Preety_India

February 15th 2021. My spiritual contemplation is almost coming to an end after 3.5 years of intense struggle. Now my real spiritual journey begins. The real thing. It's time for me to retreat into intense spiritual practices for the rest of my life. This is what I really wanted. Dedicate my life to this. Today I take this decision.

Time for new beginnings

My understanding of the universe is complete. It has come full circle. Everything is done and over with. It's time for me to focus on my spiritual path. Now and forever, this is true. No more going back.

@Gesundheit I can confidently say that because of screening I was easily able to get rid of toxic friends from my life, the friends I pick now are much healthier and better suited to my personality and thanks to screening I also found a good bf So yes screening works but I won't say 100% or absolutely. But it gives some measure of protection.

Screening will not completely protect you from a bad relationship. It's not a fool proof measure. However it's useful to remove the obvious ones. At least there is short term protection from abuse as long as you keep screening.. Once you have screened strictly, your chances of getting a bad partner are reduced at least by 70%. Getting a bad guy despite hard screening will be a matter of bad luck and there is no way to adjust for bad luck. However if you don't screen then almost every relationship you get into can be easily abusive. This happens with many people including me. They just don't know at all about screening so they end up with all kinds of bad people.. Because in all honesty, as a woman I can say most men who approach women confidently do not have good intentions. If I had said yes to all the guys who approached me, I might ended up raped or dead by now. Men take it very lightly, they are not fully aware of the safety risks that women face in dating. The more men approach her, the more risk, statistically at least one man out of those men can turn out to be extremely dangerous. So initial screening is absolutely essential to at least weed out guys who are a potential threat. Women are not crazy to simply reject guys. They keep rejecting rejecting rejecting till they finally find a guy who is safe enough to date. So screening might not help absolutely because people can change over time, but it can significantly reduce chances of getting scammed, cheated or ruined by fuckboys.

We come across so many different kinds of people both online and offline. As we navigate this world, we come across really high conscious people and we like to learn from them. Of course the term high conscious is quite subjective and up for debate. As you learn more with time, you might have also noticed certain blindspots and behaviors which you would not associate with high consciousness in your mind. Maybe you don't open up about it as often but from time to time, it nags you how people who you see as high conscious or people who claim to be high conscious exhibit such behaviors. I wanted to get to the bottom of it. It bothers me as well. Since I'm on the path of spiritual development I don't want to be a part of the same club or make the same mistakes. Maybe we can openly discuss these behaviors and blindspots and get to share each other's views, thoughts and general experiences on this spectrum. Such discussions help us evolve and grow on our path and maybe avoid those particular blindspots in the future. At least it helps to know if we have the same in us. Let's get the ball rolling on this.

There are only two things Primordial Formation Primordial refers to "consciousness ", "love ", "intelligence ", "goodness", "energy " And formation refers to "creation " "system", "setup", "framework " and "content " "process "

This is a personal preference. To judge or not to judge is up to you. If the person has done something little, it's easy to let go. But then the question arises, "how much more are they hiding if they are hiding this?" I understand their insecurity of being judged or losing you, but at the same time, they need to understand your insecurity of not being able to trust a liar. So it goes both ways. The think you need to consider is "who is losing here?" You or her. If you're going to be losing something, by not knowing something, then you better know it, at the risk of shaming or judging her. Because your life is important, her security is not. In fact she has a greater burden to prove that she is not a risk to anyone's life. Judging her is only a little risk, but losing your life over someone who might secretly have violent tendencies is such a big risk. Why would you take such a big risk, only because that person is not comfortable talking about it? This is dating and not playing video game where the person is not comfortable playing the opponent. Dating is a game of life. If a potential date tells me that he is uncomfortable with something, I would at least want to know if it's something small, insignificant or something big. If it's something big, I clearly have the right to know. Maybe not right in the moment, but at least at some point. Open communication is a hallmark of a good relationship. If a man is uncomfortable opening up to me, it's sure sign that he doesn't trust me enough and that already puts the relationship on a shaky ground, it is already headed for tons of doubts and cognitive biases. Such a relationship is no good for either party. As far as I know, I was completely honest with my ex boyfriend and did not hide anything at all because I fully trusted him. It's not even a relationship if you can't fully trust. It's simply two people having sex and living together for company. A real relationship is very deep and there are deep confessions. When it comes to friendship, she doesn't have much an obligation to tell you the truth because expectations are far less in a friendship. So it's okay for her to keep her things to herself.

