Preety_India

A good video that explains how men need to toughen up and take rejection gracefully instead of whining about it. The uploader made some great points.

You aren't doing that. You simply want a gf but you don't want intimacy. You don't want to build anything. You want a gf the way a woman buys expensive porcelain from a store.. You don't want a relationship, simply a girl. The girls flake on you because they sense that you can't offer them anything.

This is good. I like how you put it

Everyone wants a relationship. It's totally normal and healthy to want a companion.

But this realisation doesn't help. Because it will literally exist. You can't simply make it go poof !! So I'm not getting your point. Are you saying that people should forget their ego/survival in relationships? Why would they do that ?

Who doesn't want Emotional stability in a relationship? I'm not talking about my own emotional stability.. I'm talking about emotional security in a relationship where both partners create trust.

If you approach girls for superficial reasons, superficial girls will come to you

Why are you separating both ? Ego survival is deeply attached to biological survival? In fact ego is generated for survival itself. Ego is all about survival. So when ego is hurt everything gets hurt. Now how you manage your ego depends on you . But ego can't be separated from survival. Because it's created from it literally Separating ego from survival is like separating leather from lungs from the body. The body will die

It's coming from a good place. Everyone wants emotional stability.

Oh wow that was some wonderful advice. I could never think with that level of creativity. Thank you for answering my question. It really helped me evaluate my situation and it was a very practical answer. Thanks Again.

Why is selfish being wrong as long as it doesn't hurt anyone ?

If the rabbit is in love, then the rabbit will stop camouflaging for the wolf.

Have you heard the word compromise ? Sometimes people have to do that to stay in love, regardless of gender. No ?

Then negotiate but don't obfuscate.

So what? What's so wrong with a woman's survival agenda ? If you don't care about her agenda, then why love her?

This answer makes sense. However the core of the question is - how to know if a person is authentic and is really going to value the relationship ? I mean it's a question of investment. What's the point if I invest into the relationship financially and emotionally only to realise that the person is going to throw the relationship away at some point. Of course a future can never be guaranteed. But it always feels good to be on the safer side.

I'm glad you realised this. Absolutely.

This isn't practical advice. Spiritual hogwash. More like brainwashing me.

I'm glad you answered. How can I know (or what signs) that my friendship bond with the man is strong and genuine ?

I don't agree with that. People can fall for anything especially if it's deceptive. Not everyone is a great judge of character. But pointers surely help

So a woman's experience of a man is self serving?

@RendHeaven that depends on how the guy perceives love ? If his needs are fulfilled he thinks she loves him ? But this question isn't about perception. It's about how a woman would feel safe and loved in a relationship ? Men are generally polygamous so how a relationship turns out is not his greatest worry.. But women are monogamous. That's why this question matters mostly to women. Women think long term. Men are okay thinking short term.. Some men are in fact happy if they have to think short term. For a man, his biggest concern are his needs in the moment.. so they worry too much about getting a woman, not keeping a woman.. For a woman, her biggest concern is that she wants a stable relationship..she is not thinking about the moment but much more. So she doesn't want to be pumped and dumped. A man only worries the same as a woman when he is equally invested or involved which a lot of men aren't which in turn makes it very difficult for women to decide if the man is going to be with her or going to dump her at some point. Men and women have different fears. They also have different needs. Men fear rejection. Women fear abandonment. I hope that explains what I'm trying to ask.

Did you mean first world countries?

I really want Leo to contribute to this thread and broaden my understanding of all this. It can be pretty confusing ?

