Preety_India

I have began to get those feelings again. I just can't take it anymore. I just give up I just want to kill myself and be done with this daily distress I don't want to keep fighting like this.

I think this place is dangerous. After whatever happened yesterday I was going to get seizures. This place is not okay. It is toxic. It is only good for people who have zero personal problems in life It is not good for people who are very vulnerable and have personal or family problems. This place will eat you out.. There is too much drama here. The policy of the website does not allow you to completely ignore a person. They can still attack you. This is even worse than social media. Because on social media the only problem is addiction and too much socialization. That is not the case here. Here people attack and nothing can be done to ensure that future attacks don't happen. People make many accounts here. That itself is a huge source of threat.. Because people who hold a grudge make accounts to harass. This is not safe. Anybody can randomly attack. The journal does not even have a safety option to turn off commenting from "ignored users " Everytime for every little thing you have to run to moderators.. Or else nothing happens. This place can be very dangerous for people who have a prior of history of being stalked or bullied. Even if you try to avoid a person, the same person can come back with a different account. If you don't agree with someone, they start using personal attacks to get their point. There are so many debates that this aspect is impossible to handle. Anybody can claim that whatever you're writing is about them even when it is not. Leo never took into account the dangerous nature of the internet while creating this website. He simply wants people to get along but this is not possible if it's going to be an international place. That's merely impossible. Also the kind of people that this website attracts are domineering competitive people the fighty types. Even when you tell them to leave you alone they don't have the decency to leave you alone.. It doesn't attract docile sensitive caring cooperative people who are simply focused on their work.. Any Normal decent conversation can easily be turned into a big fight by simply trying to provoke the user with personal attacks. And usually that is what happens Leo does not have a good policy in place to stop personal attacks and attackers.. So good people will leave this place because they will get fed up with the abuse. Even if you tried your best, options like ignore, the question is how many people are going to put on ignore, there are so few people here even if you put a lot on ignore, you are left with nobody to talk to. Even people who are not on ignore normally tend to say something shitty and the damage is done. Right now I took a look at my messenger. 80% of it is people sending me shitty messages. Nothing helpful. Nothing beautiful. Nothing uplifting. How can you call this a self development forum? And when you complain, you're gaslighted for complaining. Somebody will come with a long spiritual explanation of you're the cause of the problems you're facing. It is you who is attracted to unwanted things. If you are criticizing others then it's your fault because you're judging them (even if the other person is an instigator and attacking you ), because you're the one having issues, you perceive them this way because YOU ARE THAT WAY..... DOES THIS MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE AT ALL???????????????? How is this objective? Every time such an objection is raised there is some bullshit spiritual answer given to the problem instead of giving some sound practical advice. Are you living in such luxury???? Yessss. BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE LIVE IN FIRST WORLD COUNTRIES..... OF COURSE.. Of course you can come up with such bullshit answers. Come to a third world country and I CHALLENGE YOU. Let's see how you survive with your bullshit spiritual platitudes there. I am indian. I understand spirituality. I'm not STUPID OR DUMB. We don't use spirituality like this. This is shameful. A shameful way of marketing spirituality and making people feel miserable if they are facing a problem. GASLIGHTING. SHAMEFUL GASLIGHTING. SPIRITUAL BYPASSING with your Spiritual EGO.. That's what I call it ... If I were at a higher position I swear I would have roasted this place so good. Not Leo. Not his fault. He started everything with good intent. He is a good guy. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TRUST ANYONE HERE. ABSOLUTELY. DO NOT CONTACT ME. I SAY IT AGAIN. LOUD AND CLEAR. DO NOT CONTACT ME. I DO NOT WANT YOUR CONSOLING MESSAGES.. I want none of this drama. Today I woke up and I was suffering again. This is it. This is final I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO with ANYONE HERE. EVERYTHING IS TURNED INTO DRAMA AND I'M TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I AM not going TO TALK to ANYONE here. FINISH. Enough is ENOUGH. You can't be a good person here. I tried. It never works. Someone is always trying to trigger you to the max. MY BRAIN HURTS.... And I'm DONE. You know what. With your attitude you will never solve any problem of humanity, let alone your own (if at all you have any problems, because the point is you don't, because people with real GODDAMN problems don't talk like this, they don't have the luxury to be so spiritually sweet all the time ) I AM DONE. I am SERIOUSLY DONEEEEE. This is my inner rage. Now don't tell me that rage is bad and gaslight me.. MY RAGE IS HELPING ME. I will never talk one WORD TO ANYONE HERE ANYMORE. Done being POLITE. Done with the NICETY. Done with the social SPIRITUAL GAMING here. SPIRITUAL AND SOCIAL ABUSE HERE. I am an authentic person. I say what I mean. I say what I FEEEEEEEEEEL. AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD HERE. I ONLY COME HERE FOR MY WORK. Do YOU GET IT???? I'm NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN NOW. I have felt suicidal since yesterday. THIS IS NOT OKAY. I have taken enough ABUSE here. RACIAL ABUSE. SPIRITUAL ABUSE. SOCIAL ABUSE. I'm done. Today I felt like cutting myself again. THIS IS NOT OKAY.. ABUSIVE NONSENSE FROM THIS GODDAMN HORRIBLE PLACE.. THIS PLACE COMPLETELY RUINED MY PEACE OF MIND FOR SIMPLY NOT WANTING TO FEEL LONELY. I'M DONE. I WILL NEVER TALK TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN HERE. Ever. GO TO HELL Do not TALK TO ME. I don't need even one person to talk to me. Get lost. Stop bothering me. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH????????HUH???? What part of "stop bothering me, leave me alone " is not understood???? Just leave me in peace. Leave me alone. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO with ANYONE. I like my solitude. IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN BE AROUND HARMFUL PEOPLE. Even if they don't mean harm. This place is 1000 times worse than social media. But my goddamn work of 3 years is tied up here. All MY WRITING WORK, MY HARD WORK IS HERE. MY HARD WORK OF 3 YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS DO YOU GET THAT? I HAVE SPENT 3 YEARS OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS DOING THAT WORK DO YOU GET THAT ?????????? DO YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ANYONE'S HUMANITY AT ALL????? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO WORK THAT HARD TOWARD MY LIFE PURPOSE ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE... ALL OF YOU.... LEAVE ME ALONE From today on, I AM NOT TALKING TO ANYONE HERE. ENOUGH BULLSHIT AND HARASSMENT I AM DOING MY WORK AND MY GODDAMN WORK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY WORK, DO NOT READ. STOP HARASSING ME. ALL OF YOU. DO NOT COMMENT ON MY JOURNALS. DO NOT (people who understand me are allowed to talk to me in private ) others NEED NOT BOTHER.

