Preety_India

Hmm. You should never fall in love with the "now or never" mentality, that's the single greatest disaster in life. That particular mentality. Everything that happens in life should fall into a beautiful patten and in alignment with your true values The whole now or never mentality stems from what I call consumption culture or modern culture. This culture makes you feel like you losing if you're missing out Life has to be natural and lived naturally. There should never be a compulsion to do or try something because every compulsion comes from egoic needs. Deep down it comes from Insecurity, planted by society and this feeling that if you don't you missed out on some imaginary jackpot. Reality is harsh and brutal as it is You should never fall in love because you never fall in love before. That does look like a great reason for the ego to feel better but it's a poor excuse to the real self. This ego is like a false mirror that shows you things that are unimportant. Do you want a mirror that only shows the window of your house or do you want a mirror that shows your entire room? Your ego takes you away from the real self and it's needs and implants in your psyche false needs that are more relevant socially and is a part of social games. This now or never mentality is a part of such social cliché where you're only important if you do it right. Such an attitude is bound to get you into a bad relationship just out of desperation or bad reasoning, you end up setting yourself for failure vec you're looking at it in a very superficial way to meet your needs and in the process of doing so completely ignoring your inner needs. Instead think that you want a good relationship and think that it will come on its own time. A good relationship is worth the wait. What you need is not a relationship per se because then it becomes only a word without real meaning to it. Instead think of the meaning. You want a bond, a companionship, a feeling, an experience to behold, a mutual journey of trust, a peaceful haven, a feeling of comfort and a belongingness. This is not the same as wanting a relationship. It's more about wanting something more genuine and aligned to who you are. The right mindset here is to think that it doesn't matter whether you got a real boyfriend or not... But what matters is the quality of such a relationship. Allowing yourself to freely enter a relationship where you don't have doubts but feeling more secure. You might want to ask this important question to yourself "why I'm saying to myself that this can be risky?" If you think that you're taking some sort of risk then it's already a bad sign that there is a little trust and you're trying to manage this trust or risk level. Now if I brought God in front of you and knowing that God loves you, will you ask yourself the same question, will you ask yourself whether you're taking a risk? Because you already know there is no risk with God, since you completely trust God, such questions don't even come to your mind.. That's how a relationship should look like. You should automatically feel like you can trust the person so much that you don't see any problem with falling in love If you don't feel there is any reason to automatically feel emotionally safe and you're doubting and questioning yourself and a bit confused, you've already creating the stage of failure. True loving relationships don't create mental doubts because they are so genuine and beautiful and innocent. You simply give in to such relationships. Either be in a relationship where you know that the other person is a 100% trustworthy or simply don't bother to get into relationships. It becomes a heart break cycle when you are confused at the first step.

That looks awful as hell. Humanity smh

Coming for a check in after some days lag. 1.What where you doing before the thread was opened? Anything important? Was tending my garden and looking after the Christmas decorations 2. How did you get to where you are now? Walked 3. Do you really know if you were doing anything before opening this thread? Yea. 4. If applicable, what did you block out to focus on the check in? I had such dark thoughts about suicide. I wanted Christmas to be a happy one. So I'm going to start a daily prayer service. 5. What is now, compared to before? Maybe and hopefully positive 6. Who am I? A character in a play. 5. Is this a dream? Maybe a nightmare ----------------------------- Further questions presented by @Preety_India 8. Am I more focused now than before? Sort of. I'm trying to increase my focus by doing the following daily checks and along with this awareness checks to feel alive and active during this winter. I need to do a regular temperature check on myself from today because I've been feeling sick. Next I want to do a Daily activity and Daily alertness test.. So these checks or tests Daily Awareness check Daily Alertness check Daily Temperature test Daily Emotional Test (since I feel suicidal almost every 3rd day of the week) Daily Activity check Daily Productivity Test 9. On a scale of 1 to 10, (10 being the strongest) what is my focus level today or now? At most 3.

