive.

I read that sociopaths are trauma induced. They say sociopaths like playing games. If I play games, I do it unconsciously. When I was becoming psychotic, I can say I played games, but the guilty and fear came back stronger after taking antipsychotics. I feel that I've done a lot of jerk things due to my dellusions. I even apologized to the people I caused some harm when I was psychotic (not everyone, because I still feel some shame and I think there are some people that don't want to see me again). I also feel like an outcast, but every time I will connect with people, I remember the old days when I was more empathetic. For example, my mind keeps telling me: "you could have asked that person how she is doing, but now it's too late." If I'm a sociopath, I want my emotions back. I want my empathy back because I hate the way a sociopath lives.

Have you ever read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida? It seems to help men to move from green to yellow.

There are some apps that can help you like Todoist and Habitica.

I tried keto for some time and it helped me to lose some weight (that I gained back after some time). Some vegans advocates say keto diet isn't healthy (while keto advocates say vegan isn't healthy, lol). I'm not vegan, but I started to eat a lot more veggies these days and I felt more energetic.