The ones that are for organizing events are group C. And so on. Courtiers also consist of artists and artisans, sculptors and builders, carpenters etc. Each courtier is paid as per their worth and status.

Pronounce - man - gan - sin - City

Guys are so funny. When they meet an average girl, they make so many rules for them. But when they meet a hot girl they're ready to lose self respect and relax all rules and allow themselves being walked over. (knowing fully well that the hot girl will reject after walking all over, yet for the average girl they make it so hard, not giving her a decent chance to make it work )

Present day Mengenceanians work very hard. They are very virtuous people. They value art, building, construction. There are green people who live among them as well. Mengenceanians wear simple linen clothes. Their regular occupation includes farming and fishing and tool making although their occupations encompass a wide variety of subjects from ancient to modern and they're quite adept at almost any skill and they usually excel in almost every area of human exploration. The Mengenceanians are gifted people. They are gifted with a wide array of talents and they believe in being productive and hard working. They build the city pyramids and raise pyramids depending on occasion. Pyramids aren't used as tombs but as temples of worship and ceremony. Unlike the Egyptians, the Mengenceanians don't have Pharaohs. They have a king. The Queen can be a Commoner. The king can have several wives especially commoners. The Queens are only needed to give an heir to the kingdom. However they are not required in any decision making process. The Queens are buried the same way as the commoners. However it's the children or heirs that are more important to the dynasty and administration of the city. Both the sons who are called the princes and the daughters, the princesses take active participation in the administration of the city followed by a huge Legion of courtiers and followers. Followers act like Secretaries and siblings or caregivers to the sons and daughters of the King. Each child has their own set of followers. They provide information, Act as informants, aid in decision making and also help with daily duties for the children. This can include makeup, grooming, cooking, putting the children to bed, making the bed, cleaning, taking care of them when they are sick, housekeeping, showering the children etc. In some cases, some of them even sleep or have sex with the grown son or daughter to give them company at night. Their job is to not only care, assist, nurse, help but also entertain the sons and daughters. For all of this, they're paid handsomely by the king.. My name in this story is Herszeil. And I'm playing the role of the daughter /princess of King Jezil. I've a brother the Prince Senjhezeil. My mother is unknown since the king detaches himself from the mother of his children once they're born, he does not keep a record of the mother's name, children are separated from their mother at birth and raised by followers. One of the followers who is slightly older than me because he raised me during my teen years ( followers are replaced with age progression to have same age group followers when the child is an adult in order to reduce age gap between followers and the grown up children ) Followers can be group of randomly appointed males and females. They're selected on the basis of their skills.. One of the followers is Sek. This is the one that Herszeil has a bit of romantic attachment to. How is the next king selected? If the king has many sons, the most competent son in terms of skills will be the next king.. The next King is only crowned when the current king is dead. The grandchildren of the King or the children of his children won't stand a chance to the throne if their male parents are alive. Male parents are first in line. Only male children are considered for the throne. If the princess gives birth to a son, her son will have equal eligibility to be king as the son of the prince. All princes are considered a Prince irrespective of their ages, their title has no differentiation. Princesses once born will always be princesses all through their life. The city is managed by a full group of kings, courtiers, followers, princes and Princesses. This whole group is called Vere. The vere assembles each afternoon to plan the activities for the city and retires for entertainment in the evening. Morning time is spent in inspection touring the city and looking after different projects, interacting with citizens or natives and making notes of the different needs and projects and development ideas that would be discussed later during afternoon Assembly. Evenings and nights Nights are for retirement and sleep.. Evenings are for entertainment. Entertainment Includes food, drink, dance, sex, romance, music, debates, chants, prayers, hymns, ceremonies etc.. In the evening light with large torch flames against the darkness, there are amazing ceremonies and festivals and light work, fireworks and wild parties and a general ceremonial and celebratory atmosphere. Herszeil has invited Sek over for sex, plenty of times. Sek doesn't regret, he loves satisfying her. The son or the daughter is simply called Greze. They aren't lovers yet they fulfill each other sexually.. Generally a romantic relationship between a follower and a Greze is looked down upon. Such relationships happen in secret.. Clandestine. This is a happy time for Herszeil. She is young and free. She is going on tours every morning, participating in Assembly and entertaining herself every evening, yet she is hard working and dutiful and makes every effort to contribute to the city's prosperity. City duties. City duties are divided into categories. First level duties - by the king Second level duties - by the courtiers and followers Third level duties - by prince or sons Fourth level duties - by princesses or daughters Fourth is the lowest level which means very light duties, not much work.. First level and second level duties are the hardest and toughest. The only temples are pyramids located in the heart of the city and few other places. One temple or pyramid is located near the palace which is close to the heart of the city. The palace is the home of the king and the Greze. There are several quarters in the palace. The main building belongs to the king is where he lives. The secondary buildings that flank the main building are the homes of the Greze. Within the palace at the center are swimming pools, courtyards, playing arena, etc. The main hall of the palace where Assembly takes place is right beside the quarters of the King. The King's quarters are also meant as accommodation for the followers but not the courtiers. Courtiers Live in separate houses outside the palace. They only enter the palace for Assembly and evening parties and ceremonies. As well as for important discussions with the King. The courtiers are a Legion of people who are divided into distinct groups depending on their occupation. The ones who help with administration are called group A,, the ones for military are group B.

The mengenceanians wore body paint in white across chest and arms and knees.

Mengencean City not only has ancient features but also modern technological features and advancements. There are green people everywhere. Mixed with ancient people. The people practice witchcraft and their daily routines are tightly packed. People are very active and healthy and their diet is very high in nutrition. People are very loving and caring and very intense. They wear paint on their bodies.

The mengencean people are very spiritual people.. They practice a wide variety of spiritual practices. They have unique ancient spiritual practices. Some pictures that help to illustrate the general life of the mengencean people.

