Preety_India

@Marcel bye

Sending you lots of love

Thank you for your support.

I felt like I should open up about an incident that still haunts me. I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if it's something that I should really contemplate on. So this was a year ago and I was working for a temp job. I was working as an accountant for a short period of time, probably 2 months. I quit the job eventually but not for sexual harassment. I quit it because it wasn't paying me enough. I was working(it was a 9 to 5)under this guy, who was quite hard working and smart at his work. He would casually flirt with me often and I wouldn't take it too seriously. I was quite dismissive of his gestures. Simply looking away or not saying much as a reply.. One day he called me to his cabin in order to give me some instructions on what I needed to do next on the team project. When I sat down, we had a discussion after which he kept staring at me. I simply looked down and didn't look him in the eye. And he said, "you really don't know how to dress. I will take you to a room, undress you and then teach you how to dress." I felt quite humiliated as though he was insulting me with his eyes and gestures. I felt too awkward and left his cabin and got back to my work. He was the only boss there and there was no one really to complain to, it was a small company that he owned. Like a small business. He kept passing flirty remarks/comments whenever he would pass by and wait for my reaction. He would look at my face to read my expression. I would simply ignore. A month later I decided to quit that job. But even after I left, this incident haunted me and made me feel powerless and helpless. I felt like anyone could say anything sexual to me and I won't be able to do anything about it. Also in my place, there are no rigid rules for sexual harassment. If there is no evidence, you can't really do much. Even if you have evidence, the perpetrator is let go with only a slap on the wrist. Probably a small fine. This incident often comes up in my mind and leaves me feeling a bit down. My question is - in what ways can I handle and cope with such incidents now and in the future, if there's no legal course of action to be taken (or if such legal action is useless).

I sometimes feel scared to write about my sexual fantasies. I kinda feel I'll be judged.

@Marcel I agree with you.

@Marcel glad it helps

Notice it's not all men. So I try to regularly talk to men in order to screen them to see who is safer to be with. I observed a peculiarity. Some men like to boast about violence but not in a brutal manner, in a "saviour" manner. They will say things like "I'll beat the shit out of that guy." "That guy" referring to someone who did something criminal. Is this behaviour to show a woman how macho they are. Since I had a few experiences with men, what I gathered from it is that such men tend to mask violence and violent tendencies. They attach it to heroism so that they can get away with their secret need for control and violence. It's basically a red flag. As much as they like to boast how heroic they're going to be, these are the same men who are violent to their girlfriends as well, wouldn't admit if they were violent to their past girlfriends or they are going to be violent to their future girlfriends. A lot of women think "he is not going to beat me, " or "he must be joking." Beware when your boyfriend/date says something like that. He is trying to dress it up as heroism yet deep down he has a strong need to control and he is probably violent and won't hesitate if he has to beat you to show control. The thing that you need to understand is people occasionally feel like supporting vigilante justice and rarely ever talk about using violence to resolve tough matters..of course there are legal ways. So when a guy resorts to such statements/actions it's a surefire indicator of violent temper and violent behaviour. He is dangerous in every way and if the guy you meet says anything similar then run for the hills. He is clearly a danger. Now society tries to normalise such violence as heroism as shown in the movies, I must say the movies have played a huge role in corrupting women's minds. Let's say a child is being bullied and the man beats up the bully to save the child, yes it's a heroic act. But don't be fooled. Doing real heroic things is one thing and constantly boasting how he is going to do so and so is another. The boasting or threatening or assertion is an indicator of violence. Just wanted to share my perspective on a red flag I noticed

That I know. I was talking in reference to Afghans.

If you don't want to sleep with her, then let her go.

What's the point? Whatever happened happened. Now it's never getting reversed.

