Preety_India

Don't know how long I'll deal with this pain.

I just puked. Feeling dizzy.

May 8 Experienced severe spinal pain

I want to keep a record of my backpain in this journal. It is not regular but it comes and goes every few weeks.. I will feel it going upwards to my neck region

Bpd onion personality First uncover this onion. One layer They are angry - Reasons - they suspect something about you or they secretly feel emotional distance from you. Time to start petting them and get rid of this distance whether perceived or real. One layer They are acting defensive One layer They are giving you silent treatment One layer They are acting sweet They are genuinely acting sweet One layer They are One layer One layer One layer One layer

Methods.

The biggest factor is that I was very naive and I paid a heavy price for it

Anyone here interested in Epictetus? I have always admired this stoic philosopher.

I think this thread prompted me to explore my own dark thoughts. I just didn't know. I never had violent thoughts. Never. But I had thoughts of walking towards a graveyard. Sometimes I have thoughts about my dad and the hospital dream.. Intrusive thoughts ...... Some thoughts are deeply sexual.

I have been hesitant for a long time in writing this journal. I felt like I shouldn't. It's hard. But this is the hardest part of my life. All of my dark thoughts that obscure any goodness in my life. It's darkness, zero sunshine. It is what it is But exploring these thoughts will give me a chance to explore the darker parts of my psyche.

@The0Self how should I compliment the guy if he does something I like?

And if it becomes too annoying, Leo will remove it anyway. Why complain?

Another one of my favorite classical piece played on the sitar.

These days I play shark and raft survival.

I like classical Indian music. This is one example.

I found this meaningful.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Other stuff that I like. I'm a bit fanatic for Anything Halloween. I just love love everything about ghosts, graves and Halloween.

Theme journal of my favorite stuff.

This is my damn favorite song.

I guess this version is better.

If I have to choose a song for my life then...

Jazz, piano and emotional.

So finished the "lessons from ketamine" video, and Leo compares ketamine and 5-Meo and it made me cry so hard. Like we are fundamentally after God realization. That is Omniscience. Leo talks about how ketamine takes you more into the Eastern Direction, Buddhist no self style awakening. No self, freedom from suffering, no mind etc. But ketamine doesn't give you that Omniscience. If you want deepest understanding of reality. Whereas 5-Meo takes you into the more Christian ecstatic state of consciousness. God realization. Leo how do you separate the state of complete Omniscience from the state of infinite love?

God created beauty.