Preety_India

I like this. Btw @dflores321 I just drank your Gatorade. Feels good.

Thanks Mandy. I appreciate.

Something came to my mind(sorry my English is not good), after reading this. It feels like anything that disturbs the natural peace of the universe needs to be replaced and filled with love. Almost like detonating a bomb.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Sometimes it's hard to be generous to oneself especially in an extremely competitive environment and not feel down.

@Knowledge Hoarder @Gianna I agree.

I'll make notes on this and how this man is going to be and how to spot him. My favorite man is a man who is both masculine and feminine..

Yes. I know I'm falling the wrong way. Probably my depression. But this phase won't last long I see my future as bright. Once I cross this phase, better things will be coming. I just need to stay strong while this lasts. Thank you for your strength and kindness. I need to make myself strong again and I will.

That's really super helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question. It means a lot and I deeply appreciate your help. Thank you.

In order to be very efficient at this technique, I need a basic framework or base Which means this. I need to be good at knowing what's good for me. I need to have a basic idea in my head of what is that I want. How would I know if something is benefitting me if I don't even know what I want and what I don't want to begin with. So i need to have a clear idea of what I want. Secondly.... I need to be more Self—connected, Self—aware, Self —aligned, Self—conscious in order to be more in tune with my inside self or inner self in order to quickly be aware of what I need/want and what I don't need/want and what resonates with me and what doesn't resonate with me.. This is a good exercise to begin. I'll call it the Self-alignment exercise. I basically have to learn how to align with myself better each time. This means I have to Reorient myself. Alternatively I'll also call it as Reorienting Oneself.

I urgently need to survive. I don't have time to think about how much room I can give to someone else.

There are of course categories and they are too many. Will explain those later.

One is to have a broad general category of 2. Healthy/Beneficial/Neutral(is this me) Unhealthy (Not me kind of thing) This categorization can be recontextualized as — is this within my box? — is this outside my box?

My office.

Next topic/file My office I wanted to be a psychologist. I have written about that before on this forum. I wanted to have my own office. I'm taking inspiration from Dr Grande from YouTube. I am learning effective psychological resources from him. His research comes handy. So I'm going to post a lot of his stuff to keep a record of whatever I learn on a daily basis to help myself with my psychological degree. And dream that one day I'll become a good psychologist. I'll classify all of these new learnings and Grande related research work under a sub journal called 'My Office', I have another sub journal called 'Home Sweet Home.'

@FlyingLotus girly these are some nice tips. Hope my next period goes easy.

I have come up with a method to deal with this specific neurotic issue. The strategy is to categorize myself into a box and categorize everything else into a box as well. Too many boxes yes. Only those things in life that resonate with me will find an entry into my personal box. I'll label it as Preety Box. Rest of the boxes will contain the things that don't resonate with me and they will have their own category. These boxes will be kept together yet all of these boxes will be placed at a distance from me. The degree to which these boxes are placed away from me indicates how far or how close they should be in relation to me or my life. If they are close, it means I can still peep into them and share some of their contents with me. If they're placed far, these are things I need to avoid. A guy on here endearingly called me Missy. So I'm going to adopt that as my nickname here. I'll call myself Missy. How is the plan Missy?

@unborn_chicken I am always surrounded by those kind of people around me. It's hard to deal with and some of my local friends are like that. I find it stupid and shallow and I don't want to be a part of their group. I don't seek their validation. But it seems these things are here to stay.

@unborn_chicken why?

Don't invest so much money. Work at a coffee store first. ( I work as a book keeper for a local coffee store. The orders aren't that many.)

After some deep contemplations over the last few days, I have realized that I need deep system reprogramming. I need drastic change in my way of life. And this means I need to be a bit ruthless which I find very difficult to be because I'm this super emotional Empathetic person. So being ruthless feels like a hard job. But I gotta do what I gotta do and stop guilting myself for taking care of myself. It's not good to continue doing. It's like torturing myself.

To reorient yourself.

is this because I don't know how to keep my importance? Why do I get treated like a toy or a clown? Why am I treated as less important? All I want is to be treated with the same level of respect, importance and appreciation that others are given and not be used only as a means to an end, as though I can't be appreciated for who I am. And if they can't appreciate me, why should I even continue with such people? But the problem is that majority of people are this way so in the end I'm left alone.. I don't like to play these high society ego games. Social games. I'm not materialistic like them. Nor am I flippant. I want real people who will be real with me and not treat me like an object. I want people who will love me and appreciate me for who I am, not because they need something from me. And then discard me later when their job is done What should I do so I can cut out fake people and only be surrounded by people who truly appreciate me for who I am and aren't using me in any way? I don't want to end up feeling like a sucker each time.

hour ago, unborn_chicken said: Hey Preety. Why do you hang around people like that at all? Are you comfortable being alone? I am comfortable being alone but I feel like if i had to remove such people from my life, the only option left would be to live alone. Because majority of people I meet are like this. 20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said: Do you develop relationships with people that can appreciate how you naturally are? I am yet to find such people. 20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said: Also what kind of people are you comparing yourself with? Do you admire those people? I don't admire them.. But they represent society. I wish society wasn't so status oriented. 20 minutes ago, unborn_chicken said: And why a loser? In what areas of your life do you feel you're not winning?, And are you in control of winning or losing in those things? Just some questions... I don't earn as much as they do. They are wealthier than me. Some of these people I went to university with. But most of them are just from well to do families. I was the only one among them who came from a poor family. I always felt a sense of inferiority around them because they would talk about spending money on parties and I could not do that but it's not like I wanted it, yet in society when you are poorer than others, it obviously generates feelings of inferiority On top of feeling inferior(because of poverty), and a loser, I also feel like a Sucker, because these people get to whine about their silly issues like boyfriend/girlfriend troubles and drama meanwhile I struggle with real problems and if i share those, then their reaction is a condescending pity. But they use me to release their hot mess on me, I feel suckered in, like a dumb idiot, or a fool who is being used for their purposes. I noticed that most people who ever want to have a connection with me, only do so because they need something out of me, like a slave, they want me to do favors, they want me to do this, do that, give them something like my time or resources. If I have a book, they want that book. They want something all the time. Yet they appreciate others who don't even do anything for them. On their social media pages they mention other friends who they consider valuable but not me. If there's a party I am invited to, I am never asked for a drink or appreciated, yet their friends are appreciated who are simply appreciated for who they are? But then why not me? Yet when they need something, anything at all, they don't go to the friends they so generously appreciate, instead they come to me. Why?? Because I'll help them? Or because they don't feel ashamed with me. And is that because they think I'm lower than them so they don't see me as a threat? I find these social games stupid because I demand the same level of appreciation that others get. Why should they deserve all the appreciation and me nothing? And when in times of need, i am being used as their personal assistant or doormat?? I'm supposed to act like a therapist to them and give them emotional support, advice and spend a lot of time and effort and energy on them. And what's the end result. Me being treated like a non existent entity when it comes to appreciation. Am I this bad that nobody can like me for who I am? Can I only be liked if I fulfill someone's needs? I'm such a fun person. And still people only like me if they find me useful for their work or else they turn away. I am so done feeling like a loser and a Sucker on top of it. Like i deserve respect and appreciation too. This is not like seeking validation. I'm not looking for validation. I am looking for equal treatment. For respect. So what's the reason why they don't respect me but respect and appreciate others who don't even help? Because they think I'm inferior or poor or undeserving?