Preety_India

@Preety_India it takes time to do this process. You just have to close off more and more, bit by bit everyday and gradually so, it's like a process of construction. It will happen over time. Once you're in it, you will begin to discover a new you, bathing in your own energy.

@Preety_India so I really don't know, which one is worse, a person with a wicked heart, or someone who is plain toxic. Someone who is plain toxic is just bad enough. You really don't need them in your life. There are a thousand thoughts going through my head right now, it's difficult to jot them all down simultaneously. It's so clogged up in my head and then I've to keep sorting it out.. Not an easy job. You don't need toxic people because they create some extra clutter in your life, experience is good enough on its own, but experience too comes with its own price.. Sometimes I feel these journals have given me a new sense of meaning and being. I could be here in my own lane, feels like I'm being a hermit in my own way, in my own life, doing my thing, it suits my introverted personality really well. What If I go back into my shell, would that be really good for me, in a way I can silently keep doing whatever I want, wouldn't that bring a lot of sense of peace and relief, being in this reclusive state, I've been mulling over it since the past few days, how it would really work out for me.. Just following my hobbies, my interests and my work and having nothing to worry about as you live in your own little world, what could possibly go wrong in all the peace and quiet. Why not just dismiss everything and call it quits once and for all and be on my own, surrounded by my own energy and see how it feels. Is this a new door opening for me and telling me that this is how it should be. That I should once again close off to the whole world and that's exactly where I would find peace again, since my own energy is lissome and graceful and enough to be a permanent source of beauty and splendor. I really don't know. There has been so much pain, so far that at the end of the tunnel, I might finally see light.

@Preety_India learn to have stricter and stricter boundaries. This is your new self and it suits you perfectly Preety. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Love doesn't work like that. It has to be reciprocated. What you seem to be describing is a crush. Try being upfront about it with him. Has he given you signs? Does he flirt with you? Has he shown interest before? If not, then don't have the idea of loving him because it will only serve the purpose to hurt you. If he has thrown hints or mixed signals along your way, you could try getting closer to him by throwing in some hints on your own, flirt a little and see how he reacts to it Guys are usually quite easy to read. They will shower you with affection or drop hints in some way to make you think that they are interested in you. Except really shy guys. But most guys who are keen in getting a girl they like do not miss any opportunity. In fact they use several opportunities to get your attention towards them and let you know their feelings for you, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to notice his interest. If he doesn't show interest, then stop thinking about him, since it is nothing but pointless rumination and a waste of time, time that is better served doing other valuable things.

@Preety_India sometimes I'm so tired of everything and there's not much energy to write more about it.

@Preety_India just be on your own profile. That will bring you mental peace.

I don't care about recognition or ego I just want my spirit to be there. I want my energy to radiate outward

I want to start my mornings by spreading blessings to everyone. See what I can do with my energy. Lay down my goals on how I'm going to help the world.

@Preety_India talking to myself makes me feel calmer. Everything else appears fake and phony and without affection.

@Preety_India I feel so lonely and I'm trying so hard. I just want to talk to myself.. I want to push everything away Because everything is a threat. I just want love love love love

@Preety_India I feel so lonely and I'm trying so hard. I just want to talk to myself.. I want to push everything away Because everything is a threat.

@Preety_India just limit your interactions with people. Take care of yourself. Do not worry. It will be alright.

I'll refer to my boyfriends(exes) by their initial names It's in this order - RS, ST, Bud, Joseph, Andrew. RS was a short fling when I was a teen. ST was my first real boyfriend. It didn't last long. We had differences. And I dumped him after 6 months. Bud was my second ex. Was very abusive.. He was the one responsible for my hospitalization that year. Joseph was my third ex. It lasted nearly 4 years. The most abusive but also the most passionate relationship I had. He was violent and would often cheat. But we would get along during our happy times. In the end I broke off because of his frequent cheating and exhaustion from his abusive behavior. Andrew was my fourth ex. It lasted a year. Friendly nice and gentle. Sometimes we had disagreements. He called me a bunch of names once. He was a bit career oriented and i didn't resent that. We were both into spirituality. Yet the relationship was not very grounded. Our affection was not strong enough. My own baggage from past exes combined with my mental health struggles began to take a toll on the relationship. I was emotionally erratic. He wasn't happy when I told him that I had PTSD. I broke up because we weren't able to make it work. Now I'm single. Kinda feeling normal.

My journey, at least for a temporary while as a single person for the first time in my life I have never been single since being an adult.. Always in relationships one after another, taking chances for seeking love. This is the first time I'll be alone. No more relationships, at least for the time being. Kinda fed up of falling in love, taking chances with my heart and then ending up heartbroken. But this is not the last time. Maybe one day I'll be ready for relationships once again. Who knows. I'll be more matured and not be in silly easy come easy go relationships anymore. I am quick to fall in love. Now I have decided to place a self imposed restraint. No more fuss. No more drama. Mental peace.

Be a resourceful man Humble, honest, hard worker, disciplined, chaste, loyal

Everything is set and done. I just have to relax. It's the final chapter of all the theoretical stuff that crammed and squeezed into this space, all I have to do now is gear up for all the practical stuff

@Preety_India you need to be stronger than you are. @Preety_India it's time to focus on implementation baby. Focus on your purpose. Skills. Devote your time to good things. And sleep well

Now focus on consolidation and integration.

The mind is everything. What you think you become. –Buddha

General material for other journals.

We become what we think about. –Earl Nightingale

Quotes Life is about making an impact, not making an income. –Kevin Kruse

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