Preety_India

Wabi Sabi art Just gonna add that here

Adyashanti and Rupert Spira and Ram Dass. Not Egotistical. Also Ramana Maharshi. Eckhart Tolle There are plenty

@Ananta editing your signature the non dual way. don't have problems; are the problem. Chuckle

At least I would like to know the techniques the Las Vegas guy uses. Bookmarked this

This journal is very special.. It will document the ways to be the most authentic self. I want to pack it with useful information. I want it to be an encyclopedia

Even though you think it's fake/forced, if that's the desire of your heart then that is your true authentic self. That's who really are. The reason why you feel it's a bit faked/forced is because it was submerged within heaps and layers of your personality that evolved over time through life situations and it subsequently submerged that in you. So now when you try to be confident, it feels fake.. It wouldn't have felt fake if it hadn't been so buried and submerged in your subconscious. I am generally good at intuition and I can understand after reading a couple of your posts that you yearn to be more straightforward and masculine and something is holding you back. Once that barrier is lifted (by you) then you are going to be more expressive and masculine and feel much freer than you do now. Best of luck and I hope you get out of the shell and find your way.

Thanks for this

@zeroISinfinity no you are not. You are just being edgy. In fact you are much kinder. Go make some sandwich for her. Lmfao.

I haven't fully explored Satanism yet. I am just a beginner. Just trying to.. Not there yet. I have explored it before when I wrote about Santa Muerte in my journals but that was long ago. But there was hardly anything This time a deeper exploration.

Bought a book on Satanism yesterday. Don't judge me please. Please.

@Farnaby yep that could be it, you not feeling relaxed The fact that you wanna be more masculine and you are looking for a way to get out of a shell tells me that shy is not in your nature, it became your behavior for some reason, example anxiety. That's super frustrating when you never felt in your own skin, you were never allowed to be truly who you wanted to be and you were perceived a way you didn't really want to be perceived. You were a specific way because of objective reasons like anxiety or social issues /personal issues and not by will. Now that you realize that you want to be your authentic self, I can suggest you a shadow work question that can instantly help you greatly. This question is "what would I really want myself to be like, if I didn't have these issues in life?" That question will help you to visually delete your current circumstances or past circumstances that probably shaped your behavior/demeanor. And then look at yourself as a naked person, devoid of circumstances and influences and then decide how you really wanted to be, in your true self outside of any influence or condition. This is your real vision of how you want you to be. The rest is only molded by situations or conditions. If you can now integrate this true vision and follow it, it will help you become the true authentic self you always wanted to be. What I mean is that right now you are like an onion. The layers of your onion behavior are caused by social situations. Remove the context of these situations and these onion layers begin to fall off/peeled off. Now the inner part of the onion is the real authentic you.. I hope you understood my analogy and my point. I tried to be as clear I could be..

Sexual Repression is very high in my country. But I have always been against sexual repression. You marry by choice. You have sex, by choice. There is no point in having a culture that tells you to do that which you don't want to. Because what you do without your heart in it, is lacking in passion and therefore without authenticity. If you can't live life the natural way, then you can't live. How long will you keep suppressing the inner nature? You will end up creating shadows and traumas

Funny how I came across this video just a week ago and I was thinking what in the world. Then I came across an acronym S. H. A. R. P it expands as Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice. There you go..... Where a movement exists, a counter movement springs up as well.

I'm not a man. But maybe I can try to get some perspective. I think you're on the right track. You will get there eventually. It's like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but even then you are still moving forward. Some resistance to new change is always experienced. But it seems like you're doing a good job already Try keep pushing yourself over and over. One tip from me for being more masculine is to never compromise on your principles no matter what a female says. This is deep masculinity, and not just masculinity in looks and superficiality. I hope you won't mind a woman giving you her two cents.