The people I've positively identified as narcissists in close encounters and in the media are My mom My teacher My second ex (Bud) My last ex(Joseph) Donald Trump Much of my research is based on the observation and analysis of the above mentioned personalities.

One thing to understand is that you have to cut complete communication with a narcissist, like just totally cut it off. Because communication is the main medium through which the narcissist will try to influence you.

What is the best way to deal with a narcissist. Most normal people and empaths try to work out a relationship in the best possible ways because they value the person and the relationship and try to salvage both.. I'll refer to people like me as "normies",this does not mean anything degrading/derogatory, it only means people who are not narcissistic. People like me are normies and will have normal reactions, questions and behaviors in every situation in life Which is why it's very difficult for a normie to work around a narcissist no matter how hard they try to work things out. Normies need to understand that narcissists will never change and as soon as you realize that you are with a narcissist, it's time to start exit procedures. With a narcissist, there's only one thing that a normie can do.. Just Leave the narcissist and end the relationship super early in the relationship. Here the goal is to make the narcissist feel defeated and not give them any solace or comfort or value or leverage. Make them feel like they lost something or someone or they lost an employee. The goal is to realize that they play a lot of mind games and the only option for Normies is to simply leave. Otherwise Normies will need to deal with more mind games down the line. (feeling really sleepy and Typing fast, there will be typos because my eyes are shutting and heavy. I work very hard for this journal)

4 special red flags for detecting narcissistic behavior One behavior that is often found in narcissists is their tendency to take everyone for granted especially those who are caring and pleasant empathetic and nurturing to them. They will treat them like dirt constantly violating their boundaries. The other red flags. I'm feeling too sleepy so no time to write much. So I'll quickly joy down the red flags that I consider absolutely important in defining narcissists . They will try to downplay their abuse and the situation when they realize you're walking away. They will lure you back in the last minute when you're walking out. They are losing an employee. . They treat people like employees rather than persons and relationships as contracts. . They will throw as much mud at you as possible during an argument and offend you in the worst ways to only see how much they can get away with. They want to test your boundaries rather than find them. Normal people are afraid to offend. . Around other people they will have a mask on and treat them better than they treat you. . They will take your kindness for granted . They will constantly use sentences like "I can find someone better" to remind you that you're powerless and disposable. . The moment they spot an additional source of narcissistic supply they will immediately set up a competition between you and that person. . When you ask for help, they will chastise you for it. . They will be extremely self contradictory. Their actions will not reflect their words at all. . Everything they do is for egoic purposes . They are never happy or content . When they say they are going to leave you they don't actually mean it. It's a mere threat. They say they want to leave you but actually don't leave. There is always an element of threat. . They only leave when they get a replacement. . They don't take your threats of leaving or rather expressions of leaving seriously because they think you're gaming too. . When they say that they can't put up with something, it's not a boundary but rather a demand arising from entitlements. Whereas when a normie complains that they can't put up with something it's coming out of frustration and wanting to leave but trying to leave gradually. Now comes the Golden Red Flag. This is my Most Special Red Flag for determining a narcissist. This is the one absolute red flag that gives them away.. The most important red flag The narcissist only gets very serious when you say the words "I'm not going to put up with this.." This statement is a huge threat to the narcissist. It's a statement that breaks his power game completely. When you say to a narcissist that you won't up with their shit anymore, you have done yourself a great favor. This is like kicking the narcissist right in the gut. Notice his behavior carefully. Does he suddenly act serious and wants to stop fooling and downplaying or mocking (showing utter indifference to your appeals of being hurt by his behavior)? The narcissist initially does tons of mocking showing active indifference to your protesting or your expressions of being hurt, your outbursts, he will try to completely disrespect you while you're having an outburst, and he is mocking or acting cold or trying to play jokes that are insensitive to the moment. He will suddenly make a joke while you're crying. But this same behavior completely flips at the mere mention of "I'm not putting up with this shit anymore." Suddenly all his mocking is gone. Now he is very serious. Because now he is realizing that he might be on the brink of losing you and he doesn't want that, so now he will try to distract you by trying to impress you a little or soothe you or get serious about the discussion to stop you from leaving or to prevent you from making decisions about leaving. This particular behavior of suddenly getting serious only when you say "I'm not putting up with this shit anymore" is the Golden Litmus Test for a narcissist.