I'm trying to understand male psyche with regard to dating and it's kinda hard to get around this. So I grouped different male behaviours into specific boxes or categories to get a better understanding of the male approach. 1. Needy guys These men aren't looking to really fulfill a woman. They want a woman not to love her but to fulfill something they need to fill in. As a result they are more likely to cheat, it doesn't matter who fulfills their needs, as long as they get what they want, it's all they're looking for. Not that neediness is wrong, but a healthy dose of neediness sustains a relationship whereas neediness that is only cheeky, cheap and superficial destroys a relationship. Now the neediness need to be analysed to see what sort of neediness exists. For example neediness for a person is a sense of wanting and belongingness that becomes a glue that holds the relationship together whereas neediness that only concerns the needs regardless of who is fulfilling it, which means it doesn't matter whoever fulfills it is merely an illusion or it leads to transactional and contractual relationship that easily end when these needs are no longer necessary or someone else fulfills them. This once again dissolves the relationship. Needy men are simply looking for gratification and the woman wrongly or falsely interprets this as love. Only to realise that she will be dumped as soon as there's someone else to fill her shoes. This means needy guys are not a recipe for a loving lasting relationship.. 2. Nice guys Nice guys finish last, in a way they should. It hurts nice guys but there are women who complain about nice men because nice men aren't exactly nice. Wakey wakey ! Fakey Fakey ! Behind the facade of "Nice-ness," is a guy simply looking to get into the woman's pants. He does all the nice things, acts gentle and kind and patient but for some weird reason it appears too nice to be true, kinda fake. This fake-ness is detected when you give the nice guy some cold shoulder and immediately his anger/resentment becomes visible. His Nice-ness suddenly disappears because it was all an act and his real self emerges from this superficial facade of nice act. This self is in complete contrast with previous "nice" self that he was so proud of. Not only is this completely contrasting, it can appear downright creepy. How many women talk about nice guys turning out creepy in the end ? There are memes that describe the "nice guy" as the "creepy nice guy." Or Mr Creepy. Because he is so nice that it can't be true or it seems there is a plan behind all that. And that plan seems deceptive. Often times nice guys turn out to be unsafe and worse than your regular "around the street corner" asshole punk guys. These guys are openly arrogant yet they have an honest side, they're hard to deal with but they don't like to hide/lead double lives. They are self assured. But it's not like every asshole comes with a golden heart. They are quite rare. Most asshole types only end up hurting women. 3. Desperate guys Desperate guys are always avoided by most women. Because they are not giving out red flags, they are giving out huge alarm bells. Desperate men scream "danger" in a woman's mind. They can be stalkerish, overly attached, zero sense of boundaries, sociopathic, blackmailing, threatening and obsessive, possessive, compulsive. Desperate men are generally avoided for the fear factor and a woman always feels like she is taking a huge risk in dating such men.. 4. Manipulative guys Manipulative guys can be handsome, charming, sweet. The difference between these and the nice guys is that they won't appear creepy. They just know how to play the rules. They know what a woman wants to hear, they know what can get a woman sexually excited and they play their moves very carefully so as to not appear needy or desperate. However all of this is only to get a woman, not to love her. They use the same tricks with other women and win themselves a harem. Playboys and Casanovas are a good example. Charming and sweet like a snake only to sting in the end like a Scorpio. These men are ultimate Heartbreakers because they know how to win a woman's affection only to break her heart in the end. They are able to attract women because they can easily hide and very cleverly disguise all red flags that the men described above can't. Most of these men are covert Narcissists. And they put on the facade of the ultimate good guy that women fall for. One way of detecting these behaviours is to see the wide gap between actions and words. Their Actions never line up with their gregarious words. These men also love to boast too much. A lot of Alpha Chads belong to this category, am I right ?? 5. Detached guys Last in my box are detached men. I'm not talking about overly detached guys because that would mean lack of interest. But a moderately detached guy is a good sign of high committment and low manipulation. He is healthy,not needy, not desperate, not "fakey nicey" and not manipulative. He is self assured and secured and doesn't make the woman the pedestal of his life. He doesn't give the Princess/Queen treatment yet he is responsible and loving. He wants his intentions clear and known and doesn't leave room for doubt. He is not being selfish so he is more likely to commit to his words. He is not fake complimenting to impress but genuinely interested in growing together and leading the woman to a commited fulfilling relationship. This much I could write. Let me know your thoughts/opinions. Edited 11 minutes ago by Preety_India