In my search for peace, I turned to every religion in the world, I even turned to satanism. And I'm not ashamed. I wanted to explore every religion every culture, I learned a lot along the way, it was a tremendous experience, science can never do what religion can, atheists are deeply wrong and I'm not going to waste my time debating an atheist but I have understood that religion exists for a reason. It's both pulverizing and emancipatory. Atheism is a huge clash. There is a deep chasm between atheism and religion. An atheist to me like a parent trying to understand a mall goth teen. Or a scientist trying to decode the sadness of a poet. It will never happen. You won't understand why people follow religion. They want something. They get something. Demonizing them is not the way. What atheists are looking for is a rationalization. But with religion, there is no rationalization, that's the point Religion is not rational, it wasn't meant to be, that's why it's religion. People follow religion, not because they are looking for logic and rationality. They wouldn't look to religion for that. They look to religion for hope and meaning. To make sense of their desperation, to find acceptance, to create a foundation for existence. It's a system like any other that can be subject to both rewards and flaws. Granted that religion is flawed. But what to call a science that creates atom bombs? That does genetic experiments and psychological experiments on humans and leaves them impaired for life. If we want to take into account the lives lost because of religion, then why not take into account the lives lost because of destructive scientific inventions. Sam Harris once said that the cure to bad science is not no science but better science. Then why not better religion. In my mind, you can either sanitize something or bastardize it, depends on you. The end result is that everything is a system. It can have the good and the bad. The benefits and the flaws. It's how you use it and what intent and purpose you have that moulds the system. Satanism has helped me in some way to feel freer and better. It has made me realize that suffering is a part of existence. And acceptance is needed. I need to accept my suffering and realize that life was not meant to be perfect, that life was meant to be this way. My life was meant to be this way. I will never be an atheist no matter what. Atheism is not liberating to me, but a reductionist approach, not fitting to my taste.

I want to document my journey of freedom from trauma forever. I haven't reached there yet. But one day this trauma will leave my body for good.

@DrewNows thank you for helping me. I will look into those videos. You rock.

Somewhere between the lines, I wanted to feel loved, I wanted to be freed, I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to be understood. I was also a child of God If God doesn't judge us, then why the people of God judge us?

As a child, I used to dream of leaving this world. My first suicidal ideation was when I was 14. I thought it would be so nice if I walked towards an ocean and disappeared into the waves and nobody would see me and all the pain would be over forever. That was a better way of ending myself But I have come to realize that it's not suicide that I want, but FREEDOM. I wanted freedom from this existence, or in other words I did not want my existence to be this way. I wanted freedom from suffering. I think most people who commit suicide also want the same, freedom from their pain. Suicidal ideation was a huge part of my existence. I sometimes wondered why there were barricades raised on bridges. Why weren't people allowed to jump? It's their life, their will. If they wanted freedom, then why should they be stopped? Ethically and morally, the only person who can have the right to end their life is the person itself. How and why can the world decide if they should live or not. Isn't the right to live the most basic right, then why not the right to die? So if this life is a hell, we are not even allowed to escape it? Why to save a person who doesn't want to be saved? Anyway, this is all an afterthought... I have tried cutting myself several times. All it does is leave scars. I want a rebirth.

One day my father had suddenly left, probably he was suicidal. He was sick of my mom constantly abusing him. I felt awful. I was just 13 or 14. That day was an awful day. I wanted to know what happened. I thought he would never come back. It turned out he was at his brother's house venting out his frustration. Then he came back home. But I was never the same. I used to love my dad the most. Sadly he left me for heaven.

Last night I had a dream. I was laid on a table. It felt surreal. There were people looking at me and standing near me. I was just gazing. I felt like a lost child of heaven. One guy was busy hypnotizing me. I was gazing into his eyes. It felt like he understood me. It felt like an endless journey. I was murmuring to this guy. The atmosphere was strange but I didn’t want to leave the table. Time had stood still. There was so much going on. I felt weirdly comforted. Comforted in the hands of the devil. Because the good people had rejected me as bad, unwanted, unworthy. I had been a good child, but an unwanted one. Now I felt like there was a hand slowly brushing over my forehead, stroking my hair. The music was made of Iove. The music was like this

Tiamat

4 stages 1. Understanding morality and religion 2 understanding evil and devil 3 Enlightenment (seeking freedom from physical form, seeking liberation, renunciation of life, outgrowing life, you realize that life is bullshit and it won't fulfill your needs/potential in physical form) 4. Higher realms and Healing the planet Higher realms and Healing the planet - Thinking about your higher goals when you are liberated from suffering. Whats next when all the bad things have left you Your true inner potential. Mythology, art, health, beauty, ritual, community, ecosystem, fellowship, literature, science, better living for everyone, peace and equilibrium. Healing the planet

I believe that life is sacred and spiritual. And that we are too physical for this life. And we are not equipped to deal with the spiritual nature of life and that's why there is chaos.

Cleaning the inner toilet Dark entity removal