So I finished explaining triangulation here. Next I move on to the event marked on the map as "around other people" Narcissists can be very surprisingly patient and well behaved around other people. The problem with narcissists and their narcissistic weapons is ghat these are specifically targeted at some people who the narcissist considers as vulnerable. This is the deep Predatory behavior of the narcissist. But this Predatory behavior is well masked by the narcissist in public and around other people. So most people never actually get to see the real manipulations, aggression and passive aggressive behaviors of the narcissists that these narcissists reserve only for their victims. For example a boss might be very polite and nice to his clients and other acquaintances yet he might show a completely different behavior to his employees. It's almost as though the narcissist is well trained at living a double life.

First starting with triangulation. A lot of people use this word in a very generic sense. Triangulation can be the normal kind where there is certain tension involved because there are 3 parties against each other. Normal kinds of triangulations happen in many personal relationships including friendships for example 2 people try to fight against a third person and then the third person befriends one of them,this can easily drive a wedge or create a conflict. However, this is nothing like narcissistic triangulation. Narcissistic triangulation is a separate phenomenon and is not caused by circumstances overlapping but exclusively by the narcissist in order to gain greater power and authority within the dynamic. An example of narcissistic triangulation can be like this.. Let be refer to a narcissist as A. And the people who are normal, let me refer to these people as B and C. So now we have A and B and C. The narcissist A wants narcissistic supply from B. He is quite happy with it.. But as time goes by, he is too bored of having only a single source of narcissistic supply. So he turns his attention to person C and tries to derive his narcissistic supply from C. But this is not enough for the narcissist. In order to gain further control of this dynamic and gain power, popularity and a sense of importance in this dynamic.. For this purpose, A tries to create conflict by comparing B to C and even trying to pit B against C. He wants B and C to fight to get his attention, to compete for him. This would make him feel even more important and special. This is a very classic example of what narcissists do, they pit one person against another to keep getting that narcissistic supply by making these two parties to compete with each other so that each one of them keeps giving more and more narcissistic supply to the narcissist. The end goal is to maximize narcissistic supply through fight and competition and tension Practical examples of narcissistic triangulation and my own experience One example is a husband or boyfriend trying to make his girlfriend fight another girl for his attention or love. He likes to watch the two women fight for his love because that makes me feel better about himself. Another example is of a wife who brings a male friend home to see her husband and pretends like it's pure friendship but at some point during the conversation tries to flirt with this friend and then looks in the direction of her husband to see his reaction. To incite Jealousy on purpose so that the tension between her husband and her friend ends up feeding her ego and pride making her feel more in demand or wanted.

I tend to show behaviors of empaths although I can say that being an empath can also come from being around narcissists because they train you to play that empath role so well. And it's not always pure empathy, a bit of it also mixed with codependency behavior acquired from being abused by narcissists before. Being abused by a narcissist can sometimes set off a chain of events that can cause you to develop codependency behaviors especially if you have been exposed to a narcissist early on in childhood the way I was. Narcissists love codependent people because they can have a much higher chance of having great power in the relationship. And a combination of codependency and empathy is a pot of gold for a narcissist, they will look at such a person (someone like me who has a combination of empathy and codependency) the way a shark looks at a shoal of sardines. Next I'm trying to explain this map that will go into some depth and explain some very keen details of narcissistic behavior that you won't find even on YouTube or even in materials by experienced psychologists. The reason is that a psychiatrist is only trying to profile a narcissist within the boundaries of a office compartment, it's a professional setting where they comb through major clues of npd coming from clients. They kind of give you an aggregate portfolio of a narcissist. However someone like me who has laughed, slept with a narcissist, showered with them, lived around them 24/7, day and night, every occasion, 365 days a year, such close encounter and also the traumatic experience of it all gave me a very nuanced understanding of narcissistic behavior First im going to explain triangulation and then move on to my 4 special red flags for detecting narcissistic behavior that I think according to me are exceptionally found in true narcissists.