This is how mengencean city looks. I misspelled it in different places.

I'm imagining Herszeil walking through the city. She is wearing a long silken linen gown like dress with a sash near her breasts that holds the dress in place, long flowing sleeves that delicately covers her arms in thin cloth revealing her soft skin. Her gown is floor length and she wears gold metal flip flops. The linen dress is long and see through in pastel shades.. She wears thick gold band necklace around her neck and beautiful hanging small hoop gold earrings. The makeup is simple yet elegant. A dab of color on lips and cheeks, some lustre on lips created with a shiny liquid that looks like melted butter mixed with fragrant spices. Some Kohl around the eyes. Some powder on the edges of the eyes and on the forehead with the smell of fresh lilies and gardenias. She wears a beautiful wig placed over her hair carefully and fitted in place with butterfly shaped pins. A headband with the snake motif pressed over the forehead completes the look. Bangles on her hand look majestic and beautifully adorn her hands.

I was thinking about zaiden for a minute. He would hold my hand and walk with Me, through the city, the city of my dreams.. What do I see in the city? A thriving marketplace. Lots of things. Lots of food. People working in trade, a place where they make heavy machinery. Oh wait. Look over there. You can see people making pots and jewelry. The place is brimming with pride and humming with activity. Wherever I go, I see people walking, talking, I hear sounds of people laughing, im glad their businesses are making money, it seems everything is going fine. I can see some people drawing water from the canal to supply water to the whole city. Seeing them so busy only makes me happy..

The city is called Mangancean City.

I was thinking about zaiden for a minute. He would hold my hand and walk with Me, through the city, the city of my dreams.. What do I see in the city? A thriving marketplace. Lots of things. Lots of food. People working in trade, a place where they make heavy machinery. Oh wait. Look over there. You can see people making pots and jewelry. The place is brimming with pride and humming with activity. Wherever I go, I see people walking, talking, I hear sounds of people laughing, im glad their businesses are making money, it seems everything is going fine. I can see some people drawing water from the canal to supply water to the whole city. Seeing them so busy only makes me happy..

What you need is your hazmat suit on.

The gerenuk Leo often posts a picture of a giraffe eating popcorn. I'll call it the popcorn gerenuk *munching on Bush popcorn. The gerenuk, also known as the giraffe gazelle, is a long-necked antelope found in the Horn of Africa and the drier parts of East Africa. A pointed snout and long upper lip and tongue allow them to reach foliage among thorny bushes and trees. The diet of southern gerenuks fills virtually all of their water needs, allowing them to thrive in dry thorn bush or desert habitat.

@Zigzag Idiot you are deeply mistaken about shin's dog. It was the doge.

@Raptorsin7 I didn't say that I wouldn't date someone like you. I'm sure you're interesting as a person. My point I was trying to put across was that I'd be very unhappy if the person im dating didn't partake in anything that I was interested in, because I always thought that relationships were about sharing mutual passions, that integrate both masculine and feminine Side. Don't be disheartened. I'm sure you would find someone to deeply care and love and they will love you back the same. I'll leave it to that.

@Zigzag Idiot haha. My galactic cat was missing your galactic cat. Even in space she found a cardboard box to fly her around.

I can't live without men, I have to tell you. Yet I don't want the baggage and drama of relationships. For the very first time in my life as a single woman, I feel delighted, excited and happy. Free!!!!!!!!!!

Zaiden's energy inspires me to expose myself generously to nature.. It's like where you look is where you will grow. If you look towards the sun you will get sunshine.

I'm on my way to achieve bigger and better things this year. This year is not going to be like last year. I'm free from relationships. I have my youth and my time with me now Thank God I'm free of relationships.. Now I can fully focus on bigger and better things for life.

This always encourages me to make a hot cup of coffee. I love that. Mornings create such an effervescent energy. I should appreciate mornings a little more. I want to fall in love again.... Ahem... With nature. (sorry men)

Right now I'm dreaming of floating among snow capped mountains. The beauty of mountains is simply incredible. Especially high up there and snow covered all around. I want to feel warm and cozy. At the same time I want to experience the freezing cold of snow.

I think the world will be a much better place if everyone simply enjoyed their own company for a hot cute minute.