I think this applies to both gender. If you're dealing with a guy or a girl who is not honest with you in the first couple dates, then that person is not worth hanging around.

I think a person who is seriously interested in pursuing a relationship wouldn't want to play out. And why would he want to waste his time in trolling me just to lose a potential relationship? I don't think that I ever came across a guy who was simply playing fool and trolling just for the sake of it. That would be way too childish for a grown man to do. Most men are serious on dates, they are even nervous because they are always hoping they won't be rejected. If a guy is lying like you said, I think the territory gets very tricky. But the real question is how long can a person be manipulative and hiding their true self? It usually comes out within a few weeks because most people get tired of wearing a mask. Let's say a guy tells me that he is strictly monogamous with me, but he is lying about it, I might believe him at first. Let's say we're sitting in a car, and he keeps his phone on his seat while he is searching for something else in the back of the car, I can simply pick his phone and see his messages to other women and know that he was lying to me. The thing is a person's true nature and character don't stay hidden for long no matter how much they pretend to be what they are not. There are always subconscious clues lying around that if you look closely enough, you'll pick on them. No person can play a character forever. So maybe he can play me for a fool for 2 weeks but in my general observation, real things begin to pour out sooner or later One example I can give of my ex boyfriend. He did not tell me in the beginning that he had a jail record. At least not for a month. But eventually during a conversation he blurted out his jail experience. The next thing he asked me was "I hope you're not googling this. " Sure I was googling his name already while he was on the phone with me. And sure enough. I discovered his domestic violence record with his ex. He came up with numerous excuses. I was neck deep in the relationship so I let it go at the time. Eventually I broke up with him and learned my lesson to not ignore red flags anymore. The thing is if you are trying to seek the truth about a person, you'll eventually find it one way or another, all you need is the readiness to find the truth. As far as I know, men do lie sometimes, but in my fair experience, it was my own unwillingness to screen harder which was a bigger problem than the guy lying. Also if you as a girl ask a guy to be completely honest, they stop lying and say the truth. So it was my carelessness and easily trusting nature more problematic than his lies. Screening is quite simple and easy, but it should be done with proper devotion. Screening is much better in the beginning and not useful if you're neck deep in a relationship, because then you begin to excuse and justify that person's lies because you begin to love them hard. @BornToBoil sorry you got tagged

Yes this is a bit tricky. The first date is surely not the right to ask questions. Just simply observe the person's behavior on the first date. One way to make it feel light hearted and not make it sound like an exam (or an interrogation ) is to be playful with your conversation, maybe I'll look at a poster of a supermodel at a restaurant, ask him about what he thinks about her looks, then slowly get deeper into the topic about women, he will keep blabbing on and on, meanwhile he won't know that I'm actually screening him to know his attitude on women. So start a random topic and slowly lead the conversation in different directions and drop hints here and there for the person to pick, like I could steer the conversation from the supermodel to how she must be facing safety issues in her industry and then how he responds to women's safety issues. There is always a temptation to continue a conversation once you pick up a lead. Go on a couple of dates with the same person. See their behaviour. Invite them home. See how they act when nobody is watching. Chat regularly. Chat a ton with that person. Usually chatting easily helps you with screening a person because within a conversation the person always gives clues to their behavior and general mentality. Ask polarizing questions but in a polite way. Start off like "I read this article in the newspaper that says monogamous relationships are bullshit! What do you think about it?" this way it won't sound like an exam but just a casual discussion yet keep it polarizing. Like if I said to him "my friend said to me, that men are so obsessed with looks " this will trigger him a bit because it's polarizing or a bit like a challenge, his ego will jump to defend, that is a great chance of watching his ego in its full glory and immediately make mental notes about all his attitudes I've found that you only need a needle trigger, just a tiny bit, and all the truth comes out in copious amounts. Most people aren't intelligent enough to detect your ploy and subtle exams. But never do it on the first date. Blend it nicely within everyday casual conversations and keep it light, sometimes be funny about it Sometimes I tend to agree with the guy if he says "all women are evil "just so that he gets comfortable and drops his guard and goes on and on with his bullshit and I let him have his time with his neurosis and I calmly listen before I drop my bomb on him and storm off from the place. It takes some manipulation and tact and tactics. You have to be clever around screening people and not let them know directly that you are doing it. You keep maintaining mental notes Finally you make your decision to continue dating or drop. Be playful with the person. Being playful = play a fool @BornToBoil you're welcome.