I've an in depth experience of what narcissistic behavior looks like because of having suffered narcissistic abuse for almost a decade with my mom starting in my teens and also early childhood as well many of my exes especially the most recent ex who was very high on the scale of narcissism almost close to my mom although sometimes I think my mom has been worse than him. This map I created to understand narcissism better Those who have never encountered a narcissist on a one on one personal encounter will never know what narcissistic behavior looks like. It's hard to explain because most people have this tendency to simply throw the word around and call anyone and everyone a narcissist. Therefore I hate when psychiatrists use the term "traits of narcissism" while evaluating people for narcissistic traits. I wish it was much more nuanced than that.

I need to focus on improving 4 things Memory . Alertness Concentration Observation Deductive Reasoning Strategization and Optimization Focus and awareness

Putting my digital art here.

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So the list is kinda expanding. I have Candace Dexter Dyrynx Staghure and now Aphonium.. Aphonium looks like a Grim Reaper..

Aphonium. Angel of stillness saw him in the dream

I feel very sleepy especially when it's cold.. I don't even know what I was doing. Just gazing I think I should sleep... Lol

It's so cold

Cooking gifs

Integrity Moral values Morality Decency Honesty Moral standards Ethics Moral Principles Character Sincerity You have to clear out a lot of the gunk or rust in order to come to a place from where you can move on, on the right path. This process of purification. All paths lead to God. The right path is not complicated or winding. The right path is straight to the destination of opportunities, growth, benefits, symbiosis, utopia.

December 23 Hello fellow journalers and users. Hope you're all having an amazing day. Spreading good vibes. A special hug to y'all.

What are the options for users if they sense that a certain moderator here is biased against them. And what if this biased mod is constantly looking to give warning points, looking for that one error you make to catch you in it. Mods are not perfect. They are just like users here. As such they shouldn't have to feel or act privileged. Abuse of their powers or privileges can easily happen. Are mods given the power to directly ban a user? What if the mod bans out of Jealousy or personal vendetta? How will the user this to Leo if the user is banned by the mod already? Has @Leo Gura considered this? This needs serious discussion. Also Leo does not bother to read complaints from users. Are moderators here to be trusted completely? In the absence or reluctance of Leo, can we approach any mod for the misbehavior of another mod? This website or forum runs because of users. As such I think users should not have to constantly feel on edge or get treated as disposables. If we as users have grievances we should be able to safely discuss them with a particular person/Leo /mod here. What if you approach a mod, and they don't bother to respond or give a very generic response and shut down your concerns. Are forum members aware of moderator power abuse and what are their experiences and suggestions? Bias and prejudice is a pretty common issue with many people and this includes moderators as well. Moderators shouldn't be exempt from wrong or unfair behaviors. In retrospect I think @Leo Gura ends up giving a lot of control to moderators here. And this can easily spiral out of control. These are my suggestions/feedback. I think decisions like Banning a user or too many warning points should be decided by all mods and @Leo Gura collectively. Also if a user is given multiple warning points or if their points are adding up, maybe the user should have an option to speak to Leo and clear the situation in conjunction with the particular mod. If the same mod is constantly giving warning points each time, maybe this should also be addressed by @Leo Gura.. Or the mod should be told to inform Leo if they are giving warning points to the same user again. This can prevent moderator abuse of power. I hope this place doesn't get ruined by abuse of power. Like I said, forum members need to be respected and not be treated as disposables. We have every right to be here as long as we are following the rules and making this place a productive place. Also my other suggestion is to open a general grievance thread where members having conflicts with moderators can offer their opinions and grievances in full public view. Why should everything be hidden? We including Leo talk about Spiral Dynamics day in day out, shouldn't we expect a democratic attitude and transparency on this forum? Why is stuff hidden from members. Transparency should be expected on a place that demands growth from people. What has Leo got to hide? Why not allow users to air grievances in public? I suggest a separate featured thread only meant as an option to allow users to vent their grievances against any form of moderator abuse of power or any mod related concerns. This will give a person a chance to let Leo and everyone know if something doesn't look right. I've seen many members on the forum saying things like "please don't ban me", this suggests that a lot of users feel a sense of fear. Is this healthy?? Just like workers in a factory have a union, we also need someone who can solely represent users and their concerns. Both mods and Leo are on one side figuratively. And users are on the other. This looks like an asymmetrical power dynamic. The sole authority goes to @Leo Gura and the moderators. Where is the authority that represents users? I expect this place to be free and fair if that's the principle of this organization called Actualized.org. As such it shouldn't be completely dominated by Leo without our suggestions and frustrations or grievances taken into account. Leo needs to seriously consider this. Users /members voices also need a non-discriminatory fair outlet. And I think that outlet can be a grievance addressal thread with some authority that speaks on behalf of users without any bias (toward users/members) Why doesn't Leo ever consider this? Forum members your thoughts are highly appreciated on this subject.