Turned on 2. Hornt 3. Hornt up 4. Freaky 5. Aroused 6. Hot and bothered 7. Hard 8. Wet 9. Moist 10. Thirsty 11. Parched 12. Pitching a tent 13. Step on my face 14. Please run me over with your car 15. Throw me out a fucking window 16. Marry me right now 17. I'd appreciate it if you'd murder me 18. Be my mom/dad 19. Decapitate me 20. Hit me with a brick 21. Ready for sum fuk 22. "Looking" (Grindr users, you already know) 23. I'm just a hole, sir 24. You up? 25. At full mast 26. Toey 27. Churning the butter 28. Standing at attention 29. Got the hots for 30. Netflix and chill 31. Amazon Prime and sexy time 32. Hulu and do you 33. Keen 34. Frothin' 35. Ready for takeoff 36. You got my engines revvin' 37. Applesaucy 38. Horngry Concupiscent 60. Goatish 61. Itchy 62. Lascivious 63. Lecherous 64. Libidinous 65. Licentious 66. Lubricious 67. Lustful 68. Randy 69. Wanton

I also have weird sexual fantasies I have with Zane.

I have a huge problem with this. I write a lot, like here on Actualized Org. I have slowly improved a little. My writing is hopefully more articulate than before. When it comes to speaking, I get nervous and forget words. Just monosyllabic most of the time.

I don't know where to write this. On one hand I crave a man's love in my life, on the other, whenever I see a man approach me, I feel mortified and run away. I flake on dates out of fear. I feel like these men don't have the best intentions. Is this a genuine fear or paranoia? Today a guy approached me. He got my number. I mean I gave him Now he sent me 40 pictures of himself within a span of 1 hour. I feel threatened. All his pictures in different poses. I don't mind. I won't say he is doing anything wrong. But I'm overwhelmed by this kind of attention. I feel creeped out. Why would a man want me so badly, if he doesn't even know me? He asked me out today. I still haven't replied to him. I don't know what to do.. I feel like he is unsafe if he wants me so desperately. Should I go out on a date with him? He has been messaging me non stop.

Whenever I think bad about him, it's not good for my mental health. I feel agitated and those days I suffer nightmares. I did give him police threats a few years ago and his general response is to slow down his actions, disappear for few weeks and reappear again. I don't give him any police threats anymore. I have made peace with him recently.

@Karmadhi you look like a cute muppet.

Prussian Blue and Colonial Red.

You might want to comment on this -

I want to receive more letters from you. I need it. You fill a whole in me. You make me feel wanted. Your letters are addictive. I imagine sitting by your side holding your hands. Getting petted by you. You are so serious with me. We never joke or laugh about anything. You always ask me serious questions. But I'm glad you you're this way. I just don't want to be shallow. I don't like all that. I always wanted this. I don't like too much mockery, jokes, sarcasm. You know this world, it can be so suffocating. People being so demanding and mean. So ruthless, cruel and heartless, zero empathy. Survival is the biggest struggle. I want to vent to you. I want to tell you everything in my heart. I don't want to fear anything. Everything has to be pure between us. I don't want to hold anything back. You know me all too well over so many years now. I need you. Your love. Your attention. I want to feel belonged. When you talk to me, I feel very peaceful. You calm me down.

Zane (Mr stalker) I've been quite busy these days. A lot to do with my family issues. Things have been rough. There's a deep deep gnawing fear that gets to me. Every time I run away from it. I like to be around non judgemental people. Who won't judge me. I wish I could go for long walks in the evening as I used to before Covid. I want to rest in your arms and forget everything else. I want to sit with you beside the lake near the stretch where you usually see me. This world seems too cruel and you are a space where I have begun to feel safe. Who knew that this is what I needed. Some seriousness and safety. Some vulnerability and care. No shallowness

I don't want to talk a lot of sexual stuff with you, maybe some times. But not all the time. I want to be romantic. I like your romantic side. You have that edge. You understand me inside out. You like to read my mind. It gets really intimate that way.

I feel better when I think about you Zane. I was scared of you in the beginning. But now I am trying to lay my fears to rest. You're no danger. Since writing to you, I have been feeling much better. I needed someone that I could open up to without feeling shamed.

You're using bad logic to deflect race issues. You can't be poetic about something practical, it loses weight

A person who loves all races wouldn't jump to say that critical race theory is an ideology. How am I a racist if I choose to focus on race issues that certain races face? Isn't that the opposite of being a racist?