@BornToBoil keep a mental note of everything a person says or does. Keep a set criteria or standard or boundaries or examples of good behaviors in your mind. Keep a regular track of their behavior. Ask them questions, their values and beliefs on different topics. You get an overall idea of theirs mentality in general. For example if I have to screen a guy right now, I might want to know his dating history, why his relationships failed. Next I'll tell him that I'm busy and see how he responds. Does he respect my boundaries or does he go on pressuring me to talk? I can ask him questions about his job. If I find out that he is lying about his job, or ex gfs then he has already failed my screening test. Then I can screen for compatibility if he passes basic tests. I'll see if I get along with him. I will discuss love, sex, politics, religion, life health. See if I can see healthy compatibility on a variety of topics. For example if he says "all women are evil ", I should immediately drop him, because that mentality is not healthy for me. For example if he talks about porn or some creepy sexual thing, and if I'm not ready for such a discussion, but if he continues pressing me on it, it's red flag that he is not being respectful. So I could screen a guy on many factors like ability to be honest Weird sexual behavior (present or not present ) Sexual compatibility (in terms of preferences ) General mentality or attitude Attitude towards work (goal oriented or lazy ) Dating history -any abnormality? Cheating behavior in the past? Any criminal record Attitude towards women Behavior in his own family. How does he treat his family members, brothers, sisters? Signs of fuck boy? Signs of womanizer or player? Attitude towards relationships monogamy or polygamous? Attitude to spirituality -open minded or materialistic paradigm? Attitude to success, education, life purpose, money, creativity, passion

So I created this diagram below that explains all of my above concepts in short. It's a description of the universe as I see it.

Speak of the devil The person we were just talking about showed up! Your guess is as good as mine I have no idea Barking up the wrong tree To be mistaken, to be looking for solutions in the wrong place

Really good documentary.. We definitely need more awareness to stop cruelty.

4th post daily forum log How I use this forum Tabular Index

Have a massive online presence. Probably a blog or a video where you talk about topics in depth. This is just my kinky idea. You speak about things at length. It gives a window of opportunity for people to look into your mindset in a snapshot and creates a fertile ground for further deep conversations. When strangers meet you and want to know more about you, you could tell them about your blog and video, they would definitely be more interested in taking you more seriously and not just small chat. Recently 2 guys approached me for a small chat. I rejected their requests. Because I like deep conversations and not small talk. When you make your intentions more explicit, people who don't vibe with you, get easily filtered out Be honest, authentic, straightforward, upbeat, clear and be open..

@Gesundheit you mean to say that I shouldn't screen for a potential rapist and instead fix my fear of rape. Well good logic.

Let's give a thumbs up to all the good Green in the world.

@Gesundheit terms don't do justice to subjects like these. Terms like "asshole", "nice guy ", "gentleman " are merely labels that prevent a person from exploring the depth of a personality.. Human beings are very complex. Actions always speak louder than words and appearances. So the screening has got to be tougher and harder. Only then you filter in the ones who are truly compatible. Never take anyone with a grain of salt.. The toughest lesson i learned was to never abundantly trust a person, no matter however gentlemanly they appear. Never make the mistake as a woman to box a man as a "nice " or "gentleman " or submit completely. Always keep a Hawk's eye on people in your life. Keep looking over your shoulder, never take anything for granted, never take anything with a grain of salt. Never trust too much. Always be on the lookout for potential red flags. These valuable lessons I learned after 6 years of abusive relationships.

@Natasha so true. Absolutely agree. I'm shocked to be honest. I had zero idea before seeing those pictures.

I think both are somewhat alike. Because when you are critically thinking, you're contemplating!

That wasn't moral of the story though. The moral of the story was - don't take nice guys at face value because they can very well be just "fake nice" #Important Life lessons learned.

@Natasha this looks really bad to me. I'm no longer getting a flu shot.

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