You have to be this whole huge data processing machine. Because everything at the end of the day can be described by a word. Whether it is tears, trauma, hurt, being gutted, death etc etc etc. . There is a word to describe every state, every emotion and in this huge story of life of this damnable world, there is nothing that cannot be described in words. It's a huge story and we are the characters. The story goes on whether you are alive or dead. You're just a speck in the universe. At the end of the day, everything is story, everything is data. You need to consume all this information and what you do with it is up to.. If you are dynamic, you'll use all this information to your advantage. You have to jump rapidly through all of this information, jump from one data point to another and rapidly process large chunks of information and then integrate it and move on Just look at your life as this large information paper and you're navigating and sifting through it.

Conversations with Dexter, Candace Dyrynx and Staghure Dexter - how do you feel? Me - I feel like a train is running through my ears. There is a subtle collision happening somewhere.. The force of the law being put into action. I have felt discarded and manipulated. My soul catching rust. My body rendered useless. Manipulation always backfires no matter what. I wish I knew better than to let the pigs come in through the white picket fence and piss on my porch. But I truly am beginning to see the world for what it is with a new pair of eyes. What say? Dexter - Those kind of preachers have one foot on earth and another in hell. About time everyone wakes up. These preachers they lie to their flock and leave the heavy lifting to people. No prediction ever came true. Don't be a false prophet. I wish all the snakeoil salesmen would just go away and a return to sanity would be nice. Just goes to show there's no loyalty. Just as Judas betrayed Christ It's like watching Frankenstein realizing he created a monster. God doesn't lie and he is never wrong, unlike you, you hateful, greedy, self serving hypocrite. You're F-ing with a Greek God.. We will not bend. We will not break. We will not yield. We will never give in. We will never give up. We will never back down. We will never, ever surrender! Even Jesus doesn't want these preachers around How does it feel knowing you lost? Knowing that every lame excuse you make up is just an attempt to stay relevant? Must feel pretty pathetic huh? Makes you mad inside? Are you feeling a little bit mad inside? Do you need a tissue to wipe away those little angry tears? Hm? Gee too bad. Guess you'll just have to suck it up. Me - Geez.

Passive Receptivity 1 What should I do? Immerse yourself in art Immerse yourself in music Immerse yourself in cooking Immerse yourself in work Immerse yourself in prayer and building a relationship with God Immerse yourself in health and organic living Immerse yourself in therapy Immerse yourself in writing Immerse yourself in books and Interpretations and commentary. There's so much to absorb. Girl, stretch your wings.